As any zoologist will tell you, the best place to observe animals in the wild is around a watering hole. When the species in question is Homo Sapiens Vacationus that means the hotel pool.
When we were on vacation last week, temperatures ranged from a low of 95 degrees to a high equivalent to the surface of the sun. This gave me ample incentive to do first-hand research at the human watering hole. Here are my field notes on the various sub-species I observed:
Kiddus Raised By Wolvus: Three siblings, approximate ages 9, 10 and 11, descended on the pool most every day. There were no parental sightings. One theory held that Mom & Dad’s idea of a fun vacation did not involve 3 preteens. They stayed in the room and kicked the kids out. Another theory was that they weren’t even staying at the hotel; that their summer-weary Mom dropped the kids off each day on her way to elsewhere.
A lifetime of fending for themselves had left these children aggressively outgoing. They had no problem approaching any and all to borrow play equipment or just to chat. The youngest horned his way into our grownup beach ball/volleyball game. We graciously let him play but immediately regretted it. Each time we hit the ball to him he tried to kill it, knocking it over everyone’s heads and out of the pool. Requests that he lighten up fell on deaf ears. After his fifth time getting out of the pool to retrieve the ball he said he was getting kind of tired and could one of us go get it the next time? Game over.
Bakus Shakus: A gaggle of bikini-clad teenage girls lay on loungers working on their tans. Every 1/2 hour or so they would rise, tie up their bikini tops and take a dip in the pool to cool off. Scant minutes later they emerged, shook off the water and went back to sunning. This ritual was eagerly observed by two other species. They were:
Dos Equus: Two teenage boys horsed around in the deep end. They seemed to be doing their best to drown one another, but were merely trying to impress the girls.
Trench Coatius Creepius: A 60-year-old man stood at the side of the pool in about 5 feet of water, not moving, with his arms spread out along the side. Dark shades hid his eyes. I could feel his gaze on me when I took off my cover-up. There’s nothing wrong with looking, but the intensity of his stare when my 20-something daughters shrugged out of their clothes activated my Creepazoid Radar. I bet this guy can be found hanging around the local high school in a trench coat in the off-season.
Eros Youngus: A 16-year-old couple played games in the shallow end. She climbed up on his shoulders and he carried her around, threatening to drop her in the water. There was a lot of squealing and clutching involved. I’m sure I wasn’t the only adult who looked at these sweet young lovers and had only one thought on her mind: should I step in before Romeo tosses Juliet right on top of one of the little kids?
Pleatherus Pleasurus: Two women “of a certain age” sat smoking and drinking in the corner. Their skin was sun-baked to the color and consistency of rawhide. They never approached the pool, but enjoyed their cocktails with increasingly loud, hoarse laughter as the afternoon (and their newest layer of pleather) baked on.
Infantus Goldenus: This pampered toddler and his doting parents carried more paraphernalia for their 1/2-hour sojourn in the pool than Stanley brought on safari, I presume. The Boy Who Would Be King was coated with sunscreen, wearing a hat and encased in a vinyl, spherical palace complete with flotation chambers, sun umbrella, and built-in tray. Captain Nemo’s ship wasn’t so water tight. Both parents hovered vigilantly to shield him lest any actual sun or water attempt to make contact.
If you’re contemplating doing some field research of your own this summer, here are a few things to keep in mind:
Those who trusted hotel room signs announcing there would be towels at the pool learned a bitter lesson. There aren’t. Always carry in your own supplies.- Goggles. These are a must-have if going underwriter. The watering hole is usually chlorinated to the point of burning your retinas. If it isn’t, you shouldn’t be in there at all. The risk of contracting Dengue Fever from the contaminated water is just too great.
- Don’t forget the essentials: sunscreen and adult beverages.
- Making eye contact with the wildlife may be seen as a sign of aggression.
As long as you’re prepared, there’s no reason you shouldn’t enjoy your encounter with Homo Sapiens Vacationus this summer. Just remember this: whatever you do, never let them sense fear.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
She’s alive…..I was getting worried. As the last blogger to see you alive I was pretty sure I would be a person of interest in the event you did not turn up this week.
The hotel we stayed in for 1 night (we were the only guests) was very accomodating to Sweet Cheeks and I and our gaggle of grandkids (all 5 stayed with us in the suite – it was an adventure of epic proportions, especially considering I was without adult beverages).
I guess watering holes are pretty much the same anywhere you go – at our place at the lake there was another breed – the Guttus Overlappus (men and women whose bellies hung over their swimsuits). Not a pretty site at all.
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Did the police have you in for questioning? When I got back I was swamped at work and had nothing written to post so I’ve been MIA.
We had the Guttus Overlappus as well. I debated adding my own Thighus Enormous to the scenery, but it was just too hot to care.
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Amen, sister! It was too hot to care that I had no business wearing a suit in public. But, that’s why they make those swim skirts – to hide the thighus enormous, at least the top half. Spanks are for controlling the Guttus Overlappus.
