Once You Bite The Head Off The Bunny, You’ve Gone Too Far

Easter Rabbits

For someone like me who has a serious sugar addiction, major holidays mean major problems.  Some holidays aren’t so bad: St. Patrick’s Day is all about the booze, Fourth of July is all about the burgers, and Presidents Day is all about mattress sales. The big three for sugar junkies are Christmas, Halloween and Easter.

Here we go again.

When our kids were little, my Easter bunny process went like this:

  1. Buy supplies at least a week early so I don’t end up at the store the night before with empty shelves devoid of all but a few overpriced and/or inferior candy selections.
  2. Eat all the supplies.
  3. End up at the store the night before with empty shelves devoid of all but a few overpriced and/or inferior candy selections.
  4. Pin the checkout girl to an end-cap with my forearm across her throat screaming, “What do you MEAN you’re out of Cadbury Crème Eggs? I GOT to HAVE those EGGS! Go to the back room and find me some #&^%$ eggs!!!”
  5. Dash out of the store with my second-rate purchases before the police arrive.
  6. After the kids go to bed, bring out their baskets and plastic eggs and distribute the candy:
    • One solid, milk chocolate bunny for Lizzy’s basket
    • One solid, milk chocolate bunny for Gwennie’s basket
    • One solid, milk chocolate bunny for Mommy
    • A handful of jelly beans for Lizzy’s basket
    • A handful of jelly beans for Gwennie’s basket
    • A handful of jelly beans for each of the plastic eggs
    • A handful of jelly beans for Mommy
    • Repeat with all available candy items
  7. Hide the baskets and eggs around the house while consuming half a bag of Reese’s Mini Peanut Butter Cups in the pastel, foil wrappers.
  8. Wake up early to witness the children’s delight as they hunt for their baskets and eggs before church. Except I usually missed this part because I was in the bathroom with morning-after digestive problems and a killer, sugar hangover.

The kids are out of the house now. I still want to mark the occasion by making baskets for them, but now I do Easter Priority Mail Boxes. I’ve gotten a little smarter about the process and have set some rules for myself to avoid a sugar overdose.

  1. Buy the candy the night before I plan to ship it.
  2. Leave the goods in the car. Do not, for God’s sake, DO NOT BRING THE CANDY INTO THE HOUSE!
  3. Make the boxes up at my office where I’m less likely to lose control.
  4. If I eat a couple of jelly beans in the process, that’s OK.
  5. If I bite the head off of a chocolate bunny, I have gone too far. Do NOT mail that one.
  6. Ship every piece of candy (except those with teeth marks) and do NOT keep any around the house or office.
  7. Do NOT go to the store next Monday to stock up on ½ price clearance Easter candy. That’s not fooling anybody.

I got the Easter Priority Mail Boxes out yesterday, and I’m sure my girls will be touched.  I wish I could see the look on their faces when they open them on Easter morning, but we live too far away now.  Besides, after church I will be busy enjoying my new favorite treat since I’ve tamed the sugar addiction – Bloody Marys.

I was talking about my problem with Easter candy with my sister Libby, and she’s the one who said the line that inspired this post and became the title.  I ’bout spewed coffee out my nose.

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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92 Responses to Once You Bite The Head Off The Bunny, You’ve Gone Too Far

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    Looks like you’ve got the process down to an art. Here’s hoping all the chocolate bunnies retain their heads. Then again, no one could fault you if they don’t…

    Like

  2. Hahahah! I can see you stealing yourself to try and avoid temptation.
    I managed to get out of the store with just one bag of jelly beans, at least so far…..
    Happy Easter, dear Peg. Looks like my road trip will have to be this summer. 😦

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I forgot Rule #2, Tar. It wasn’t pleasant.

      What are you and Pat doing this weekend? Carolyn is road tripping to see us – yahoo! Hope you have a blessed, fabulous Easter, my sista.

      Like

  3. Elyse says:

    I hear you, Peg. It ain’t pretty. And come to think of it, neither am I anymore — there is a chocolate bunny head in each side of my pants, and jelly beans strewn haphazardly under my skin …

    (Actually, I have solved my life-long candy addiction. I gave it up cold turkey. Because candy is like those potato chips — you can’t have just one. This year, I caved and bought myself a package of peeps — ate the whole thing and felt awful. No more peeps for this girl. It’s the end of life as we know it. Am I gorgeous again yet?)

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Ain’t that the truth! I’ve been TRYing to give it up cold turkey. I had a scare after a binge a couple of weeks ago, where I felt really funky and ill – I think it might have been my blood sugar. Fell of the wagon Monday night when I forgot Rule #2, but I’m back in the saddle. Sometimes I wish I were addicted to crack; it would be easier to beat.

      Like

  4. TamrahJo says:

    It’s Easter?!? Already?!? Man, I need to get to the store!
    (I do the same thing for Superbowl, too – -… just saying….)
    LOL – as always, a great read and love your take on things!

