A Brief History Of WordPress As It Pertains To Why I Rarely Get Freshly Pressed Anymore

A chart can simplify complex ideas.

Graphs can help simplify complex ideas.

The beginning

Whiz kid Matt Mullenweg sits in his parents’ garage, hunched over a computer he crafted from salvaged parts.  He is anxiously looking for signs of activity on his newly launched blogging site, WordPress.

“Hey, we have a subscriber!” he says excitedly to his companion, Mrs. Feebles.  “Somebody named Peg-o-Leg posted something!”

Matt stares intently off into space, lost in an interior dialogue only he can hear.   He snaps his fingers decisively.  “I know!  We’ll put our best posts up on our homepage and call it Freshly Pressed.  Today’s lucky blogger will be Peg-o-Leg because… she’s all we got.  We’ll leave her post up for, um, let’s say a week.  Or until we get more bloggers.  Make it so!”

Mrs. Feebles does not reply because she is a cat.

A year later

The fledgling WordPress operation has moved into a storefront in a strip mall in Van Nuys.  It is conveniently located next to a Thai take-out restaurant.  Sadly, Matt Mullenweg suffers from a severe lemongrass allergy.

Business has expanded to the point where he has been able to hire a human assistant, Charleen.

“Freshly Pressed options today are a free-verse ode to belly button lint, something from Peg-o-Leg on talking to herself, and an advertisement for genuine, Christian Louboutin handbags and shoes,” Charleen tells Matt.

Matt stares intently off into space, lost in an interior dialogue only he can hear.  He snaps his fingers decisively, a move he is becoming known for.  “Read me the one about the knock-off designer handbags again.”

“You can’t choose that for Freshly Pressed!” Charleen protests.  “Besides, you picked it last week.  Better take this Peg-o-Leg post.  It’s not too horrible.”

“Well, if we have to…OK.” Matt says, reluctantly. “Make it so.”

“Make it so? MAKE IT SO?  Do it yourself, Captain Picard, I’m not your flunky,” Charleen says, indignantly.  “I’m only helping you out because Mom said I had to.  You know she likes me best, right?”

Now

WordPress Worldwide Universal Industries, Inc has taken over the top 50 floors of the tallest skyscraper on the eastern seaboard.  The task of selecting Freshly Pressed posts now falls to a bullpen of talented Story Wranglers.  (Did I mention that they are all really, really good-looking?  Stunning, actually.)

Just like the Story Wranglers bullpen, except they are much hotter.

This looks just like the Story Wranglers bullpen, except they are smokin’ hot studs and studettes.

The dedicated staff is criminally overworked now that WordPress has grown to encompass 60,000,000+ bloggers.  Story Wranglers wade through an average of 1.3 million posts every day to select Freshly Pressed winners.  I am not exaggerating.

Matt Mullenweg’s assistant, Mrs. Vandenpoop (a human,) enters his mammoth corner office.

“I’m sorry to bother you, Mr. Mullenweg, but it’s about the email I got from Peg-o-Leg today.” Mrs. Vandenpoop gestures to the tablet in her hand as she crosses half of an acre of silk carpet to reach his desk.  “She says she has been with you practically from the start.  That half the bloggers she started with have dropped by the wayside, but she remains loyal.  Yet you don’t write, you don’t call.  She wants…”  she begins.

“I know what she wants.” Matt explodes.   “To have that comment etiquette post she wrote made into required reading for all new bloggers,“ he ticks off on his fingers as he continues, “to be Chairman of the Board, and to have her own, permanent spot on the Freshly Pressed page.  She sends the same damn email every day!  That’s why I had my Sadness Engineers create a special, lead-lined spam folder just for her rants.  And why I told you never to read them to me.”

“I thought you’d want to hear this.” Mrs. Vandenpoop worriedly scans the message. “Let me see…”ungrateful…people who knew you when….” oh, here it is.  “I am at the end of my rope.” she says,  “If I don’t get Freshly Pressed again soon, I am going to climb to the rooftop of the tallest building I can find and throw myself off.”  I think she means it.”

Matt Mullenweg.  Or it could be P. Diddy. They hang together so much people get them confused.

Matt Mullenweg on his way to Nova Scotia to see the total eclipse of the sun. Or it could be P. Diddy. They spend so much time chillin’ together, people get them confused.

