Last Minute Gift Ideas To Keep You From Becoming Ebenezer Screwed

Christmas is only a couple of days away.  The cards are written, the presents are bought, wrapped and under the tree, and now everyone can sit back and enjoy the season.

Everyone except you. 

You haven’t done anything to get ready.  You have no presents, no ideas and no money again this year.   You’re basically screwed, right? 

Wrong!

Don’t despair!  You don’t have to spend Christmas in the doghouse, just because you’re lazy and broke.  Borrow some of these last minute gift ideas:

1)      For the book lover:  Does someone on your gift list always have his or her nose in a book?  Have you priced hardcovers lately?  They can be $30 and up – ridiculous!  Trot down to the local library, check out the newest bestseller and wrap it up.  When the recipient opens your gift and looks bewildered, start on a long-winded diatribe about what an outrageous assault on the environment it is to cut down defenseless trees for books, and the importance of sharing resources.  Add a bit about the great history of Carnegie libraries in America and by the end of your presentation the book lover will be feeling vaguely guilty for ever having bought one.  Be a Christmas angel and remind the recipient they’ll incur overdue fines after 2 weeks, so they should read fast!

2)      For the wine lover:  With your Annie Green Springs tastes, you have neither the budget nor the knowledge to please a true wine connoisseur.  Don’t even try.  Take a card and write, “Here’s a little something to toast the season”.  Wrap up a box containing …2 pieces of dry toast.  I suggest using whole wheat bread since wine snobs also tend to be health food snobs.  They’ll look like poor sports if they even hint that they would prefer a real gift to your clever gag. (Thrifty suggestion: Cut a square of wrapping paper, fold in half and use this as a card.  You can write on the inside and it matches the package for an expensive, coordinated look.)

3)      For that special woman:  Is there anything a woman loves more than a truly spectacular piece of expensive jewelry?  Since THAT’s not going to happen this Christmas, you can still score points by hitting her other hot button: a love of schmaltzy romance.  Just write in a card, “You own the key to my heart.”  Wrap up a small, jewelry-sized box in which you’ve placed…a key.  Any old key will do –could be the key to your locker at the gym.   Make sure it’s not your car key, though, as it might be awkward to have to ask for it back at the end of the evening.

4)      For your kid:  Every parent has experienced this.  You get your kid a Suzy Homemaker kitchen, or Little Tykes workbench and they run right by the big, expensive toy to play with the box.  Encourage their creative spirit with an Imagination Kit: an assortment of cardboard boxes, rolling paper and toilet paper tubes, rubber bands and other stuff that you have around the house.  Pontificate about the importance of creative play, developing building and imagination skills and getting back to basics.  This will confuse the in-laws so they can’t be sure if you really believe all that stuff, or you’re just a cheap Scrooge.

5)      For the kid’s teacher:  Teachers get so much lame junk: ornaments, bubble bath and candles, they could open a gift store.  What do they really, really want?  Some relief from the unrelenting torment of having little monsters like your kid in their class.

Make up several coupons “Good for one day without Johnny”.  On days when your offspring has been acting even more like the spawn of Satan than usual, Teacher can send one of the coupons home with the kid.  You promise to keep him home “sick” the next day, thereby giving Teacher a much-needed break.  Be careful not to give so many coupons that all his days off catch the attention of the health department or truancy officer.

6)      For the brother-in-law:  Your lush of a brother-in-law is always getting in trouble with the po-lice.  What a hoot when he opens your gift in front of the whole family to reveal a stack of “get out of jail free” cards, taken from a Monopoly game.  Even funnier if you could be be there when he tries to use one when he gets stopped, weaving down the road on the way home from the family party.

7)      For your pets:  What dog doesn’t love a rousing game of “fetch”?  Simply gather up a couple of sticks (not too fat), about 1-1/2 feet long, and tie them up with a jaunty, red ribbon.   For the cat, smush a page from the Sunday funnies into a ball, wrap in twine or rubber bands, and you’re ready for hours of pouncing play.  (These also make thoughtful gifts for the dog or cat lover on your list.)

With my helpful hints, a little bit of cleverness can take the place of true thoughtfulness, money and any real effort on your part.

Merry Christmas, and good luck!

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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375 Responses to Last Minute Gift Ideas To Keep You From Becoming Ebenezer Screwed

  1. Guess I should be happy I’m not on your gift list, but I’m sure glad I follow your blog. You put the Merry into Christmas!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jackie says:

    Get out of jail free cards: priceless. Nice roundup, Peg. I’ll have to check my spreadsheet for blanks and insert your suggestions. Merry Christmas 🙂

    Like

  3. Big Al says:

    Damn! You found my gift list. I only hope my family doesn’t read your blog so they’ll still be surprised.

    Like

  4. I gave my cat an early Christmas present. The empty toilet paper roll. She loves it.

    Like

  5. One year when we were low on money, we took some old pieces of plywood and made our kids a military base for their GI Joes. We took scraps of wood from my dad’s shop and painted them up as counters, tool boxes and control panels. We built bunkbeds and made foam matresses for them, Small pieces of fabric became sheets. Bottle caps became light fixtures and clocks. We even painted a helicopter pad on the top. The only things we bought were a couple of refrigerator magnets. One was a fridge and the other was a stove. The whole thing only cost us $2.12. The kids loved it! they played with it for years. Sometimes cheap isn’t so bad.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      What great memories they must have! I wrote this tongue-in-cheek, but you’re so right. I remember fighting with my brothers and sisters over the huge, cardboard box that our new refrigerator came in. And my younger brothers’ favorite thing was the huge sandbox my dad built in our backyard. They made whole worlds in there, and it was a magnet for the entire neighborhood.

