You Vill Take Ze Toy Und You Vill Luff It

gestapohappymeal

Ve haff vays… of making you see this advertising for a movie that the studio is paying us to plug.

“Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order?” says the bored, disembodied voice coming from the little box under the menu board in the drive-thru.

“Yeah, um…lemme see…gimme a kid’s meal with a cheeseburger and, um, a diet coke for the drink,” I say, eloquently. “Please,” I add.  It’s an afterthought, but at least I remembered.

“Gogurt or apples slices?” says the voice.  It is obvious the voice couldn’t care less about my dining preferences.

“Um…Gogurt,” says me, “oh, and no toy.”

“No toy?” comes voice, a little more interested now.

“No toy. It’s for me,” says I.

“$3.67 at the first window,” says the voice, and I proceed as instructed.

Turns out the voice belongs to a fresh-faced, teenage girl. She slides the window back when I drive up and repeats, “$3.67 please.”

I get busy corralling bills and accumulating exact change.

“No, she said no toy,” girl says. I look up, but she is not talking to me. She is talking into her headset.

“Wa wa wa,” says faint voice coming through headset.

“Yes, she knows the Happy Meal comes with a toy, but she doesn’t want it,” girl says into headset.

“Wa wa wa,” says headset voice.

“The Happy Meal is for me,” I say, helpfully, although I think the order-taking/cashier-girl already gets that. It’s the unseen body on the other end of the headset who needs convincing.

“I don’t need a toy,” I continue. “Might be pretty silly if I did at my age.  Besides, I’ll just throw it out, so why have it end up in the landfill?”

I give her $5.67.

Girl looks up briefly and offers a faint smile of acknowledgement, then returns her attention to her headset.

“Wa wa wa,” comes thru, soft and garbled.

“I know the boxes already have the toys in them. Just take it out before you put the cheeseburger in. What’s the big deal?” Girl looks at me and rolls her eyes. She may be a bored teenager, but she’s not an idiot. Apparently the same cannot be said for the person in charge of Happy Meal construction.

Girl gives me back $2 and says, “jeez, it’s like they’re the FBI. I get 20 questions for saying no Happy Meal toy.” She gives me a genuine smile this time.

“Thanks,” I say, smiling back, and then I drive on.

“One cheeseburger Happy Meal,” says the cheerful, pimply guy at the second window, handing me a 4-inch tall drink and a bright, red box.

“Thanks,” I say, and then I head out to get on with the rest of my life.

I’m waiting until I get back to the office to eat, but I can’t resist sneaking a couple of fries on the way – who can?  I unfold the top of the box, reach in to snag some salty goodness and pull out… the How To Train Your Dragon 2 Toy.

Resistance is futile.

 

 

 

 

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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70 Responses to You Vill Take Ze Toy Und You Vill Luff It

  1. Hahahahaha. That’ll teach you.

    Like

  2. Ha,ha,ha!! Now I want a Happy Meal – a cheeseburger no onion with lot’s of fries, no Gogurt and I want a boy toy! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Janu says:

    That kind of stuff drives me crazy. I try as hard as I can to reduce anything that goes in a landfill – and it is so frustrating at times.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Carrie Rubin says:

    A stocking stuffer for a little one, perhaps?…

    Like

  5. ericafuni says:

    Hahaha WOW. Not surprised at all, though. And now I want a cheeseburger. (Also not surprising)

    Like

  6. dorannrule says:

    Hilarious! You have nailed the whole drive-in fast-food experience perfectly. it’s a wonder we don’t lose our appetites for the french fries.

    Like

  7. Had Schultz access to a McDonalds – he could have single-handedly won the war…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dana says:

    Yeah, they don’t take kindly to special requests about toys. Try asking for different Minions, when buying 2 happy meals!

    Like

  9. Claire says:

    This is brilliant! I feel the same way about cashiers in shops that have 2 for 1 or 3 for 2 deals. “You know you can get two more of these and get the deal?” Me: “Yes, but I only want one.” Them: “But it’ll be cheaper.” Me: “Actually it won’t because I’ll be buying two things I don’t want.” Them: “It’s a deal.” Me: “Please let me leave.”

    Like

  10. Al says:

    That must have been Colonel Klink on the other end of the headset.

    Like

  11. I always thought they would ‘card’ you for ordering a kid’s meal. Mmm. That said, since I haven’t ordered any fast food for months now, guess I’ll have to wait and see if I can go sans toy. You have all the fun, Pegoleg!

    Like

  12. Don’t worry, all these plastic toys will still be here once the human race is completely wiped out. Gives the aliens something to play with. Did you ever see the George Carlin skit where he talks about the REAL reason God put us here? Plastic. Hilarious, one of his best routines.

    And no lie, I actually bought a Happy Meal about an hour ago for my daughter but there was no toy, it was inside a plastic Minion Halloween pail.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      And will she carry the plastic Minion pail when she goes out for trick-or-treat loot? Or will you?

      I remember that Carlin sketch – he was a genius. The Happy Meal toys, the Twinkies and the cockroaches – comforting to think that SOME things will survive.