Matt stares intently off into space, lost in an interior dialogue only he can hear.   He snaps his fingers decisively, a move he has become known for.  “That reminds me.  When the chopper sets down on the rooftop, tell the pilot we have to swing by and pick  Diddy up on our way to that party in the Hamptons.  Make it so.”

“Yes, Mr. Mullenweg.” Mrs. Vandenpoop says as she backs out of the office, bowing.  “Whatever you say, Mr. Mullenweg.  Right away, Mr. Mullenweg.”

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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130 Responses to A Brief History Of WordPress As It Pertains To Why I Rarely Get Freshly Pressed Anymore

  1. I’m with you Peg-O. The odds of being FP’ed are getting ridiculous. I really thought my last post at the Nudge Wink Report was FP-worthy, but they had already FP’ed a different one from the same blog, so it couldn’t possibly happen. As for your posts – they’re all FP-worthy – that’s why I stick around (pus the free buffet).

    Like

  2. mistyslaws says:

    Dear Peg,

    Oh you poor poor thing. Really, I feel for you Peg, that you are now lost in a sea of bloggers and cannot be picked out from the multitudes to be Freshly Pressed for the 12th time. My heart bleeds for you.

    Sincerely,

    Never Been Freshly Pressed

    Like

  3. Ahhh so that’s why I’ve been overlooked for so long! Dang!

    Like

  4. Almost Iowa says:

    Hello? Hello? Is anyone, among the multitudes, out there?

    Like

  5. Carrie Rubin says:

    Ah, so that’s how it works, hmm? Maybe you’re going about it wrong. Instead of emails, maybe you need to be sending them chocolates… 😉

    Like

  6. joehoover says:

    Only once for me, almost three years ago in April I think so I am approaching my 3 year Not Being Freshly Pressed-versary. I would like to keep that up and achieve a 5 year milestone. I think the odds are stacked in my favour 😀

    Like

  7. rachelocal says:

    Looks like you have this all figured out! We should start a “Get Peggles FP For the Zillionth Time Petition.” I think Ms. Vandenpoop would be the first to sign it.

    Like

  8. The Waiting says:

    How awesome would it be if this post got Freshly Pressed?

    Loved this, Peg. I tend to think of myself as someone who has been hanging around WordPress for a good long while, but you clearly have me beat. Ol’ Matt should know what a loyal blogger he has in you.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      He should, shouldn’t he? One year on WordPress is like 7 real years so you’re practically a wizened WordPress crone yourself. And I mean that in the best possible way.

      Like

  9. Ally Bean says:

    Never been Freshly Pressed. Never knew why until I read this. Realizing how the system actually works makes me think that not being Freshly Pressed is a good thing. Yep, that’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

    Like

  10. Diane Tibert says:

    I’ve been blogging for more than three years and have never been FP. I assume it’s because I’m only one small grain of sand on the WordPress beach. Several of my posts are popular even after a few months. The most popular is the one about Canadians getting an EIN, so they don’t lose 30% of their royalties: http://dianetibert.com/2012/06/20/canadians-stop-paying-30-to-the-irs/

    Since it was posted it has received 4,834 views, and every day that number climbs by a minimum of 15.

    Will I ever get FPed? Probably not, but I don’t even think about it.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      That’s great! Keep posting and you’ll build a loyal following. But some people are shallow and vain and crave the recognition of Freshly Pressed. Some people like….some of those other people.

      Like

  11. Let’s see if this ploy worked!

    Like

  12. Okay, that is IT. I will not sit idly by and watch you throw yourself off a building!

    I will join you. It’s been two years for me. Sniff, sniff. And the worst part is, no one cares, Peg! Especially Matt W! He’s too busy chillaxin’ with Puff Daddy-Diddy P-Diddles. No one cares how much I suffer. Except you, you get me

    And this was the most hilarious post I’ve read in awhile. I laughed, then I wept. If any post should be FP it’s this one. Do you hear me Mrs. Vandenpoop?! (by the way, Mrs. Vandenpoop isn’t actually a human but Mr. Skittles in drag)

    Like

  13. Robin says:

    oh, such a sad subject. I’m thinking it’s just sheer numbers. My output is so low, because I don’t want to hammer friends w/my thoughts too often, so I’ll never get a FP…unless of course I start writing about something super-hip about “mommy bloggers” or “10 tips to a super-fabulous xxxxx” or discuss mental health topics….I’ve noticed they go for certain types or subjects repeatedly…as much as I’d love to cater to that to get noticed, I can’t bring myself to try…..Anyway, we love your posts and you can consider yourself FP’d by your regular readers 🙂

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Thanks so much. Should I mention that the next 3 draft posts I have lined up to go are:
      How to Be A Super-Hip Mommy Blogger
      10 Tips To A Super-fabulous xxxxx
      Mental Ill Health Can Be Fun

      Awkward.