      Like

  6. Fabulous ideas, Peg! Thank you! I’m going to give my entire family (especially the in-laws…) a bunch of boxes, lure them inside them with the promise of a slice of spiral ham and then, BAM! I’m duct taping those suckers up faster than they can yell, “Help! lemme outta here!” (don’t worry, I’ll poke a few holes in for good measure…) Merry Christmas to me!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Where are you going to send them? Remember, “If it fits, it ships”.

      Like

      • Love that motto! Maybe to Florida? They always complain about the winters up here…Or, as long as I throw in a few more slices of ham, I could send them to Paul in China. They can give him plenty of blog fodder and find out if his wife is indeed the Most Beautiful.

        Like

        • pegoleg says:

          An educational research trip – they’ll thank you later!

          Like

        • Well, get out of TOWN! FP’d again!! I was coming back here to discuss my theory that Reese’s Pieces are almost as good as the trees, (if you shovel enough into your mouth at a time) and–hold the phone! Congrats to you and your Freshly Pressedness, Pegolicious! And here I was almost gaining on you… Enjoy yourself, but pace yourself. Maybe WordPress will leave you up there from now until New Year’s? May I recommend you buy extra chocolate to get you through all the comments and a whole lotta coffee…

          Like

          • pegoleg says:

            One time, WordPress left me up there for all of 3 hours – no lie. Obviously they had a change of heart about the whole thing.

            Thanks for all the congrats, but that won’t distract me from taking umbrage (don’t know if I spelled that right; might be thinking of Dolores Umbrage) at your assertion that Reese’s Pieces could be anywhere near as good as the trees. I challenge you, to a Reese’s Off!

            Like

        • Susan from Coming East had hers up there on the front page once for about three minutes. It was up–she got excited. Then before she had a chance to blink her eyes, it wasn’t anymore. She almost thought she hallucinated the whole thing! She went on to be properly FP later though. They giveth, then they taketh away….

          I won’t take umbrage because I don’t even know what that means. I assume something negative? Like umbrella rage? Please don’t hit me with your umbrella because I agree with you about the Pieces –see my recent ‘shape theory’ in my blog post comments…(some day after this WP thing dies down for you….)

          Like

  7. Where’s Freshly Pressed when you need it?

    Like

  8. Love it, Peggy, especially the one for book lovers!

    Have a wonderful Christmas (I hope nobody gives you dry toast!)…

    Wendy

    Like

  9. Lenore Diane says:

    I get the whole ‘last minute’ premise, but honestly – I wish you shared these tips earlier. Brilliance, Peg-O-Leg. Utter brilliance.
    By the way, the book I have is already 2wks overdue, just an added bit of surprise for the recipient.

    Like

  10. PoL, the best gifts often come from an empty bank account and a creative imagination! This is the best!! Thank you for your blog and the opportunity to consistently take that fun filled field trip through your immensely creative brain!!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Thanks so much, Carol! It really is true that lack of $$ makes us use our creativity to greater effect, and that is almost always the best gift. Having said that, I am not averse to any type of precious gems, should you have already bought something like that.

      Like

  11. Libby says:

    Why limit yourself to just books from the library?? They now have DVDs, all kinds of video games for the kids, CDs, etc. And, in many libraries, you can pick up copies of the publications and forms needed for submitting your taxes on April 15 – what a thoughtful and heart-warming gift… a box of tax forms colorfully wrapped in the comics and tied up with a used bow!

    Like

  12. knittingdad says:

    Nice. You’re a life-saver!

    Like

  13. susielindau says:

    Great gift ideas! I especially love #5. I wish I had thought of that one when my kids were in elementary school. I don’t think it will be as appreciated now that they are in college!

    Like

  14. Evie Garone says:

    Peg…great ideas, I’m not sure which I like the best! The key to my heart is quite good, on the serious side my library sells books for $0.50 – $1.00 in the lobby, so maybe you can keep the theme of being green, just actually give the book! And of course you’re right kids do enjoy simple things the best…. Great Blog!

    Like

  15. notquiteold says:

    I like the library book idea. I can even give them SIX… that’s the limit at my library … (oh wait, I can go one town over….)

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I USED to do the one town over trick, but now they’re all on the same computer system. Very disconcerting to go to Library B to find out they already know I’m a wanted, Overdue FIne Felon at Library A.

      Like

  16. I knew I saved those cardboard boxes for something! Great post. 🙂

    Like

  17. Teachers everywhere are printing this out and “accidentally” posting it near their classroom doors.

    Like

  18. I have to admit that if my boyfriend gave me a wrapped-up key, I’d probably resort to “gifting him” with some dry toast and an overdue library book.

    Great relationship advice offered on these pages, too! 😉

    Like

  19. Oh I love this, especially the suggestion for book-lovers!

    Like

  20. Rae says:

    I love giving books to people. I like trying to force someone to enjoy something just as much as I did.

    Like

  21. Actually the key idea is pretty cool. I’m such a sucker 🙂

    Like

  22. Benjamin Kepner says:

    Great ideas, love the key idea.

    Like

  23. Casey_Leigh says:

    As a person sailing out of childhood myself, I can assure you that that imagination kit is a definite win. As a frequent babysitter for church or community service–the cupons are also a blessing. However, I should advise that any stories that are fabricated to legitify (just go with it…) the gifts must be practiced and flawless to keep people from seeing through the BS that lies within. These are still hilarious and genius ideas…the lazy procrastinators of the world–we thank you.

    Like

  24. valentinedee says:

    I’m still laughing. Loved this. Not only are you funny, you so right!

    Val
    http://valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com

    Like

  25. So funny. Best teacher gift ever (from this former teacher’s perspective).

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I think that would be a welcome gift for just about any teacher, if the stories my sister Terry tells are any indication.

