If you’re like me, nothing captures your attention quicker than a headline about whale vomit. That’s why I jumped on the following article, which recently ran in the UK newspaper, the Mirror.
If we can get beyond the misplaced modifier in the headline (was it the beach or the smelly lump that was worth £100,000?) to read the article, we learn that lucky dog owner Ken found a 6-pound “rock” of ambergris while walking his boxer, Madge. Ambergris is a rare, waxy substance that is used as a base for making fine perfume. It turns out that ambergris is French for “whale gack”. Investigating further, we discover that £100,000 is British for “oodles of money”.
I’ve yet to come across any whale vomit while walking our dog, Sally. Obviously, we aren’t walking in the right places. That may have something to do with being landlocked in central Illinois. She did come up with a fresh squirrel’s foot the other day, but I think those are used more for making luck than perfume.
It’s OK if Sally doesn’t find any ambergris, because I don’t have to rely on chance beach encounters for my supply of animal vomit. Our cat, Beeby, is a veritable gack machine.
Beeby has a sensitive stomach. She throws up constantly, leaving her calling cards all over the house. I’ve been looking at this as a bad thing as I may have mentioned before, but how wrong I was!
If a gross, smelly rock from a big fish is that valuable, how much more so would be the intestinal slurry of a cute little kitty? Beeby is my ticket to wealth! All I have to do is harvest the regurgitated gold and get it to market.
Are any of you readers highly placed in the French perfume industry? If so, spread the word. I am now taking offers for a rare and costly perfume base.
How much am I bid for this exquisite chunk of chatvomir?