People Who, When They Show Up, You Know It’s Not Going To Be Good

Smash new Bravo hit: Real Zombies of L.A. Buy Insurance!

Real Zombies of L.A. Buy Car Insurance

I’m a people person.  I like people.   I NEED people.  According to Babs, that makes me one of the luckiest people in the world.  But there are some people who, when you see them coming, you just know that things are not going to turn out well.

Here are a few:mrwhipple

  • Mr. Whipple: you’ll feel dirty watching him accost the pervert in the paper goods aisle who is inappropriately fondling toilet tissue.
  • Zombies: Even though you’re a healthy, 18-year-old track star and the undead move at the pace of the glaciers that carved out the Great Lakes, you’re going to trip and lie immobile in the street like an old lady stretched out on her bathroom floor in a Life Alert commercial.  The zombies will eat your brains.  Unless you’re the hero and his/her main squeeze, in which case you’ll be OK.Jessica Fletcher
  • Jessica Fletcher: somebody’s going to wind up dead.  The citizens of Cabot Cove finally figured out that it wasn’t normal for a town of 300 to have 52 murders per year, and residents signed a petition asking Mrs. Fletcher to leave.
  • Flo: her voice, her headband, her red lipstick – the very air she breathes is hateful to me. Each time those Progressive ads come on the telly, I hit the remote. *Interesting side statistic: The chance of such channel-changing landing on a commercial for some other car insurance company like Geico, eSurance, All State, State Farm or Farmers, or even another Progressive ad, is approximately 97%.*
  • That lady in the Phillips colon health t-shirt: she knows all the dirty secrets of phillipsladyyour digestive system and she’s not shy about announcing them to the world.  At the drugstore, on a plane, or at a PTA meeting… you’ll never be safe from her chipper, booming inquiry, “DO YOU HAVE GAS AND BLOATING?”
  • One of those plastic, reality-show bimbos: bad language, fights, lewdness and shallow stupidity are sure to follow.  These people are desperate to extend their 15 minutes of fame and, since they must accomplish this without benefit of talent, they do so by appealing to America’s seemingly endless appetite for film footage of artificially enhanced people behaving badly in a variety of settings.
  • A man & woman reclining in bathtubs on a beach: bathtubsonbeachsomebody is about to subject you to an extremely personal, uncomfortable discussion of their, er, sexual performance issues. TMI and then some.

Who makes you want to run for the hills?


About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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91 Responses to People Who, When They Show Up, You Know It’s Not Going To Be Good

  1. momshieb says:

    Oh, my gosh, ALL of the above make me cringe!
    On the other hand, I kind of have a crush on “Mayhem”……


  2. mistyslaws says:

    Speaking of Flo . . . I heard a new commercial on the radio yesterday (new to me, anyway) where she is singing a song. Singing. A. Song. And yes, it is exactly as obnoxious and chipper as you imagine it to be. Am I not even safe in the confines of my car?

    Oh, and the answer to your question . . . my mother. ((Shudder))


  3. thighsonfire says:

    The toilet paper bears. Thanks for the images of bears wiping their asses, Charmin. Also, the free credit report dot com guy. Terrible terrible lip synching.


  4. The bathtub thing was featured heavily in a post brewing in my mind. (Is that a mixed metaphor? I hope so.) I wondered it it might be crossing a line. 🙂


  5. bigsheepcommunications says:

    Oh, definitely the guys who hang out on a corner in little downtown Mayberry every Saturday morning, screaming Bible verses and aggressively foisting religious literature upon anyone who wasn’t savvy enough to cross the street before reaching that corner. Am I going to hell for rudely refusing their offers to save my soul? Probably, but I’m okay with that.


  6. topiclessbar says:

    Is it shameful to admit that I have a weird thing for Flo? There’s something cute and frumpy about her. I’d take Flo over Megan Fox or Beyonce any day. Dang, wish Flo did the halftime show. Okay, I’ll shut up now. Really fun post. : )


  7. Oh my goodnes…I’m so glad you mentioned those creepsters in the bath tub. It drives me crazy. There is NO possible way to get out of that tub and not get sand on your clean feet. Impossibility. And its possible that soaking in a tub for hours on end might create new types of personal hygiene issues. Forget the ED…worry about the UTI.


  8. Go Jules Go says:

    I really thought that link was going to a video of MY Babs on YouTube, and I was all, “I knew this day was going to come. She’s started her own channel.”

    Am I the only person who loves those Progressive commercials?