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Spanks in the pool is too much, don’t you think? You had a really cute suit – meant to tell you that, Tar.
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Interesting observations! I was thinking ‘Trench Coatius Creepius’ when I got to the bottom of your post – there were four advertisements: Hotels.com, TimeshareWorth.com, travelalberta.com, and bluemountain.ca. Given that I am from Alberta, clearly the ads are targeting me. I feel a bit like I am being stalked!
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Jeez, I didn’t know they were that specific. Sorry, Margie – you’re just special!
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The spookiest ones are when they offer to remove belly fat or wrinkles, and I think “Jeez – how do they know what I look like!”
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I think the desire to remove belly fat and wrinkles is one that infects about 90% of the population.
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I remember some of those specimens you so accurately described. Especially the creepy guy eyeballing anyone with ta-tas. Yuk.
The pool was great since it was, as you said, close to the temperature of the sun outside. And no breeze. And it wasn’t too crowded so we could get chill.
Their newest layer of pleather? You challenge my vocabulary vocabulary!
Whew … finally got my Pegoleg fix …. ahhhhh…..:)
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I was glad to have the pool in that heat, even with all the characters around. The aggressive kids bug me the most.
I had a lot of fun, but it was over way too soon, wasn’t it? Great to see you two! You need to road-trip to see us in a few weeks, hmmm?
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Can you sit outside in your new, screened in porch, with the ceiling fan running? Are the wasps gone from around your house? I do want to visit but I’m a bit paranoid now.
Remember the party at your house when Mom and I got stung going down the stairs? I didn’t get the bad skin infection. We put a paste of crushed tums and water on it and iced it. Sore, but no Doctors were needed.
Sunday’s delay between sting and getting home may be why the infection got so bad…something I must avoid next time!
Carry on with your biting blogging 🙂
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as if that was any problem
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Very entertaining observations there lady! When I got to the bottom of your post, the advertisement showing started out “Drop 3 Sizes…” Hmmpphh! 😦
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That’s funny – the advertisement is showing me a fully loaded bratwurst. Can Madison Ave now read our thought waves???? cool!
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Not quite yet, Peg. The ad I saw was for an African Safari, and anyone who knows me (or who has read my blog’s About page) knows that I am terrified of hippos, crocs, and pretty much every other African animal. No safaris for this girl! 😉
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Dana, the WordPress Ad Oracle knows what is best for you. Resistance is futile – book that trip today.
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I just want to take this moment to thank you for watching the hellions during that volleyball game for me. I appreciate it. I mean, how else am I to get uninterrupted time smoking and drinking and leathering up my skin in the corner?
I am thrilled that Katy didn’t kill you at Wendy’s.
Why are men so blatant about staring at women? I was just at the grocery store today and two guys actually looked me up and down, then their eyes hovered at my breast area for a good full minute. Sent shockwaves of creepiness up and down my spine. It’s almost like they’ve never seen a woman before? And I looked like absolute crap. Maybe that’s why they were staring?
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Maybe even in your uncombed, unkempt natural state you give off natural come-hither hormones. Ever think of that?
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Well shut the front door! Lookee who’s all Freshly Pressed up in the hizzle!!! YAY!!!!! You rule, Queen Pegoliciousness!
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I suspect this means I won’t hear from you for awhile, huh. I miss already…sniff, sniff….but CONGRATS again!! I love you!
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I miss YOU already. Jeezum crow, I’m so excited I’ve forgotten how to write a complete sentence.
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Woo Hoo!!! 🙂
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My, my, what a lovely surprise.
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A must have if you are going underwriter? You can take the insurance gal out of the office, but you can’t take the insurance out of the gal.
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Ha ha ha! Ain’t that the truth. Sharp eyes you’ve got there, Al.
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I just got to look at all you vacationers having fun in the pool. Next time. What’s with the ad at the end of your post? It wasn’t one that your friends got either. Fun use of language.
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I’m trying to make some $$ off this-here endeavor. Click on the ads even if you’re not interested so I can clear a dollar this month, will you? There’s a good lass.
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I can’t remember the last time I hung out at a hotel pool. I loathe the idea of sharing water with so many strange bodies. I also don’t like people looking at me for whatever reason (overwhelming hotness or extreme ugliness?). And they will look because as you said, the watering hole is the observation deck for all. No matter how hot it is outside, I know the hotel is air conditioned and I can stay cool indoors watching HBO instead of feigning tolerance of bratty kids and letcherous old men at the pool.
I admire your bravery and salute the contribution your observations have made to sociology.
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You’re so right – I KNOW you’re right, but I convinced myself the chlorine was heavy-duty enough to knock out any gross substance or infection known to man. That’s because that was where the people were. Staying alone in the room watching TV the whole time smacks a bit of hermitism. Not that I’m judging or anything…
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I thrive on solitude! Call me an introvert or a hermit, whatever you like. I have very little patience for random human contact such as that encountered at a hotel swimming pool. Your study confirms my decision to continue to avoid!
Thanks for bringing a good laugh to me today. Your posts are always entertaining!
