Two women pass in the street. One is middle aged and overweight, her plodding walk mirroring the exhaustion in her tired, wrinkled face. The other woman is noticeably younger. Her long, blonde hair swings around her smooth, glowing face as she strides briskly down the sidewalk. A couple of steps after they pass, the older woman stops and turns to look at the younger’s toned derriere in its form-fitting, blue jean casing.
“Angela? Is that you?” The older woman asks, uncertain.
The younger woman turns around. “Oh, hi, Sandy. Sorry, I didn’t see you.”
“I didn’t recognize YOU!” Sandy replies, disbelieving, as she looks Angela up and down. “My God, you look great! What have you done to yourself?”
Angela preens under Sandy’s incredulous stare, flinging her hair back and smirking. “Thanks; you’re a doll to say so.”
“No, really.” Sandy persists, “You’re the same age as I am, but you look 15 years younger. What have you done?”
“I’m really trying to get in touch with my spiritual side, to lead a holistic life.” Angela explains, assuming a pious expression. “I’ve taken up yoga and meditation, I’m eating whole foods and natural grains and treating this body as the temple it…”
“Cut the crap.” Sandy interrupts ruthlessly. “I saw you just a couple of months ago and you were as wrinkly and flabby as I am. There’s no way eating quinoa for a couple of weeks causes THIS kind of change.”
Angela’s smooth face momentarily creases in an expression of annoyance, although her forehead doesn’t move. Then she shrugs fatalistically and says, “If you must know, I just got back from a Rejuvacation ™.”
“Rejuvacation ™? What the heck is that?” Sandy asks, perplexed.
“I was on a Rejuvenating Coma Vacation at The Lazy P Ranch & Spa for the last 2 months.” Angela replies with a self-satisfied smile.
“Coma vacation?” Sandy gasps, “What…??”
“It’s the latest thing!” Angela explains enthusiastically (although her forehead still doesn’t move.) “They put you in a medical coma for 2 months. While you’re under they do plastic surgery; breast implants, tummy tuck, chin lift – whatever you want! I had the Total Package. They pump you with a liquid diet at the minimum calories required to sustain life, and use electrical stimulation to exercise your muscles. You lose a ton of weight.”
“But, but…” Sandy sputters, having finally found her voice. “That’s so extreme! So dangerous. It’s like a sci-fi movie!”
Angela holds up her hands to stop her friend’s protests, “It’s all safe; everything is done by a team of medical specialists. The best thing is you sleep through all the pain and inconvenience. Think about something as simple as getting hair extensions. It takes hours and the process is incredibly tedious. That’s just one of the little things they’ll do to you while you’re out.”
Sandy’s shock is fading, but she looks skeptical.
Angela’s unnaturally plump, red lips curve into a condescending smile. “I know what you’re thinking. But really, what’s stopping any of us from getting in shape and looking our best?”
Sandy shrugs, not sure what her friend is driving at. “We’d rather eat Little Debbie Snack Cakes than go to the gym?”
“Lack of self-control, lack of will-power, fear of pain, no time to heal” Angela ticks the reasons off on her impeccably manicured fingers “and the countless distractions and obligations of our daily lives. The Rejuvacation ™ takes away all of those obstacles.”
A momentary silence falls as Sandy takes it all in.
“What does something like that cost?” Sandy finally asks, a speculative look in her eyes as the wheels start turning in her brain.
Angela laughs and tosses her shiny hair, gesturing down the length of her newly flat-stomached, big-busted body. “Does it matter?” she asks.
Rejuvacation ™. Because when you look this good, who the hell cares what it costs.
Are you a candidate for Rejuvacation ™ ? Our friendly financial consultants are standing by to guide you through the preliminary major asset analysis and mortgage application process.
*Rejuvacation ™ and The Lazy P Ranch & Spa are registered trademarks of Peg Co, a division of Peg-o-Leg Industries.
**Neither Peg Co. nor Peg-o-Leg Industries are responsible for any minor, incidental side affects that may result from your Rejuvacation ™, like paralysis, divorce or bankruptcy.