    Liked by 1 person

    • pegoleg says:

      Hurry! They’re practically down to the generic jelly beans! (Thanks)

      Liked by 1 person

      • TamrahJo says:

        Too late – did my once a month shopping trip last weekend – so a handfull of gummy bears and some $1 bills it is – LOL – I would worry about being a terrible mom, except my kids are used to my insanity! LOL (I still miss the hard candy shell, inside mallow cream eggs – can’t find them anywhere and the only thing my mom mentions as wanting for the past few years – – 🙂

        Like

  5. tigerlilly says:

    Downright hilarious! At least you aren’t addicted to those “peeps” eewwww! They always tasted like expandable gooey sugary sponges and they doubled in size in your stomach, a pertinent fact omitted on the packaging.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’m always somewhat amazed by the spell chocolate casts over so many people. Vodka on the other hand…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Reblogged this on The Coffee Crazed Bookworm and commented:
    Oh god, I’m trying not to think about the bag of Hershey’s Miniature’s in my room that I bought and nobody knows about. MUST NOT EAT

    Like

  8. Hate to tell you this, but I’m going to any (for your own good)…alcohol metabolizes into sugar. You’re still sunk, Girlfriend. Happy Easter!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I thought I was safe from temptation once my kids left home. I can’t really eat chocolate because it irritates my digestion, so I don’t buy it. But wouldn’t you know it – the local Target had all my favorite Easter varieties in WHITE chocolate! I can eat that!

    I stocked up for an entire year, because you know, they only make certain varieties for Easter.

    My kids aren’t getting any of it. Well, unless I die from sugar overdose, and they inherit my stash.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. dorannrule says:

    This is hilarious! Or maybe not, because your rituals sound so very familiar! 🙂

    Like

  11. ericafuni says:

    You are stronger than I am if you’re able to stay away from the discounted candy on Monday.

    Like

  12. So relate to this – I bought two Lindt chocolate bunnies and hid them in the top shelf of the closet. I had an empty house yesterday and needed inspiration to write (my excuse), so I bit into one rabbit (head first), then the other one! (It looked lonely) I felt so guilty and will have to buy them again this weekend. Love this post 🙂

    Like

  13. Libertarian says:

    Peg, thanks for the headless chocolate bunnies nod… I mean, it’d be wayyyy tacky to repackage and mail / give these items to loved ones. You could, however, give out candy bunnies with bitten-off arms and feet – this is not as offensive.

    Like

  14. Libertarian says:

    … and, in case you were already planning this… I do NOT want you to send Carolyn back to B.C. with headless chocolate critters for me!! 🙂

    Like

  15. Libertarian says:

    … do bunnies have arms???

    Like

  16. that is the best title ever! well done!

    Like

  17. Peg get help before its too late. Admitting you have a problem with the chocolate bunnies is the first step to getting better.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. lexiemom says:

    I was smart this year. I hid all my kids Easter stuff at grandma’s house! No enticing chocolate bunnies, yellow peeps or fruity beans tempting me all week!

    Like

  19. Oh, that’s just terrible! How awful for you!

    Of course, I have NO IDEA what it’s like to be addicted to chocolate. I have zero temptation this time of year. Reese PB eggs? Pfffft. Don’t need ’em in my life. Nope.

    Um…. excuse me… I’ll be right back… I’ve got to go um…. exercise. Yeah, that’s right. Exercise.

    Like

  20. Oh, Peg! This was so hilarious and so right on! Every single word of this post spoke to me and described my actions to a T. Even the priority boxes that I sent to my two who are in college was so right on except that I made the mistake of doing it from home and I had bathroom issues soon after. 🙂

    It will be the first Easter without any of my babies home! 😦 😦 I will have to drown my sorrows in bloody marys as well! Feliz Easter to you! 🙂

    Like

  21. Blogdramedy says:

    Is now a good time to tell you that Easter chocolate, in rabbit form and every other form you can imagine, is big in Italy? Big as in HUGE. Big as in ENORMOUS. Big as in XXXX-LARGE.

    And so far I haven’t had any. Nope. Not me. No heads missing from these bunnies.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Really? I wouldn’t have guessed that. You must have a will of iron to avoid all that luscious, Italian chocolate. Or would it be Swiss because you’re right next door?

      The one time we went to Italy we had a 20 minute layover in Zurich. I told my hubby to keep the plane on the ground by force, if necessary, while I dashed into the airport duty free shop for some Swiss chocolate. Extreme reaction? Nope.

      Liked by 1 person

  22. The Cutter says:

    Everyone knows that you double up on bags of candy: One for them, one for you.

    Like

  23. Al says:

    If I may paraphrase from an American icon and mid western sage, Will Rogers…..”I never met a chocolate bunny head I didn’t like.”

    Like

  24. It’s a long haul from Easter to Halloween. You’ll need a 6-month supply of candy to keep your blood sugar on an even keel. Stock up at those 1/2 price after-Easter sales and say the bunny made you do it.

    Like

  25. thedailydish says:

    Happy Easter, Peg!! Your sweetness to your daughters beats any chocolate bunny, especially the crappy ones I’ve tasted over the years (just the ears, as your sis said the head is going too far). May your blogging heart be filled with the joy only baskets of sappy comments can bring. 🐇❤️🐣

    Like

  26. Laura says:

    I’m right there with you on the sugar addiction. I don’t have any candy in the house, but there is a jar of Nutella in my kitchen cabinet…

    Like

  27. pattisj says:

    I haven’t had a chocolate bunny to bite off the ears in a long, long time. The ears always go first. Then the bunny can’t hear me eating the rest of it. I’d have shipped those packages to my house.

    Like

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