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You missed the socialis ignoramus, the college-aged folks who showed up, dang-near ran over some of the small kids, and used bad language despite nasty looks from surrounding parents. Despite all the characters, the kids loved the pool — Will spent more time in the pool than sleeping.. I swam with him a lot but didn’t want to blind anyone with my buttus whiteoramus — wanted to knock on George Hamilton’s kitchen door and ask to borrow a cup of melatonin!
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Those guys were “Dos Equus”. I had to make it just 2 to get the double entendre of “2 horses” and that swanky guy in the beer commercials. Poetic license.
I think I speak for the entire pool-going community when I say thank you for sparing us your buttus whiteoramus.
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Omigosh! Hilarious! I want to be you. I want to write like you. As I am in the airport on my way home from Flirida, I can tell you I saw a little of this at the beach. But it’s like our winter here. People don’t come outside much. That said, I’m looking forward to go to the DPC when I get home: The DiCesare Pool Club is awesome and owned by my neighbors. So no creepers and no babies and no bikini clad teens. Yet.
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Just a bikini-clad, hot you, right? I love you, but I do have to hate you for rocking a bikini so great.
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Very Funny PoL!! I have the advantage (?) of living in a beach vacation spot. I get to watch this behavior all summer. Hope you had a good vacation in spite of the entertainment!
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It was great! Sounds like you get great blog fodder from your environment. Either that or you wish you could wash your eyes out with acid.
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This was brilliant! My daughter recently told me she doesn’t like public/hotel pools because there are always used band-aids floating around. Turned me off public/hotel pool immediately.
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Ewwwwww!
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Exactly my sentiments.
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Rare sighting in the pool – but common at the beach: “Sloth Urinis” – those folks that pee in the water. You can always tell which ones…those waist-deep folks with the sheepish look.
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Don’t some pools put in dye that changes color if you “go”? The certain knowledge that whatever pool I’m in has that, is all that keeps me from the Sloth Urinis category. 😉
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Oh, public pools! I admire your bravery and your commitment to anthropology, Peg. Public pools (and hot tubs…. and hot springs) are too close to taking a bath with fifty-odd strangers for this woman. I don’t even like my feet touching puddles of water that other feet have potentially touched. Yuck!
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You had me up until the puddle comment, Dana. Shade of Howard Hughes (at the end).
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Well, we all have our issues, right? Too bad I’m not filthy rich to boot. 🙂
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Great descriptions! I’ve seen those people!
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🙂
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We have seen the enemy, and he is us. Or something like that.
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Very scientifically funny. =))))
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I’m all about the science here.
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Thanks for the laugh. People watching can be such fun especially as I’m pretty judgmental and I inevitably end up feeling better about myself 🙂
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I’m with you, except the sweet young things in their bikinis had the opposite effect on me. Le sigh.
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God, this is brilliantly funny, Peg! And congrats on FP, of course.
Hugs,
Kathy
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Thanks, Kathy! It was a pleasant surprise this morning, as you well know.
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I love Trench Coatius Creepius!!! The phrase, not the character!!
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The only reason he WASN’T wearing one, was then he wouldn’t have blended in with his prey.
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Nice post…and really well observed. I spend a lot of my time sketching people and I love the subtle signals and mannerisms you can pick up by just observing. In summer, as we live by the lakes in Switzerland, a lot of this time is by water/beach environments and its always a great place to sketch. It is a fine line though, between watching and gooogling and you´d be surprised how many people realise they´re being observed even with their backs turned…maybe you´de be interested to see some of my observations at: http://umanbn.wordpress.com/category/figurative/
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I’m jealous of your artistic ability. You’re smart to be aware of that fine line – you don’t want anybody accusing you of being a Creepius.
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this gets a lolz
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Thanks – I’ll take it!
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Good call about checking the chlorine levels in the pool! Dengue Fever…loved that! Best to just dive in and try not to think about it. Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed!
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Thanks! I didn’t dare dive in. I didn’t want any vulnerable facial parts exposed to disease.
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Love the “Bakus Shakus: A gaggle of bikini-clad teenage girls lay on loungers…” can just see them shaping up, curve for curve, to the currents of the pool. Love too the latin-satin-literati-inserts at the up-end of each paragraph. Dam shifty writing, Ma’am. A gale of laughs. Well done!
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I like your descriptive accolades, especially “dam shifty writing.”
We love our Pegoliciousness and her twisted, crafty take on the world!
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This is why I get private villas on holiday…I wonder what category I’d have slot into?
Congrats on FP (again!). Everyone I follow is being FP’d lately, nice to have some good stuff up there 🙂
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Thanks, Joe. IT was a great surprise. Private villas? Do those come with private oceans as well?
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If you’re Richard Branson they do!
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Entertaining and inspiring work of observation in field!!
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There’s nothing I won’t do for scientific inquiry.
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It sure could be dangerous and potentially harmfull when engaging in situations involving the homo sapiens.
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Ha, awesome and entertaining post. Very funny. Can’t wait to read more.
