In the winter, the geese fly south.
In the spring, the swallows return to Capistrano.
In the summer…in the summer…I can’t think of anything involving birds that means summer is here. Instead I’ve got my…
Top 10 Signs that Summer Has Arrived
10) Swimsuit season is here. I’m spared the agony of trying any of them on because all the stores got rid of their summer stuff a month ago. “Back to school” wool pants and sweaters are now on display.
9) Children everywhere are thrilled to be free of school and planning a summer full of fun activities. After 2 days their chief activity is whining, “I’m bored! There’s nothing to do!” 50 times a day. Like prisoners about to be paroled, their parents start counting down the number of days until they return to school.
8) I stop nagging my husband about the $800 snow blower that was broken so the driveway wasn’t shoveled all winter. I start in about the $900 riding lawn mower that is up on blocks in the barn.
7) My 1-month gardening honeymoon ends. Most plants have succumbed to aphids or blight. Those still hanging on are doomed to death by either too much or too little sun.
6) Teachers everywhere are thrilled to be free of school and planning a summer full of fun activities. After 2 days the looming specter of going back casts a shadow over all that fun. Like condemned prisoners on death row, they start counting down the number of days until they return to school.
5) It is impossible to transact business anywhere in the continental USA after 2 pm on a Friday because everyone is either on flextime or taking the afternoon off.
4) Fattening diet bombs like deep-dish pizza and brownies no longer bother me. I only want light foods and drinks when it’s hot outside. Fattening diet bombs like frozen daiquiris, margaritas and anything Ben & Jerry’s explode around me.
3) The library, the YMCA, the city pool and a host of other places switch to summer hours. This insures that those of us who pay to support these facilities won’t be able to actually use them, as they will be closed when we get off work.
2) Everywhere you look people have thrown off bulky sweaters and coats, adopting a summer uniform of shorts, tube tops and bathing suits. The vast number of people wearing these skimpy outfits who should NEVER do so makes me yearn for crows to peck my eyes out.
1) We sit on our deck at twilight and marvel at the eerie, glowing light that can only be seen at this time of year; that which is given off by my ghostly pale, winter legs in shorts.