Good thing we are not needful of any moneys because of poorness or terrorism bombings here in Burkina Faso.
“Mr. Yacuba Adams!” a man exclaims as he passes another man walking down a busy street in Ouagadougou. “I hope you are in sound health and mind?”
The men stop and shake hands. The sun is blazing overhead, but as this is the normal state of affairs in sub-Saharan Burkina Faso, (a country whose name, interestingly enough, means Land of Honest Men) neither seems to notice the heat.
Mr. Yacuba Adams shakes his head and replies, “No, Mr. Sallm Salif. I have no peace because of an urgent matter for dislodgement. As you know, I am Assistance Director of SEMAFO Mana Gold Mining and Security Company. Within the period of 20 years with the Security Company I have watched with calculated precision how important personnel have bring in Consignments of cash currency, gold, diamond and precious stones, personnel such as Muammar Gaddafi of Libya. First I wish to disclose that recent observations show that he is dead and friends and relatives are not aware of such deposit.”
Mr. Yacuba Adams continues. “I personally witnessed and signed the deposit documents and have Secret codes to realize claims with the Security Company, praise Allah. I have my honest desire to share a mutual business relationship to take Muammar Gaddafi’s US $35 million (USA dollars of cash) and 42,000 kilograms of Raw Gold of 24 carat to USA bank, but how to find a person of integrity and high esteem for help?”
Mr. Sallm Salif has been listening intently to Mr. Yacuba Adams’ sad tale and he solemnly nods his head in sympathy.
“Ah, yes.” Mr. Sallm Salif says. “As Manager Internal Audit and account officer to Mr. Morris Thompson from America I also have duty to supply necessary information.” He goes on to explain that he is struggling with a similar predicament of his own. ”Mr. Morris Thompson, who is an oil merchant here in Burkina Faso, is no more alive. Both with wife Thelma Thompson and no children. He made a will stating that $15.5M (Fifteen million, five hundred thousand U.S. dollars only) should be given to a citizen of our choice, but who must be overseas and not here in Burkina Faso. I am of particular interest to secure this as notice is given that the bank will send to Treasury Department the money in two weeks as per law.”
Mr. Yacuba Adams spreads his hands wide in a universal “what’s a guy to do?” gesture.
“But, by the grace of God/Allah,” Mr. Sallm Salif continues on a more upbeat note, ”I have made a random draw from human resource profile database in the Chamber and find an so excellent partner in US for executing a business transaction – her name is Mrs. Peg.”
Mr. Yacuba Adams looks intently at his friend, very interested in this information. He is about to ask for more details when a woman wearing a brightly colored headscarf joins the two men.
“Mr. Sallm Salif! Mr. Yacuba Adams! It is a great pleasure to contact you,” she offers in friendly greeting.
“Mrs. Alima Kipkalya Kones! What is your health?” Mr. Yacuba Adams asks politely in reply.
The smile fades from Mrs. Alima Kipkalya Kones’ face as she answers, “It is with heavy tears in my eyes I am touched to open up to you that I would not last for a period of seven months due to cancer problem in my uterus, almighty Allah is my witness.”
Both the gentlemen express their shock and sympathy at the lady’s dire health problems.
“But that is not the reason why I have great sorrow in my heart that I want to tell you,” she continues, bravely brushing aside her own death sentence in her overwhelming desire to help others. “The one that disturbs me most is when my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of US$8.5M (million U.S. dollars) in a bank in Ouagadougou. He made this money available for exportation of gold from Burkina Faso mining. Having known my condition I decided to hand over this money to take care of the less-privileged people in America. I grew as an orphan and endeavor that the house of God is maintained and that 70% of money will go to people in the street and helping the orphanage in USA. But how to find honest person for assistance and keep 30% of reimbursement for their endeavors, praise Jesus/Allah?”
Mr. Yacuba Adams answers eagerly, “Mr. Sallm Salif is just told to me of worthy partner found in America to help the business. Her name is Mrs. Peg.”
“Yes,” Mr. Sallm Salif continues where he left off. “I have sourced her email and promptly decided to contact. I urged her taking time out of the busy day to read and consider my proposal. I have certainty her promptness of reply will expedite this most urgent business transaction.” Mr. Sallm Salif finishes with a smile.
“Will Mrs. Peg to be full of sound moral character and utmost good honor of our sacred trust?” Mr. Yacuba Adams asks, still not convinced.
Mr. Sallm Salif nods firmly.
“Is it certainty that Mrs. Peg will assist of taking this dollars and gold and precious minerals that is burden of all banks and companies and persons here in Ouagadougou, for helping of needful US citizens and orphans?” Mrs. Alima Kipkalya Kones asks, wanting to nail down the details.
Mr. Sallm Salif nods again.
