I’ve been humming the theme song from “Gilligan’s Island” all day. This brain worm reminded me of the time I got Songfluenza so bad, I barely escaped with my life…
I’ve picked up a nasty virus. It’s just getting started, but I’m already fuzzy-headed.
This is the worst case of Songfluenza I have ever had. It’s an especially virulent strain involving “The Lonely Goatherd”.
One rarely knows how these things are contracted. The latent virus may be lying dormant for weeks or months. Something triggers it, and without warning you’re breaking out in “lay-ee-odl-lay-ee-odl-loo”.
In this case, though, I can pinpoint the precise moment I caught it. A co-worker passed it on as he walked down the hallway whistling the infecting tune. Bill is known to be a chronic carrier. You would think our employer would do something, but their hands are tied. They are afraid of a lawsuit. I am not blaming Bill, poor guy. But why don’t these people just stay home when the virus is active?
At first I didn’t even know I had been infected. I was at the copier and another co-worker said, not quite meeting my eyes, “Um, did you know you’ve been humming that song from the Sound of Music? Like, all day? Over and over? ALL DAY?”
If I had just the melodic strain, it wouldn’t be so bad. But I always get hammered with both music and lyrics. I cannot concentrate. It is like having a hole in a tooth that your tongue won’t leave alone. My brain feverishly puzzles; is it “Soon her mama with a pale pink coat heard,” or “Soon her mama with a gleaming gloat heard”?
The fear, of course, is that the strain will mutate. Then it is just a matter of time before you’re battling Soundus Musicus.
What if it crosses over to the dreaded Yodelus family? Granted, such cases are rare nowadays. But it wasn’t that many years ago that sufferers were institutionalized, poor bastards. This was both to prevent contagion and to protect them from angry mobs.
We are bound to see more outbreaks with this cold weather keeping people indoors.
The Centers for Disease Control report the Mileyus variant is knocking over victims like a wrecking ball. But they say there is no cause for concern. That strain, although annoying, is short-lived. As with most of the Pop Musicus genus, it runs its course in about 15 minutes. This is not to minimize the danger. Some sufferers have been left permanently disfigured, their tongues coated with mange and subject to uncontrollable spasms. This is a condition the medical community calls “twerking,” and it can be cyrious.
Modern science cannot truly eradicate the menace of Songfluenza. There are, however, steps we can take to lessen the spread. The most effective is to avoid others when contagious. If you have to go out, be careful. For example, when I feel an “odl-lay-ee-hoo” coming on, I cover my mouth with the crook of my arm.
Prevention is especially important when dealing with the most vulnerable in our society – those whose immunity has been compromised by participation in musical theater.
I am trying to look on the bright side. This bout should boost my immunity to Soundus Musicus, and possibly the entire Rodgers & Hammersteinus order.
For now, there’s nothing I can do but let it run its course. Maybe I should just go home. I’m sure in a few days I will be as right as rain.
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens….