Cottage Style Decorating Tips From The Secret Service

Last week, The Washington Times reported that Vice President Joe Biden has collected $13,200 from the Secret Service since April to rent a cottage adjacent to his Wilmington, Delaware home.

Cottage style is so hot right now.  Here are some timely decorating tips from savvy Secret Service agents embracing the shabby chic cottage style:

Hoosier daddy:  Tape recorders, scrambling devices – stow all that bulky equipment in a Hoosier cabinet, pie safe or other old cupboard.  The important thing is that storage pieces retain the patina of peeling, old paint.

Pistol packin’ mama: Let’s face it, guns are just not very shabby chic.  But that can be remedied by fashioning a holster out of a vintage apron.  You can find specimens from the 30s through 50s for a song at flea markets.  Take your firearm from fierce to fun and folksy in minutes!

Stay in touch:  Earpieces are a fact of life for the busy agent on the go, but that techno look is so unromantic!  Female agents can accessorize by taking a plain-Jane headband and wrapping it in grosgrain ribbon.  Hot-glue the earpiece to the end and you’re ready for a day spent throwing yourself in front of an assassin’s bullet, or shopping at Pappagallo.  Men can hot-glue their earpieces inside snappy, vintage straw boaters.

Sound off: Any Secret Service hideout needs a sound proof room.  Make this obligatory interrogation haven a sweet retreat by hanging vintage quilts on the walls.  It doesn’t matter if they’re a little faded or threadbare; that just adds to the charm.

Duck and cover: Nothing says cottage like slouchy, white upholstered pieces.  Afraid those sessions of “friendly persuasion” with suspects will stain the furniture?  No worries!  Cotton duck slip covers whisk off and into the wash in a snap, and come out looking good as new.

Follow these fab tips and you will be well on your way to being able to serve and protect with cottage style.

Be sure to check back for more Secret Service decorating tips.  Future articles will include ideas gleaned from their $2,000 per month dude ranch retreat and the $4,000 per month Swiss chalet getaway.

Yodel–eh–hee-hoo!

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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19 Responses to Cottage Style Decorating Tips From The Secret Service

  1. bigsheepcommunications says:

    First of all, let’s hear it for Joe Biden for exercising good ole American ingenuity by getting the people who get paid to protect him to turn around and pay him – genius.

    Second, you’ve finally solved my most pressing fashion dilemmas – I’m off to find a vintage apron and grosgrain ribbon right now. Can’t wait for more styling tips!

    Like

  2. Jackie says:

    Peg, these are your finest images yet. Biden in front of a Kinkade? Hilarious.

    Like

  3. Tori Nelson says:

    Hahahahaha! The apron gun holster is pretty brilliant 🙂

    Like

  4. Libertarian says:

    “Country Living” and/or “Ammo-R-Us” magazines may be looking for these types of tips for their next editions… I see dollar signs in your future for these chic ideas! 🙂

    Like

  5. The sound-proofing could come in handy if Joe and his wife get a little, shall we say, “randy”!

    Great post–Very clever and funny (as usual). 🙂

    Like

  6. Brooke says:

    Thanks for sharing a news article that would normally send me screaming from the room, in an incredibly amusing way. Love the apron holster!

    Like

  7. Sandy Sue says:

    Oh, lord, you have the patter down perfectly! Martha Stewart is looking for you to do a piece on prison cell make-overs!

    Like

  8. Big Al says:

    Leave it to pegoleg to start up a cottage industry about cottages. Where does one invest?

    Like

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