Not me.
Jennifer Tucker wears Manolo Blahniks.
I wear Easy Spirit Fun-timers
Jennifer Tucker shops at Saks.
I shop at Big Lots.
Jennifer Tucker is first in line on the day they have the latest iPhone.
I am first in line on Black Friday when they have the $5 blenders.
Jennifer Tucker only carries Coach.
I only travel coach.
Jennifer Tucker goes on whirlwind trips to Bali and Paris.
I go to the craft show at the mall.
Jennifer Tucker’s motto is, “Let tomorrow take care of itself.”
My motto is, “Listen to that fable about the squirrel who played all summer instead of gathering nuts. Come winter, he starved to death.” I realize that Jennifer Tucker’s motto is catchier than mine.
I have had the same phone number for about 10 years. Yet every couple of months I get a call intended for the person who must have had this number before me. The callers are often from a far away country, and they are usually reading from a script. Sometimes they want to sell me something, but mostly they want something from me. More accurately, they want something from Jennifer Tucker.
Money.
I pay cash.
Jennifer Tucker doesn’t pay.
Please, please, somebody at the International Federation of Credit Cards, Loan Sharks and Debt Collectors, make a correction to that big, all-knowing, all-seeing data bank in the sky, and drop my number.
I am not Jennifer Tucker.
p.s. If anybody sees Jennifer Tucker, tell her to give me a call – I have a couple of messages for her. She knows the number.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
I’ll give Jennifer a call if you will please let the world know that the people we bought our house from SEVEN YEARS AGO no longer live here.
LikeLike
The funny thing is, they now live right next door to Jennifer!
LikeLike
Perfect.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Syd Science.
LikeLike
Thanks!
LikeLike
Hilarious (but maybe not so funny) case of mistaken identity!
LikeLike
I just wonder how long this is going to go on? Ten years???
LikeLike
Forever. Or until Jennifer Aniston gets married to Justin what’shisname.
Or like I said. Forever.
LikeLike
Can you PROVE that you’re not Jennifer Tucker? Maybe that’s the problem …. 🙂
LikeLike
That’s the problem. According to the law, I’m Jennifer until proven innocent.
LikeLike
I hate those calls. No matter what you say they don’t believe you. The only way we got rid on one bill collector a few years ago was to cry and say the person just died and we were heading out the door to the funeral. Not very nice, but it worked.
LikeLike
Hey, that’s a great idea! I got a call from Mumbai just this week when I was home sick and I was whining to the guy “Can’t you take this number off the list?” Next time I’ll answer “Sorry, I’m dead.”
LikeLike
F**k Jennifer Tucker.
I hope she got an STD on all her high fallutin’ travels.
LikeLike
She deserves it! (p.s. I did a little edit on your comment – family blog and all.)
LikeLike
Oh, crap- I’m sorry.
Edit away. I have a potty mouth, but I mean well. I was just showing you empathy.
LikeLike
No problemo!
LikeLike
Ten years is a long time to be still trying to track her down. She is probably still giving out that number as she leaves bills in her wake. When they check it, it is an active number so they believe it is hers.
Your way is much better.
LikeLike
I never thought of that. Maybe she IS still giving it out. That crafty, scheming, debt-ridden….
LikeLike
You don’t need a bumper sticker to say “This car (etc.) is paid for.” This reader knows it is. You’re that kind of gal, Peg. Sorry about the nuisance calls. PS I wear easy spirit, too…comfy.
LikeLike
Very comfy! And much easier on the wallet than the Manolo Blahniks.
LikeLike
When shopping, sometimes I forget my rewards card and have to enter a phone number. And then I remember that the number is still tied to the account of the woman who had the number before me. Stupid Mildred Wine.
LikeLike
It wouldn’t be so bad if Mildred had great credit, would it?
LikeLike
I KNEW you were Jennifer Tucker! I’ve been trying to trace you. I think you owe me money, if not, would you like to borrow some? Or can I borrow some from you? Or shoes? Thanks.
LikeLike
Sure, VJ. You can borrow my 20-year-old sneakers (trainers, to you) any old time!
LikeLike
Oh poor you. I bet the calls come at the most inopportune times.
We had to change our phone number when we moved here from the one the phone company originally gave us. The previous owner had a list of outstanding debts a mile long and we got called about all of them!
LikeLike
They do. I got one Wednesday when I was lolling around on the couch watching dreadful daytime TV since I was home with a head full of green jello. “Bob” from Mumbai sounded frankly skeptical that I wasn’t Jennifer.
LikeLike
This was great! I think this might be the same Jennifer that Tommy Tutone sings about when he warbles, “Jenny, I got your number – – 867-5309” For a slightly different slant on the topic definitely check out this blog by another WordPress author – – The Underground Writer. Her post is called, “For a Good Time Call…” lol.
http://theundergroundwriter.wordpress.com/2013/07/25/for-a-good-time-call/
LikeLike
Hey, that’s MY number!
I checked out the other post – funny. Seems this recycling phone numbers business is more common than you’d think.
LikeLike
I knew Jennifer Tucker. Jennifer Tucker was a friend of mine. You, m’am, are no Jennifer Tucker!
LikeLike
Thank you. Now could you explain that to Rasheed at Credit Exterminators in Mumbai?
LikeLike
You really manage to crack me up each and every post. Sacks vs. Big Lots….hilarious! 🙂
LikeLike
Truth is funnier than fiction. Or something like that.
LikeLike
10 years telemarketers have been calling you to ask you where is this Jennifer Tucker person? That’s even more annoying than having your last name eternally mispronounced (my last name looks like it is spelled like a certain grain in English).
LikeLike
Yes, 10 years. That’s how I know Jennifer is a MAJOR shopper. Or else she is still giving out this number on purpose.
