Here’s a fun fact that you may not know about me; I am a Spartan.
No, I don’t mean that I am spartan: marked by simplicity, frugality, or avoidance of luxury and comfort. In that regard I am more of a sybarite: a voluptuary or hedonist.
I mean that I am a proud graduate and loyal daughter of Michigan State University. And just because I don’t follow college sports and, as a matter of fact, don’t know very much about such things, that doesn’t mean I can’t claim full bragging rights because the MSU men’s basketball team has made it to the Fantastic Four.
Go Green!
For those not familiar with this great tradition, a fever grips colleges all across the land at this time of year. Students abandon their scholastic pursuits and get drunk because it is spring break. But that does not concern us right now. They also abandon their scholastic pursuits and get drunk when it is Thursday. We’re not getting into that, either.
I want to talk about this magical time for college basketball that is known as The Spring Fling.
The NCAA (National Council on Avoiding studying in April) breaks the country up into 4 divisions: East, Midwest, South and West. There is no North division because the northern schools’ only sport is playing hockey against Canada. Each college plays the other schools in their division until each has a winner. Michigan State, for example, which is generally considered be in the Midwest of the contiguous United States map-wise, is in the Eastern division for basketball purposes. We play all the other Eastern teams like the one bordering the Gulf of Mexico, Louisiana.
Before any games may be played, however, every adult male in the nation (and many intrepid females) must formulate their brackets. This is a complicated process which involves calculating wins divided by losses multiplied by free throws, all carried to a power equal to the number of tattoos the point guard has. Sports fans are cautioned to keep in mind the Order of Operations rule, working from left to right except that equations within parentheses and brackets come first. That’s how they got the name. At the end of these logarithms, each person winds up with their own, personal ranking of teams going from dead last, which position they call Unable To Get Alumni Donations, to the team they think will win the whole tournament, called The Big Kahuna.
This process is so complex that many men find it necessary to abandon their work pursuits and get drunk EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT IN COLLEGE!
Formulating and betting on brackets is a vital part of the U.S. economy during this time, and it accounts for a full 67% of the Gross Domestic Product of Las Vegas. Every time anyone anywhere says they bet their team will go all the way, they have to send $50 to Antonio “Sonny” Parmigiano-Reggiano at the Sands Hotel & Casino.
The first round of games is called the Sudden Death Double Elimination. That’s also what they called it during the playoffs sophomore year, when I spent the night on the bathroom floor with a bucket after I had enjoyed the Little Caesar’s 2-for-1 anchovy pizza deal along with 5 shots of tequila. But I don’t want to talk about THAT, either. All you have to know is that MSU beat Virginia in this round to get into the Sixteen Candles.
Go White!
Michigan State was unstoppable as they whupped another East coast powerhouse, Oklahoma (formerly known as a Great Plains state before they migrated East,) to advance to the Crazy Eights.
Go Green!
Then came Sunday’s nail-biter. That game went into overtime before MSU emerged victorious over Louisville to earn a place in the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Go White!
This weekend will be major. No, I’m not talking about the events marking the passion, death and resurrection of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ, although that’s big, too. I mean the two games on Saturday that will determine who goes to the final showdown. If MSU wins, we play for all the marbles on Monday as one of the Dynamic Duo.
This is big.
Of course it’s not as big as in 1978-79 when MSU won the Big Ten championships in football, baseball and cheer-leading, and went all the way to #1 in the country in basketball. I’m sure all the athletes worked really hard that year, but was it merely coincidence that I had just transferred in to MSU at the start of that Never-To-Be-Repeated-Year-Of-Glory? You decide.
Be sure to cheer for Michigan State this weekend. All of us loyal Spartans will sing the fight song loud and clear. And if anyone still wonders why the song is “fighting with A vim” (as in only one vim; wouldn’t it be better to have a whole bunch of vim (vims? vimi?) for the big game?) that won’t diminish our enthusiasm for our team. My money is on MSU to go all the way.
(The $50 is in the mail, Sonny.)
Go Green! Go White!
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
I’ve abandoned any hope of understanding let alone winning the bracket sheet stuff. Tried it a few years. Only frustration.
