You can run, but you cannot hide.
September 17, 2014 7:30 am
You can run, but you cannot hide.
My husband has become one of Them. They’re taking over.
I keep trying to tell people, but they won’t listen.
“You’re paranoid.” they say.
“That’s crazy talk.” they say.
Oh sure, it seemed innocent enough at first. The iPod was great – who wouldn’t want to make their own music play lists? Soon, everybody had one. Then came the iPhones, then the iPads, then upgrades without end. They infiltrated our lives so slowly that nobody noticed they were taking over.
Those who have already been transformed are the biggest threat.
It’s hard to tell iPod People from normal people, except for their total lack of emotion about anything but apps and future upgrades. They wear a perpetually glazed-over look until the subject swings round to the latest iGizmo. Then they come to life, eyes firing with the religious fervor of a tent-revival preacher.
Ever since my 2-year contract with Verizon came up, they’ve been after me in dead earnest; the phone calls, the emails, the relentless barrage of ads. I already have a “smart” phone, but it’s a 2-year-old Android. It’s not the latest thing. It’s not an iPhone.
When one of the iPod People catches sight of my old phone, it is like waving a red cape before a bull.
They almost got me last week at a party. I thought this man was a friend, but he pinned me down and proceeded to explain every, single, mother-loving enhancement coming in the iPhone 6. Foam flecked the corners of his mouth. I created a diversion by pointing at someone across the room, saying, “Look, he got the iPhone 6 early!” I was able to slip away when he charged at the guy, knocking people aside to get to his quarry. I barely escaped with my life.
They’ve already got my husband, Bill. He doesn’t look any different, but a wife knows. He is an empty shell of the man he used to be. His body still sits on the couch in our living room, but his spirit is fully taken over by the pursuit and mastery of new iPhone apps.
I’m afraid to go down to the basement – afraid my iPod is growing down there, just waiting to take me over. I’ll hold out as long as I can, but I’m getting tired. So tired.
What’s that you say? It can’t happen to you? Oh, you naïve fool, don’t you know? They’re already here.
WE’RE NEXT!
We’re next.
Posted by pegoleg
Categories: General Ramblings
Tags: Apple, humor, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, iPhone 6, life, musings, technology
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Ha! Thanks for the entertaining read.
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By eliseeyears on September 17, 2014 at 7:40 am
Thanks for stopping in.
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 8:22 am
Well, that’s just silly. Ha, Ha, Ha….we’re not out to take over anything. In fact, we can prove that Apple would never condone such behavior. Our great transcendent leader – ‘The Steve’ – is about peace and harmony. As long as you connect to iTunes.
Just tell us where you live, and we’ll be right over to prove it….
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By mid-life crisis on September 17, 2014 at 7:48 am
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 8:21 am
“He is an empty shell of the man he used to be. ”
You nailed it. (and they’ve mutated into android forms, too! There’s no hope except massive sun spot flares frying the cell towers…people are too far gone to do it themselves.)
And you retro secret is safe…or was….
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By philosophermouseofthehedge on September 17, 2014 at 8:31 am
Once they are transformed, it’s hopeless.
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 5:19 pm
I think it’s safe to say that we are everywhere! I drool while looking at the newest Kindle, Android phone, Mac anything. But I can’t afford the latest so have to settle for last year’s model. Poor, pitiful me. 😦
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By Ruth Rainwater on September 17, 2014 at 9:06 am
Just say no, Ruth!
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 5:20 pm
I have a 3 year old Android and the only reason i got is was because my old “dumb” phone was not compatible with my new contract plan…. how is this even possible?? What does that even mean??
I also have a 7 year old Apple desk top (hand-me-down from my dad 6 years ago… he’s one of “those” you speak of) that Apple is trying to get me to replace by telling me i can’t upgrade my browser because my computer… which works fine… is too vintage!!
Seriously… I think people only want me for my money!! 😉
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By Your Moderate Mama on September 17, 2014 at 9:20 am
Well, Apple definitely only wants you for your money.
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 5:20 pm
I can’t wait to get a new iPhone 6 PLUS. Because that way I can replace my entire wardrobe too, since the damn thing won’t fit in my pants pockets (which became smaller as the phones got larger and larger).
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By Elyse on September 17, 2014 at 9:40 am
Elyse, can I steal that idea for a post? Pretty please?
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 9:49 am
Go for it, Peg, be my guest. A long time ago, Nancy at NotQuiteOld did a post about pants and how their zippers are getting smaller and smaller. I’d never noticed, but I think it relates to the smaller pockets.
Seriously, I love my iPhone and would love to upgrade, but, ummmmm, where the hell will I put it?
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By Elyse on September 17, 2014 at 9:53 am
I was reading about the iPhone 6 and 6s in the paper this morning. And I want one. Now. I want one now, Peg, now!