Mrs. Alima Kipkalya Kones exclaims, “Soon we will have no more millions of money in Burkina Faso. All troubles will be ended with assistance of Mrs. Peg.” She throws her hands to the sky in jubilation and cries, “Praise be Jesus/God/Allah!”
Broad smiles blossom across the faces of Mr. Yacuba Adams, Mr. Sallm Salif and Mrs. Alima Kipkalya Kones.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Damn, has Bernie Sanders been campaigning in Ouagadougou again?
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Free money for everyone!
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Let me guess, you got a lot of spam lately …
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Whatever gave you that idea?
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Female intuition.
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You’re good that way.
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I hope you have deep pockets…
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You mean so I can stuff all my new millions into them? I’m getting a truck to hold it all.
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Fabulous! Your amazing luck is so richly deserved. And oh, by the way, I know this guy who has some wonderful ocean front property for sale in in Arizona…
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I will soon have many moneys for the buying of ocean front property. Yahoo!
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I’ll have to track him down. Last I knew he was in Nigeria.
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Was it wire transferred?
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Just as I send a first wire transfer of a couple of measly thousand dollars to Burkina Faso just to make sure the connection works.
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Of course as easy as that!
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I hope you plan on spreading the wealth around. I have a bridge in brooklyn for sale.
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Ocean front property in Arizona, bridges in Brooklyn….I’ll be a regular tycoon!
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Cool, when can we go shopping or travelling? Let me know when the moolah gets deposited. 🙂
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I may have to fly down to Ouagadougou to get it. Feel like going on a little trip with me?
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I’ll go with you!
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I am needful of your honest support, praise Jesus!
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Ha, this is brilliant. Love how you took these annoying (and seemingly endless) emails and turned them into something fun. I’ll smile now the next time I find one. And then I’ll delete it.
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They really are a scream, aren’t they? I especially like how often they mention that they need somebody honest to help them smuggle someone else’s money out of the country.
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Ha, yes, the irony.
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You know what you could do? You could respond to those emails saying that it is impossible for you to assist them at the moment, but you can recommend someone who would be able to help.
Then give the e-mail address of another spammer.
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I like how you think.
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Our cups overfloweth together, Peg! I will soon be the proud recipient of monies to help the poor war torn orphans of Mars!
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Um, maybe you shouldn’t be so gullible Other Peg? I mean, I hear those Mars orphans already get tons of government aid.
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I’ve tried pronouncing the name of this place out loud and I just can’t get it right. Plus, the people sitting in the coffee shop around me are starring.
What if? What if? What if these suppositions were REAL and through your sound moral character, you were showered with US$millions? Wouldn’t that just be too funny?! Nobody would believe you.
Scammers have read Tennessee Williams?
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I’ve been pronouncing that out loud since I started writing this and STILL don’t know – is it oog-a-doo-goo or ow-ga-dough-go or some combination thereof?
Also, your reading and getting that tag made my day.
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This post had me giggling all the way through, Mrs. Peg. I also spent a good five minutes trying to pronounce the title out loud, but it sounded more like gibberish (I’m on my second glass of wine at the moment and things are getting a bit blurry) Hope you have a good weekend! 🙂 🙂
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Wine makes everything a little blurry…hence better, doesn’t it? Hope yours was great also.
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I thought those names sounded familiar. Thanks for “filling in the details” of the rest of their desperate stories.
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You mean my buddies are two-timing me? Dang!
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Dang, you mean they are all just fairy tales for the gullible? I am crushed. I kept reply that I wasn’t who they they thought I was, had to decline due to my unsound moral character and history of deviant practices, but thought the FBI or Homeland Security would be able to assist in locating someone better suited. Always included a CC to both offices.
😉
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Being of unsound moral character and having a history of deviant practices DOES have its benefits.
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Ha yes! A friend of mine responded to them just to have a bit of a laugh and engaged in a full exchange of emails over the period of a couple of weeks, stringing them along, telling them his secretary was getting the information together to send them etc, he had great fun. Not sure I would do that myself, but hey he had fun!
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That would be fun. I’d be afraid that I’d download a virus or something from contact, though.
What’s scary is that these letters must work every now or then, or they wouldn’t do it, right?
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Thank you, Peg. You have answered one of my niggling questions about people from countries I’ve never heard of and can’t pronounce. They really do speak that way. Now I can focus on my next mystery: why do I need to sustain my erection for many hours and who are Brandi and Sasha?
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Hey, do Brandi and Sasha write to YOU, TOO? They want to be my Facebook F**k Buddies. I keep telling them I’m not interested, but they’re very persistent.
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Persistent is one word for them…
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Mrs Peg…..and they probably picture you as in the Donna Reed Show..always brainlessly smiling and willing to help or bake cookies.
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But…that IS me, of course!
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