I spewed coffee reading about the geographical ridiculousness which is the team matchups. Yeah, who’d a thunk Oklahoma and Louisville would be in the EAST bracket.
Thanks for the chuckle and GO GREEN!
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…and Texas is in the Midwest? I think they just want to even things out so that all the true talent, which is primarily in the Midwest, doesn’t knock each other out in the first round. That’s my take on things, anyway. 😉
Enjoying your time off, sissy?
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It’s going too fast and not very warm outside, but crossing some things off my list to do.
Met another contractor yesterday and gave a set of plans for bid. Time is running out to secure someone for this summer. Trying to remain optimistic…
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Hey! It’s been a long time since I was your first poster. I’m honored! 🙂
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That’s either because you’ve got oodles of free time being on spring break, or because everyone else is asleep.
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Where was this logical, rational and helpful blog when I was picking Robert Morris college to go all the way?! And tell me more about this voluptuary side of you.
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My FORMER voluptuary side, Al. Now I’m too tired.
And about that Robert Morris pick? Sonny is sending a couple of his boys for a little chat.
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Peg, You have summed up in one post what my husband has not been able to explain to me( in terms I could understand) in years! Thank you for that! Happy Easter and GO GREEN!
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I’m not surprised, Jeannie, this higher math stuff is tough. Glad I could help out.
Happy Easter to you and your family, too. GO WHITE!
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I am still laughing at your crazy explaination of the March Madness playoffs! It is hysterical and I really enjoyed your humor! I will certainly be cheering for MSU, as I have a dear friend in Michigan, and my team never made it to the first bracket. 😦 I will also be sharing this post with the many sports fans I know. Your blog is always good to read and I enjoy it. Thanks so much! Good luck to MSU! ~ Vickie
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Well, thanks so much for the kind words.
Condolences on your team not making it this far, but when they basically change the USA map to fit the brackets, it’s so confusing I bet a lot of teams got lost on the way to their games and had to forfeit!
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I really enjoy your blog and thank you for your humor! Enjoy the game!
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The only brackets I know well are the ones I put around words to emphasize a point I’m trying to make because you can never use enough words. Or brackets.
But because you asked so nicely, Go Green, Go White! (Does this mean their uniforms are so white because they were washed in an environmentally-friendly detergent?)
PS — I retweeted your “new blog post” tweet as you are still new to #Twitter. And I’m only charging you for the gas. Go Peg!
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Thanks for the retweet, BD. You are my techno-guru. Should I now go on Twitter and favorite your retweet or is that redundant?
I supposed March Madness doesn’t get much play in Italy, what with all the grape-stomping you’re engaged in right now.
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Ah, no. You’re good.
I am a huge basketball freak however. More NBA though…but so far, yes, Italy has been nothing but net. *grin*
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Sorry Peg. I’m wearing my Wisconsin sweatshirt right now.
Duke beating Gonzaga ruined me. I had high hopes for a $20,000 gift card from Best Buy, but I dropped to 92%. Dang! And I had all that dumb luck on my side.
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I thought about you when I was writing this, Susie, and hoped I wasn’t being sexist since you got farther than just about everybody in the country on that ESPN contest.
I don’t know if we can still be friends if you’re wearing a Wisconsin sweatshirt, though. Unless…maybe you’re just wearing it because you have to clean out the pig sty this morning?
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Oooooh! A little smack talk. You’re getting into it, Peg!
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Ouch!
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😉
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Your explanation of March Madness may be a little sketchy, but your choice for the eventual champion is above reproach. Go Green!
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Sketchy? What could you possibly mean????
Go white!
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March Madness….the best three weeks of American sports. Love Tom Izzo……go green!!!
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Can I still be Mad since tomorrow is April? The finer points of this escape me.
Go white!!!!!!
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Reblogged this on HorseMark Cards Blog and commented:
This is so funny and entertaining! A Must Read for non-sports fans too! Enjoy this post and check out her blog– there is always something interesting to read! Enjoy your day! ~ Vickie
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Thanks for the reblog, Vickie.
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So that’s what NCAA really stands for – how could I be confused. Of course.