Oh, sorry, lost myself a bit there. While I would like one, I won’t rush out to get one. It will be a long wait anyway. But maybe in a year or so…
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By Carrie Rubin on September 17, 2014 at 10:14 am
..but by then EVERYone will have one, so what’s the point?
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 5:21 pm
Resistance is futile! Bwahahaha!
Nice post btw. I liked my old Sony Ericsson. It wasn’t a smartphone but it took really great pictures – was cheaper too. But hubby came up to me holding his new iPhone5S then and handed me his old one, 4S. Suffice to say, I’m a convert.
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By MFSWinter on September 17, 2014 at 10:21 am
Gotta admit, I’d be lost without my smartphone now.
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 5:21 pm
Now I can WP on the go!
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By MFSWinter on September 17, 2014 at 10:21 am
I think there are two people in my house, for sure, that exhibit that glazed-over look. So far, I haven’t noticed any foam flecks, but when this happens, I’m outta here. I’ll take my MotoG and head for the hills…I’m sure they’ll find me, though…;)
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By dmswriter on September 17, 2014 at 10:41 am
They WILL find you. Sorry.
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 5:22 pm
Peg-o-Leg, you speak the truth. That first small step to owning anything ‘i’ related is like a drug that lures them in for more istuff that they don’t need but “must” have. Luckily, I have not had a sip of the ‘kool-aid’ and sticking to my slider-phone (and it was actually an upgrade LOL). The only contact I have is a phone call or texting. I love having the freedom to see the ocean, the birds, flowers…. while others would gladly give up their last breath to check an email.
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By simplygiselle on September 17, 2014 at 11:22 am
What is this thing called “slider-phone?” Oh wait, I think I saw one in a museum once when I was a kid.
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 5:22 pm
It is an antique but has taken a beaten and still works. I get so much grief when people see it. But I dont mind 🙂
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By simplygiselle on September 18, 2014 at 11:38 am
Haha! So true. I’m the most anti-iPhone person you’ll ever meet. Each generation is only 0.0000005% better than the previous version, yet people still fall for it. Unbelievable.
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By Don't Quote Lily on September 17, 2014 at 12:20 pm
Gotta have the newest thing.
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 5:17 pm
Umm, I guess I hold on to my Apple stock. Oh, and don’t forget the watch, you’ll be needing one of those too… in every color.
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By Retirementallychallenged.com on September 17, 2014 at 12:48 pm
Watch? There’s a watch???
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 5:14 pm
My hubs has an iphone and an ipad, and is looking into getting an apple computer. I have an iphone. Of course, my 9 year old son, who looks to his wise and worldly parents for guidance, has started asking when he can get an ipod and iphone. He’s NINE. Help us, Peg. I fear it may be too late for this next generation.
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By mistyslaws on September 17, 2014 at 1:55 pm
I made my youngest wait until last year to get a smartphone, when she was 21. Be strong, for goodness sake, Misty!!!
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 5:14 pm
I still refuse to buy a phone that is smarter than me!
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By franhunne4u on September 17, 2014 at 2:32 pm
Exactly!
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 5:13 pm
I have an “old’ iPhone 4. I know. You’re probably wondering how I get by. I’m not too old fashioned. I do have a.. what is this thing here called… a computer. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to find out where I left that floppy disk.
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By Jackie Cangro on September 17, 2014 at 5:54 pm
You poor baby! I’m sure there’s a govt program to put a new cell in every pot. Haha! No, wait… there is.
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 11:36 pm
Blahahahaha! I absolutely love this hilarious post! Keep running Peg. You have managed to stay free of “them” so far………………..
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By dorannrule on September 17, 2014 at 6:11 pm
But I feel like I’m the only one left. Must…stay…strong…
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 11:37 pm
I will never never ever get an IPhone. Never. I do not want a phone smarter than me.
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By Valentine Logar on September 17, 2014 at 8:43 pm
I’m with you. My husband’s phone answers his every question for goodness sake! I just grunt when he asks me anything..
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 11:41 pm
I’m so anti-new tech, it’s silly. We got our first ever flat screen two Christmases ago when my (YES!) 20+ year old one died. We bought the Walmart door-buster special, and frankly I don’t think it’s as good a picture as our old tube one. Though, at least it won’t maim any of the children if it falls on one of them. No, it’s not HD. No, we’re not going to upgrade. But I digress… I’m typing to you on a 6 year desktop, which in tech terms is “old”, but I wouldn’t even have one this new if I hadn’t gotten it from my uncle when he passed away last year. So, last year my hubs got me an android “smart” phone for my birthday. (He got it on clearance.) It’s my first ever smart phone, and I still haven’t figured the darn thing out. It IS newer than any phone I’ve ever had before, but it’s still a discontinued model; which is probably why it was on clearance. I tell you all this to emphasize my complete lack of tech-savvy-ness, and complete lack of desire on my part for the latest “i”-whatever. It has no appeal to me at all. However, I will add this caveat, that for the first time ever in my tech life, I’m really temped to buy new. I do have a Kindle Fire which I dearly love. And now that I’ve seen the new Kindle “Fire” phone ads, I really want one!
