You’ve probably read Dante’s Inferno at some time in your life. His classic vision of hell shows the damned reaping what they sowed in descending circles of punishment. Murderers and traitors rightly occupy the lowest rings, but if Dante had been able to predict the future, I’m sure he would have reserved the bottom-most spot for those guilty of even more heinous crimes.
Crimes against traffic-bound humanity.
Summer in America is vacation travel time. Across the length and breadth of this great land, families pack up the SUV, strap in the kiddies and hit the road. And by “hit” I mean “sit” (in bumper-to-bumper traffic on super-highways that have been transformed into parking lots by congestion and never-ending construction.)
You may have already heard me rail against the stretch of demon-highway to be found around Gary, Indiana. After experiencing this and many other highways this summer, I’ve got a suggestion for Dante; there needs be a 10th circle in hell.
This circle will be reserved for drivers who don’t move over when their lane is ending.
These scum-sucking douche-bags see the sign that their lane will be ending due to upcoming construction, and what do they do? Maintain a steady speed, looking for an opportunity to merge seamlessly into their neighboring lane with a minimum of disruption to others?
No. They gun it, riding in the disappearing lane until the last, possible second. Only when their wheels are brushing the orange cones do they nose in front of their (by this time) screaming, fist-shaking neighbor. This causes said neighbor to have to slam on their brakes and sets up a chain -reaction of brake-slamming all the way down the middle lane of law-abiding, courteous travelers.
These soulless bottom-feeders feel that they are vastly more important than the idiots who play by the rules when behind the wheel.
If you are guilty of this great sin, your soul is naught but a puny, shriveled thing within you. Repent I say, repent! The end is near.
And if you’re the jerk-wad who cut me off yesterday, after I’d already been stuck on the highway for 7 hours in the broiling sun, the end is nearer than you think.