C’Mon, WordPress, Papa Needs A New Pair Of Bowling Shoes!

I wandered into the bowels of my blog the other day and came across a strange chamber called “Site Stats”.  I had heard of such a place from other, more worldly bloggers, but I know not of such things.

Blogging for me is all about personal satisfaction.  It is a chance to explore my thoughts and feelings, to craft my words and then send them into the stratosphere.  To connect with like-minded thinkers in a veritable orgy of thoughtly thinking.  What care I for readers and accolades?

When I happened upon the “Site Stats” page, (did I mention it was purely by accident?) I couldn’t help but notice a category called “All Time Views”.  I scanned the figures contained therein with faint interest and casually noticed this number is currently at 97,742.

“Hmmm” says I to me, “That is not too far off from 100,000, which is a nice, round number.  It has a certain ring to it.  It would be mildly amusing,” thinks I, “to hit 6 figures.”

I further pondered,  “Would not 100,000 visits be a consummation devotedly to be wished?”

And, yet again with the pondering, “When did I start channeling Shakespeare?”

Of course, I don’t know about such things, but a cursory review of my daily stats, which I also stumbled across on the “Site Stats” page, shows that it would take quite a long time to reach this goal at my normal daily readership.  (We are here defining “normal” to be  “wretchedly abysmal” as in the last several months.   Not that I care.)

To get a better approximation of just how long it would take, I plugged some figures into a little equation that I very casually developed and sometimes play around with.

The Peg-o-Leg Daily Readership Statistical Model (version 11.3), indicates that subtracting 97,742 from 100,000, plugging the quotient into the matrix, factoring in the statistical likelihood of current events’ impacting daily readership, then extrapolating out the numerator divided by variable Y (pi times the Pythagorean Theorem to the 3rd power), I estimate at the rate I’m going I will hit 100,000 when I am eligible for Social Security.  Or dead.  Whichever comes first.

The only way to achieve this number before I’m so old I care more about the contents of my Depends than the contents of my blog, is if I were to get a little boost.

What to do, what to do.

I don’t know.  I haven’t the foggiest notion how one could get a sudden burst of more than 2000 readers all in one day that would catapult one’s numbers through the Paper Ceiling of 100,000.

Perhaps the WordPress gods could figure it out.  They, in their infinite wisdom, might hatch a scheme so that a deserving-blogger-who-toils-mightily-to-provide-quality-entertainment-for-their-clients-and-earns-zip-for-her-trouble might somehow accomplish this goal.  (hint: rhymes with Presley Dressed.)

Anyhoo, it was just a thought that flitted across my brain.  I don’t want you imagining I’m desperate or anything, like a guy who just bet the farm at a Las Vegas crap table.  It would be nice to hit that goal but, as I believe I mentioned, it’s no biggie.

p.s. I added these Site Stats to the right-hand column of the blog so we can all watch the numbers soar.  Or not.

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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83 Responses to C’Mon, WordPress, Papa Needs A New Pair Of Bowling Shoes!

  1. I would think that making me laugh throughout this entire post is worthy of SOMEthing. Hows ’bout I split my cinnamon donut with you?…

    I not only noticed you’re approaching a nice round solid number for total views, but also for readers. Almost 2,000! Only five more are needed! C’mon people! Sign up for more Pegoliciousness! Or I can give you some of my readers. Why, just this week I’ve managed to convince sexslave1987 to follow me.

    Like

  2. Chrystal says:

    As of this moment, you already have soared by 30 views. I’m sure that total will soon be changing as rapidly as an electric meter at a casino in the aforementioned Vegas. Best of luck in your quest to be Presley Dressed!

    Like

  3. I’ll do what I can to assist by introducting your blog to my 15 Facebook followers and 30 blog subscribees. I’m sure this will be the effort that pushes you to your goal. I definitely think this should be Pressley Dressed! OH, I mean . . .

    Like

  4. I’ll keep hitting refresh! 😉

    Like

  5. I can hear “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?”♪♫ playing in the background. Yes, the answer is yes. Sorry I’ve been absent for a while–but I do and will come back…ka-ching
    btw I think I sold one of those burgers for a “nickel and a dime” at Burger Chef off of A1A in FL.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      You should be hearing “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” (with little notes, dang you!) based on my video. Nice to see you – I, too have been MIA, so right back at you. Life gets so busy.
      I love how they used to change the “Number served” sign all the time before it climbed too high to bother with.