      Like

  13. Barb says:

    Okay, let’s put a cheesy, happy-daisy spin on this and say this was fate and THIS is the toy that’s going to be worth a wad of money by the time you’re in the nursing home and have it stuck to your wheel chair because the grandkids thought it would cheer you up. But then they discovered it was worth bucks and they took it and substituted some secondary character from Frozen, thinking you’d be too fuzzed up to notice.
    But nothing gets by you, Peg. Eating all that yogurt and diet drinks has kept you sharp. Now the only thing you have to decide is whether to cut them out of the will or hide your Star Wars toys.

    P.S. Obviously you had great faith in your cashier. I find that if I hand them excess money, so I get NO PENNIES, that it often throws them.

    Funny post!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Barb, you are so right about the exact change thing. Usually the young cashier shuts down like a robot on overload, but this young lady was up to the challenge. And from years of going to auctions and buying and selling vintage stuff, especially dolls, I can assure you that I NEVER pick the right thing to save.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. mary says:

    I remember running around everywhere we went so I could get the Beany Baby toys! The children got so they did NOT want McDonalds food anymore.We still have the mini Barbies that Sydney now plays with.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Language101 says:

    5 mnts ago..
    “A new post from pegoleg… This will definitely be good. Let’s dive into it.”
    5 mnts later…
    “I told you it’s good. Let’s get back to whatever we were doing”

    Like

  16. thursdaynext says:

    So what did you do with the toy?

    Like

  17. Sandy Sue says:

    You caused a great disturbance in the Force. What would they do with that extra toy? Put it the next Happy Meal box? Then, some little brother would whine about big sis getting an extra toy, and the complaints would only start there. Or would they put your discarded toy in a container for charity for kids who can’t afford Happy Meals? And who decides which charity is worthy? See what anarchy you’ve instigated!

    Like

  18. Teach you to go incur the wrath of MacDonald’s!

    Like

  19. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Heck, I do buy them for the toy. I was very disappointed to be asked if the meal was for a girl or boy (I said girl, it was Hello Kitty toys according to the poster!) just to get Frankenstein.

    I mean, good for them to think Frankenstein is a girls’ toy and to shatter gender stereotypes, but darn it, I wanted Hello Kitty. :/

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      The fact that gender confusion/correctness has spread to Happy Meal toys is indicative of something, but I’m not sure what.

      Sorry about the Hello Kitty toy – bet it was awesome-sauce.

      Like

  20. Too bad the toy is from How to Train Your Dragon and instead of How to Train Your McDonald’s Server. That might have been more useful. 🙂

    Like

  21. Shannon says:

    I used to have an inkling about Happy Meal’s and toys, but then…became vegan. No more Mickey D’s. (Uh, I consider that a good thing, by the way.)

    So now only happy meals for us, but not necessarily ‘Happy Meals’ if you get my drift. I completely relate with the order-takingr; try asking for bread with ‘no butter’ sometime. You will get your bread with butter anyway, because it’s additional work to take it OFF the plate. Ha! You already have a good idea what it’s like being vegan in an animal-using world and are now fully prepared to start asking questions about where your food comes from. 😀

    PS – I hope that came across as happy, because it’s how I meant it. Do I need more emoticons? Different ones? It seems there’s another post about that somewhere here…

    Like

  22. ‘Klink…you’re an idiot.’

    My 13-year old daughter and I say that to each other all the time. It’s our catchphrase.

    MMMwwwwhahahah! You WILL take the toy and you WILL return to McDonald’s because they’ve laced those fries with an addictive agent that is, unfortunately, extremely delicious. Even Julia Child said the fries at McDonald’s were top-notch. No shame!

    Like

  23. lexiemom says:

    They cannot comprehend that you don’t want the toy because no one goes to McDonalds for the food. It’s for the playground and/or the toys. That’s it. If not for those two things, they’d go out of business.

    Like

  24. Lei Zuo says:

    oh those toys… we’ve stopped getting happy meals a good ten years ago and we’re not done leaving them at kid cousins’ houses accidentally-on-purpose!

    Like

  25. It’s McDonalds, you will not try to confuse them.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. hellecstasyy says:

    Next time give the toy to a random kid on the street, you’ll make someone happy :))

    Like

  27. susielindau says:

    I didn’t know adults could order Happy Meals. And all those years ago when I took my kids once a week, I could have ordered one too! Duh…

    Like

  28. That “wa-wa-wa” headset reminded me of the adults on those Peanuts seasonal cartoons. He nailed waaay back then.
    Do not attempt to get off script..even if you are the customer…no matter people are so cranky.
    We have a few of those trinkets, but my kid really preferred salad as finger food. I know. Weird. It was Middle school before she’d eat hamburgers – summer trips were a challenge when we wanted to drive through for meals and make time.
    (I tried handing some freebie tossed beads to a kid a few years ago at a parade – and the mom snatch the kid back and scowled….just trying to be nice. World has changed.)

    Like

  29. hiro812 says:

    And no lie, I actually bought a Happy Meal about an hour ago for my daughter but there was no toy, it was inside a plastic Minion Halloween pail.

    Like

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