      Like

      • Tar-Buns says:

        Congrats, Sister, on another Freshly Pressed!!!!! (5, right?) She who lives vicariously through her sister. My how times have changed. So fun! I love reading all the comments and sometimes finding new writers to enjoy.

        I like #5 BIG TIME because I am a HS teacher. Alternative HS, thank you very much.
        Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night! 🙂 Blessings,
        T

        Like

        • pegoleg says:

          I don’t know if those coupons would work for high-schoolers – I was thinking more of little kids. Maybe you could just call a student’s parole officer if you want a break from them (ouch!).

          Like

  26. millodello says:

    It is true. It is the thought that counts. Let people think you are cheap when in fact you are thoughtful. Or will they think you are thoughtful when infact you are cheap. Its ultimately a cheap thought. Win/Win. Good job

    Like

  27. 4myskin says:

    An application to get a Library Card might be a good touch with the book. Great ideas!

    Like

  28. Beth says:

    Hi, I was looking for blogs of interest and came across yours!Love the cost effective xmas ideas 🙂 I’ve been writing similar posts on ideas for Xmas and what to do (but in Wales!) I’m now following your blog! feel free to follow mine, Im currently studying my masters and recently wrote a feature article on pantomime, I decided to dress as a pirate to interview the manager of my local theatre (It’s in the video!), worth a watch! Merry Xmas!

    Like

  29. Great ideas! Thank you for sharing!

    Subscribing to your blog now.

    Like

  30. I once received a precious gift from my 8 year old daughter. She made a book of “coupons”. Once said, “Good for dusting the living room furniture.” Another, “Good for bathing the dog.” “Good for serving one breakfast in bed.”

    It was charming, and remains a family keepsake.

    Ronnie

    Like

  31. maryct70 says:

    These suggestions aren’t cheap, they’re priceless! Love ’em.
    Actually, even though it’s tongue-in-cheek, I think the imagination box for the kids is a great idea. I might put one together to keep them busy after 8:00 am. That’s when they’ll get bored with all that Santa leaves them under the tree.
    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    Like

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  33. Carmen says:

    Great ideas and I got my smile for today!!! lol

    I will be using your library book gift idea!! Priceless!! Especially the explanation to go with it.

    Merry Christmas!!!

    Like

  34. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!! Front page of WordPress blog page. EXCELLENT and well deserved

    Like

  35. gojulesgo says:

    Woot! Congrats on ANOTHER Freshly Pressed post, Peg! You rock! Also, #5 killed me. My sister (a grade school teacher) brings all the horrible crap (really, it’s crap) she gets from her students to our family Christmas Eve party and we do a HILARIOUS White Elephant-type gift exchange with the presents. I don’t know what some of these candles are supposed to smell like, but it isn’t good.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Despair. They’re supposed to smell like despair.

      Thanks, Jules! You’re needed over on Darla’s blog to give important input on the relative merits of Reese’s Pieces vs trees. Very scientific stuff.

      Like

  36. Dounia says:

    This is fantastically creative and hilarious! Enjoying reading it very much, and I was impressed by those ideas. 🙂 Congrats on being freshly pressed!

    Like

  37. Silva Gang says:

    The pieces of dry toast made me laugh. Great post. I have received quite a few interesting gifts myself. One time, I worked with this older lady who gave me a gold lamé shirt as part of a secret santa gift exchange. It was supposed to be a new gift valued at $20, but hers was clearly an old gift valued at $0. It was probably a used shirt from her closet, because it had some snags on it and smelled like cigarette smoke. I am not kidding you. Talk about lazy and broke!

    Like

  38. Freshly Pressed! YEAH! 🙂

    #1 is appropriately timed. I bought a book when I stopped by Target for Hanukkah candles last night. There were no candles, but there were a few cute kids books.

    Ba.D. pulled the one I bought out of the bag and said, “Aw! Sweet first night’s present!”

    I coughed and said, “Oh, yeah. That’s . . . exactly what I was thinking when I bought it.” If I’d been thinking clearly, I would’ve flexed and said, “I know.”

    Like

  39. The Boy! says:

    Some of these ideas are actually bankable — am I the only one who as a kid would have a loved an assortment of boxes, paper pipes, colored papers? I would have seen through the toilet paper rolls though. Well, I’m never going to gift a teacher candles now.

    Like

  40. I’m that book lover and I wouldn’t mind a gift of a library book … but only from my favorite authors. I LOVE the idea about the Get Out of Jail FREE cards… I do have a brother in law who could really use them… And for the pretentious Wine Lover, my sister… Burnt Toast more like in Pumpernickle…

    Absolutely LOVED This Post…Thanks a bunch

    Like

  41. Jim Thomas says:

    Love this article. Just found youir Blog. Thanks!

    Like

  42. delicio8 says:

    Hey wait a minute! I always do the square of wrapping paper as the card! I thought it was classy and something Martha Stewart might whip up. It matches after all…..

    Like

  43. trialsinfood says:

    great ideas! i’ll have to put them in use since i’ve yet to start xmas shopping!

    Like

  44. I’m not surprised this one got Freshly Pressed. You rock! I love the gift idea for the teacher. I burst right out laughing–not something I do a lot by myself! 🙂

    Like

  45. Sadly it seems to me that “Freshly Pressed” is being basically a gal thing. Don’t misunderstand me. The comments are always filled with insight and thoughtfulness. If there was a way to check out the numbers when it comes to texting, facebook, and such social networks, I would not be surprised that the gals are responsible for seventy percent of the postings. Is there a way we can have a mature males’ (age 35 and up) point of view on male related subjects on “Freshly Pressed.” Perhaps having an additional male reviewer overlooking the WordPress blogs for selections for “Freshly Pressed”?

