Five days into the new year and 2012 is already an epic fail.
Looking around the blogosphere, it seems everybody had a plan for 2012. A fresh, dazzling plan for the sparkling New Year. Lots of blogs are wearing shiny, new themes. WordPress rolled out their Project 365. Bloggers have committed to posting every day, taking a photo-a-day, building a snowman a week, trying a new experience every week, putting together a cool robot every month, etc, etc, on, and on with disciplined plans for wonderfully inventive treats in store everywhere I look. On 1/1/12, they all hit the ground running.
What about me? What’s MY plan?
Introspection not being a strong suit, I didn’t make any New Year resolutions. Not for real-life, and not for blogging-life. Year-end just kind of snuck up on me while I was fiddling around with Christmas. So what do I have in store for you, my faithful readers? You’re getting haphazard, thrown-together-when-the-mood-hits-me ramblings. Same old, same old.
You deserve so much more.
Even if I wanted to put together a “365 Days Of ___” plan now, I can’t. It’s too late for that perfect number. I already missed 5 days of the year, maybe 6 by the time I post this. Who wants 359 days? That’s not a round number. Where’s the symmetry in that? It’s like starting a diet on Wednesday – it can’t be done.
Yup, the 365 Day Resolution Train has already left the station. But there’s one way I can catch it. I just have to resolve to do something I’ve already been doing for the last 5 days.
I asked myself, “What have I done, every single day, so far this year?”
- Eat
- Sleep
- Watch TV
- Type on the computer
- Drink coffee
- Laugh
- Blink
- Drive my car
- Sing along to the radio/MP3/DVD
- Talk on the phone
- Go to the bathroom
- Do a Sudoku puzzle
- Brush my teeth
- Wear shoes
- Wear underwear
- Wipe my nose (it’s cold here)
- Say a prayer
While compiling this list I broke out in a cold sweat when I considered that I may have gone to the gym. What if I was stuck with working out, EVERY DAY? Then I remembered that the Y was closed on New Years Day, so 1/5th of my days were gymless. Whew! Saved from having to do something hard.
I know what you’re thinking. “What about a shower?” I didn’t take one on Sunday, because I took one Saturday night right before we went out, and New Years Day was pretty quiet so I didn’t get dirty. Really. But I promise to bathe often enough this year to avoid a personal cloud of dust and flies like Pigpen in Charlie Brown, even if it didn’t make my list.
I would be setting myself up for certain failure if I resolved to do everything on that list every day, so I’ll just pick a few, important things. Here they are in resolution form:
My After-The-Fact 2012 Resolution To Keep Doing Stuff I Already Do
It will be a magical journey of self-discovery as I attempt to keep this resolution by sheer force of will. Along the way, I’ll blog about eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom (maybe not so much about that), under-wearing, teeth-brushing and praying. Chances are good I will cover some other topics, too.
Come on along for what is sure to be a thrilling ride in 2012 – all aboard!
(Please keep your arms and legs in the car at all times and remain seated until the train has come to a complete stop. Hang on.)
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
You’re way too hard on yourself. 99.99% of the people who made those 365 day resolutions will not keep them, so really, you’re just ahead of the game. I too anticipate continuing to blog haphazardly, when inspiration strikes, though I do resolve to brush my teeth thoroughly at least twice a day everyday.
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OK, now we’ve made resolutions we can really keep – that’s important, right?
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Hey – what’s in a plan, anyway? Got to keep the spontaneity going. That’s my excuse!
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I LIKE that excuse. We’re just keeping it fresh.
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These are lofty goals, and I respect and admire you for laying it all out there, for all to see the brave commitment you’ve made here. I can only hope that someday I can find the courage, strength and inner resolve to do the same. LOL
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Join me now and sign the pledge – you can do it!
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This is a resolution I can get behind.
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It will be a challenge, but I know we can do it.
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Maybe add “as needed” to the wipe your nose one. Hopefully one day you’ll be drip-free.
