Always A (Caption Contest) Bridesmaid, Never A Bride

Waiting my turn....always waiting.

A girl dreams all of her life about that special day.  A day when every eye is upon her as all of her fantasies come true.

But dreams don’t always come true.   Some girls are left on the sidelines; the day never arrives.  What about them?  Can you imagine the pain?

I can.  Because I’m living it.

That is exactly what I experience by not winning Paul’s caption contest at The Good Greatsby.  Time and again I’ve tried.  I get to the finals – I’m in the running, but the cute, thin, popular kids swoop in and I’m out in the cold again.

“Dear Lord,” I cry to the heavens, “Am I destined to always be the caption contest bridesmaid; never a bride?”

Well, I did win that one time, but that barely counts. Continuing the wedding analogy, who hasn’t been married at least once?  I mean, in the immoral words of Madonna, being married only once nowadays is the same as being “Like A Virgin.”

All the finalists are qualified.  Their material is sound.  That’s not the issue.  It’s like I told Darla over at She’s A Maineiac, I don’t do this for glory or wealth.  I see it as a chance to finally exorcise the demons of my past.  The contest winner will gain the ability to see through walls.  Ever since I was a little girl, lying in my bed because of having polio and no arms, I wished and wished that I could see what was going on with the rest of the family in the living room. 

It’s not as if I expected her to throw the contest or anything because of my painful childhood – perish the thought!  I guess I just expected a little compassion for someone who may or may not be trapped in an iron lung machine.  But that’s just me.

So if you want to vote for one of the other choices, like Ms. Mainiac, please feel free.  It should have no bearing on your decision that she has a precious little monkey named Mr. Skittles that she keeps locked up in her parents’ dark, dank, spider-infested dungeon of a basement, and she only feeds him if she gets a coupon for Jalapeno Cheddar Pringles.  If I’m lyin’ I’m dyin’ – she told me so herself! 

All I ask is that you go over to The Good Greatsby’s caption contest http://thegoodgreatsby.com/caption-contest-october-2/ and vote your conscience.

Oh, and if you want to check out the rest of Greatsby’s (http://thegoodgreatsby.com/) and Mainiac’s (http://miraclemama.wordpress.com/) blogs while you’re there, along with the other caption finalists, that might be good too.  These folks are all pretty freaking funny.

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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67 Responses to Always A (Caption Contest) Bridesmaid, Never A Bride

  1. bigsheepcommunications says:

    I’m voting you as “Best Blog Illustrations Ever.” There’s no contest because you are so far ahead of the pack, it would be pointless. Your trophy is on the way, but I’m sorry this contest does not come with any special powers.

    Like

  2. Jackie says:

    The fact that you phonetically spelled Fudd’s way of saying it takes the cake. Voted. 🙂

    Like

  3. pegoleg says:

    Thank you ve-wwy much, Jackie! (huh huh huh huh)

    Like

  4. Sorry, Peg, I had already voted. But I’ll keep this post in mind for GG’s next caption contest. And if it makes you feel any better, I will vote for you even if you don’t enter.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      What?? We can only vote once? No use hanging around Paul’s blog 24/7 then. I guess I’ll pack up my sleeping bag and head home.

      Like

      • joehoover says:

        Sure you can vote every day, I spread my votes as they are always so good and someones gets funnier on reading again, but then if everyone did that there would be no winner. I’ve made final 5, three times, and only last time did I learn how to view how the voting was going and wished I hadn’t – I was joint last! Damn you infernal hilarious people.

        Like

  5. Sandy Sue says:

    OK. When I voted, you and Mainiac were neck and neck. How thrilling! Remember to use your powers for good, not evil.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Oh sure, yeah, I’ll be sure to Google that whole “good” concept when I assume the mantle of awesome, world- changing power. Moo-hwah, hwah! (that’s maniacal laughter, by the way.)

      Like

  6. Big Al says:

    It’s in the bag, Peg. I hated to hack into Paul’s site but this injustice had to be righted. Your caption-contest virginity is history.

    Like

  7. First of all, Peg, your illustrations are hilarious. If only I could see them. However, Mr. Skittles does a good job of describing them to me with several enthusiastic OOH OOH AH AHs and vigorous hand-clapping– so I still manage to have a painfully weak and hoarse laugh at your expense. Really brightens my sad and lonely Pringle-free days.

    Second, I did not click the “like” button above. That was Mr. Skittles. I’m thinking having a pet monkey was a bad idea after all.

    (I just checked the caption results and you are gaining. Of course this means one thing: War? Nah. I think I’ll go take a nap instead.)