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Interesting theory. The only part of my post that seems to be from the woman’s point of view, however, is the gift idea for jewelry. I could have easily made that a jab at buying power tools for the man on your list.

      Like

      • Peg,
        You misread my posting. My comments had nothing to do with what you suggested. It noted that the individuals commenting on the blog posting were mainly gals. The reason that this concerns me, that it is a possibility that the male following group on WordPress blogs are growing smaller, all the time, because of a lack of equal time. By the way, “Congrats on being chosen for “Freshly Pressed.” I will note also, in my five plus years with WordPress, have I never seen a non-profit poetry site (male centered in poetry work) published under “Fleshly Pressed.”

        Like

        • pegoleg says:

          Oh, I see now. I think you’re right that most of the commenters are women. I don’t know if that means that most readers are women, or that women are more likely to jump in with the social and comment, if that doesn’t sound too much like gender stereotyping. And I tend to read and comment on blogs with traditionally female topics, because I’m strictly a female, female.

          I don’t notice a lot of poetry being selected for FP, male, nonprofit or otherwise. It’s probably a matter of appealing to the largest audience. Thanks for stopping in and commenting.

          Like

  46. soyouwanna says:

    Thankfully, I’m not the only one who believes a few jokes on Christmas make much better memories than some trinket you spent a lot of money on that will only be used a few times.

    Like

  47. ssarah24 says:

    Oh my gosh, FP’d again. Congrats! I think you should just be the designated entry for Humor category every time. 🙂

    Like

  48. FileSpnR says:

    I think the itunes giftcard is a sure winner.

    Like

  49. I'm Not Corey says:

    Genius ideas, especially the wine one. It reminds me of my parents saying they got me an Action Man Deserter, and then gave me an empty Action Man box.

    Like

  50. lukedaily says:

    This is a great post! I was reading it for actual ideas, but no, I just got laughs!

    Like

  51. oooh whatever will happen to the joyous tradition of regifting. Congratulations on being freshly juiced. Love this!!

    Like

  52. This tune keeps coming back into my head ♪”America, America, God shed his grace…fp’d”♫ Congratulations. So deserved.

    Like

  53. midnitechef says:

    Too funny! I actually like the kids Imagination Box idea… my 2 yr old would love it!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Kids DO love that sort of thing. It kills me that you can now buy things like dress=up boxes that are filled with dresses, shoes and jewelry that mom used to give us as rejects from her closet.

      Like

  54. OL Shepp says:

    What a hoot! You’ve thought of everything but an I.O.U. I’ve got to try some of these out, especially the teacher’s coupons.
    Laughing is good medicine for Santa at this point, so I leave with you a bit of my own Christmas humor http://olshepp.wordpress.com Merry Christmas!!!

    Like

  55. Sarah D. says:

    A friend of mine who was totally broke one Christmas gave his nephew a plastic magic wand, with a card saying that the wand could “take you wherever you want to go!” The nephew was not appeased, and his parents were baffled. I think it took a couple of birthdays and Christmases before the nephew trusted him again.

    Eons ago, I used that well-known childhood tactic of buying my siblings what I not-so-secretly wanted, such as a record (you know, those 12″ plastic circles they used to put music on). So nice when our tastes coincided! Although, of course, they never did, as my sibs were too much older than I. I think I tried it for two Christmases before realizing that it just wasn’t going to work, no matter how much I wanted it to.

    Like

  56. Sandy Sue says:

    Ha! Fresh Pressed!!!! No more whimpers about being overlooked now, hear!

    Like

  57. jseaford says:

    Ha ha, thanks for the tips. After reading your advice suddenly my Grandmother’s socks don’t seem all that bad 😛

    Like

  58. genesis says:

    hi thanks for the great information on your blog. I really enjoyed read this. I have bookmarked this page and will check back soon.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Usually comments that talk about “the great information on your blog” end up in my spam blocker as an attempt by somebody to drive traffic to their blog for sales purposes, the mechanics of which I do not understand. Here’s hoping my faith in you is not misplaced, Mr. or Ms. Genesis.

      Like

  59. Eva McCane says:

    while reading this blog, i thought to myself, “maybe i should be christmas shopping instead of browsing wordpress.” but then i realized this could actually streamline my efforts (or at least that’s the excuse i’ll use to continue reading). and thank god i did…i needed some suggestions and there they were. now i’m off to the stores. thanks!
    http://www.icouldntmakethisshitup.wordpress.com

    Like

  60. Thank you : I’ll use the get out of jail card idea for my brother (he will love it )
    oh and :
    “Teachers get so much lame junk: ornaments, bubble bath and candles, they could open a gift store. What do they really, really want? Some relief from the unrelenting torment of having little monsters like your kid in their class.”
    So true and so funny!
    thanks bye.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I think the sheer number of teacher Christmas ornaments I see at the Goodwill is a good indication that the thrill is gone (after the first 100 or so) for the average teacher.

      Like

  61. Libby says:

    FP’d yet again!!! What is this, the fourth time in your short career with WordPress??

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Well, I’m not really counting. It doesn’t mean anything, after all. I just jot down these random thoughts as they occur to me – mere trifles, with no effort put into them – as if I were thinking out loud. Doesn’t matter to me if anyone else reads these ditties.

      But that would be 5 times, since you asked. I can send you a calendar, with the stats du jour outlined, analyzed and collated, and all comments printed out, if you’d like. 🙂

      Like

  62. wvcwn says:

    Brilliantly funny!! I love the “get out of jail free” cards gift idea the best. I’ll definitely be stopping by again.

    Like

  63. This is hilarious. Love it. Thanks for sharing!

    Like

  64. wvcwn says:

    Also congrats on your Freshly Pressed status.

