The next person who says “cold enough for ya?” to me is gonna get an icicle to the jugular. I’m not kidding.
Don’t say it.
OK, so half the country is suffering through the nightmare of a polar vortex. It’s like we’re living in that Dennis Quaid movie where everybody north of the Mason/Dixon line freezes to death. And yes, it is very cold outside. It is very, VERY cold. I get it.
But if I have to paste on a limp smile of appreciation at the cutting wit of even one more well-meaning Goober who tosses out one of these old chestnuts, I am going to freak out.
I hereby declare that nobody is allowed to say any of these things ever again, under pain of severe bodily harm.
- Is it cold enough for you?
- Stay warm!
- Are you staying warm?
- Baby it’s cold outside.
- How about this weather?
- Boy is it cold out there!
- Boy HOWDY is it cold out there!
- Is it cold enough for you out there? Cuz boy oh boy howdy, baby, it is hard to stay warm when it is so damn cold outside!
- My car wouldn’t start this morning.
On second thought, that last line is OK. Having a car that won’t start is still newsworthy.
C’mon, people. We’re better than this. In times of extreme duress, Americans have always risen to the challenge. I know we can pull together, get our brains in gear and come up with some new material to describe our current frigid situation.
Even if it IS colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra out there.