Make Valentine’s Day Special With A Gift From The Vascular Organ

valentinesheartsurprise

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.  If you’re smart, gentlemen, you’re already wracking your brains for gift ideas that will show that special someone how truly special she is.

Candy?  Ho-hum.  Flowers? Pu-leeze

Take a tip from artistic-types who often use their professional skills to create romantic Valentine’s Day gifts.  For example, a singer might compose a song, an artist paint a picture, or a chef may whip up a delicious meal.

“But I’m a plumber,” you say. “How could unclogging a drain possibly be romantic?”

What you do is an important part of who you are.  It doesn’t matter if the world thinks your job is boring; you can still come up with a creative gift even if you don’t work in a creative field.  Here are some suggestions for memorable gifts that incorporate your unique skills, with bonus hints on how to make them truly special.life-insurance-policy-sealedwithakiss

Insurance Agent:  You think she looks like a million bucks.  Tell her so by presenting her with… a $1 million life insurance policy that you took out on her, with you as beneficiary.  (Bonus hint: skydiving lessons are a great go-along gift.)

Cardiologist:  “You hold my heart in your hands,” your mushy card proclaims.  Imagine the look on her face when she opens the gift to find an actual cadaver heart.  Nothing says lovin’ like a vascular organ wrapped with a fancy bow. (Bonus hint: include some potpourri to help mask the mood-killing scent of formaldehyde.)

o-weddingringsMechanic:  You exchanged rings on your wedding day as symbols of your forever bond.  Remind her of that special commitment with a box of O-rings.  (Bonus hint: Score even more brownie points by having them gold-plated and diamond encrusted.)

heartonfloor2School Janitor:  Don’t regurgitate those same old, tired Valentine’s Day card sentiments.  Show and tell how much you love her by drawing a big heart on the floor with that pencil-sharpener sawdust you use at school to soak up the vomit when a kid barfs.  (Bonus hint: Be a sweetie and offer to sweep it up for her!)

Attorney:  She’ll be disappointed when you say you can’t go out for dinner on Valentine’s Day because you have to work on filing a brief.  The mood will improve considerably when she discovers that the briefs you have in mind are of the tighty whitey variety, covered with hearts. (Bonus hint: show you’re a true friend of the court by giving her matching lingerie.)

rosesboxwithplumbersnakeRoto-Rooter Man:  A long, white box wrapped with satin ribbon will make her think you bought long-stem roses.  When she opens it and sees a drain snake nestled in the tissue paper, tell her that yours is bigger.  (Bonus hint: prove it.)

 

Teacher:  Setting the right mood is as easy as 1-2-3 for a teacher with a little imagination.  You’ll get an A for effort when she walks in and finds you lounging on the bed wearing nothing but a dunce cap, strategically placed.  (Bonus hint: encourage her inner Magellan with a geography lesson that explores brave, new personal territory.)roachmotelgift

Exterminator:  Make reservations at a fancy hotel for a romantic little getaway.  Announce your surprise with a gift box containing a Roach Motel.  (Bonus hint: Make sure the place you choose for your rendezvous is not one of your repeat customers.)

Proctologist:   When you come right down to it, there’s nothing wrong with flowers and candy.

Your one-of-a-kind gift will tell your one-of-a-kind lady how special she is to you.  With a little ingenuity, this can be your best Valentine’s Day ever!

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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37 Responses to Make Valentine’s Day Special With A Gift From The Vascular Organ

  1. edione says:

    Hilarious! I love the suggestion for the proctologist….nothing wrong with flowers and candy!!! 😄😄😄

    On Feb 10, 2017 8:34 AM, “Peg-o-Leg’s Ramblings” wrote:

    > pegoleg posted: ” Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. If you’re > smart, gentlemen, you’re already wracking your brains for gift ideas that > will show that special someone how truly special she is. Candy? Ho-hum. > Flowers? Pu-leeze Take a tip from” >

    Like

  2. What about accountants? Help!

    Like

  3. My BF works at Radio Shack – any hints for those in the retail and service industries?

    Like

  4. Elyse says:

    Great. I get the briefs from my husband — he gets drugs from me. Hardly seems fair!

    (Really funny stuff, Pegs)

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  5. How creative, thanks 🙂

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  6. Funny post but your header is hysterical!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Al says:

    Great laugh to start the weekend, Peg. I’m thinking maybe a gift card for a free colonoscopy from the proctologist? What says “I love you” better than a reverse tonsillectomy?

    Like

  8. Reblogged this on that little voice and commented:
    Got to reblog this one.

    Like

  9. You could give the gift that covers all professions and situations in life, from priest to ex-con: cold hard cash. A stack of cash is king, especially with a big red heart attached to it.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      That is generally the one-size-fits-all gift, but for this particular occasion you’re better off with something romantic, even if it’s not expensive. Most of us women seriously dig that kind of shiz.

      Like

  10. This was the best ever!

    Like

  11. enterfuntech says:

    Your suggestion is good 🙂 and article is nice 🙂

    Like

  12. Kooky Chic says:

    Hilarious. Not a cardiologist but I do love the squishy heart idea. Just have to work out where the local morgue is and I’m all set 🙂

    Like

  13. Happy Valentine’s Day, Peg-o-my-heart! ❤ I would have shipped you a box of Reese's PB hearts, but I'm still working on tunneling my way out of my snowy driveway….

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Happy day to you, Darla O My Heart! It’s a sunny, clear, no-snow-on-the-ground 46 degrees here, not to rub it in. I guess I’ll go out and sang my own Reese’s PB hearts and eat the whole bag in your honor.

      Like

  14. Happy belated Valentine’s Day, Peg!
    My job is a Professional Procrastinator. I buy gifts today for a 50% discount.

    Like

  15. ericghoff says:

    I love how twisted you are. 🙂 It’s good to know there are a lot of you sarcastic types out there to keep it real. But wait, the proctologist, couldn’t there be more there than just flowers and candy? I see a large box of “chocolate” covered donuts. What’d’ya say Peg?

    Like

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