    Like

  65. Sophie says:

    You’re funny!

    Like

  66. kmccain says:

    This broke college student will be taking advantage of these!

    Like

  67. monicafay says:

    My go-to easy gift is getting a pair of sunglasses for the person, raybans are the easiest and most classic/well-liked style. not many people will turn their nose up and them and they look good on everyon. Sunglasses are always the best and easiest gift to give! thank you Sunglass Hut 🙂
    if you’re bored, you can go read my new blog about how i creep on my crushes and have been doing it since i was in grade school 🙂 http://monicafay.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/creep/

    Like

  68. Number 5 is kind of brilliant. And I totally do the wrapping-paper-as-card trick from number 2! Well done, yet again! Now I’ve got to go scrounge up a Monopoly game so my cousin doesn’t feel left out of the pollyanna this year…

    Like

  69. topiclessbar says:

    “Good for one day without Johnny.”

    That right there is a winner! I’m a teacher, and that would be a gift from heaven. I’d have to think about if I’d rather stagger my coupons or have one day where I send the entire class home. I hope a lot of people read this post and the idea catches on!

    Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed. : )

    Like

  70. blondgirl008 says:

    Personally I’m not a fan of coupons. I’ve gotten them for mother’s day gifts from my kids. What a crock! When you go to redeem them- they whine and act all lazy. What do I mean ‘act’, they ARE lazy.
    I’m digging the library book idea. Maybe I’ll do that with a Netflix or Redbox rental I’ll get. Just better remind them to return it! Funny!

    Like

  71. Manoj says:

    Great list of ideas 🙂

    Like

  72. You are so right about the lame teacher gifts. My mother was a teacher and we had tons of “World’s Greatest Teacher” coffee mugs and tree ornaments.I never wanted them on the tree!

    If you’re shopping for someone who enjoys travel here’s a list of last-minute gifts to buy: http://www.changesinlongitude.com/top-travel-gifts-gadgets-gear-guide-rtw/

    Like

  73. Oh My Goodness Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! Remember when you posted this comment on my blog on Monday:

    “Thanks for stopping by my blog – that means I’ll be Freshly Pressed tomorrow”

    Sorry my “good luck” took an extra day to work. FABULOUS post by the way. I was thinking of an Xbox for my 13-year old but thanks to you she’ll now be getting 5 old empty toilet paper rolls and a black sharpie. I’ll make sure she knows who to thank. Congrats again!

    Like

  74. Shirley says:

    gosh, your blog really makes my day. Had been racking my brains out for a last minute Xmas gift!!

    Like

  75. Tori Nelson says:

    Wish I’d read this earlier. I already sent out greeting cards from the dollar mart. I hand wrote “I would’ve bought you something… but I didn’t” on each one. I hear handwritten notes make sweet, sentimental gifts 🙂

    Like

  76. Lauren Fach says:

    Lots of good ideas. I love the idea of getting creative during the holidays! Good post!

    Like

  77. msperfectpatty says:

    Creative and Funny! Good writing great gifts!

    Like

  78. Awesome suggestions! You just saved Christmas for me.

    Like

  79. I would appreciate getting the dry toast as long as jam and butter comes with it!

    Ah, kids should do really well with the Imagination Kit. Toys are very expensive yet so easily breakable.

    Like

  80. LadyT says:

    I think this made my day. Great job!

    Like

  81. halfwayto50 says:

    hahaha as a teacher I can personally say that the coupon idea is great. “Yeah, I’m going to go ahead and cash in the ‘Johnny Free’ coupon today. You can go down to the nurse’s office and tell her you’re going to throw up. DO IT! Your mom gave me permission!

    Like

  82. angelinabebe says:

    merry the christmas day!

    Like

  83. arbohl says:

    LOVE this list! The teacher gift isn’t a bad idea 😉

    Like

  84. Freshly Pressed again! Congratulations, and am I jealous? No, of course not… sniff…pardon me while I go find a tissue…

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Tissues were another easy gift idea that didn’t make it past my editor. I was thinking you could take an old mitten, stuff it full of tissues and offer it as a Personal Pillow and Tissue Dispenser. Wish I had made up a prototype so I could offer you one. Sorry.

      Like

  85. SameNewSame says:

    If I’m broke, I usually just tell everyone, “Hey, don’t get me nuthin’ b/c I won’t be getting nuthin’ for anyone else this year.” lol mission accomplished.

    Like

  86. jannatwrites says:

    Nice list of ideas. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I’ve actually done the wrapping paper card before…but it saved me 99 cents and a trip to WalMart (and therefore, what’s left of my sanity.)

    I’d love to give the kids’ teachers those coupons, but that means they would have to stay home with me. I gave them Starbuck’s gift cards instead. Here’s hoping the expensive drinks will help calm their nerves 🙂

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Don’t be embarrassed – I do that all the time! Or maybe we should be embarrassed together.
      I was thinking that Mom having to stay home with her monster was a pretty big down side, but this is the season of giving til it hurts, right?

      Like

  87. Hilarious! I love it… I’m totally going to use some of these!

    Like

  88. John says:

    Congratulations

    Like

  89. youhavemyword says:

    Was just thinking this morning how screwed I am because I have not yet done ANY Christmas shopping and it’s almost here already – EEK! Thanks for these 😛

    Like

  90. Kaitlin says:

    These are totally awesome. I giggled. Especially at the teacher’s one.

    Like

  91. maysea says:

    My first visit on your blog! And at perfect timing too! I now have gift ideas for everyone. I was seriously considering not giving anything this year while promoting Give Love on Christmas Day, my version of love would be the most traditional – hugs and kisses. But your ideas are way better. Thanks!