      Like

  14. Pleun says:

    Never been FPed nor freshly pegged… I obviously don’t know what I am missing 🙂 what happened to freshly pegged Anyway, thought that was great, better than fp…?

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Oh, yeah…about that. I took the summer off, then I got swamped with real life and didn’t post much in the fall, and that has stretched on just a tiny, weeny bit. Plans are definitely in the someday-soon planning stages.

      Like

  15. jenbrunett says:

    I always wondered about the humble beginnings of wordpress. Thanks for posting this. If it were up to me, I’d freshly press all your posts. 🙂

    Like

  16. Sigh. I would rather be freshly pegged than pressed or freshly kissed or even freshly bit, or freshly spanked, for crying out loud!

    Are you on Twitter? I have witnessed bloggers referring freshly pressed worthy blogs to the freshly pressed twitter account and they actually have responded and posted some, based on these recommendations! There is a GOD! A Twitter GOD!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      No, I’m afraid if I get into Twitter it will be one more, damn thing that will distract me from real life and the necessity to earn a living. I have the attention span of a…Oh, look at the pretty bird!

      “Freshly spanked?” Get going on that concept; it’s a sure-fire hit.

      Like

  17. amelie88 says:

    It used to be my dream to be Freshly Pressed! But then they moved FP off the main page when you log in so I hardly ever look at FP anymore. I also just feel the scope of content isn’t as varied and kind of more of the same. Which is too bad because that’s how I found most of the bloggers I follow (like you of course!). And I suppose I know deep down not many of my posts are FP worthy anyways. Also if being FP involves a sweat shop like that picture (even if they are all good looking) and Diddy, then no thanks! I will continue to read your posts that make fun of FP though.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      It’s not on the main page any more? I didn’t know that. Really? Wow.

      You really DID used to get left up on the main page for days, way back when dinosaurs roamed WordPress. Used to post the best stuff on Friday in hopes it would get FPd and stay up for the weekend.

      Like

      • amelie88 says:

        Exactly it was once a week! Now I think they update it every day! But yes, the Reader tab (so all the blogs you are subscribed to) is the default main page and the FP page is the last tab to the right. At least, that’s the way it is for me and I don’t know how to switch it back.

        Like

  18. It’s been once with me. When I had none I thought that once would be enough. Turns out I want more. You are like me x 10, so I understand.

    Like

  19. The FP’d blogs posts don’t stay on as long as they used to. So I just lie to everyone and say that mine was FP’d on a stormy day when everyone lost power and missed my 15 minutes of fame. What? You didn’t see it???

    Like

  20. lisaspiral says:

    I have to agree that your post on comment etiquette should be required reading for all new WordPress bloggers. The history certainly explains why there are so many photo blogs on freshly pressed. They’re faster and easier to sort through and don’t require reading. 🙂

    Like

  21. Wow, I didn’t realize there were that many millions of posts going out….I unexpectedly got FP’d a few weeks back for a post I almost didn’t even publish. I guess just keep pumping stuff out and see what happens. Or head to the eastern seaboard and kidnap Mrs. Vandenpoop.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Congrats on the FP! It is rather bizarre that sometimes what is selected isn’t even your best work. And I should caution that Mrs. Vandenpoop is very heavily guarded since she carries the Black Box.

      Like

  22. Al says:

    Sadder yet….your posts don’t even get “Freshly Pegged” anymore. You’ve truly lost it Pegster.

    Like

  23. Well, if nothing else, I can console myself that I am part of the masses (non-FP’d bloggers). I’ve learned not to care too much, but unfortunately I haven’t learned to not care at all.