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By lexiemom on September 17, 2014 at 9:13 pm
You officially qualify as”tech deprived.” Go and purchase the new gizmo with a clear conscience.
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 11:43 pm
My sister has a very old cracked & hardly functioning Droid and has been patiently awaiting the arrival of the IPhone6. Now she has to wait months to get it because of the back order. She is a slave to APPLE!!! Craziness! I do have the IPhoneC and am perfectly happy with it. We do need to run for our lives!
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By brickhousechick on September 17, 2014 at 10:49 pm
Your poor sister! That’s like telling little Tommy you’ve decided to push Christmas back a couple of months.
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By pegoleg on September 17, 2014 at 11:45 pm
I love it! They got me too… wanna see my new app? 😎
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By clarissek on September 18, 2014 at 5:40 am
Stay away from me, you alien monster!
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By pegoleg on September 20, 2014 at 11:24 am
Oh my gosh! I almost got kicked out of the library for laughing out loud!
I have a (hushed voice) old, unsmart phone. I’m afraid for my life too.
Where is there a safe haven??
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By purpleslobinrecovery on September 18, 2014 at 9:31 am
Actually, the library is relatively safe. So hush up and don’t tick off the librarian!
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By pegoleg on September 18, 2014 at 3:22 pm
There, there, Peg. You’re just over-tired. Why don’t you lie down here next to my iMac and listen to it’s soothing iTunes? What? That little bud there connected to the USB port? Why, that’s nothing. Just sleep now…
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By Sandy Sue on September 18, 2014 at 6:02 pm
I’m so sleepy, Sandy. I’m glad I can trust YOU. (yawn)
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By pegoleg on September 19, 2014 at 12:44 am
I’m hanging onto my Android for dear life!
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By silkpurseproductions on September 18, 2014 at 8:31 pm
Run, run!
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By pegoleg on September 20, 2014 at 11:26 am
I know, those of us without iphones are made to feel like second class citizens! I have a Windows phone, I thought it was pretty snazzy, but no, it’s not i-snazzy. I’m not strong enough though Peg, I think I will end up succumbing…
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By Vanessa-Jane Chapman on September 19, 2014 at 7:37 am
Be strong, VJ!
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By pegoleg on September 20, 2014 at 11:28 am
So, the Apple really DOES fall far from the tree after all.
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By Al on September 20, 2014 at 6:41 am
And they’re rotten to the core.
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By pegoleg on September 20, 2014 at 11:29 am
I hear your pain, Pego. Hubster couldn’t wait for our contract to expire 3 years ago and got a smart phone – android. When my old flip phone was dying, had to get a new one so we both got newer android smartphones. I really hate feeling stupid trying to make the technology do what I need. Can’t seem to hide anywhere…help!
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By Tar-Buns @ Here and ThereSa on September 20, 2014 at 10:17 am
Now we can’t live without them, hmm?
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By pegoleg on September 20, 2014 at 11:30 am
You hit the nail on the head … and I’ve hit the ceiling as far as technology goes. Mono records graduated to stereo, then to 8-tracks, then cassettes, then CDs. Now my kids think I should download all my CDs to my computer and then upload them to an MP3 player. Ugh. Calgon, take me away! 🙂
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By Laurie Samsel Olson on September 20, 2014 at 5:34 pm
..and it says something about both of us that I get your reference. I asked my kids if they thought the title of my last post, Let Your Fingers Do The Talking, was a clever play on that ad slogan. They just looked at me blankly. Le sigh.
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By pegoleg on September 21, 2014 at 11:20 am
Sorta related to your kids-blank-look story: the other day my 10 year old was rummaging through my very over stuffed office closet and came across an old camera. He asked me to put batteries in it so he could take pictures. I told him that it took film. Then I had to explain to him what film was. *sigh*
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By lexiemom on September 21, 2014 at 8:52 pm
Oh no! I think I have a couple of those stuffed in drawers with a couple shots taken. Is there anywhere to get “film” developed any more?
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By pegoleg on September 22, 2014 at 2:33 am
hahaha I have to admit, ever since I got my first smartphone this year, I have become rather addicted to it. I don’t play games or anything like that. It’s just an easier way for me to keep track of my celebrity gossip (must always know what Kate Middleton is wearing) and Twitter. I’ve never mused an I-thingie to listen to music or watch movies (apart from HBO Go because that’s the only way I can watch Game of Thrones and it’s not even my account, it’s my uncle’s). Oh and I have a 4S. That was the free upgrade my dad had in his plan and that’s what I ended up with so I’m two phones behind. Oh the horror.