Brackets. Like bracket fungus: grows among the tall, and those little fingers get a tight hold on the unsuspecting. Some just can’t walk away from them.
Guess all the talk about going Green is making progress.
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Er, right. Just like fungus.
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Certainly not black mold …green slime sounds too much like a slam (not dunking)
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Conversely, and sadly, I am a Louisville fan (I went to UofL’s law school), so, Sunday was a bit of a disappointment. Also, since my fiance goes to UK, I am currently a Kentucky fan as well. I do enjoy filling out the brackets, even though my picks are usually wildly off and my bracket has so much red it looks it played Julius Caesar at his stabbing. I did pick Kentucky to win, though, I will admit. They’re good. 38-0, and all that. There’s more cheers, but I am only a new fan and don’t know them yet. 🙂
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I can only hope you don’t lose a bundle from picking red instead of green.
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Logistic regression makes more sense to me than this, which is another reason I don’t follow sports. But I do enjoy going to an occasional Cavs game with my family. Mostly because I enjoy the popcorn and beer and watching people dance on the Jumbotron. But don’t tell anyone.
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Yeah, me too, Carrie. I like football, but I’m not usually a huge fan of basketball and baseball is like watching paint dry to me. But don’t tell anyone.
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I won’t.
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Does anyone else think it’s silly that Peg thinks college kids need an EXCUSE to drink, or is it just because I’m in Wisconsin – the state that runs on hops?
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Good point, Other Peg. Don’t know what I was thinking.
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Oh my goodness! I love your writing! I always laugh out loud! (I had to spell it because I really do it.)
Thanks for explaining everything to me, now I won’t be lost.
Melinda
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I’m happy to do my part for the sports-betting-challenged (and thanks!)
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You forgot to mention how half the country is sleep deprived and not worth a darn at work! I love filling out the brackets-just guessing but I was ahead of Pat so I’m HAPPY! We eat, drink and live GREEN and WHITE, as you well know. Happy Easter and don’t call after 6:00 pm Sat.
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I know your family bleeds green. Looks like Carolyn and possibly Lib will be here for the weekend so we’ll join you in cheering from a couple states away.
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I am an Owl. And as my beloved cherry & white failed to fight! fight! fight! their way to the championships this year, I will help root on your green. Green is my favorite color, after all, and I was born in Michigan (though we supported a different school – lets go BLUE!) Anyway, I hope your team wins and I do not feel like a turncoat. good luck to us both.
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I will pretend you never mentioned that blue team for the sake of our budding friendship.
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Now, Peg. May I call you Sister-Spartan? I attended MSU (of course, all the good ones did) and had lived a few miles from campus for many years. I have spent many an afternoon/evening enjoying hoop-related functions at the Breslin Center and Jennison Fieldhouse before that. I have hobnobbed with Magic Johnson (he is huge and his smile is blinding), and even Tom Izzo (he is short, but exceedingly polite) at campus events. My blood runs green and my hair is white. My granddaughter asked Sparty to marry her, and I fully expect that wedding will take place.
I have been known to play the brackets (which you have explained in your usual pragmatic and highly entertaining manner). Of course, at the workplace we had to bet “paperclips” as gambling was frowned upon. I usually picked my winners by whether or not I liked the way the name of the institution sounded, or the caliber of their mascot.
Next weekend wlll be big. We will be watching. Thanks for lesson in bracketology.
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Of course you’re a proud and loyal Spartan daughter, as all should know. May your game viewing this weekend be filled with cheers, happiness, victory and no hangovers.
I expect an invitation to your granddaughter’s wedding. What are her colors going to be?
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OK, so I showed this post to Jim as his family’s from Michigan and he said, Go blue! not Go green! (???) Because apparently he doesn’t like MSU but likes the other Michigan team? I have no clue what the hell he’s talking about. I don’t watch b-ball, especially college. When I see stuff about brackets on TV my eyes glaze over instantly. Glad you made some sense of it all, Pego.
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Same as my hub, Darla! That would be UofM. I would be lying if I said I understood any of the sports stuff, though. My March Madness is something akin to ‘get the tomatoes and cukes producing before the Texas heat sets in.’ Madness. In March.