    Like

  92. 3 says:

    I am Ebenezer Screwed!
    I loathe it! Absolutely loathe it. :/
    – I hate the pressure of everything having to be perfect on the day.
    – I hate hypocritical behaviour of having to be nice to someone you really dislike.
    – I hate that false hyping you have to do when going from one Christmas party to another.
    – I hate the politics of “We went to your parents’ on Christmas Day last year…”
    – I hate the Christmas Muzak in shops from November.
    – I hate the “My presents are better than yours” or the buying of the kids’ love…
    – I hate the fact that it’s no more than a commercial gimmic.
    – I hate the worthless tatt of Crackers and paper hats and cheap wrapping paper.
    – I hate the carp modern Christmas songs and the dirges of carols you hear

    – And I hate fruitcake and marzipan.

    BAH HUMBUG – That’s what I say!

    Like

  93. agraculture says:

    Nice post on Xmas pressies. I just wrapped an old toy my dog lost under the couch a few months ago. He’ll be surprised. Memory of a fish that one.
    I’ve written a post on a similar topic: For those last minute shoppers who do need to buy presents -How best to handle the Xmas Shopping rush!!
    Agraculture.wordpress.com

    Like

  94. That is fantastic! Very well written little article with the sense of humor that totally speaks to me. Bravo!

    Like

  95. anngraham says:

    Finished my Christmas shopping this afternoon, just the wrapping left to do. 🙂 But I loved your post – it was definitely Laugh Out Loud funny. And yes you deserve more than the wimpy LOL acronym. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed.

    Like

  96. indiraadams says:

    What a genius blog post! Absolutely hilarious. I love the library book idea. A friend of mine had a similar thing happen to him when his mom got him rented videogames from blockbuster on his birthday. AWKWARD. Congrats on being freshly pressed!!

    http://indiraadams.wordpress.com

    Like

  97. hoffmanselma says:

    I hope I have suitable Christmas presents.

    Like

  98. SabaneroX says:

    The key in a jewlery box… awesome lol

    Like

  99. k8edid says:

    Peg, these are delightful ideas and I have already used some of them….My husband and his brother have been known to give used paperback books as gifts. I guess it truly is the thought that counts. Still awaiting my package of toast…

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      As I mentioned in another comment, I did that last year and had a blast. I had stacks and stacks of books in my living room – one for every last person in my large family and my hubby’s. I sure hope the Postal ROdents didn’t eat that toast…

      Like

  100. stoddart34 says:

    I love #5, I wish I could get rid of some of the kids I teach just for one day.

    Like

  101. My favorite one is the teacher’s gift! So funny. Loved the title of your post too.

    Like

  102. nikilee30 says:

    Such great ideas! Had my laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair! I wish I had read this before I spent hundreds on gifts for family members and friends! Will highlight this list for next year!!!

    Like

  103. Jennifer M. says:

    Oooo, this list is naughty and wonderful! I wish more parents would make up those coupons for their kids. As a teacher, I’m afraid I would use them quite liberally! Well done.

    Like

  104. Great gift ideas and it had me laughing. Thanks for ideas for us chronic last minute shoppers!

    Like

  105. Wendy says:

    Love these! If only I hadn’t already shopped for my book lovers and wine snobs. 😉

    Like

  106. sukanya says:

    lol! Great suggesstions. Comgratulations on being freshly pressed again.
    Happy Holidays!

    Like

  107. Kathy says:

    Congrats on getting ‘Freshly Pressed’. Enjoyed the gifts suggestion too.

    Like

  108. Margie says:

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! I’ve always thought it would be nice to be Freshly Pressed, but I’m not sure I would have the energy to answer all the comments…
    I was book shopping with my daughter yesterday. I had three books in my clutches and was zeroing in on a fourth when Daughter looked at my selections. She took one from me and put it back on the shelf, and said “No.”
    So, I guess I know what I’m getting from her for Christmas… or my birthday… or Christmas next year. Or maybe she read the book and didn’t like it. Or maybe she has the book and is going to loan it to me for Christmas. Or maybe she will take it out of the library and let me read it…

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      The comments are half the fun, Margie.

      THere are very few books I want to read more than once, so I like the idea of borrowing them, then sending them on their way for someone else to enjoy. Do you have a good library near you, or do you like to dog-ear and mark up all the pages of your very own book?

      Like

      • Margie says:

        Getting the comments is fun. Witty responses are the hard part. Fortunately you are good at it!
        We have a huge ‘library’ at the resort where our cabin is, which is 1.5 hours away. When I say library, I am referring to all the books that cycle throughout the community all summer long!
        Dog-ear and mark the pages? No, I couldn’t do that… not part of the way we were taught to treat books.

        Like

  109. Now that I’m thinking along these lines, I think I will wrap up the remote control and when it gets unwrapped Christmas morning, I’ll suggest that they flip on ABC Family and watch one of those delightful original Christmas movies they’re always producing. I reviewed “12 Dates of Christmas” – sheesh! I think I’d rather have the stick wrapped up in ribbon.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      That’s a great idea! You could put in the card that you are giving the key to unlock the portal to a magical land, full of wonder! Or full of crap, in the case of the 12 Dates of Christmas.

      Like

  110. jenz611 says:

    This is hilarious- I wish I thought of some of these before I did all of my shopping!

    Like

  111. Kayla says:

    Hilarious. I was laughing out loud at work. I love the book person and kid’s teacher gift ideas the best. So great.
    http://www.kailinja.wordpress.com

    Like

  112. fapspeak says:

    Great list! Gave me great ideas! HA!