    *Mr. Skittles and I burst into maniacal laughter that goes on way too long*

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      You blind-and-permanently-hoarse-due-to-a-freak-illness-when-living-in-their-parents’-basement-with-spiders-and-bologna bloggers are all the same! Always going for the sympathy vote. I’ll crush you , crush you I say!

      ps give my love to Mr. Skittles.

      Like

      • Victory will be mine! All mine! mua ha ha haaa! (until you end up winning at the last minute) But still, it will be temporarily mine!

        P.S. I will be delighted to give him your love, right after I break it to him that there will be no Jalapeno Pringles in his stocking this Christmas.

        Like

        • pegoleg says:

          You are a cold, cruel woman!

          By the way, I noticed you denoted evil, maniacal laughter as “mua ha ha haaa!”, while I spelled it as “moo-hwah, hwah!” Is there an accepted conventional wisdom on the treatment of this?

          Like

        • I do believe that “Moo-hwah, hwah” is what my apocalyptic cows uttered right before they began charging across the field (I could be wrong, and most of the time, I am)

          Like

        • Attention Peg and all of the Peg Followers: I have conceded. Update on my blog.

          Like

          • pegoleg says:

            Whattt?? What’s going on here? Can’t a girl take the morning off to take care of business that actually pays the bills, without the world shifting on its axis? Heading over to She’s a Maineiac blog for updates.

            Like

        • It’s with a heavy heart that I come here today to offer my sincerest congratulations. Looks like you can burn that bridesmaid dress. But I see that you did not win the gift to see through walls after all. Was it all worth it to you, Peg? Was the smear campaign and blatant lying all worth it in the end?! As you bask in your glory today, think of me and Mr. Skittles on the streets, begging for a scrap of Pringles, desperate and destitute and whatever other words begin with “des”.

          P.S. Hope you’re enjoying this fine long holiday weekend! We are having summer weather up here in Maine. Time to go check out that foilage! 🙂

          Like

          • pegoleg says:

            May I suggest despicable? Despotic? Desmonic? Desparaging? Desturbing? Desitin?

            (putting away fiercely competitive look and trying on look of humbled greatness, so popular with stars on awards shows.)
            I was honored to even be mentioned in the same breath, to occupy the same bit of cyber real estate as you and the other finalists. It’s just the luck of the draw – I guess it was just my turn – that’s the way the caption cookie crumbles (continues on in same vein with false-modesty plattitudes)

            I was away for the weekend enjoying the fine weather and art scene in Grand Rapids, MI, and just got back to town to see I had missed all the final brou-ha-ha. It’s funny – hijacking in the skies is considered a bad thing, but on a blog, it’s a hoot! Thanks for playing along, Darla. I’m just glad nobody got me on tape giggling and snorting like a loon in front of my computer.

            Like

        • Well, I was thinking more along the lines of despondent. Okay, and Desitin.

          I promise I will never ever hijack a post again (my promises are never kept,by the way), but this was good “water-spewing on the keyboard” and “laugh-snorting” fun. Thank you kindly for that! 😀

          (puts hands together in prayer and bows, slowly backing away all humble etc. etc.)

          Like

      • Best thread to be subscribed to. EVER!

        Like

  8. Pingback: Mr. Skittles Needs Your Help « She's a Maineiac

  9. Spectra says:

    Very funny post. I am sorry ’bout the polio and that you had no arms as a child. Musta been rough. You should definately win and get that ‘seeing thru walls’ superpower Paul promised. This might also help you find Mister Skittles’ secret hiding place in Maineiacs dungeon. Then, you will have superpowers AND a monkey! Ha HAH! Beat that with a stick!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Thanks for the kind thoughts, but it’s OK now. I grew out of those maladies. And although Mr. Skittles sounds like a sweetie, I’m having enough trouble with my cat peeing all over the house. I may not have the patience to add to the zoo.

      Like

  10. Amy says:

    I am neither cute, thin nor popular and I won once, but it was only because my mom voted multiple times a day every day for me. Yeah, so I won, but I’m a loser cause I had to rely on my mom for the win.
    I usually vote once for each of the candidates because I tend to like them all. But, I promise that I’ll give extra votes to you this week.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Thanks Amy! If anybody in my family ever bothered to read my blog, I’d be sure to direct them over to vote multiple times. Heavy sigh…

      Like

      • Libertarian says:

        Hey… I read your blog!! I’m just too lazy to go vote! 😉

        Like

        • pegoleg says:

          I didn’t need your vote. I was able to bribe, er, I mean convince with my stellar writing, a whole bunch of people to elect me as their caption contest leader! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a lot of checks to mail out.