    Like

  24. Too funny! I’ve been blogging since October 2009; no FP ever. But I think I’m now up to 150 followers – wow – the fame of it all! LOL

    I’m glad for FP because that’s how I’ve found about half the blogs I follow; the other half are because the blogger commented on one of my posts, and I checked out his/her blog. Don’t give up!!

    Like

  25. Oh, so funny!
    “they are all really, really good-looking? Stunning, actually.” And all with that lovely slightly messy but shiny hair…they won’t allow pix of the mandated hair nets of the story wranglers: no hiding desperately staved off exhaustion behind bangs or curls and no risk of stray strands getting caught in keyboards of tablet charging wires. No those aren’t Google glasses – just tinted shades so no one sees all the red eyes….
    FP’s selections are rather bizarre…not as wonderful reading bizarre and quirky as in past. But perhaps you are just too high a standard to match and WP doesn’t wand to discourage new bloggers…..or maybe they really do require chocolate?

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      You may be right about the chocolate. They post in so many categories now. There used to be about 10, but now, anything goes. Jeez, Louise, do I sound old.

      Like

  26. I’ve never been Freshly Pressed, but that’s because the really good looking wranglers are threatened by the incredible amount of handsome going on with Kitten Thunder. Oliver’s middle toe is more handsome than the best looking wrangler. And Tail? Well, Obi’s worst hair day makes the wranglers reconsider their gel choices.

    Like

  27. bigsheepcommunications says:

    To be fair, Peg, you have been hogging the Freshly Pressed page for the last 3 years. It’s only right to let some other bloggers have the spotlight every now and then.

    Like

  28. Jackie says:

    I like this a lot but I liked being reminded of the comments one more. Clever, Peg. I’ll let you try all the tricks and then copy your success. Cool?

    Like

  29. I’m curious. I’ve never been FP’d (but I HAVE been TP’d) so wouldn’t even know what to expect. How many followers do you think you gained out of one FP?

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Depends on the topic and the tag they FP it under. Some had a great response. With the last one, there wasn’t any change in my stats from a normal post. Very bizarre

      Like

  30. pattisj says:

    Does Mr. Mullenweg have control over the ads posted on WP blogs? Because you have been TP’d with Quilted Northern. Maybe TP’d is the new FP’d?

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Haha! Those ads are diabolically clever. They have some kind of algorithm that tries to determine the topic of the post and match the ad. I noticed when I was poking fun at Sensa (Scentsa) the ad was FOR Sensa. It must think TP is the closest to FP. Too funny.

      Like

  31. PinotNinja says:

    You are the OG of the WP!

    Like

  32. The Cutter says:

    Huh huh..you said Vandenpoop!

    As for all you “Never been FPed” people out there, you’ve got to stop wanting it. Once you stop just saying “Oh, I don’t care if it happens” and actually start believing it, that’s when it will happen.

    You could also get recommended by one of WordPress’ superstars like Le Clown. Oh wait…

    Like

  33. notquiteold says:

    Everything you write should be Freshly Pressed. Come to think of it, everything I write should be Freshly Pressed.

    Like

  34. This explains so much. It really is just like winning the lottery. I haven’t won that yet either.

    Like

  35. lexiemom says:

    We still love you, Peg!

    Like

  36. The timing of your post couldn’t have been more serendipitous. The very same day, the WP gods graced me with my very first FP! In 5 years of blogging, I’d never been FP’d before. The response has been overwhelming but fun. I’m still sifting through new followers and “likes” and comments.

    Now I know a little bit about what it’s like to be at Peg O Leg central. 🙂

    Like

  37. gatergirl96 says:

    Maybe FP is different on everyone’s computer when they pull it up because that was how I saw your post and started following.

    Like

  38. 1.3 million posts! Good thing Scout made me cut back.

    Like

  39. Dana says:

    I used to obsess about the Freshly Pressed page (like, really unhealthily OBSESS). I’ve been FP’d once but magically stopped striving towards that elusive marker of fame about 2 (maybe 3?) years ago now. Fact: I hadn’t even thought about Freshly Pressed in general until reading this post. And now… I must be cured of my dis-ease. Even after reading this post, I’m not getting all antsy thinking about whether or not I’ll ever be FP’d again. IT’S A MIRACLE!!!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Halleluiah! She has been HEALED!