I’m new here and loving the wordpress community already.
Cheers!
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It’s a fun place to hang out – welcome to the nut factory.
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Nut factory? Perfect. I’ll fit right in!
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This totally made me happius to the maximus. Well written!
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Thankius maximus.
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is it bad i felt annoyed of those kids just from reading your description? I know they can’t help it, really. Maybe I am annoyed with the parents. Anyway, very observant and funny post. I’m sure my Mom had the radar for gross annoying creepy guys at the pool and my sister and I were too busy (looking for boys our age) to even notice.
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I WAS annoyed. Those kids had no qualms about going up to a strange adult and asking for whatever they wanted. In my day (and yes, I know I sound like my Great-Aunt Fanny when I say that) children were afraid of grownups, as they should be.
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OMG . . . you have officially frightened me off the summer vacation that we’re doing such a bad job of not planning! Gah! Public pools are frightening enough in my local habitat (what is that brown thing on the bottom–shut your eyes El!) but holiday pools!! Aiiie!!!
FP? Congrats!!!!
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When I read this, I automatically thought of CaddyShack, with Bill Murray and a host of funny people. Remember the club pool clip, where some ‘brown thing’ is bobbing in the water? The Jaws soundtrack comes on, and everyone in the pool starts screaming and slobbering to get out?
Murray’s character picks it up out of the water and takes a bite out of it. People faint and reacte in such hilarious ways.
Makes me laugh every time! 🙂
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I forgot about that scene – hysterical! Maybe plan your vaca at a nice, air conditioned museum El. I’m sure the kids would LOVE that.
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Hilarious! Loved this!
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Thanks for stopping in.
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What a great post! Thoroughly enjoyed it. 🙂
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Well, thanks so much!
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Hahaha… oh, come-on, Peg… I’m not THAT creepy, am I?!
Seriously, though… my ad was for batteries.
This is scary.
HOW do ‘they’ know I have no energy?!
🙂
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WordPress knows all, SIG. WordPress knows all.
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Hey! The last few years I have done my own research based on observation and what you call Dos Equus it is for me the Peacock Syndrome. That means, to show the “best” part of you to impress the opposite sex, just like peacocks showing their colorful feathers. You can find several example:
– Business men showing their knowledge in front of women
– Guys cycling without hands
– Baby kids “performing” at the playground showing
– ATC
I hope we can conciliate our theories 🙂
Thanks for sharing, definitely fun and true.
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Peacock Syndrome – so true! And the most colorful of the species is the male, right?
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I HAVEN’T EVEN READ THIS POST YET BUT I’M SO EXCITED THAT I’M COMING DOWN HERE TO SCREAM AT YOU FIRST — CONGRATULATIONS!
Your sixth time I heard? Well then, actually — *yawn*.
Seriously. You are the bomb-ditty-bomb. Don’t forget who taught you everything you know. Robin Gibb of course.
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Bomb-ditty-bomb…you DO have a way with words, Miss Thang. I, and my mentor, Robin, thank you most sincerely.
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So funny. Loved it. And where was the sociologist-writerus sitting? Loved some small, witty play with language such as “Goggles. These are a must-have if going underwriter. “
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I love your ‘handle’!
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🙂
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I was sitting in the water, directly across from the creep. That way he couldn’t see anything..
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Hope he is reading this blog. Hate creeps.
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I want to keep pressing the “like” button over and over and over and over (ad nauseum).
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Go right ahead – I won’t mind, Your Highness. 😉
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Peg! Peg!! Sha’woo. I was getting nervous. I noticed you were Freshly Pressed and I thought, “Crap! Nothing of hers has been in my WP feed … how many posts of hers have I missed?!” My blood pressure skyrocketed. Thankfully, I had not missed any – you simply, in pure Peg’O style – knocked your return post out of the park! Well done! Good to see you again! Glad you made it out of the water hole alive.
I’m even gladder Rob, the kids, and I weren’t among the wildlife. I fear your description of me: Momus Barkus – A controlling Mom who hoovers over her boys, snapping every time they near the deep end, while barking at her husband to tend to the boys. *sigh*
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Sha’woo??? Love it! Right back atcha. I have been gone for a week and feared I wouldn’t be able to write anything new, so I was really pleased.
Don’t feel bad, I was just that same Mom, Lenore. I was worse than the parents hovering around the baby swim bubble (which was a very cool contraption, actually). I’d rather be the overprotective mom than the one with the injured kid.
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hilarious post! funniest take on the irritations of poolside visits.
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I think this blog has devolved into a way for me to vent about ALL the things that irritate me. Given my irritability level, I’ll never run out of material, Lexy.
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Nice post, I really liked your Latin names for all the pool dwellers 🙂
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Well, more Latin-ish, actually, but thanks!
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I will keep all of these tips in mind as I am approaching my family shindig of a summer vacay next week. Good tips all around. Especially about the adult beverages. Then again, I didn’t really need a reminder about that!