          Like

        • Dollar Bill says:

          Yeah! I read it too — ditto on the too-lazy-to-go-vote attitude. I am also sort-of busy with family cacca, as you know, but I KNOW that’s no excuse when it’s time to vote for your big sister’s blog! (I of course mean “big” in a chronological sense…)

          Like

        • pegoleg says:

          Quite all right, sweetie. I was able to win by resorting to only a LITTLE underhanded bribery of readers, so it’s all good. Love to the fam!

          Like

  11. notquiteold says:

    I’ll go right over and vote. And I’ll be thinking of a way you can pay me back…

    Like

  12. Wazeau says:

    So far so good, when I voted you were in the lead!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Woo hoo! I can practically taste seeing through walls already! (That’s kind of a mixed metaphor that doesn’t really work too well, but you get my drift.)

      Like

  13. Tar-Buns says:

    Tee hee! Good luck, sister! By the way, it’s upper 70s outside and going to be 80 on Saturday so dress or pack appropriately. Safe journeys!

    PS – why hasn’t the Good Greatsby rung in on your blog? Hmmmm???

    Like

  14. Well, if it means that much to you…SURE! 🙂

    Like

  15. Um, totally voted for you… honestly thought it was the funniest. And I feel your pain. I’ve tried GG’s caption contests and been smugly satisfied with my summations only to be run over by someone I find, frankly, not funny at all. Or actually, five someones, as I have never been a finalist. Also I’m a big quitter, and haven’t tried a contest in a while. I’ve been busy pouting. But I had no idea you were a polio-stricken, armless virgin. I’ve only been a maid of honor six times and never a bride. For real. But your thing… that’s worse. Such a tragedy. Tsk tsk. Sniff.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I have to admit that I’ve gotten lots better since childhood – I would NEVER want to take sympathy under false pretenses; you know me.

      I know what you mean about the contest. After the first, heady victory, I was passed over several times in a row, so I picked up my marbles and went home in a huff. Didn’t play for many moons. Which was purely symbolic because nobody actually noticed I had done so. It’s like the Freshly Pressed drug. Once you get a hit, you start kicking yourself as a loser because you’re not getting it every post.

      Like

  16. joehoover says:

    Vote’s on it’s way, I’ll decline the loan of the hideous bridesmaid dress, but only as I am always at work for deliveries and my next-door neighbour keeps everything that he signs for in my abscence. The sight of him parading around in my dress would be too much to bear.

    Like

  17. If you fail to win the caption contest, you’ll be able to tell yourself She’s a Maineiac didn’t play fair when she posted that adorable monkey picture.

    Like

  18. Pingback: Saturday Brain Biscuits & Gravy « The Good Greatsby

  19. HoaiPhai says:

    I know exactly how you feel… I once thought that I would always be the confirmed bachelor of the caption contest until the current challenge with the bunny where I actually was named a finalist. Looking at the current standings, it looks like I’ll be left at the altar this Sunday.

    There is a rumour going ’round the interwebs that Maineiac is supplying GG with those frozen pizzas he cannot get over there in China so it looks like she’s going to keep on winning, week after week, until GG gets used to the local cuisine.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I KNEW there was an underhanded, sneaky reason for her winning all the time. It can’t have anything to do with her undeniably hysterical writing – oh no. I smell payola.

      Like

      • First off, I’ve only won twice! And one was a fluke and I’m sure the other time was an incredibly vivid dream.

        Secondly, I am not supplying G.G. with pizzas! (I did promise him I’d keep Vin Diesel locked up in my basement with Mr. Skittles indefinitely though…)

        Thirdly, Peg, way to cover yourself by saying I’m hysterical in the off-chance I read this, which I did, because I have nothing else to do at 6:30 am. But “hysterical” can mean so many different things, I’m not sure it’s a compliment…

        And lastly, if GG reads this, I will never ever be a finalist again now that the Vin Diesel prisoner jig is up.

        You people are terrible! (sobbing uncontrollably, tears dripping down into my coffee, I glance over to my framed picture of Mr. Skittles, lovingly touching his face) Why?? WHY?

        Like

        • pegoleg says:

          What are you doing up so early, woman? No wonder you’re hysterical in the sobbing way (not in the really funny way that I meant) – you’re sleep deprived. Go back to bed!

          Like

  20. so funny. I’m really torn now. Mr. Skittles is an animal, after all. Did you have a dog with polio or no arms, by chance?

    Like

  21. I love this entry so much, I want to vote for it. Also, since we’re in want-to land, I want to go back in time and read this entry WHEN IT WAS POSTED.

    D’oh.

    who hasn’t been married at least once?
    Bwahaha!

    Like

  22. Pingback: ‘Cause you see I’m on a losing streak…. « londonsurvival

  23. Pingback: Freshly Pegged – She’s A Maineiac | Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings

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