How Dead Is Dead?

AP file photo

Hosni Mubarak is dead.

Or dead-ish.  It depends on who you talk to.

The world has been trying to figure out the exact health status of the ousted former president of Egypt ever since the country’s official news agency announced earlier today that he was “clinically dead”.  Senior officials have since walked back that announcement, saying that Mubarak is not as dead as first thought.  In fact, he may be just feeling really, really lousy.

This is the first known case of someone recovering from dead since Jesus Christ.

Sources have released a score of conflicting reports, variously saying that Mubarak is:

  • Clinically dead
  • Dead as a doornail
  • An ex-parrot
  • The fat lady has sung
  • Shuffled off this mortal coil
  • We got a guy with a pillow taking care of things

At this point, the world wants to know if he is morally, ethically, spiritually, physically, positively, absolutely, undeniably and reliably dead.

Although few are likely to mourn the former leader’s passing, there are many who have been heard to refer to him nostalgically as “the devil you know”.  This is a sentiment voiced especially by the approximately 10 million Christians in Egypt.

Thousands have taken to the streets in Cairo, waiting for official word that he’s not only merely dead, he’s really most sincerely dead.

The crowds are expected to then break into a rousing chorus of “Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead”.

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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77 Responses to How Dead Is Dead?

  1. haha … an dead-ish ex-parrot! funny! he looks like he’s got a whole ‘Weekend At Bernie’s’ thing going on in that pic.

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  2. This sounds a lot like the press releases out of the old USSR. Nice Ex-parrot reference!

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  3. Lenore Diane says:

    I’m reading The Screwtape Letters with the Sunday School class. I think Wormwood would be pleased with the un-dead former Egyptian president.

    I keep scrolling back up at your Wizard of Oz referrals to the deadness. Cracks me up. *sigh* I feel kinda guilty about that – still, it cracks me up.

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    • pegoleg says:

      I felt kind of guilty writing this, but it’s not his death (or lack thereof) that I’m mocking – it’s the uncertainty of it.

      I was watching the news on the treadmill at the Y last night and it just struck me funny so I came back to the office and did this post. Fastest I’ve ever posted something, and I’ve NEVER posted twice in a day before.

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      • Lenore Diane says:

        I chuckled to myself this morning, thinking of you and the post. I heard a report on the news, and I had a flash of Monty Python … “I’m not dead yet.”

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        • pegoleg says:

          I thought that too, as did John down below (by which I mean his comment is down below this one, not that he lives “down below”, or would for any reason even qualify to be located in “the fiery pit”. Just so we’re clear on that.) I was going to put a link to that cuz the Holy Grail is one of my all-time favorite movies, but I thought 2 movies and a news article in one post was enough.

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  4. Ronald Reagan was clinically dead for the last two years of his presidency, but almost no one noticed…

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  5. John says:

    “I’m not dead yet!”

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  6. k8edid says:

    Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated….

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  7. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    I’m not dead. I’m sleeping! This was hilarious, peg. I await the final verdict from you.

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  8. Elyse says:

    Brutally funny, Peg. And as I type this, the news is saying that reports of his death are unconfirmed….

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  9. judithhb says:

    Is this like being a little pregnant. And today’s news is that the president is….

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  10. Tar-Buns says:

    My Favorite Movie of All Time!!! The Wizard of ‘Oz lyrics. Love it, Pegolicious!!
    When are you going to teach me the ways of blogging, oh revered sister?

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  11. pattisj says:

    We may be the last to know…

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  12. God, I’ve been feeling really, really lousy for years. Am I dead? Am I Bruce Willis? Is this the Sixth Sense?

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  13. bigsheepcommunications says:

    There’s only one sure way to know – someone needs to take off his shoes and see if his feet curl up (I’m not volunteering).

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  14. misswhiplash says:

    I haven’t read anything so funny for years..even the comments add to the humour of it all

    I do hope that there will be more……Have they not looked to see if he was breathing?

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    • pegoleg says:

      You’d think it would be pretty straightforward, but I guess they don’t like to rush things when there are thousands of (unstable) people hanging around in the streets.

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  15. I’m sure there must be more than a few willing volunteers who’d be happy to stick a pin in his feet/give him a kicking, to be sure. I’m just going to assume that’s a cold, dead, terrorist body and move on with my life.

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  16. Go Jules Go says:

    Why do I, being from Jersey, feel like I probably know “the guy with a pillow taking care of things”?

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  17. My immediate thought was Monty Python. I’m glad that made the list.

    “This is an EX-EGYPTIAN PRESIDENT!”

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  18. They’re totally going to keep that guy alive like he’s a single king without an heir. Someone on the radio today said it’s very Shakespearean – the ousted leader of a nation hovers between life and death (more on death’s side is my guess, not that his peeps will own up to that) as his country hovers on the precipice of a newly unfolding future that could bring either tyranny or triumph – and no one knows which way he favors…

    Someone’s gonna have to drop a housey on Hosni.

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  19. Al says:

    I don’t care what the “authorities” say, he’s not dead. I’d comment some more, but I’m late for a lunch date with Elvis.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I’m thinking about that movie “Dave” where a presidential impersonator takes the place of the president, who is in a coma. That wouldn’t really work here, though, given that Mubarak is currently living in prison.

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  20. Angie Z. says:

    But, wait! Just last month you said disco is dead — and then I heard Knock On Wood on the way to work and now I’m not so sure. I don’t know what to believe anymore, Peg.

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  21. mj monaghan says:

    Peg, do you think they’re playing “Staying Alive” over and over and over for him??

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  22. I’m anticipating executive level ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ type hi-jinx…
    🙂

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  23. Margie says:

    There must be an APP for figuring out how Dead is Dead.
    By the way, have you read Madame Weebles post about the iTomb Burial System? Some good ideas for when a person is actually dead dead. http://fearnoweebles.wordpress.com/2012/06/19/steve-jobs-still-innovating-from-beyond-with-his-new-itombs-burial-system/

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  24. Silva Gang says:

    A ha ha! Oh my gosh, is post is classic. I think you are absolutely correct missy. He is dead as dead can be. Even Queen wrote a song to commemorate this occasion: it was called “Another One Bites the Dust.” 😉

    Like

  25. Spectra says:

    I think this whole things sets a bad precedent; once recovering from death becomes trendy, all the cool kids will be doing it.

    Like

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