    Like

  113. Amanda says:

    Very fun, filled with a lot of truth! Haven’t been able to really get into the Christmas spirit this year and this post made me laugh out loud (and feel not so alone). Merry Christmas to you!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Oh, I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling alone. Paradoxically, this joyful time can leave many feeling blue. Try to take delight in all the little things and have a very, merry Christmas yourself!

      Like

  114. Ramu Nair says:

    Luv it… that was truth served with garnish of fun…. congrats on being freshly pressed…. above all… Merry Christmas and happy new year…

    Like

  115. inmanhoffert says:

    For book lover—you can purchase hard-cover books for ! at dollar type stores and in the front at most libraries——but that wouldn’t be as funny as what you wrote

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I’ve done that before, too (bought a used book for everyone in my family) and it really was a lot of fun. I just had to make sure they didn’t think I was trying to pass off old as new.

      Like

  116. Angie Z. says:

    Awesome post! Congratulations, Peg! Well deserved.

    Like

  117. ICA says:

    I always wait till the last minute. When I’m working on a budget it always seems that I end up going well over it if I haven’t been able to find “the gift” three or four days before Christmas and will splurge on one panic mode.

    http://midnightwatcher.wordpress.com/

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      That’s so true. Then there’s the other extreme, where you’re buying stuff all year long and either don’t realize how much you’ve spent, or just can’t find everything when the big day arrives.

      Like

  118. I just give everyone coupon booklets. You know, “Good for One Free Handshake”, “Good for One High-Five After You’ve Told a Lame Joke”, or “Good for One Free Coupon Clipped From the Newspaper”.

    I think your ideas are a little better than mine…

    Hilarious post and Merry Christmas! 😉

    Like

  119. Olli says:

    This. Is. Perfect.
    Now I know what to get for people in the future. 😀

    Like

  120. Sarah D. says:

    This is hilarious! I’m so glad I found your blog. Your lighthearted humor is inspiring for a new blogger like me. 🙂

    Like

  121. My sister once gave me a half-used thing of mint floss for a present. It was actually kind of awesome — we weren’t allowed to chew gum, so we chewed flavored floss. She was too little to buy things, so she just got my present out of the medicine cabinet.

    Like

  122. you can always raid the person’s closet for clothes they no longer wear and wrap them up.

    Like

  123. I really like the pet gift ideas!
    This year am “on strike” as far as gifts. I normally do all the thinking, buying and wrapping. This year, I told my husband I am not doing any of it this year and it is up to him. I am very interested to see what happens — and what doesn’t.

    Like

  124. rnonamission says:

    That was the best Scrooge ever made!

    Like

  125. Gosh…what wonderful ideas. I have a wine lover on my list every year – usually I skip right over him knowing all too well that I’ll fail miserably trying to measure up to his highfalutin’ taste. Now I have the perfect gift! Dry toast! He’s going to love it!

    Like

  126. cortezsharkman says:

    Feeling particularly scrooge-like this week: (http://steppingintothewater.wordpress.com/2011/12/22/can-i-rant-before-christmas/) so I love it! Too bad I already bought “real” gifts!
    Marisa

    Like

  127. Love the gift ideas…hilarious!!

    Like

  128. tiffanywjal says:

    This is AWESOME! Almost wish I hadn’t already done all my shopping. There’s always next year!

    Like

  129. These were great ideas, and frankly, the further along you went, I thought the better the suggestions became. As a kid, I would have loved for my mom to have given my teacher a day off from me, heck, give the teacher a week off from me! I loved being home with my mom. And as a parent, I would have loved having my kid home for a day or more just to go out and do something fun. Guess I’m just big on fun. Your ideas were fun!

    Like

  130. calciumsulfate says:

    That was hilarious! Keep more posts coming!

    Like

  131. twobaby06 says:

    I am glad that I found your blog! I have been reading some of your back blogs! I have laughed out loud many times! Thanks for the pick me up!!

    I laughed so hard at the part where you talked about giving the library book as a Christmas gift!

    I thought I would share my Ebenezer Screwed story.

    My daughter has been reading the Inkspell books. I have found two of them at the library on sale and have bought them for her.

    A couple of weeks ago I was doing some shopping on line and found the last book. I bought it for her thinking that I would be able to finish the collection for her and give it to her as a Christmas gift. That night I went to the library and looked at the books on sale and found the last book!

    I seriously considered returning the new book and buying the book from the library. Two seconds later I thought that would be so cheap of me to give her the library book from the library!

    I still feel really guilty of even thinking that!

    Like

  132. Chaks says:

    nice list of ideas, thanks for sharing.

    Like

  133. mj monaghan says:

    Absolutely love your ideas! And especially like the sick kid coupon idea. Very well done!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family pegoleg! Blessings …

    Like

  134. Ben says:

    These ideas are genius! I’ll have to remember these for when I have kids! Merry Christmas! 😀

    Like

  135. pattisj says:

    I should have gotten here days ago to read this. One, it would have saved me a whole lotta time at the mall, and two, I wouldn’t have had to scroll for three days to get to the bottom of the comments! LOL Your stocking runneth over. 🙂

    Like

  136. bibliopirate says:

    What a fun list. Though maybe it should be how to Ebenezer Screw your Friends this Holiday Season.

    Like

  137. billyallmon says:

    May I suggest a book…. I am a retired US Navy SEAL and I served my country honorably from 1969 to 1993. I retired as a chief petty officer, and I am a combat veteran of three wars. While in government service, I personally participated in, and led numerous covert operations, and numerous classified missions worldwide in support of U.S. and foreign governments, militaries, and other official agencies.

    My book “When the Bullet Hits Your Funny Bone – The Essence of a U.S. Navy SEAL,” falls somewhere between “Rouge Warrior.” and “The Psychology of Military Humor.” The Ebook can be purchased from Twilight Times Books, and the Paperback can be purchased from Barnes & Noble.