      I know I shouldn’t care, that it’s shallow, worthless, etc, etc. It’s not the FP so much as the readers. I really, really like the idea that there are people out in the world who want to read what I write.

      Like

  40. I think WordPress made a bad decision moving the FP posts off of the home page. Now you can’t see them unless you log in – are already a member. Pain in the buttocks.
    I remember how fun it was finding out you were FPd before you knew, calling you at work all excited ’cause I’d checked wordpress.com and there you were! Fun times 🙂

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      It DID used to be fun to be surprised. But I could see what a drag it would be to be unexpectedly FPd and you were out of town the whole time and missed the ride. BUMMER!

      Like

    • So true, Tar! I think back to the old days when they would FP only nine posts and that was it. Those posts would stay up there on the main page for days on end. And if you were lucky over a long weekend. Once my blog had a record 4,000 hits in one day. I think 7,000 hits in three days of being FP. My last FP was about 300 hits total.

      Like

      • pegoleg says:

        Me too, Darla. I know we’ve talked about this before, but I couldn’t not believe the lack of stats on the last FP. So I guess I should qualify that I want that same high in feelings AND readers again. Let’s see about getting that done, hmm?

        Like

        • What I find hilarious is I have almost the exact same number of hits on a post as I did when I only had 300 followers 4 years ago. No lie. I may have “thousands” of followers, but about 99% of them never read my blog. Sigh. I will never be famous, Peg. Isn’t that the only reason I do this??

          Like

  41. You have been FP more than once, you rock. At least you earned this the good old fashioned way.

    Like

  42. I was FP once four years ago and I remember being ecstatic when I saw that I had so many looks and comments. I remember feeling lucky that it was a fairly tame blog for me; no foul language whatsoever. I just started up again, this time on my own site, so I guess I have as much chance of getting FP as you do now!

    Love your sense of humor!

    Like

  43. This makes me feel so much better. It’s easy to get lost in the ocean–less so in a puddle.

    Like

  44. Margie says:

    Wow, you’ve been blogging since April 2009 – you really are a veteran! I started in November of the same year, but, (and here are the stats to show just how much you have achieved since then), you have over 7000 followers and I have less than 400! I therefore conclude, and happily will tell everyone, that you are a highly successful WordPress blogger who should have a permanent spot on the FP front page!

    I’ve noticed a distinct drop in readership on my blog. Much of that seems to be because most of my former readers were bloggers who have stopped blogging (and reading, apparently.) Of course, it hasn’t helped that I don’t blog much anymore either, but floods and family misfortunes have been annoyingly time consuming.

    So, I just wanted to say I hope you continue to blog for many more years because it would be highly inconvenient if I had to go off in search of another writer with your wit…

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I’ve noticed lots of dropouts, too. I took a hiatus last fall, and recently got back into it. Gotta admit, I thought you HAD stopped blogging, Margie. I haven’t seen you around lately. I’m coming over to visit, so put the kettle on.

      Like

  45. You know I had a feeling things kind of happened the way you described, I just didn’t know if your version included little blue elves – great piece – thanks for the evening chuckles. I worked in the textbook industry for 11 years – specifically I was the art director for the high school division, we could have used your awesome graphing and chart skills.
    AnnMarie

    Like

  46. jbw0123 says:

    Never fear! You don’t WANT to stand out from the crowd. Ask any gazelle being chased by lions. Blend in and live long. (Hi from Susie WildBlog)

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Why, have you heard that WordPress is now chasing down and eating underperforming bloggers? Better step it up here.

      Like

      • jbw0123 says:

        Haven’t herd, I mean heard anything about WordPress, but Trolls! Spies! Men who come to your house in black SUVs with ear pieces for no reason. Thieves who kype your social security number and collect your tax returns. Fame has it’s pleasures, which you dear Peg have tasted, but it has it’s dangers, too, so best to let someone else expose themselves. Never mind that you have a way with WordPress, or had your way with WordPress, and we won’t ask if anything untoward happened to make that happen. It’s a new day. No shame in hanging out with the heard, I mean herd.

        Like

  47. Mike says:

    I broke my mouse wheel scrolling down here to find a place to comment on this massively popular post. Now, why am I here…? Whateva – thanks anyway 🙂

    Like

  48. Elyse says:

    I’m betting that it is discrimination against seriously funny people. I’m sure you could sue.

    Like

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