I wandered into the bowels of my blog the other day and came across a strange chamber called “Site Stats”. I had heard of such a place from other, more worldly bloggers, but I know not of such things.
Blogging for me is all about personal satisfaction. It is a chance to explore my thoughts and feelings, to craft my words and then send them into the stratosphere. To connect with like-minded thinkers in a veritable orgy of thoughtly thinking. What care I for readers and accolades?
When I happened upon the “Site Stats” page, (did I mention it was purely by accident?) I couldn’t help but notice a category called “All Time Views”. I scanned the figures contained therein with faint interest and casually noticed this number is currently at 97,742.
“Hmmm” says I to me, “That is not too far off from 100,000, which is a nice, round number. It has a certain ring to it. It would be mildly amusing,” thinks I, “to hit 6 figures.”
I further pondered, “Would not 100,000 visits be a consummation devotedly to be wished?”
And, yet again with the pondering, “When did I start channeling Shakespeare?”
Of course, I don’t know about such things, but a cursory review of my daily stats, which I also stumbled across on the “Site Stats” page, shows that it would take quite a long time to reach this goal at my normal daily readership. (We are here defining “normal” to be “wretchedly abysmal” as in the last several months. Not that I care.)
To get a better approximation of just how long it would take, I plugged some figures into a little equation that I very casually developed and sometimes play around with.
The Peg-o-Leg Daily Readership Statistical Model (version 11.3), indicates that subtracting 97,742 from 100,000, plugging the quotient into the matrix, factoring in the statistical likelihood of current events’ impacting daily readership, then extrapolating out the numerator divided by variable Y (pi times the Pythagorean Theorem to the 3rd power), I estimate at the rate I’m going I will hit 100,000 when I am eligible for Social Security. Or dead. Whichever comes first.
The only way to achieve this number before I’m so old I care more about the contents of my Depends than the contents of my blog, is if I were to get a little boost.
What to do, what to do.
I don’t know. I haven’t the foggiest notion how one could get a sudden burst of more than 2000 readers all in one day that would catapult one’s numbers through the Paper Ceiling of 100,000.
Perhaps the WordPress gods could figure it out. They, in their infinite wisdom, might hatch a scheme so that a deserving-blogger-who-toils-mightily-to-provide-quality-entertainment-for-their-clients-and-earns-zip-for-her-trouble might somehow accomplish this goal. (hint: rhymes with Presley Dressed.)
Anyhoo, it was just a thought that flitted across my brain. I don’t want you imagining I’m desperate or anything, like a guy who just bet the farm at a Las Vegas crap table. It would be nice to hit that goal but, as I believe I mentioned, it’s no biggie.
p.s. I added these Site Stats to the right-hand column of the blog so we can all watch the numbers soar. Or not.