And what is this I hear about little ole you being FP’d . . . again? Wow, the peanut butter crew strikes again!! I so wish I had been part of that group, because maybe, just maybe I could be one of the cool FP kids. 😦 Still waiting . . . one day, maybe. Great post!!
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Adult beverages make family get togethers go JUST a bit smoother, don’t they?
You’re practically the caption queen, Misty, so it’s just a matter of time before the FP gods wave their magic wands your way.
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I still doubt they know of my existence. Put in a good work for me, will ya?
Oh, and is there an option on your site to receive email notifications when you respond? I didn’t see it and fear I am just playing dumb blonde again. (Sadly, I am brunette and don’t even have that excuse!). Did I miss it?
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I turned that feature off when WP started sending messages for EVERY comment, deluging inboxes. I just turned it back on – thanks for the heads up.
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Nice post, I really liked your Latin names for all the pool dwellers
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Thanks, Ali. Why do I have a strange feeling of deja vu here?
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This is hilarious! I laughed at every observation, I used to work at a resort pool, and I have definitely seen these species around.
http://stepstochangetheworld.wordpress.com/
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I bet you’ve seen things that would make a grown man cry, am I right?
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Ha! Oh, definitely.
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Very nicely done, Peg. Having spent mucho time at the neighborhood pool, you captured every species in that habitat! 🙂
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OMG – FP again!! You stud-ette, you!! I just saw you on the “leader board.”
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Oh, I see what you did there: You let Darla go on vacay, and then blew her right out of the wading-pool-water!! hehehe
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🙂 good one!
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Serves her right for abandoning all of us, doesn’t it?
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You got that straight, Peg!
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Stud-ette. Me likey, MJ. 😉
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Hotel pools scare me. You never know what kind of wildlife you will encounter there, but thanks to this lovely post, we now have genus and species categorized. Great wit! Congrats on the FP!
irunibreathe.wordpress.com
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Thanks so much. You just need to be prepared when going among the wildlife.
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So, so funny!
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Aw, shucks folks. Thanks!
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Peeking in from work (not wearing creepazoid shades — ewww, those guys!). Yay, you. Gotta split…
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Thanks, Hippie. No, your shades are groovy instead of creepy.
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Really clever. Loved it.
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Thanks for stopping in!
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Congrats, Peg. I hope being FP’d earns you another vacation!
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Thanks Elyse. I’ll take one in the south of France. I’m sure even the creepy people there are cool.
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No, the folks in the south of France are simply creepy. And the plunk chase lounges 2 inches apart on the beaches and charge you to burn there. I have never understood French beaches.
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Another illusion shattered.
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This post perfectly describes many of my pet peeves about people at the pool. We have a number of creepers who come to our pool simply to stare at women (and some even children, but we chased them off quick enough…). Don’t the sensible members of your community try to correct these wrongs? Simply by telling them off or forcefully escorting them away?
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(By community, I mean those at the hotel)
Wouldn’t other parents be horrified by the man staring at their daughters? Or wouldn’t anyone else in the pool ACT about the young lovers roughhousing?
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I think we would have acted if they went to far with the rough-housing. It’s a difficult thing to reprimand someone else’s children. And you can’t blame someone for looking at what’s prominently on display, I guess.
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Peggles! Freshly back from vacay only to be Freshly Pressed!!! HUZZAH!! I shan’t bring the party down by complaining that this post didn’t appear in my reader – thanks to Darla I’m not TOO far behind!
This was so great. I’m still thinking about the trench coat creeper and wondering if I have enough adult beverages to erase the memory of someone else’s memory. I also need to toast to you! Man, time to head to the liquor store.
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Thanks a bunch, Jules. I’m trying to get caught up on my reading, but I’m woefully behind. You’re not the only one who has mentioned I’m not showing up in their Reader – the WP gods giveth and the WP gods taketh away.
Send me some of those beverage so we can toast together.
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Very clever. Props to you for those “latin-ish” names!
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Thanks. I’m multilingual. In addition to Latin-ish I also speak French-ish and Spanish-ish. I’ve attempted Chinese-ish, but apparently I’m not very good at that one.
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Such observations deserve a standing ovation! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post and your writing style! 🙂
Thank you for sharing!
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Well thank you! And standing up periodically is a great way to get the circulation going, so it’s all good.
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Haha loved it! And congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
I have never seen a hotel pool such as the one described, but I have seen a couple of beaches like that. Complete with the people who bring a buffet (Buffetous Maximus) and that one annoying kid who destroys the sandcastle causing his sister to scream (Destroyous and Screamous).
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Ah, Destroyous and Screamous. One finds them at all the best watering holes, and often right in one’s own living room.
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So THAT’S how you get Freshly Pressed – you write something topical, funny and well illustrated. I still hope to get on here using my own, thus far unproven method, of writing crap and then getting lucky.
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No, no, writing crap and getting lucky works all the time. Just not in this case.;)
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well…so far it hasn’t worked for me..I live in fear that if freshly pressed is somehow random, my turn will come when I’ve posted some horrid piece of junk…on the bright side, it’s almost lust time in the 7 deadly sins series!
