52 Is Not 22

A working knowledge of science and "lower" math is so helpful in life.

I am 52-years-old.  That means that I have also been 22-years-old.   If you have not yet experienced both, believe me when I tell you that 52 is not 22.  In fact, the two ages barely speak the same language. 

Here are just a few examples of how the same words can mean entirely different things depending on your age:

The Law of Gravity

  • at 22: g = 9.81 m/s2
  • at 52: For every Spanx Booty-Booster Bodysuit (with the Lycra-Lift-&-Separate-Posterior-Panel), there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Highlights

  • at 22: blonde streaks in the hair caused by the sun; enhanced by the application of a little lemon juice.
  • at 52: blonde streaks in the hair caused by the hairdresser; enhanced by the application of Clairol Nice & Easy Frost & Tip in Lemon Blonde. 

Tan

  • at 22: a honey-gold tint to the skin acquired by spending time in the sun.
  • at 52: why, oh why did 22-year-old me not listen to all that crap about sunscreen?

Period of mourning

  • at 22: A time of grief following the death of a loved one.
  • at 52: A time of grief following shopping for bathing suits.  Aka: summer.

Retirement

  • at 22: Something that old people do when they stop working
  • at 52: Something that I will never be able to do because of all the old people who have stopped working.

Party Hearty

  • at 22: Friday night: Dance and drink until 2 in the morning, then spend the rest of the night in front of the toilet.
  • at 52: Friday night: Dine and drink until 2 glasses of wine, then spend the rest of the night in front of the TV (in my jammies).

Hot

  • at 22: My toned, tan, tight self.
  • at 52: My sweaty, red, menopausal self.

The Future

  • at 22: A bright and shining highway of possibilities, stretching endlessly before me.
  • at 52: A highway constantly under construction, subject to 10-car pileups and unplanned detours.  While away the travel time singing along with the radio, talking and laughing  (pick travel buddies carefully).  Frequent stops to pay tolls and use the Rest Areas.  Occasional emergency stops on the shoulder for crying or speculating on the road not taken.
Advertisements

About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
This entry was posted in General Ramblings and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

68 Responses to 52 Is Not 22

  1. bigsheepcommunications says:

    Wow, you had a way better 22 than I did!

    Like

  2. pegoleg says:

    It’s possible that I just have a way worse memory.

    Like

  3. Ha…I’ll be 62. With some wonderful news we received yesterday, 62 will be a grand year too.

    Like

  4. Can you be Freshly Pressed so soon after the last time?

    Like

  5. Janu says:

    Sad, but true. However, I was pregnant when I was 22 so my waist is smaller now:) I am also 52 and love being an empty nesters.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Pregnant-waist measurements don’t count, cuz you snap (most of the way) back after the birth. This 52-year-old tummy isn’t going anywhere!

      Like

    • Tori Nelson says:

      I’m still young enough that when I tell women my age it pisses them off BUT I can say I was in the whale phase of pregnancy at 22. I like to think those giant stretchy pants never happened 🙂

      Like

      • pegoleg says:

        Oh no! When I was 18 I stayed with my grandparents in their senior condo in Florida for the summer. When I’d go to the pool to do laps, the old ladies would stand at the side of the water and glare at me because I was young and looked good in a bikini. I don’t want to be one of those jealous old women! THanks for reminding me, Tori. And I’m sure you rocked the whale pants anyway.

        Like

  6. Well, yeah, maybe (especially the “Party hearty”), but I wouldn’t want to go back, would you?

    Like

  7. My 22 and your 22 didn’t exactly match, but I’m already with you on at least half things things, at 34. I’m not sure what that particular equation equals out to… so I just say “screw it” and enjoy now. Hope I still do later!

    Like

  8. Selena says:

    laughing all the way to 56……

    Like

  9. Laura says:

    I get to cling to the last vestiges of my 40s for a few more days, so I’m going to pretend I have no idea what you’re talking about. Although I notice that you mentioned “old people” without saying how the definition of that phrase has changed.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      “Old people” is a moving target, loosely defined as people at least 15 years older than me. The definition may be problematic when I’m 90, but I’ll deal with that then.

      Happy vestige clinging!

      Like

  10. “Now time turns the pages
    And oh, life goes so fast.
    The years turn the black hair all grey.
    I talked to some young folks,
    Hey they don’t understand
    The words this old man’s got to say.

    I wish I was eighteen again,
    And going where I’ve never been.
    But old folks and old oaks
    Standing tall, just pretend.
    I wish I was eighteen again.

    Lord, I wish I was eighteen again!”

    Like

  11. gojulesgo says:

    Hilarious! And, apparently, I am 52 at heart. Seriously, I have undergarments I’ve nicknamed my ‘scuba suits,’ which I wear when I’m not in my PJs on a Friday night.

    Like

  12. Renee Mason says:

    From my very wise vantage point of 59 years, I do believe you nailed this one. Very funny!

    Like

  13. Tar-Buns says:

    Funny, Peg, if it wasn’t also quite sad. The joys of aging and trying to do so gracefully and with humor. Here we go…

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I’ve decided against aging gracefully. I’m going to be that ridiculous cougar with her skirt up to here and boobs down to there, trolling for young, hot studs (50-year-olds) at the local bar. What do you think?

