Willie's just sayin' what everyone's thinkin'.
“Peg, what can I do to make sure you get the fame, wealth and respect you deserve as a writer?”
I hear that a lot.
Why, just the other day, while I was giving a big goose to a small boy with a crutch, a boy so small some might call him Tiny, he said “Peg, what can I do to make sure you get the fame, wealth and respect you deserve as a writer? Bless ye mum.”
Since I am asked this so often, I’ve compiled a short list of easy things you can do to spread the word about me if…
- You are a top literary agent/publisher/editor: Let’s do a book! Have your gal call mine to set up lunch. It will probably save time if you send your standard Rich & Famous Author contract before we take a meeting.
- You are friends with Oprah: Casually mention that she should check out this great blog, Peg-o-Leg.Ramblings. Point out that a really good blog is all that is needed to make her media empire complete.
- You are Oprah. Hi, Oprah. See above.
- You have a friend who is a top literary agent/publisher/editor: Enthusiastically, yet genuinely, gush about a blogger you know, with a warm, yet humerous take on modern life. Enthuse how my Everywoman perspective would make a best-selling book/commercial blog/column, and that you are not being paid to say that. Then lead him or her to my blog. (This approach also works if it is your mom, dad, sibling or significant other who is a top literary agent, publisher or editor, or if you suspect someone you pass on the street might be.)
- You don’t have any friends: Write a testament to me, in your own words, using words that are identical to those shown below. Make a couple thousand copies of your flyer and hand them out on the street corners of the nearest really big city. Passing out free stuff, like iPads (make sure they are iPad 2s – nobody wants the 1 anymore) along with the flyers will really get people’s attention
Peg is the greatest writer ever to be fruit of the loins of man. Read her WordPress blog, Peg-o-leg Ramblings, and tell all your friends about it or die a hideous, lingering death involving toenail fungus.Have a nice day! |
Remember, it is better to give than to receive. Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. And virtue is its own reward.
Once you’ve done all you can to make sure my future as a best-selling author is secured, won’t you feel better about yourself?
I know I will.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
The idea that a toenail fungus could reach such a point of severity that I die from it is pretty darn disgusting.
Also – Hi Oprah; maybe swing by my blog and make me a runner-up for your goodfairy magic. Thanks.
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You don’t mess with toenail fungus. Me & Oprah will call you for lunch sometime.
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Soooo, just wondering if you know of any instances where the threat of toenail fungus resulted in great literary fame and fortune? Cause if that works, I’m thinking I might try the threat of boils…
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You might be on to something with boils – that sounds worse than fungus. I hear the spell requires eye of newt – do you have any?
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Of course. I keep it with my dried bat wings and toad warts.
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I adore the way your mind works!! I started blogging 2 weeks ago and had never read a blog before. Ever! (Except when I was on the Bravo site trying to catch up on my Real Housewives show one time.) First day I signed up here, your blog was on the Freshly Pressed. I subscribed. I don’t think I need to see how other blogs are written either. You rock, and I’m “following” you. I’m not a math person at all, but I just TOTALLY checked out your number of hits and divided them by your number of months blogging to get your average hits per month so that I’d know what to shoot for. I’m not even kidding. Is that stalkerish? Sorry.
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Thanks so much! My own stalker – how flattering! Just know that I would NOT be impressed if you hurt anybody (Jody Foster should have made that clear right from the start).
The numbers are skewed when you get Freshly Pressed. Frankly, not everyone who stops by decides to stay (boo hoo). But it’s growing, slowly, so that is gratifying.
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While virtue is laudable, finders fees and commissions are the rewards I would like done unto me. Shall we talk? I happen to be good friends with Oprah and would be glad to do your bidding. Just give me the word and I’ll call Oprah Smith right now.
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Er, maybe I should have been more specific, Al. Does your Oprah control a mighty media empire, capable of granting fame and fortune wishes with just a wave of her wand? If so, I will shower you with money (pennies) beyond your wildest dreams!
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There must be a support group somewhere for those of us who are convinced we are better writers than, say, Mary Higgins Clark or Sarah Palin, but just can’t get our writing recognized because we don’t have the name-recognition or rectangle eye-glasses thing going for us. Even if it’s just to vent…
Great post!
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Lorna, start that group. I HAVE the Palin glasses. No lie. And name? Miss um… Erica is sort of a famous title already. It’s been 2 weeks now and NOTHING. I feel like when you start dieting, you’re not supposed to look at the scale every day or you’ll get discouraged. I’m stalking myself and checking out hits daily. Maybe a few times a day. Um… PERHAPS a little more than that. Whatever. I am digging this blogging thing though and will be sure to check you out and click everything all over your page because I read that causes TRAFFIC which must be good. 🙂
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Support group implies a problem that needs to be addressed. Maybe we just need to form a mutual admiration society to bask in our awesomeness.
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I’m on it!
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Great! Hope buying all those iPad2s isn’t a problem for you.
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I am in awe of the amount of material you kick out. I look forward to reading your posts, and hope good thing$ come your way.
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Thanks Jane. Skipping vital work that pays the bills and hunching over my keyboard for hours every day helps with the volume.
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Aye, Peg Oh Mighty Leg. Take heart, ye shall have many fortunes to come ye way. Have patience ye impatient one, accolades comes to ye who waites. The almighty Oprah One will see your virtues and bestow many gifts and rewards to ye.
You see, Oh PeggyLeggy One, I am the all knowing, all seeing Swammy Mollie. My crystal ball never tells me lies. I see books and screaming hordes of worshiping knaves, many invitations from the highest in the land, far and wide, many will come to hear your words and cheer with delight and roar with laughter at your brilliant humour, they shall throw many coins of gold and silver at ye feet.
Take heart the Peg of ye Leg, all things comes to ye who waites.
Just leave some coins in the basket when ye takes leave. Good day to ye.
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I want what Mollie’s having! You sketch a future that is magical to contemplate. Thanks for the use of your crystal ball and mighty future-seeing powers.
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Your day will come, Peg. The sheer volume of work and your persistence will pay dividends.
My crystal goblet says it is so. 🙂
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Yes, I’m going for quantity as a strategy toward fame and fortune.
Crystal goblet instead of crystal ball? Great idea – you can see whatever you want in it!
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Zounds! Methinks yon scribe flounders in anonymity! To the Press, fair Heart, with thine book proposal! (Oops, not finished yet? So, what’s the hold-up?)
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So you think my not actually having written a book may be hindering my getting it published? Interesting angle. Hmmm.
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Any excuse to use the word “forsooth”, right?
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One doesn’t need any excuse, verily.
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Hey…I just read on “The Good Greatsby” you went to MSU. I was one of “those people” who attended Justin Morrill. We could stand on a corner in East Lansing to hand out those flyers…IPad 2’s wouldn’t be a problem because they already have one.
Love your ramblings! So with this visit I’ll make it 32,641.
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I thought I recognized you from East Lansing! Thanks for stopping by and upping my numbers – I’m glad to have you.
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