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By amelie88 on September 20, 2014 at 11:32 pm
Both my hubby and daughter have the 4, so don’t feel so bad. Why not keep using it until it dies? that’s what I’m going to do with my Android.
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By pegoleg on September 21, 2014 at 11:23 am
I fail to see the attraction. My 2-year-old Android from Straight Talk works well enough. And if I ever did decide to double my monthly cell phone bill, it would be to get a 4S or Note.
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By PiedType on September 21, 2014 at 11:40 am
That data charge is a bugger , ain’t it?
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By pegoleg on September 22, 2014 at 2:34 am
It is. Besides, my son, a developer, swears by Android, and I wouldn’t trust Apple maps to get me around the block.
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By PiedType on September 22, 2014 at 9:29 am
Prowd owner of a NEW Android phone here. After my eight-year-old (HAhaha) Blackberry fell in the water. You might have read my opinion of Apple a while back here: http://kitchenmudge.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/not-a-techie/
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By kitchenmudge on September 21, 2014 at 5:47 pm
It seems people are Android or Apple, and never the twain shall meet.
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By pegoleg on September 22, 2014 at 2:40 am
Reblogged this on vaesherry's Blog and commented:
I love it
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By vaesherry on September 22, 2014 at 7:31 am
I went from a flip phone (which I still miss terribly) to a cheapie android. I thought that was a huge change for me. Then suddenly out of nowhere my husband comes home with the iPhone 5 this past year and he’s carrying on a torrid affair with some chick named Siri. Apple is going to destroy the human race someday, mark my words.
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By She's a Maineiac on September 22, 2014 at 6:53 pm
They’ve got an app for that…Angry World Crush Saga II.
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By pegoleg on September 22, 2014 at 7:39 pm
Great post. Behind the humor is a lot of truth.
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By Taya on September 22, 2014 at 9:24 pm
I’m afraid I just bought an Iphone… 5, because it was 40 bucks when we renewed our contract.
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By naptimethoughts on September 23, 2014 at 6:59 pm
Resistance is futile! lol
I absolutely loved the humor in this piece. I have been converted and love my iPhone, but I would never try to convert anyone else.(wink, wink) My husband also has the glazed over eyes when he is into his apps. Great work.
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By rebirthoflisa on September 24, 2014 at 3:29 pm
Thanks! Are you and the hubby lined up for the new model?
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By pegoleg on September 25, 2014 at 8:30 am
My hubby is going to get it after the first wave of craziness dies down. I still have some time on my upgrade years. Lol
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By rebirthoflisa on September 26, 2014 at 9:25 pm
That’s OK. You can live vicariously through him.
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By pegoleg on September 29, 2014 at 9:06 am
“When one of the iPod People catches sight of my old phone, it is like waving a red cape before a bull.”
– One of my favorite lines. That and the image of a tent revival preacher. Nicely done. 🙂
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By Rachel Brooks on September 25, 2014 at 12:13 pm
Pretty funny – but true, unfortunately. Hubby and I have iPhones, but only because family members hand them down to us when they upgrade to new ones – consequently, we still live in a 3G world.
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By Margie on September 29, 2014 at 8:55 am
You poor, pitiful thing! Having to stand on the street corner and beg for used iPhones.
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By pegoleg on September 29, 2014 at 9:04 am
Didn’t even have to beg! The kids just think this is the only way they can get us to try something from the ‘dark side’.
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By Margie on September 29, 2014 at 9:12 am
We have the opposite experience. When my hubby got his new iPhone 5, he handed down the 4 to our 22-year-old. I’m locking up all the credit cards so he’s not tempting to go for #6.
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By pegoleg on September 29, 2014 at 3:56 pm
Oh my lord. You are an absolute maestro in the art of writing with wit and humour. I am officially an aficionado.
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By Sheela Goh on October 1, 2014 at 12:59 pm
Aw, thanks. You made my day!
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By pegoleg on October 2, 2014 at 9:06 am
Peg, as you may remember, I have never been a fan of basements. Steer clear!
It’s lines like these, “When one of the iPod People catches sight of my old phone, it is like waving a red cape before a bull,” that give your writing that trademark Peg touch. I feel the horror. I feel the dread. Stay strong, my friend!
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By melissa on October 5, 2014 at 3:11 am
Aw, thanks so much, Melissa! I am staying strong – I’m not an Apple fan. I’ll be Android forever!
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By pegoleg on October 6, 2014 at 8:54 am