This Stuff Is Even Better Than Whale Vomit

beebygack

If you’re like me, nothing captures your attention quicker than a headline about whale vomit.  That’s why I jumped on the following article, which recently ran in the UK newspaper, the Mirror.

Dog walker finds smelly lump of whale vomit on beach that’s worth £100,000

If we can get beyond the misplaced modifier in the headline (was it the beach or the smelly lump that was worth £100,000?) to read the article, we learn that lucky dog owner Ken found a 6-pound “rock” of ambergris while walking his boxer, Madge.  Ambergris is a rare, waxy substance that is used as a base for making fine perfume.  It turns out that ambergris is French for “whale gack”. Investigating further, we discover that £100,000 is British for “oodles of money”.

I’ve yet to come across any whale vomit while walking our dog, Sally.  Obviously, we aren’t walking in the right places.  That may have something to do with being landlocked in central Illinois. She did come up with a fresh squirrel’s foot the other day, but I think those are used more for making luck than perfume.

It’s OK if Sally doesn’t find any ambergris, because I don’t have to rely on chance beach encounters for my supply of animal vomit.  Our cat, Beeby, is a veritable gack machine.

Beeby has a sensitive stomach.  She throws up constantly, leaving her calling cards all over the house.  I’ve been looking at this as a bad thing as I may have mentioned before, but how wrong I was!

If a gross, smelly rock from a big fish is that valuable, how much more so would be the intestinal slurry of a cute little kitty?  Beeby is my ticket to wealth!   All I have to do is harvest the regurgitated gold and get it to market.

Are any of you readers highly placed in the French perfume industry?  If so, spread the word.  I am now taking offers for a rare and costly perfume base.

How much am I bid for this exquisite chunk of chatvomir?

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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62 Responses to This Stuff Is Even Better Than Whale Vomit

  1. I just read the article, and in the facts at the bottom it says it is probably more likely pooped out than vomited. Nice.

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  2. Lovely visual for a Monday morning, Pegomyheart!
    Is the Evolution header a permanent change? Hmmm? Inquiring minds want to know.
    Have a great day and good luck with selling the cat-gack for gold!

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    • pegoleg says:

      My basement has cat-gack splatters everywhere, and it’s impossible to get off, even with Lysol and a stiff scrub brush – no lie.
      Yes, that is a new header, thanks for noticing. Although that photo of the magical place in Ireland still expresses what’s in my heart, I thought it was a bit too dreamy to represent what’s going on at this here blog. What do you think, sis?

      Like

  3. joehoover says:

    That newspaper is probably the second biggest selling in the UK, the shame.

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  4. lexiemom says:

    lol!!! There’s nothing funnier than whale vomit, unless of course it’s “chatvomir”!

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  5. bigsheepcommunications says:

    I was going to “like” this post, but I couldn’t bring myself to click the like button for anything related to whale vomit (or any other kind of vomit, for that matter).

    Like

  6. Go Jules Go says:

    I wonder if Calvin Klein has scoured the seas for a bulimic beluga.

    Tell me you’re not having fun saying “bulimic beluga” right now. You’re welcome.

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  7. Hmmm. As I’m currently fostering two ‘nervous’ felines, I’m interested to hear how the market for chatvomir expands .. I certainly hope supply does not outpace demand for us early-adapters, and drive the price in the wrong direction before we’ve fully capitalized the situation.

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    • pegoleg says:

      I’ll let you know. I’m expecting the offers to come pouring in. The only problem I have is, the precious substance dries like concrete and I can’t get it off the basement floor. Any suggestions?

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      • Elyse says:

        Peg, you need a dog to come in and “clean regularly.” Supplies are cheap; they bring their own tongues.

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        • pegoleg says:

          All I can say is…ewwwww.

          We don’t let the dog anywhere near the cat because Beeby would scratch Sally’s eyes out. She HATES dogs. Poor Beeby is living in the basement now because we haven’t been able to solve the constant throwing up/peeing issue and I don’t know what else to do. Rather sad.

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  8. Omigosh. Why do I feel like scouring the beach for whale barf? Oh, I know. Because it’s 36 degrees and I’d like to be on a beach.

    SIDEBAR: You know what else is awesome? The Valentine’s Day pin you sent me! It is so freaking awesome sauce. I think I might have to write about it before I send it to my mother. Thank you, Peggy! It really is fantastic!

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  9. rachelocal says:

    The real question is, what’s your method for cleaning up kitty gack? I’ve got a cat with a sensitive stomach, too. He left a big pile right in the middle of the living room floor yesterday morning.

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    • pegoleg says:

      E-yuck. I’m having trouble with that issue myself. It appears there is a mysterious substance in cat-gack that would make it a key ingredient in glue. Let me know if you come up with anything.

