There’s nothing wrong with rolling in the dough; heck, I’d LOVE to be able to do that. But you shouldn’t have to be rich to get elected to public office. That’s what it’s coming to in America.
One of the biggest expenses for any candidate are the countless personal appearances they have to make. Expenses have skyrocketed since President Obama perfected the practice of having a diverse, human backdrop on the platform every, single time.
To see how big this problem has become, I secretly recorded the following conversations. Let’s listen to members of an unnamed candidate’s election team before recent political rallies:
Campaign Manager: “Where are the kids? I told you we needed 2.7 children. How can the candidate look like a family man if there are no kids on the dais behind him?”
Political Intern: “But…this speech is at a nuclear waste-handling plant!”
Campaign Manager: “OK, diversity looks pretty good up there on stage…pretty good…wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute. There are no Aleutian Islanders! We need 1.3 Aleutian Islanders to have a representational cross-section of the country. Do you want the candidate to look like he doesn’t care about ALL the people?”
Political Intern: “But…it would have cost over $5,000 to fly our Aleutian Islander in for the day, and he wanted overtime. Besides, this rally is in Des Moines, Iowa.”
How can an average Joe get ahead without a huge war chest? How can anyone hope to compete against an incumbent who has the full faith and taxing authority of the United States Treasury at his beck and call?
Peg-Co Political Products can help. Introducing…
Political Diversity Wallpaper!
With Political Diversity Wallpaper from Peg-Co, setup is a snap. No more having to round-up the appropriately diverse cross-section of adoring listeners. All the candidate’s advance team has to do is have a wooden backdrop built and papered before each speech. (Using union labor, of course.)
We’ve got papers for just about every situation and message the candidate wants to present:
Whether you’re running for local dog–catcher, or president of the United States, with Peg-Co Political Diversity Wallpaper, your message will come through loud and clear:
I’ll do anything to win!
*Peg-Co Political Products is a division of Peg-o-Leg Industries who is solely responsible for the content of this advertisement. Patents pending, all rights reserved.
No offense is intended to members of any minority, diversity, special-interest or hate-speech–legislation-protected group, especially Aleutian Islanders. As far as meaning offense to particular political parties or politicians, well…