      Like

  6. Al says:

    Will Peg reach her goal in time? It Depends.

    Like

  7. Stressly messed? Meshly Caressed? Fleshly blessed?

    Man, this is a stumper…

    Like

  8. bigsheepcommunications says:

    I seem to have missed the connection between more views and papa’s new bowling shoes, but I hope you attain both : )

    Like

  9. Surely you jest. I venture you could hit 100K by New Year’s Eve. I could run about, logging on to your latest post via various computers at work, say… if you wanted that sort of thing. A slightly hollow victory, but a victory nonetheless…

    Like

  10. Go Jules Go says:

    I started giggling at “I had heard of such a place from other, more worldly bloggers…” and then couldn’t stop. If anyone deserves a nice, pretty round number in yonder stats widget, it is you, Pegalicious.

    You could do what my coworkers are doing, and try going topless…

    P.S. – My stats have been abysmal since this summer! Maybe I should take my own advice?

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Your co-workers are going topless??? The wind was so strong in Jersey that everyone’s clothes were ripped off?

      I wonder if there’s so much “noise” with a bazillion blogs on WordPress that we’re getting lost in the shuffle. You’d think at least half of your multitude of subscribers would actually READ your stuff, wouldn’t you?

      Like

  11. Elyse says:

    When you hit 100,000, can you stop the counter? I mean, 101,294 just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

    Like

  12. BillThePraiseAndWorshipGuy says:

    If all of your brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. visit at least once, we could be pushing 2,000 by the time the fat guy with the fur fetish comes a’sleighing!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      So true. I will never understand why SOME family members feel that feeding, clothing and having personal relationships with their immediate families are more important than my blog. Jeesh.

      Like

  13. robincoyle says:

    Whoa. Wait . . . my blog has bowels? Ew.

    You will hit 100,000 with this post, my friend!

    Like

  14. notquiteold says:

    You can get that many more hits easily: Use lots of tags with appeal to the Google masses – I got 8 hits yesterday with variations of “very short skirt”, “too short skirt” “ass showing skirt” – you get the picture. I’m sure those folks were sorely disappointed, but what the hell – those clicks count!

    Like

  15. mistyslaws says:

    Wait . . . what are these “stats” you speak of? And also, this Presley Dressed . . . would that be in rhinestones and cape or more of a black leather hip swishing kind of dressed? Just curious.

    Like

  16. This is so quintessential Pego. Omigosh, the math alone is hilarious. The “paper ceiling”? “Presley Dressed”? Wow, ladybug. Fantastic!

    Like

  17. Tar-Buns says:

    Giggles and giggles. We won’t even begin to talk about MY poor, lonely, on-hiatus blog. I haven’t posted anything new in ages. But I know you will do it!
    By the way, gentle readers, today is Peg and Hubby’s 30th wedding anniversary! Congrats to both of you! 🙂

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Thanks Miss Tar. I don’t know how I got so old that I could be married for 30 years.

      I am eagerly awaiting your next bloggy offering, but no pressure. It seems most of us are in up to our eyeballs in real life lately. We all do our best, eh?

      Like

      • judithhb says:

        Congratulations Peg. 30 years is a long time. And I shall keep coming back to boost your view numbers.

        Like

        • pegoleg says:

          Thanks Judith. Instead of sitting at my desk, we were supposed to be going out for a lovely dinner tonight, but he remembered a meeting at the last minute so we’re postponing to tomorrow. That’s ok – after 30 years the “romantic gestures” bar has gotten just a little, shall we say, lower.

          Like

      • Sorry about your tasty and romantic dinner gone awry (read below but couldn’t reply there). Reminds me of our anniversary last week – went for cocktails with friends in town, then used our Arby’s coupon’s for French Dip sandwiches and ate at home.

        We were going to go out Friday night but that didn’t work out with our friend Jim Bailey stopping by. His dog Repo was killed last Wed am so we comforted him and had him stay for leftover dinner.
        Cheers to ya, sista!

        Like

  18. I read your post. Surely my “hit” will help you towards your goal.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      It does! It does! I realize one only has so many resources vis a vis time and treasure. Thanks for supporting my worthy cause, instead of something lame like saving baby seals.