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Knowing me, I’d use that as a cop out. I could craft a resolution list that included writing a Pulitzer-winning book, curing cancer, marrying Pierce Brosnan, getting in better shape, etc, etc and just add the “as needed” addendum as my escape clause when I don’t do any of it.
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You had me until the “wear underwear” statement. I’m a man and sometimes we got to let the boys swing free. It’s in the male code!
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Are you, by chance, a kilt-wearing Scotsman?
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O my stars…I’ve been dupped! I have a shiny new blog (three of them, actually) and I’ve resoluted to write on each one every day! What the hoo-ha was I thinking anyway? Now, I must hang my head in shame, and show my 3 million followers (not) my personal disgrace, because at day 5 I am already slapping my head (whap!) and trying to figure out a way to back out gracefully….
Love your wisdom, Peg….Thanks for the reality check, and muchas thanks for the humor.
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3 Shiny new blogs and a resolve to write on each every day???? What were you thinking? Unless you want to chronicle one woman’s self-destruction, brought on by unrealistic self-expectations, viewed from 3 different angles.
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I know, right? sheesh…
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Coffee. I can do that one.
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I really debated that one making the short list. But I want to reserve the right to take a day off if I’m sick, or in the jungle far from a Starbucks. This is a year-long commitment, after all, so you’ve got to think ahead.
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I don’t make resolutions, either. But, seeing as how you’ve left “bathing” off your list of commitments, I’ll handle that one.
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Make sure you scrub hard enough for the both of us, hmmm?
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I’m with you Peg! Allll aboard! Choo choo!! We can do this! If you swear you’ll hold up your end of the deal I’ll throw in some more for me:
Every day in the year 2012 I resolve to:
Scoff at a reality TV show, but continue to watch it anyway
Scowl at anything political
Roll my eyes at my husband
Snicker “whatever” whenever someone tries to argue with me
Yawn. A lot.
If I can manage to accomplish this, what do I get? Any free prizes from Peg-o-leg? A coupon for 50 cents off a bag of Reese Pieces perhaps?
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Not just a coupon, Miss Darlinian, I will personally send you, via U.S. Postal Service, one crisp and shiny (small) bag of said Reese’s Pieces, right to your doorstep. Eh? Eh?
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For years, my New Year’s resolution was to wash my car. Not weekly, or anything — just to wash my car at least once during the year.
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I like the cut of your jib. Whatever that means.
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I can all ready tell you are off to a much, much better / more ambitious start than I am!
(I’m pleasantly surprised if I’m able to find my way home!)
🙂
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Maybe you could resolve to buy a GPS system?
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Do a Sudoku puzzle? Wow, you are such an overachiever! Congrats! That’s a pretty long list. I never make any New Year’s resolutions. I like the idea of surprising myself throughout the year. 😉
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I’ve gotten into the habit of doing a puzzle (or puzzles, plural) every night when I get into bed. Maybe the frustration is why I’m having trouble sleeping.
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Ha! Amen! And if you’re laughing every day, I say you’re ahead of the game.
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That’s putting a positive spin on my laziness – thank you!
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Yep, I figure, why make resolutions that are never going to see the end of January? Having said that, it might be worth making a plan, because who wants to get to January 2013 and wonder how we missed 2012?
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For me, it’s like Lenten resolutions to give up chocolate, be a better person, etc. etc., I never get too specific or write them down, then I can’t disappoint myself. Genius, right?
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I am glad you made a firm committment to being average; I think I’ll follow suit. Seems we have similar routines, so I’m not expecting much difficulty here on my end. Just knowing 2012 will close with me feeling accomplished is already deeply satisfying.
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It’s a win-win situation when you make resolutions like these.
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I didn’t make any resolutions – too tired…I would add apply deodorant to your list. Also, there are 366 days this year (Leap Year).
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Wha??? Really? Those are two very important points not to overlook – the deodorant (especially in light of my NOT resolving to bathe every day) and the fact that having an extra day will mess up everybody’s resolutions. I wonder if WordPress should rename their project?
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I know…deodorant can make the difference. And Leap Day only gives me one more night to not sleep this year. Yippee.