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      • rachelocal says:

        It happened AGAIN this morning. Sometimes I wonder why I even let the little creatures live in my house, but then they purr and get cuddly on my lap. So far I just use Resolve. Doesn’t work that well, so I need a new plan.

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        • pegoleg says:

          I know. I’m seriously at the end of my rope with our cat. She’s banished to the basement and I’m considering taking her to the shelter, but is that a better life? I don’t know.

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  10. Al says:

    And here I thought the Sperm Whale was noted for a totally different secretion. Dumb me!

    P.S. You’ll be driving a lot of folks to creationism with that header.

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  11. Cat puke has little value on the international market, largely due to the fact that anyone who owns a cat has nearly unlimited supplies thereof. Also, it does not figure into the manufacture of perfumes, though it is a well known additive to concrete as a hardener.

    If you want to cash in on vomit futures, your best bet is to get yourself a whale. If that proves to be impracticle, then the next best thing might be to go to Sea World and check the dumpsters.

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  12. I can’t believe the guy just stumbled across that goo right in the middle of the day like that.
    I’ve always found it much easier to discover animal vomit in the pitch dark. With my feet.
    *squish-squash*
    🙂

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  13. Only you, Peg, can make whale vomit hilarious. You are the master at crafting a post. I bow down to you (and maybe while I’m down there I’ll stumble upon some of that liquid gold cat gack from the Beebs)

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  14. I could not believe that whale guck. Molly finds all sorts of cat guck, scarfs it up and then barfs it back up – that should be worth double, right?
    Such a practical post. Can always count on you.

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  15. I have now sworn off perfume forever. Thank you Peg.

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  16. mistyslaws says:

    What amazing timing! Where others are searching and scouring for gifts for their lovers, you have your own built in factory for eau de feline! You’re gonna be a bajillionaire by the end of the week, Peg.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I may not have time to have it made into perfume by Valentine’s Day, so I thought I’d just dab a bit of cat gack behind each ear. It’s drive the old man wild, don’t you think?

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  17. susielindau says:

    One word. Euuuwwwww!

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  18. Angie Z. says:

    Thank you for reminding me that you can make money from about anything these days. Surely my cats hair balls have some place in this world? My dog seems to enjoy them. Dog perfume?

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  19. Angie Z. says:

    And, oh wow, I am in love with your new blog banner! Super duper awesome, Miss Missing Link!

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  20. I guess I’m a lot like you–this post title caught my attention right away. And YUCK. Perfume made from whale up-chuck. I shall hence forth go au natural. Of course I smell great all by myself–hmmm another case of misplaced modifiers, eh? 😉

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  21. Why people gotta’ call their dogs Madge? 😦

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  22. Barb says:

    I’ve got something in the fridge that I can’t find and has a powerful aroma. Any headlines for the “vegan” version of whale vomit?

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  23. Are squirrels’ feet lucky like rabbits’ feet?

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    • pegoleg says:

      Yup. Although it wasn’t too lucky for the poor squirrel, apparently. Our dog came trotting into the house with it in her mouth, proud and happy as can be. Then she proceeded to throw up on the carpet and eat it up again. Gotta love animals.

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  24. It might be time to go in the market with a whale vomit (and/or poop) locator! That’s a much more pleasant way to pass a beach trip than, oh, swimming or sunning, wouldn’t you say?

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  25. Sandy Sue says:

    This killed me. Cat slurry. Oh, man. Can’t stop hooting.

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  26. List of X says:

    I don’t understand the thought process that resulted in whale vomit being used in perfume.
    “This smells horrible!!!”
    “Ewwww… Let’s keep it and make perfume out of it!”
    Compared to that, your idea seems like a pinnacle of logical thinking… and that’s why it won’t work.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Ha ha ha! I have that same thought so often, like how they found out you could eat mushrooms, and which ones.
      “MMMM, try that thing -it looks like food.”
      “Gur-r-g-g-g-k-K-KKKK!
      “OK, cross those spotted ones off the list.”

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      • List of X says:

        Actually, mushroom logic makes more sense: you can eat a tiny piece of pretty much every mushroom and not die (please just take my word for it and don’t try to confirm this!). I pick wild mushrooms and I have eaten small bits of questionable mushrooms on many occasions. But that won’t work with whale gack – a tiny bit of it would smell just as foul as a whole 6 pound chunk.

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  27. Elyse beat me to it. I never follow my cats around, my dog does. I never allow my dog to kiss me for this reason.

    Whale, anything. Who thought this was a good idea. Yet, we walk through stores and allow strange ladies to spray us with unknown noxious scents.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Even after writing this, I never thought it through to the logical conclusion. That stuff I’m spending $100 an ounce to buy, and putting on my body, is made from vomit. Erp.

      Like

  28. Pingback: Get Those Children Out of The Muddy, Muddy! | Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings

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