Jennifer Tucker wears Manolo Blahniks.
I wear Easy Spirit Fun-timers
Jennifer Tucker shops at Saks.
I shop at Big Lots.
Jennifer Tucker is first in line on the day they have the latest iPhone.
I am first in line on Black Friday when they have the $5 blenders.
Jennifer Tucker only carries Coach.
I only travel coach.
Jennifer Tucker goes on whirlwind trips to Bali and Paris.
I go to the craft show at the mall.
Jennifer Tucker’s motto is, “Let tomorrow take care of itself.”
My motto is, “Listen to that fable about the squirrel who played all summer instead of gathering nuts. Come winter, he starved to death.” I realize that Jennifer Tucker’s motto is catchier than mine.
I have had the same phone number for about 10 years. Yet every couple of months I get a call intended for the person who must have had this number before me. The callers are often from a far away country, and they are usually reading from a script. Sometimes they want to sell me something, but mostly they want something from me. More accurately, they want something from Jennifer Tucker.
I pay cash.
Jennifer Tucker doesn’t pay.
Please, please, somebody at the International Federation of Credit Cards, Loan Sharks and Debt Collectors, make a correction to that big, all-knowing, all-seeing data bank in the sky, and drop my number.
I am not Jennifer Tucker.
p.s. If anybody sees Jennifer Tucker, tell her to give me a call – I have a couple of messages for her. She knows the number.