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You’ve got that contest so sewn up there’s no point in the rest of us even submitting anything! Curse you.
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Sounds like a great day at the pool!
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ALL the days at the pool were delightful, actually. It was so dang-blamed hot I was just happy to have it.
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absolutley hilarious – thank you!
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No, thank YOU!
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Made my afternoon! thanks for sharing and congrats on being FP!
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And you made MY afternoon – thanks for stopping by!
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very funny story. thanks for sharing….
SEO Manchester
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Thanks for reading.
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“■Making eye contact with the wildlife may be seen as a sign of aggression” made me laugh! A great post for a summer day 🙂
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Especially with those pesky kids -any little glance was seen as an invitation to come bug me. I guess you can tell I’m an old softy with the children.
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Same with the singles parties. I remember one in Chicago early on in the 1980s (ask Carolyn about this one -she’ll remember :)) It’s the same with guys – make eye contact and they are ALL OVER YOU!
This one guy had a belt buckle with the gold name of JOE. OMG. Plaild shirt, polyster navy pants, somewhat hunched forward, dark, smarmy and so DESPERATE!
Ask Carolyn, really, I’m laughing out loud at the memory. Pat’s looking at me like I’ve grown a third head! 🙂
I need a cocktail. Damn the antibiotics!
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I haven’t had that trouble with strange men in a long, LONG time. Like since when Truman was in office. How did Joe make out that night?
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What ever happened to “stranger danger”? We encountered some very outgoing kids in a pool in Miami last summer. Not one ounce of hesitation to chat us up!
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The only reason I liked your post was because I couldn’t find a Super-Like button! 🙂 It’s a clever and very funny post. Well Done!
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Well thank you! Trotting off to find a Super-Like button to install.
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I used to love hot tubs until I just thought about all that sits in them. Sittius creepius for sure. Congratulationus on all you served up to think about.
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I’ve never been a big fan of hot tubs. First of all, I don’t like heat. Secondly, thinking about all the gross stuff in there makes me think of a giant, steaming bowl of toxic soup.
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Peg, I’m on Summer Break from blogging, but I opened up the homepage today, and what do I see? You! 🙂 Again! 🙂 Congratulations! And I hope you appreciate this full minute I am taking off from my break to share my happy wishes for you. Hooray! Great post. Creepy, but great.
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I DO appreciate it, Melissa. Wondered where your smiling face had got to. I took just one week off and I was anxious. Enjoy the summer!
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Congrats on FP!
My daughter went to a hotel pool to swim for a couple of hours with friends who were staying there. When she came home, her bathing suit had deteriorated to the point that we could see through it due to the excessive chlorine. Fun times!
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Wow, after only one swim? That hotel is doing the job right! (and thanks 🙂 )
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Brilliant, Peg. Not that I’m a bit surprised. Congrats again! By the way, you never mentioned here that you tanned with baby oil and a few drops iodine. I’m sure it was just an oversight.
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Those days are long gone, Angie. Now I slather up with SPF Burkha.
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SPF Burkha – HA! Laughed out loud at that one 🙂
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Jumping up and down here, Peg. My Freshly Pressed screen has been on the blitz for weeks. It just came back up and there you were!!! I am genuflecting in your direction. Actually, I’ve eaten way too much today to genuflect, but if I had a hat, I’d tip in in your direction. You rock. Totally.
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Aw, thanks Renee. Maybe it’s time to start a hat collection to go with all your shoes?
Your comment ended up in Waiting For Moderation, like you were a stranger or something. My Reader and Freshly Pressed weren’t working either until I installed Firefox a couple of weeks ago. Now, no prob.
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Ah, all of these glorious people to sit in a bathwater-warm pool with and flop around like we’re having fun and we just can’t wait to do it every year! Great post. Congrats on FP!
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My 10-year-old niece routinely spit out water every time she surfaced in the pool until I finally said “For goodness sake, we are all swimming around in your spit – cut it out!” That’s just the kind of caring auntie I am. Wonder why my sister never asks me to watch her kids?
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This is kind of genius. And even more hilarious. In short: perfect. I love it.
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Perfect, eh? You have a way with word.
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Indeed I do. But only that one. Other words tend to give me troubles.
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“Making eye contact with the wildlife may be seen as a sign of aggression.” Very clever! Thanks for the giggle 🙂
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Also a dangerous move when observing the mating rituals of Homo Sapiens Pickchickupius at the adult watering hole, as my sister, Tar-Buns, pointed out above.
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Hilarious, but I have to admit I was a Bakus Shakus when I was a teenager, it was the 80s and dark tans were another symbol of the decade of excess 🙂
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Oh, I tried that in my misbegotten youth, too. Trouble is that I only burn, so it was a pointless endeavor.
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Trench Coatius Creepius? How did you know I was there? I was merely enjoying a fantasy of days long gone when I was more like Eros Youngus.
A very cool piece of writing.