    There’s this guy at work I’ve nicknamed the Wet Blanket. When I see his number pop up, I know it’s going to be a baaad day. Every conversation: Me: “Hi! How are you?” Him: “Oh, SIGH. You know, it’s just so busy. It’s so crazy. Things are so different now.” <—We had a re-org TWO YEARS ago and he's still saying this.


    • pegoleg says:

      Wait a minute…I just got my Direct TV bill and I’m pretty sure they were plugging the new, All Babs, All The Time channel, right alongside the Free HBO weekend.

      I have a hard time balancing my natural tendency to look on the unbright side with a desire for people to not say “Here comes the Wet Blanket” behind my back. Clue me if my humorous whining crosses that line, will ya, Jules?


  9. TamrahJo says:

    Wow – when we moved 2 months ago, I decided not to hook up any cable or satellite tv – instead – we do Netflix, and online PBS/History Channel – –

    After reading the post and comments, I now realize why my life has been so serene lately – –

    My vote is for any commercial that contains a cheery, low-key voice reciting:
    “May cause diarrhea, constipation, vision loss, make your peter turn green and fall off – some patients report leaving their home to be found wondering in the woods 6 hours later, with drool on their chin and no memory of their name, their spouse or previous life. This isn’t for everyone – check with your doctor to see if he can ease your fears about becoming a cancer riddled dementia patient instead of putting up with the fact that you are too stressed and unhealthy to engage in intimate relations and your body is trying to save you from killing yourself”



  10. Bill The Praise And Worship Guy says:

    My favorite ad, as a guy, is the slightly out-of-focus shot of mother and daughter (adult), walking arm in arm along the ocean while the Irish Setter prances on the edge of the waves. While the piano/strings gently soothe in the background, the daughter turns to her wise mother and asks, “Mom, do you douche?”
    I swear these ads were always played during football games when I was a teenager.


    • pegoleg says:

      What??? What’s wrong with that? Me and Mom had those talks all the time. Minus the Irish Setter, of course, because you KNOW how she was about dogs. Was she REALLY allergic to pet hair?


  11. “60 Minutes is on the phone. They’d like to talk to you.”

    You know this isn’t going somewhere good.


  12. Angie Z. says:

    I laughed out loud at the part about the petition to force out Jessica Fletcher! My mom was a nut for that show. We always knew that at 8:00 Sunday nights, when she’d sit up close to the tiny black and white TV in my parents’ bedroom (what, do you think we’d let her watch that in the family room?), we had to leave her alone or she’d sick Jessica on us.

    I’m trying to figure out if there’s a conspiracy about Progressive Insurance’s use of Flo in its ads. I’ve never heard of a commercial character more despised than Flo. Yet there she is again and again.


    • pegoleg says:

      Somebody above said they had kind of a “thing” for Flo. I’m a tolerant woman with a live-and-let-live attitude toward life. Usually. But that is just bad and wrong.

      In another 20 years Flo is going to make her living by writing a book and doing the talk-show circuit complaining “How I Was Typecast and Never Got ANother Acting Gig After Progressive”, just like Danny Bonaducci.


  13. When you mentioned Babs, I thought you were talking about Jules’ mother. I need to stop reading blogs.


  14. Al says:

    I’ll probably hear from PETA on this one, but why doesn’t someone stomp that small, chiefly tropical and usually nocturnal insectivorous terrestrial lizard, typically with immovable eyelids’ ever lovin’ ass?


    • pegoleg says:

      I have something of a mild fear/phobia about lizards, especially the big Monitor lizards, and it’s not abated by the addition of a pseudo-English accent so…yeah. Get stompin’ on that project.


  15. Lenore Diane says:

    Jamie Lee Curtis. I like her as an actress, and I am sure I would like her in real life, too. After all, she is married to Christoper Guest, so the woman has great taste. But the Activia commercials… goodness, I am over those. “Activiaaaa” is the new “Salad Shoot’eeer!” Make it stop, Peg! Make it stop!


  16. lsurrett2 says:

    So glad you have addressed the dual tub ads…it reminds me of the Pinterest pics I’ve seen showing a dual-facing tubs. But there’s no sunset, no glow. Only a bathroom of cold tile. Male-people have constructed these things, I’m sure, because women know that the sole purpose of a tub is to escape all the other People out there! If the only other adult in your home is in the bathroom with you, then the little people are unmanned! (or there’s a babysitter–but that’s creepy. Ew Ew Ew!).