LikeLike
Maybe you should be Jennifer for a while and buy some things you want. That will confuse everyone and by the time they find her the shoe will be on the other foot! Good luck!
LikeLike
Good idea! Now if I could just figure out Jennifer Tucker’s current address and phone number to put on the credit card applications…
LikeLike
I guess you should just google it 😉
LikeLike
Ditto to Pleun’s suggestion. I say, just go with it. Become Jennifer. Seven years ago right after we moved and got a new phone number, I kept getting these calls for “Nana”. This adorable little kid would leave these long messages begging his grandmother to come visit him. I came pretty close to pretending I was “nana” just so the poor kid wouldn’t be heartbroken.
LikeLike
That’s so sad! You should have just donned a gray wig, shawl and granny glasses and had him over to bake cookies.
LikeLike
Auugh, I don’t know who are worse, jennifers or the bill collectors in pursuit. I went thru five years of calls from people looking for a Jennifer named Jaclyn who was in kindergarten when I met and dated her mom…in the ’80’s.
LikeLike
You have to give those bill collectors full marks for being persistent. Wouldn’t that be a hell of a job? Like Dawg the Bounty Hunter but without all the black leather.
LikeLike
Did you ever consider that maybe you sleepwalk and while sleepwalk, you become this Jennifer Tucker? And you have created this whole other life in an unconscious state?
LikeLike
Sa-a-a-ay…you might be on to something. Damn. I’m going to tear the house apart until I find all of those great shoes!
LikeLike
Aaaah, this reminds me of the first few years after I got this phone number! I didn’t get collection calls but some very persistent personal calls, which led me to change my voicemail to say, “This is Deb. This is not ___. Please only leave voicemails for Deb on this number!” I got one more voicemail from someone apologizing profusely, and sadly, resulting in my calling back and saying it wasn’t meant to make anyone feel bad . . . just communicate the change! I hope the folks trying to get hold of Jennifer eventually relent!
LikeLike
That was nice of that person to apologize. I hate rude callers, like the ones who just hang up when they realize they’ve dialed a wrong number, instead of saying “Sorry, wrong number.”
LikeLike
The people who call me almost always get my name correct. And they get a nice reminder of why they should never call me again.
LikeLike
Oooh, tough guy, eh?
LikeLike
I know you have those Manolos in the back of your closet.
LikeLike
I’ve been looking everywhere for them!
LikeLike
Just got pointed in your direction from “Dave”, over at I Point. He told me to tell you he sent me. Think he wants some kind of brownie points or something. Anyway, I’m here now and you are funny. So he was right.
LikeLike
No brownie points – he wants actual brownies. I’m sending him a gift certificate for some. (welcome!)
LikeLike
Thanks!!
LikeLike
Oh my gosh! You’ve got a Jenifer too? Cool I’ve got one too. Although mine is named Jenifer Andrews. She also owes lots of money to many people that occasionally leave me threatening messages. I’m pretty certain that I will be writing a Jenifer Andrews into one of my future books as a villain.
LikeLike
That ought to show her – immortalize her as an arch-villain!
LikeLike
Every six months I go to the ‘do not call’ list and block my number(s). Then when people call, I tell them the person they are calling does not live here, own this number or otherwise have access. I usually also tell them, I am not related to that person or have knowledge of that person. Finally I tell them, ‘do not call this number again.’ Legally, they must stop calling. Then I go to the ‘do not call’ list and put their number on the blocked number list. If they call again, I report them.
I have a Jennifer. I also have a dead ex-husband. I think my dead ex-husband and my Jennifer might have been ‘friends’.
LikeLike
Oh, jeez Valentine. That sounds like a lot of work. And are you for real on the ex and Jennifer? That’s just adding insult to injury.
LikeLike
Yes, for real. It really isn’t that much work. I have the Do Not Call List bookmarked. I have all my numbers (3) on it. Not much work at all, really. As for my Jennifer, since it is the same person they are looking for, I think she is the mother of the child (or two) born during the marriage (my sons think so too). Long story, but they called her the skank.
LikeLike
“the skank” sounds rather more complimentary than she deserves.
LikeLike
Growing up, our phone number was one digit off from a local radio station’s hotline. Whenever the station held a contest, our line was JAM PACKED with people hoping to win something. For the first 6-8 years of this happening, we would politely tell callers the correct radio station phone number before hanging up and then answering the next misguided call. However, for the next 8-14 years of this happening, our patience wore thin and we started answering the phone with “CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU ARE CALLER #7!!!” before hanging up in disgust. (Apparently, this was before the era of “turning the ringer off” and also pre-“just get a new phone number”. Can’t actually remember why we let this go on for decades..)
LikeLike
Hahaha! I’m laughing with you, not at you. And even though the poor schmo calling didn’t mean any harm, I could see how that would get old in the first 6-8 minutes, never mind years.
LikeLike
I was curious to see what a Jennifer Tucker might look like, so I googled the name. There are a lot of images for Jennifer Tucker, including one for a women who was charged for prostitution in Florida and one who was a Burger King manager who admitted to detectives she lied when she told police she was abducted Saturday by an armed robber. I wonder if one of these Jennifers had you phone number!
LikeLike
Those both sound like something Jennifer would do. Skank.
LikeLike
Jennifer Tucker is an excellent alter ego — when you choose, you choose WELL. And, with this blog, you’ve totally thrown the bill collectors off of your trail…
LikeLike
If only I could be sure the bill collectors were reading…
LikeLike
Along the lines of the sleepwalking idea, I was thinking about the storyline on “One Life to Live” when Vicky found out she had an alter-ego named Nicky.
What if you find a pair of Manolo Blaniks (I don’t even know how to spell that) in the trunk of your car some day?!
LikeLike
Are you sure? You look JUST LIKE Jennifer!
LikeLike