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Seriously, the shower thing got me. Yeah, showers are low on my list of things to do. It is definitely NOT a daily thing.
Oh, and for the record, there are 366 days in 2012. WordPress needs to update their project.
I like your list. I think that is something I could handle. I’ll give it the ol’ college try! Thanks for the inspiration.
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My skin is so dry I have to slather on petroleum jelly after the shower anyway in the winter. k8did mentioned this is a Leap Year – I didn’t know that. It’s a darn good thing I didn’t make one of those 365 day resolutions!
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I am hanging on and plan to enjoy the ride……….and the laughs.
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Glad to have you onboard!
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I’m in! Let’s roll.
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Now it sounds like the beginning of a cop show. Book ’em Dano.
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I will look at myself in the mirror – every day – for a really long time every day .
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And I will glance at myself everyday, just for a scosh, to make sure I’m not wearing mascara raccoon eyes.
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Your resolution is a work of art! haha It is true that most people who make resolutions don’t keep them so why make ones you can’t keep? Plus what are people going to talk about for 365 days 0.o
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They’ll talk about the resolutions they didn’t keep, and how it wasn’t their fault.
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Dang, I started my diet yesterday (Wednesday).
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Everybody knows you always start Monday morning. Then, when you blow the diet on Wednesday, you have to pig-out for the rest of the week until it’s time for another try again on Monday. What an amateur!
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This is the solid truth. Diets ALWAYS start on Monday, unless they start on the 1st of some month that happens to fall on a different weekday. Sounds like *somebody* has never yo-yo dieted before… sheesh!
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Newbie, right? Seconding that sheesh.
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What a great giggle I got out of this! I love these down-to-earth resolutions. Good for you. No pressure, though. Even when you’ve not got a lot to say, you’re still hilarious. Actually, in this post, you said a lot. It was quite zen like.
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Yeah, these are kind of like making resolutions to NOT do stuff, hmmm? 🙂
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I like the haphazard approach. I call it “Freestyle Blogging”.
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Wow, that makes it sound kinda athletic – love it!
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You sensible, lady, you. “All aboard on the cocoa-puff train.” for me. Mine has to include some kind of chocolate.
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That sounds like a drug metaphor, Georgette. And I just don’t go there.
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Oh dear. Once again, I’m oblivious. Thanks for the heads up…I’m bad.
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I’m KIDDING, Georgette! Unless it really is a drug metaphor. I don’t know. How would I know? I’m over 50!
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Glad to see you’ve joined the Resolutionary Train, in the most sensible way possible!
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Ha ha! I like that. Now I’m thinking about the conflict between those who make resolutions and those who don’t – the Resolutionary War.
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Fortunately you didn’t put age or height restrictions on riding the train with you. Those resolutions that you see around the internet are for young folks who still have a lot of personality sculpting to do. Because you’ve already invested the years in perfecting your beauty and sensibility, there’s nothing left to do but feed it and give it long hot baths. May you find success in your goals.
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I like all these compliments and good wishes, but what I’d really like is that long, hot bath. We have a well, which has run dry in the past, so we’re uber-conservation minded about water. No doubt that’s nothing to a pioneer woman like you who probably has to heat water on the stove for a bath.
In my next house in town (or next life, whichever comes first) I’m going to install a whirlpool tub and use it every night.
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I’m with you all the way, Peg. Here’s how I plan to work it out:
1. Eat. I figure I can get that one out of the way by…..let’s say….breakfast.
2. Sleep. No sweat. I can do that in my…..well…..sleep.
3. Go to bathroom. Easy one for me, I’ve got a prostate.
4. Brush teeth. I’m OK on this one but for a minute I was afraid you were going to throw in flossing too. Whew!
5. Wear underwear. Got it covered. You didn’t say anything about clean, right?
6. Say a prayer. I should be OK here as long as Goddammit counts.
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Why do I get the feeling you’re not approaching this with the proper spirit of reverent commitment?
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Moi?
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Tu.
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