My favorite classic rock radio station switched to an all-Christmas-music-format the day after Thanksgiving. They call it “The Sounds of The Season”. This annoys me for two reasons.
2) Even if you happen to like Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, that doesn’t really qualify as a “sound of the season”. Those sounds go more like this:
The merry tinkling, clinking and clanking of …empty bottles of cheap Moscato (your only relief from this hellacious season of torment), knocking together as you lug a Hefty-bag full of them to the curb.
Children’s voices raised in…howling tantrum as they kick the floor at Wal-Mart after being told: no, you will NOT buy them the Barbies and Pokemons clutched in their sweaty little hands.
A group of neighbors gathered together ‘round your front door to share the message…that your Griswold-like, over-the-top light display blew the transformers for the entire block, AGAIN.
The cheery, hearty holiday greetings of…your newspaper and mail deliverers as they hand-deliver Christmas cards preprinted with their names. This after both had snarlingly tossed their deliveries in the mud puddle in your driveway for the entire year.
The rat-a-tat-tat of the Little Drummer Boy…who took up permanent residence in your skull after last night’s office Christmas party, details of which are still pretty hazy.
The familiar strains of a beloved, old Christmas carol…now ruined forever for you by the off-tempo, multi-trilled, self-indulgent cover released by the pop-star du jour, who felt compelled to “make this classic song her own”.
HER song is what is played on the formerly classic rock station every 20 minutes, around the clock, from Thanksgiving until Christmas Day is over. This, instead of Bing Crosby.
Then, at exactly 12:01 am you can at last enjoy the sounds of the season. That’s when the radio station takes the tarted-up Christmas carols off their playlist and puts on Another Brick In The Wall.