      Like

  19. Learning the hard way says:

    Ms P-O-L, as a relative newcomer to word pressing I am limping along to the 1,000 mark and , despite relatively frequent views from possibly embarrassed offspring, associated family & friends, the magic ‘thou’ seems some way off. You, on the other hand, are delighting many and will reach your infinitely superior numerical goal in no time – I will repost on FB just to make sure ! 🙂

    Like

  20. dorannrule says:

    Count me in for another “hit.” 🙂

    Like

  21. pattisj says:

    And just think how “personally satisfied” you will be with six digits! I’m trying to do my share! We all know everything happens before we qualify for Social Security.

    Like

  22. Awesome stats girl! I can’t believe you’ve managed to be blogging all this time and not obsessing over your stats until now!

    Like

  23. k8edid says:

    Wait. There’s a Stats page? Whoa, Nellie. Here’s my hit for your cause today. Hope you and Papa both get what you want/need. (Well, you at least).

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I was under the impression that “papa needs a new pair of bowling shoes” was a common cry when someone is shooting craps. (rolling craps? rolling dice? Not quite sure the lexicon) I know it’s my go-to, all-purpose statement when betting on anything.

      Nice to see your smiling avatar, Katy. Hope you are getting out from under the piles of life that have been smothering you.

      Like

  24. Tori Nelson says:

    So glad you’re so funny… that math paragraph just about killed me. ALL THE NUMBERRRS! AHHHH!

    Like

  25. You might expect I’m about to complain it will take me 2.375 more years to reach 100,000 ‘All-Time Views’. If I’m lucky.
    Or that I’ll say I’m sooner to get struck by lightning than to ever be Freshly Pressed. Once.
    But no. No. I wouldn’t do that. SO not me. At all. Really. Honest. Er… what…ever. 😉
    P.S. – I have confidence, Peg! This too, shall pass. Er, happen. And my check-o-your numbers shows you are off to a great start!
    🙂

    Like

  26. Based on how tiny the scroll bar on this post was, I thought you’d actually already been Freshly Pressed with this one! What’s wrong with those FP’ers? And, also, is it wrong that the math model paragraph just tickled me silly? (I’m constantly having to explain why I’m laughing at contracts “humor,” so this is pretty much in line with all things known about myself so far.)

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Really. Your co-workers must think you really love your job if you’re reading posts and giggling at work. Sometimes I’m snorting and hooting like a loon (or crying like a baby when you write something touching). I don’t know if we’re really fooling them.

      Like

  27. Lenore Diane says:

    Shameless promotion by one focused on the stats. Ah yes – the life of a blogger. We are such a wonderful group of like-minded, stat-obsessed people. Hahaha! Are you there yet? Are you there yet? I don’t know if I am refreshing to read or just check the numbers …. are you there yet? How ’bout now?

    Like

  28. Sandy Sue says:

    “Ain’t too proud to beg.” I had *no* idea that’s what the Temptations were saying!! OMG! What a revelation! Now, if only you could decipher “Benny and the Jets” I’d be in lyric heaven!

    Oh, and about that other thing… I’d be interested in the contents of your Depends, too.

    Like

  29. Sandy Sue says:

    Oh, and you probably already know about this tip, but I’ll tell you anyway.
    My Most Viewed posts are the ones where I’ve filled out the Alternate Text line in the photos I insert there. For instance, if the picture is Captain Kirk, I’d put “Star Trek,” “William Shatner,” and “Captain Kirk” in the Alternate Text line. My fiction suddenly got very popular when I added photos with those types of tags (and I know folks are led there by the tags, not by my brilliant plotting).
    Just an idea to hit that 100,000 mark!

    Like

  30. You are freshly pressed, that is far more cool. Like you I blog for my own reasons and don’t get overly excited about the rest.

    Love the music, for this alone you should reach your 100K mark quickly.

    Like

  31. cestlavie22 says:

    I love the stats section of wordpress. Shows me how sad and pathetic my blog is but hey its still fun 🙂

    Like

  32. Dana says:

    If you’re in the insurance business (or any business to do with numbers, for that matter), you have a duty to be caught up with your blog stats. Logging in an obscene amount of times and/or hitting the refresh button ad nauseum are not obsessions– you’re just doing your civic responsibilities, Peg! 4 MORE YEARS! 4 MORE YEARS!

    Like

  33. Angie Z. says:

    Woohoo! Almost there!

    Freshly Pressed, Freshly Pressed, Freshly Pressed. If you say it three times, it will appear hand-in-hand with Beetlejuice.

    Like

  34. Pingback: Meet My Stalker and Fave Posts of November 2012 | renée a. schuls-jacobson's blog

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