(sung to the tune of “The Bonnie Banks o’ Loch Lomond”)
O ye’ll tak’ the high road, and Ah’ll tak’ the low road
And ye’ll git your Big Mac afore me
*Helpful diet tip here* McDonald’s has a sugar-free, vanilla iced coffee that is yummy, refreshing, and a great bargain for the wallet and waistline at only $2 and 60 calories. But this story isn’t about dieting. It’s about how annoying people can be. Or it’s about how easily annoyed I can get. You decide.
The temperature hit 100 today. I was out running errands and an iced coffee sounded delightful so I pulled into Mickey D’s. For those of you sneering, “I NEVER go there”, let me school you. The newer McDonald’s have 2 drive-through lanes now. As you wind your way through the McParking Lot you reach a McFork in the road. A sign says something like “Any lane, any time.”
There was one car before me in either lane. Both were parked in front of the menus, chatting with the drive-through hostess through the miracle of modern audio technology. Which to choose, which to choose? Tis a puzzlement.
I chose poorly.
I always choose poorly, as I may have mentioned before.
The car in the right lane finished and went forward to pay, get food, and get on with their busy lives. I waited. A second car did their business and followed the first. I waited. Then another car went through. As the temperature climbed outside, my internal temperature climbed as well.
I began to suspect McDonald’s had branched out to drive-though McTherapy as the lone woman in the car ahead of me droned on and on and on with her new BFF, the drive-through hostess.
I started talking to that driver from the privacy of my car. I gave her helpful suggestions. Kind of anatomy lessons, really. My voice rose. I suffer from the common delusion that because I’m in my car with the windows rolled up, I’m invisible. By the time the little dogie in the car in front of me finally git along, I was clutching my face and practically screaming. I looked like an Edvard Munch painting.
Four cars went through the right lane while I sat there and waited in the left.
The moral of the story is this:
If you’re getting lunch for the whole, *$^#%@ office, go inside. For the love of all that is sacred, do not use the drive-through.
One good thing came out of today’s experience, though. As has been shown time and again through history, extreme suffering leads to high art. While I was waiting I had time to compose a poem.
With apologies to Robert Frost.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a parking lot, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And it sucked.