(Death occurring while on-hold waiting to talk to someone about taxes is not certain, merely a very distinct possibility.)
Has this ever happened to you? You’re trying to do your taxes, there’s one wee smidge of the tax code you don’t understand, and you call the IRS for guidance. Your call is answered promptly and courteously by a real human being who not only cares about you, but knows the answer and gives it to you immediately.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one, right? Sometimes I slay me.
But seriously, folks…
I doubt there is a single person living on this earth who wouldn’t rather have his or her eyeballs plucked out by rabid crows than call the cable TV company, a health insurer, or any sort of governmental agency. But sooner or later we all have to make those calls. That means endless, frustrating hours of on-hold wait time. What do you do when you’ve been in the queue for an hour and you have to pee so bad you’re hopping up and down like a rabbit on speed? Or when your mouth is drier than the testimony at a congressional subcommittee hearing?
Introducing, the On-hold Survival Kit from Peg-Co.
Since I’m an insurance agent in real life, as opposed to a fabulously wealthy, famous writer (which fact is practically a crime against humanity) I spend much of my day on the phone with outfits like The Indigo Plus Sign Insurance Company. This experience has given me valuable insights, which I’ve used to assemble this vital resource for you.
Beverage Dispenser: Keep hot drinks hot, cold drinks cold, and both within sipping range with our hands-free beverage dispenser, shown above. It’s also a fashion statement!
Bathroom In A Box: After several refreshing drinks, your bladder may be sending out emergency evacuation signals. Now you can go, without going anywhere.
Articulated Grasp Extender: You might as well get some work done while you wait, but the Jones file is just out of reach of your phone’s extension cord. Keep the world at your fingertips with our ever-popular grabber dealio.
Physical Therapy Resource: Even the most dedicated work-slave needs a break now and then. Have hours of fun and develop your hand/eye coordination at the same time with this sophisticated piece of equipment.
Gluteus Maximus Minimus Chairius: Just because your frustration is maximus doesn’t mean your bottom has to be. Swap out your office chair for our exercise ball, keep your backfield in motion and tone up while you’re tuned in to that awful, on-hold music.
Extended Wait Cocoon: You’re in this thing for the long haul, but night is falling and so are your eye lids. Our cushiony, warm, Wait Cocoon comes with a handy access portal so you can bring the phone handset in with you while you stretch out.
With Peg-Co’s On-Hold Survival Kit, you’ll be as comfortable as humanly possible while you endure what some theologians consider the moral equivalent of spending eternity in purgatory. Don’t delay – call today!
And, if you call within the next 30 minutes, we’ll include, at no extra charge, our:
Frustrational Overloadium Stress Reliever: This little item really comes in handy when a warm body finally comes on the line after you’ve been waiting for 6 hrs and 43 minute. He or she listens to your complaint/question and then puts you back on hold while they “research your situation.” It turns out this is Corporate Speak for “hang up on you.”
Call now – Peg-Co operators are standing by*!
*Unless they’re busy helping other customers, in which case you may experience a brief hold.