    But seriously, what really creeps me out was the commercials for WoW chips that slyly incorporated the phrase “anal leakage”. Ew, just typing that makes me shudder. Just sayin’.


  17. TamrahJo says:

    Flo never bothered me – but she does seem to bother most I know – – not sure what I’m missing – – 🙂
    My absolute, hands-down, should-be-banned from TV choice over the years was Billy Mays – – I swear, you could have the TV volume on Mute and his commercials would still make you jump to the ceiling in defense of unreasonable decibels – –

    I remember his name – but for those who hired him, I don’t remember what product(s) he was marketing – – pick better next time.


  18. Audrey says:

    Oh, you got some of the worst offenders on this list! Definitely the housewives and Kardashians are part of mine. And the Wendy’s girl has made the top of my hit list lately. Yeah, be all thin, peppy, and condenscending about your oh-so-much-tastier fast food! Argh!!


  19. Flo. I have mentioned my deep hatred for that woman on my own blog once. The last straw was her latest commercial where she’s out in the rain with some guy. ugh. And that headband of hers! I can’t change the channel fast enough.

    But Jessica Fletcher?! Don’t blame her. Mainahs do have a high risk of murdering each other, it’s all that snow and cold and saying things like “Ayuh” and “Jeezum crow!” that can drive a person batty.


  20. Those bear, Jamie Lee Curtis, and that Colon health lady – all creep me out….and then there’s the local car dealers/cheap furniture stores who always feel the must put their mini-me kids in the ads


  21. Tar-Buns says:

    I have to agree with you on Flo. HATE that commercial – can’t mute it or change the channel fast enough. And those drug disclaimers – GO AWAY already…
    As for Jessica Fletcher? Always loved her! 🙂


  22. Police I haven’t summoned. That will never end well. My bosses. Also bad. Especially when they’re smiling. Jimmy Johnson doing those God-awful ExtenZe commercials. Like I need to know that his, um, Johnson was unsatisfying. John Goodman, because I’m frankly afraid he’ll explode at any moment. And my crazy aunt. Because every conversation with that woman is terrifying.


  23. Margie says:

    You don’t like Flo? I always think of you when I see Flo – she is so versatile, has all the answers, is cool and calm. So is the Geico gecko, but I don’t see you as being like a gecko… no wait, you had that green jacket…


  24. rachelocal says:

    I’ll stick with people I don’t know in order to answer your question. (There’s just TOO MANY people I don’t like to see coming in real life.)

    Katy Perry annoys the shiznit outta me. So does Lady Gaga. And Sarah Palin.


  25. Elyse says:

    I’ve been trying to figure out why folks who are trying to have sex would want to have two separate bath tubs.

    The post was great and the comments hilarious. I had a long tiring day and this was the perfect antidote, Peg. Thanks!


  26. Tori Nelson says:

    The lovers’ bathtub thing drives me nuts because they are SITTING ON THE BEACH. Who hauled those tubs here for you and why don’t you get in the ocean?


  27. All of the above, my mother, two of my cousins, many of my clients, Wayne LaPierre, one of my ex-husbands (but he is dead).

    And in that order today.


  28. I loathe the woman who is selling AARP Medicare supplemental plan … Z or something. I can’t STAND her and because the commercial lasts about 20 minutes and is on CNN and MSNBC, it’s always interrupting a news story I’m actually interested in. My daughter is 21 and is trying to lower her IQ by watching Basketball Wives — which makes the Real Wives of XCity (pick your poison) look like Miss Manners. But I have to say, I kinda like Flo…. at least she’s not that hideous lizard that I sincerely would like to stomp into oblivion. Funny column!!


    • pegoleg says:

      Here I was giving my 23-year-old daughter grief for lowering her IQ by watching the Real Housewives of Wherever. and it turns out those shows are Einstein-fodder in comparison to the other garbage to be watched on the electronic dumpster? Thanks for the info. Oops – gotta rush off…Honey Booboo is on! 😉


  29. Ugh. Recently there’s been a ‘Flo’ commercial on the iTunes radio station I listen to when I’m working on stuff. And while they don’t really have many (or long) commercial breaks they keep playing that one ad OVER, and OVER, and OVER…
    Also, I just realized this comment is about as much fun as listening to ‘Flo’ sing about Progressive, so, um… you know… sorry… about that.


  30. aymartos says:

    My dad always used to say Jessica Fletcher WAS the murderer. 🙂


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  33. yanetfirefly says:

    Reblogged this on yanetfirefly.


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