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Thanks, Grumpa. I think it was the hat that tipped me off to your true identity.
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Found your blog on FP – congratulations and thanks for a good laugh! I’m looking forward to more, more, more!!
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Jeez, talk about piling on the pressure. I’ll try hard not to disappoint. Now where’s that Xanax…
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The rawhide women – LOL! Sadly, that’s so me.
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In hindsight, 52-year-old me is kinda glad I could never tan – it spared me that saddle leather chest so common in women my age.
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Hah, I think I’ve seen elephants act similarly.
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Yes, and I forgot to mention when it was time to get out of the pool everyone went off, single file, with their noses attached to the tail of the person in front of them.
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My family used to get a hotel room for our Yearly Vacation that had a window overlooking the pool. We used to spend a good hour each day observing the wildlife, so I know exactly what you mean. It’s a good thing I wasn’t in this pool you were observing. My white skin radiates UV rays that no pair of sunglasses can completely ward away.
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Ah, Swimmerus Irradiatius. My brother Bill commented above that he kept his swim trunks firmly tied so we wouldn’t get a shot of buttus whiteoramus. Thanks to both of you for your restraint.
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really loved the post! hilarious….
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Thanks so much for dropping by!
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hahaha Trench Coatius Creepius! This was hilarious and I definitely have run into all of these types of people while on vacation. I also have one more to add from my numerous family vacations to France (my father is from there and his family still lives there): Americans who naturally assume nobody around them can understand English (more French people understand English than you realize) and decide to loudly complain/be obnoxious while in a foreign country.
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Oh. Er…um…sorry about that madam-oysel.
Actually I think we Americans abroad are more often guilty of assuming that EVERYbody understands English. Then we get a bit testy that the damn Italian waiter in the Italian restaurant in the Italian country cannot seem to comprehend that I want butter with that bread, chop chop, Amigo!
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*sigh* In usual summer kid-frenzied style, I’m late to your FP party. I’ll first say congrats, and now I’ll go read your piece like a good follower! This (FP, not my comment) had to make your week.
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“Kiddus Raised by Wolvus.” Aw, man! You put that right up on top so I’d even see it in trunc’d blog reader version, and I STILL missed it! Danggit. The offspring are a genetic mutation of Parentus Sleepus Noninterruptous (her) and Eros Drunkus (him).
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Shannon, if I’m reading this parental description right, it’s a disturbing picture you paint. Very disturbing.
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Brilliant post, Peg!! Angie’s right, though. It’s all getting a bit superfluous, isn’t it now? Whatever, I’m not yawning. I’m absolutely intrigued by your ability to create new and exciting (and off-the cuff) content. My stuff is pretty dirt or kids in nature. Not much deviation, so I must live vicariously here. Seriously, brilliant.
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Are you kidding, Shannon? I can’t believe you can put one foot in front of the other, let along put cyber pen to paper as well as you do. I remember how hectic it is with young kids, although at times it seems light-years away.
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Well, congrats on being FP! It seems like only last month you were wondering if you would ever be Freshly Pressed again, and bingo, you get FP. So, besides being funny and having a good understanding of sentence structure and how to spell, which star, exactly, did you wish upon?
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Kim Kardashian.
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Really? KK? I avoid that scripted show and don’t understand what the big attraction is. Another reality-show that is anything but real. But that’s just my 2 cents worth.
Hope your neck is better today! TGIF!
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NO not really. Of COURSE not really. She asked what star I wished upon and KK was the funniest thing I could think of, precisely beCAUSE she is a talent-less wannabe. C’mon, you know me better than that.
It is much better today. Only hurts when I turn it, instead of when moving at all like yesterday. I got a pretty good night’s sleep, so everything looks brighter today.
I need more coffee.
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Hahaha, thank you for that read! Especially The Boy Who Would Be King cracked me up. Very well observed.
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Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
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Congrats on being freshly pressed! How did you get hurt? Send details.
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No idea. I just pulled the muscles in my neck and I’m a big baby. I feel a lot better today, though, so I’ve dialed back the whining just a bit. Thanks for the congrats, sis!
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this article made me smile! captures a lovely summer mood with everyone, as you have described so wonderfully, enjoying it in their own way!
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That’s a good way to look at it – everyone was enjoying the day in their own way.
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Congrats again! you the best! Mom and Dad.
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Hey, I know you two! You were there for much of this research. Did you recognize any of the characters? We had a great time with you and the rest of the family – love you both. 🙂
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Congratulations on making it to ‘Freshly Pressed’!
Love your post! I Laughed out loud several times (not good considering I’m sitting at my office ‘supposedly’ grading papers). The description of Trench Coatius Creepius is both funny and alarming.
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I’m sure you’ve seen his type before…he WAS creepy. Put those papers down and take a little break – you deserve it!
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Haha, hilarious! And yes, the towels: golden advice, their the easiest to forget, especially when you, well, expect them to be there, waiting for you. Great post!