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If your hubby is a Michigan fan, I suggest you feed him a nice, big bowl of those charming grubs from your garden.
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Ha! Your Michigan rivalry is akin to our Texas A&M and UofTexas one.
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WHAT the hell did he say???? We may need to rethink this friendship given your taste in men. I barely talked to my brother after he went to Michigan and I LOVED him.
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Agreed.
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I plan to quote this delightfully factual article frequently and with great authority. Thank you!!
Also, my picks were based on blue uniforms, but I did have MSU hanging in there for a while, which is saying something because I didn’t have the Terps lasting past Round 2. Congratulations and best wishes!
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I take full responsibility and credit for all good things that happen just because I went to a school 30 years ago. Sorry to hear your picks didn’t make it, though. Did you lose the farm?
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I don’t know. I just randomly wrote out the bracket in about 2 1/2 minutes, stuck it in my desk drawer, and haven’t thought of it since, but I did have Kentucky to win (sorry) and Duke wears blue, so my chances are still good.
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What I meant to say, of course, is “Go Spartans!”
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That’s what I thought you must have meant.
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WOW! You may not e-speak e-Spanish Peg, but boy do you e-speak basketball! I got into it this year only because my daughter goes to Villanova…but we all know how THAT turned out. Very short-lived. My husband was drunk and yelling at the TV at the bar we were at. Luckily, he did not need a bucket.
I will be watching JUST for you! Seriously. I had kind of lost interest but now I will make sure to watch your team WIN! I might even sing a verse or two of the song, albeit, with a Spanish accent. “Eets e-specialty ees weening, an dos e-Spartans plei goood bol.”
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They DO plei good bol, so good choice. Have your husband get drunk and yell at the TV in support of MSU.
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Whoa! Anything requiring square roots and fractions gets me all excited. Where do I sign up?
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Too late, Shannon. Get in on the action in early march next year.
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Thank you for explaining all of this–especially the drinking part. Now, is there a real sport I can watch, like a dog agility competition? I’m serious. No, really.
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Sure! In fact, you can be the one who starts the practice of big crowds gathering at bars to booze it up and cheer the Westminster Kennel Club dog show.
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Gives new meaning to sloppy kisses, huh?
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I will have my head under a rock because I hate it all. But go MSU– for Peg-o-leg!
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How can you wave your pom pons and cheer for State from under a rock???
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I just wiggle my butt. It’s visible from the moon these days. I’ll wear green.
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Funny…I have the same thing going on with my gut. I’d rather have the back end, personally.
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I am sooooo Kim …
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Yeah Baby! Go Spartans! Obviously I didn’t follow all your mathematical formulas which is why I’m in the middle of the pack somewhere in my brackets! Oh and even though I’m a Michiganian I did pick Wisconsin as the “Big Kahuna”. But I’m rooting for STATE!!!
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I guess you have to listen to your head and your heart.
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Try being a non-basketball-watching, non-caring-about-college-sports-at-all Canadian in Arizona right now (BEARDOWN, WILDCATS!) We were wondering why the whole city shut down last Sunday and why there were police and even SWAT teams (!!) everywhere. Then, when UofA lost the game (I think), the whole city was eerily silent. (I assume this silence indicated a loss, although I haven’t bothered to look online and check. Anyone?)
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My pools are usually mathematically eliminated from contention by halftime of the first game, at which point I lose all my vim for college hoops and go back to work.
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Sorry for your loss of vim. I think a number of drug companies offer solutions for that problem, but they require the sufferer hang out in a bathtub on the beach.
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For some strange reason, my wife is strictly against my getting any vim-revival meds.
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“Vim Revival” would be a killer product name.
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For the literate set, perhaps, or those old enough to recall the phrase “vim and vigor”. I’m thinking anyone under 30 will assume that Vim is some sort of computer memory or a flavor additive for e-cigs.
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You’re right. My last computer only had 20 Rams of Vim so I had to upgrade before I went to Windows 4-Pane.
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My e-cigs are flavored with Vim – they taste like unicorn farts!
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like it
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Thanks!
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