      Like

  14. Mary Kay says:

    Very funny, especially the comment about retirement-laughed out loud.MKC

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Now that part really is sad. There won’t be any Social Security money left when we get there; you know that, right? Maybe I’ll start a new business (the oldest business in the world) for young guys who like old gals:. The Best Little Resthome In Texas.

      Like

  15. Thank you so much for including the scientific theory in this post, I know understand what is starting to happen to my a$#% !

    Like

  16. Big Al says:

    I don’t know who modeled for the graphic but she sure knows how to carry the ratio of the adjacent side to the hypotenuse of a right-angled triangle.

    Funny post, you 52-year old whippersnapper.

    Like

  17. Amy says:

    Nice to know what I have to look forward to! *sigh*

    Like

  18. notquiteold says:

    At thirty I could go out dancing and partying on a Thursday night, because I only had to get through Friday. At sixty, I need to be in bed extra early on Thursday night, because I have to get through Friday.
    At thirty I wore long sleeves because my arms were so skinny. At sixty I wear long sleeves because my arms…

    Like

  19. lexiemom says:

    Just remember 2 things my Dad used to say:
    “Old is always 15 years older than I am.” and
    “Every day above ground is a good day.”
    I especially like that 2nd one.

    Like

  20. lexiemom says:

    Also, 42 is not 32. I had children later in life than most, so the majority of the parents of my kids peers are about 10 years younger than I. What a difference in energy & stamina 10 years makes. There is a reason God planned for young adults to have kids…

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      You’re so right. I have friends (a little older) who are raising up their grandkids for various reasons, and it takes enormous energy – really more than they have at this point, but you do what you have to.

      Like

  21. pattisj says:

    Spanx should come with a warning label. That “equal and opposite reaction” can be deadly…to innocent bystanders.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I was thinking about the fact that the acceleration due to gravity, 10 m/s squared (I really still remember that from high school, by the way) is more than enough to overcome the super lycra of Spanx so that my bottom continues its downward trend.

      But you’re right about Spanx’ safety risks. When it squishes your fat in, the resulting super-muffin-top of displaced fat could cause a sparetire blowout as deadly as any on the highway.

      I love all this science stuff. And people said this blog was merely fluff!

      Like

  22. Barb says:

    Boy did you nail it. But here’s the thing, about mid-way through the post I remembered a conversation I had with a 20 year old. We were talking about how it drove him CRAZY that old people (55+) forgot things, how slow they walked when they were in front of him, and how they liked to stand in the middle of grocery store aisles and visit.
    Yep. Guilty as charged. But I kept looking at him thinking, I wouldn’t go back and repeat the lessons it took to get to 55.
    Hugs from your fat-bottomed, gray-streaked, friend who falls asleep after one beer…but as you so aptly once said, “Hey, I know stuff.”

    Like

  23. Emily says:

    On the bright side, two glasses of wine and an evening in your jammies is way better than a night in front of the toilet. Right? (RIGHT???)

    Like

  24. sukanya says:

    Party Hearty, bang on! that was totally me at 22!
    now at 40, and after reading this post, i think i have a lot to look forward to eh? trying to stay positive here:-)

    Like

  25. Angie Z. says:

    Hilarious! I’m only 36 yet can relate to so much here. Like, how in the world did I once get wasted and then study and attend classes for six hours? I have two drinks now and I’m as good as dead.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      That is a necessary life skill in college that we seem to lose right quick, don’t we? I needed to take a licensing exam about 15 years out of college and I thought “I’ll just pull an all-nighter like I always did.” I literally fell asleep in the test. Had to hand it in half-done and tell them not to bother to grade it – I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

      Like

  26. Thank you. I stopped in because I’m in a sour mood and figured your blog might cheer me up. It worked. I laughed, and I can’t thank you enough.
    I was hot at 22. I was also insecure, needy, clingy, manipulative, and couldn’t make a right choice if someone handed me one. Now I’m 51 and no longer hot. However, I am fairly secure in my un-hotness, and no longer give enough of a crap to be needy, clingy or manipulative. And every now and then I choose a salad over the whopper. I’m growing up. Thanks again for the laugh.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Sounds like you’ve found some benefits that outweigh the ravages of gravity – good for you! Take it easy on those salads, though. Too much roughage is tough on our aging digestive systems. (Thanks for stopping in and for the kind words.)

      Like

  27. Peg, as always, this is a perfect then-now piece. 🙂 I especially enjoyed your last comparison, with the bright open highway to the one full of road blocks and pileups. You have a knack for taking a subject and running away with it, until us readers are left breathlessly following along. And laughing the whole way. Well done!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Well, thank you! Reading through this piece, I do seem to concentrate on the negative, but I don’t see myself as a negative person. I guess I find the pitfalls in life tend to be funnier.

      Like

  28. Margie says:

    Wow, it sounds like you had a pretty fun life when you were 22!
    If memory serves me correctly (and sometimes it doesn’t), at 22 I had 2 kids in diapers, lived in a basement suite, didn’t have a car and … well, you get the picture. All in all, I’d have to say my 52 was a bit more like your 22!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I used to wish we’d started our family a little younger, but then I think I’d regret not being able to live it up as a young adult. Maybe it’s 6 of one, half-dozen of the other.

      Like

  29. Debby says:

    Finally, reality speaks. Can I bet you also won’t be trying to tell us brown is the new black? 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s