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It’s a terrible disappointment when they’re not there, and you have to try to shimmy back into your clothes sopping wet for the long, overly air-conditioned trek back to your room. You’re liable to get pneumonia!
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Really enjoyed your post! 🙂
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Thanks for stopping by – pull up a chair!
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Glad I bumped into your blog…Perfect summer post…Looking forward to my poolside vacation even more! Thanks…
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The pool’s a fascinating place to hang out.
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Ha I love your voice! Hilarious and fresh. Great blog 🙂 if you get a chance check out my blog at http://www.snaxandsexandthecity.com!
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Thanks – I appreciate you stopping by and reading.
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Your title brought me here. I love your terminology! Very creative. Made me smile! Thanks!
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Thanks for reading – I appreciate it.
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this sounds like quite an intense people watching session. very informative and a great read! I’ll be sure to look out for trench coatius creepius when I vacation this summer!
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Yeah, you’ll want to avoid him probably.
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Reblogged this on Three Men & A Red Head.
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This is actually hilarious, because it’s so, so true! Now, for all you people out there with an amazing story to share (and I’ll save you the time of reading a long description, you can see that on my blog), have a look at my blog, I’m trying out a new idea of collecting stories from all sorts of interesting people: http://pragmaticallyeccentric.wordpress.com/share-your-story/
Don’t worry, it’s no spam, I’m just a 15 year-old girl in need of a Summer project and with a love of stories, I’d like to read them as much as the next person. So, I’m building a collection (or hoping to). Please, just take a look. Thank you.
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Good luck with your project.
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Reblogged this on Makes Me Wander and commented:
From the very first line, I knew I was in for a wild adventure!
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Oh my gosh, this is the best post ever! I reposted for all the summer lovers! You hooked me at the title, reeled me in with the first paragraph and had me rolling by Trench Coatius Creepius! One species I saw as recently as yesterday was the Speedos Minimus worn by hairy dudes from other countries or who forgot that this isn’t 30 years ago when they could have rocked it and made it almost desireable. You have a new follower in me! 🙂
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Ick. I remember Speedos Minimus, although I haven’t seen that particular species for a long, long time. Very few could carry the look off. Even 30 years ago the usual sighting left observers wanting to wash their eyes out with acid.
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Be glad you haven’t seen it in a while! I kept chuckling to myself all day when we were at the pool this afternoon seeing all the species! Love it!
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Great blog post, very funny.
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Thanks for reading and commenting!
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Delightfully creative and insightfully humorous!
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Thanks so much!
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Funny post! My younger sister and I went to hotel’s pool almost everyday when we, well, were in the hotel. And people around us thought we were those ‘Kiddus Raised By Wolvus’…. It was not that we were running around or something. It was that they thought MY younger sister was hanging out with HER little sister (judged by the size of us). It was hurt. I’m twenty-something. *crestfallen*
By the way, I appreciate ‘Infantus Goldenus”s parents. If they could make their children waterproof, they would definitely have done it in no time. Devoted parents.
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I can joke about it now because I pretty much WAS that parent. You have to learn to let go a little with the precious little ones. Thanks for visiting!
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I live to people watch. To bad it is a job with no financial benefits. I recently took my youngest, an 11 year old male string bean, to the neighborhood pool. The interaction of 3 kids 2 years older fascinated him. Of course it may have been the itty-bitty-teeny-weeny-yellow-polka-dot-bikini top bouncing in and out of the water. He later told me they were stupid and did not know how to have fun at the pool. I guess he will have to figure a few things out as he grows up. Thanks…great read!
Peach State
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11- that’s a tough age. I wouldn’t be a teenager (or worse, a preteen) again if you paid me! Thanks for stopping in.
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i got hook on the photo
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Thanks for visiting!
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Hey, congrats on being FP’d, Peg! Thank goodness you didn’t endure that creepy man’s staring for nothing. 🙂 Enjoy the rush!
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Thanks so much, Dana. It was a pretty short rush, as it turned out. I kept clicking on my WordPress Bookmark all weekend, seeing myself on the front page and smirking. But I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t have more hits and comments after Thursday. It seems I needed to refresh the page to see that by Friday my front page news was yesterday’s birdcage liner. Sigh.
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Funny, that. Whenever I click on the front page, I see all 20-ish posts on the FP page. Maybe there’s a magical front page somewhere that only shows the newest 10? I’m glad I have my fully-stocked front page; otherwise, I would have plain missed out on seeing your FP glory.
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My ads were for nothing but pools. I have not room for anything other than a baby-wadey (unless I knock down that hill…. and cut down some forest..).
My sister-in-law has an expression for the Creepazoid guys. She says “he was looking at her like Garfield looks at a plate of lasagna” which is ick-fully acurate.
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With the heat we’ve got here in Illinois lately, the baby-wadey sounds like a good deal. Thank the good Lord for AC.
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Freshly pressed and shown in first page so I come to check this article. Title is attractive. Pretty interesting . Got fun. 🙂 Thank you.
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Thanks – I appreciate you stopping by!
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Reblogged this on Outsider's Window.
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