    I feel that my book will add clarity to, and give an overall picture of, the type of person that makes up a US Navy SEAL. My book offers the reader a personal glimpse into the minds of America’s most elite warriors, and explains how SEALs bond with each other to become brothers-in-arms, and why SEALs use extreme humor to cope with a job that places these professional warriors face to face with death on a daily bases. This is a unique angle, because of the serious nature of a SEALs profession, and it also answers the question, “How do these guys live with the daily pressures of mayhem and death, and not loose their focus or sanity through it all?”

    Like

  138. alicia says:

    tissues

    Like

  139. Makes my in-laws gifts to their grandchildren that they got free with a gas-station fill-up seem like treasures. Love it! When’s your book coming out?

    Like

  140. The Hook says:

    Great time for this to be Freshly Pressed! Excellent work.

    Like

  141. robertbobby2002 says:

    Its so funny and its true

    Like

  142. Giuseppina says:

    hahahah really nice column!

    Like

  143. Alana says:

    hahahah if only I came here earlier today!
    http://spotthestereotype.wordpress.com

    Like

  144. When all else fails, there is always bacon.

    Like

  145. helesetalks says:

    I’m so gonna follow you. You are so good. I love it! But you didn’t tell us how to really wrap the toast. I got a couple of wine lovers I’d like to try this on. Check me out here: http://www.helesetalks.wordpress.com
    I appreciate it!

    Like

  146. Wicked good sense of humor! I’m so glad I found this on freshly pressed – I’m still laughing at the ideas. My favorites are the library book gift and the coupons for the teacher. Perfect reading for Dec 23rd!

    Like

  147. Pingback: Holiday traditions « The Smitten Immigrant

  148. Love this! Great ideas, fun and humorous! Enjoy your Holidaze! 🙂 AmberLena

    Like

  149. I like the library idea!
    Here is my wishlist of books: http://andreasmoser.wordpress.com/books-my-wishlist/

    Like

  150. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed. Hilarious – You just filled me with some much-needed holiday spirit (and last minute gift ideas).

    Like

  151. Purple Mouse says:

    Love, love , love your blog!!!

    Have a great holiday season.

    Like

  152. Lonnie says:

    You’re funny. Thanks for the laughs.

    I know a number of teachers would cherish the “One Day without Johnny” card.

    Happy Holidays and congrats on the FP!

    Like

  153. OH MY!!! I just noticed that you are Freshly Pressed! And I called it!!! CONGRATS!!!!! Were the FP gods reading what I wrote? Do I get a prize? Am I actually writing this on Christmas Eve?

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Hi Renee-The only reason I noticed the FP is because someone replied to YOUR suggestion and said, Um, you ARE on the front page. Happy Christmas, and thanks for inspiring the FP gods!

      Like

  154. sarahnsh says:

    I love the get outta jail free card idea, that is so funny! And, if you have pets, they always like the inexpensive toys so much more than the expensive stuff you buy them too.

    Like

  155. Amanda says:

    The coupon one for the teacher is actually legit! Oh, another thing… WHERE’S MY FREAKING TOAST!? I want rye too.. Not white, not wheat, but RYE!

    Like

  156. Aarom says:

    This list just saved my life. TYTYTYTYTY. Congrats on the press!

    Like

  157. Sarah says:

    These are the best! I don’t know about you, but I really suck at gift-buying.
    You too?
    Thought so.
    Anyways, another great blog to check out Is Sarah’s Best: Nifty Gift ideas on. (Student) Budget! Found a heck of a lot of creative ideas for under $20!!
    – Talking bacon plushie
    – Hotelquarium
    – Multicolored hipster cameras
    – and more!

    P.S. ideas for January birthdays too!

    Like

  158. lol very entertaining and good ideas…sadly i am one of those over-acieving stressed-out holiday shoppers!!! cheers to the last-minute Christmas eve rushers!!!

    Like

  159. Nickie says:

    I needed to laugh today! You are funny! I’m definitely coming back!
    Happy Holidays!

    Like

  160. natasiarose says:

    Those are great ideas! I usually run to the drug store in a panic and buy gift cards for insane amounts to money to compensate for my guilt over being scrooge-y.

    Like

  161. hahahahahahahaha! These are so funny and creative! I love them! Am considering the key to my heart gift for valentine by jods grace 😉 hahahahahahaha!

    Like

  162. Mollie Morrissette says:

    Hilarious as usual. I especially liked the gift for the family drunk! And the dog and cat presents – priceless. They always like the box the gift came in (any gift), better than the gift itself. Oh yah, and Safeway grocery bags. That’s my version of a good ol’ fashuned po white-trash Xmas! And this year Bubba decorated the tree with empty cans of Bud, trouble was it took him a while to empty them all. But that was fine, we all lended him a hand. Nothin like beer in front of the Yule Log on Channel 22. Brings back memories…sniff.

    Like

  163. Well Gosh Darn it all to Heck!!! I wish I’d read this BEFORE Christmas, when some of these very clever and innovative ideas could have really helped me out! But hey, there’s always next year, so just wait till next year! Or maybe a few days earlier than next year… or I’ll be right back in the shite again, like I was this year!
    Funny stuff and thanks for sharing! 🙂

    Like

  164. TheChronicR says:

    Great list, haha! I like all your advices. Keep up the good work.

    Like

  165. sekx says:

    love the way you write. This post is juicy 😀

    Like

  166. gaycarboys says:

    As a followup, I had a fistful of emergency gifts. I do Bonsai so I made a whole lot of tiny pots with tiny trees in them. they went down a treat!

    Like

  167. fpiwi says:

    Reblogged this on minagoma and commented:
    Ja, this is nice… 🙂

    Like

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