If you do the crime, you pay the fine.
What’s wrong with America is some of y’all need to be paying more taxes.
Taxes raise money, sure, but the government also uses them to change our behavior. We are encouraged to do some things (buy houses and windmills) and not do others (smoke, drink and drive cars).
I’ve come up with a comprehensive tax plan that expands on that idea. It will bring in much needed cash, and encourage everyone to follow the “right” path.
Here’s a partial list of my proposed taxes:
Individuals
- Me No Like-y Tax: Each time the word “like” is used, except to express a preference, or to compare things, it will be taxed. Tax collectors will be stationed in junior highs, high schools and malls on a Saturday afternoon.
- Scanties Tax: This fine is imposed each time we are forced to look at someone’s underwear because his or her pants are too low. It is waived if the person is a professional underwear model. The fine will be doubled if the low pants reveal an area that SHOULD be underwear-clad, but isn’t – the BCC addendum (butt-crack cleavage).
- Tortoise Tax: This is levied against anyone driving more than 5 miles below the speed limit. Tax doubled if it is rush hour, if there is only one lane available, or if the offender is hanging out in the passing lane.
Businesses
- Murdering the King’s English Tax: Imposed on businesses that deliberately misspell, misuse and generally slaughter the English language. This will be levied for:
- Using dumbed-down synonyms like: lite, rite, hunny, nu, ez
- Adding “e” to words to make them looke olde
- Substituting “k” for “c” to kompel kute alliteration
- Nobody’s Home Tax: Imposed on businesses that use computer telephone answering systems without the option to press zero to reach a human. The tax is doubled if the phone recording is set for “folksy” and says things like “OK, let me look that up for you.” Nobody is looking anything up. Don’t you think we get that this is a computer?
- Green Is The Color Of Money Tax: Fines are levied on companies for changing the packaging or advertising on the same old stuff, solely to jump on the “green” bandwagon. A corresponding tax will also be levied on the consumer who buys stuff to give the appearance of caring for the environment, without having to do any heavy lifting.
I was thinking of a flat 10 cents tax per infraction, but we can work out the details later. I welcome input as we get the dialogue going.
I welcome constructive input, that is. Some critics have said this is nothing more than a scheme to punish people who do things that bother me. To these cynics I say; let me introduce you to the Smart Ass Tax.
That will be 10 cents each, please.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Uh- oh….I am an offender of 3 of these! Where do I mail my check?
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Thanks for coming forward, although I don’t recall seeing your unmentionables or any exposed body parts. I’m still working on the collection mechanics – stay tuned.
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It’s not that my pants are so low, it’s just that my granny panties are really high:)
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You and me both.
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If only our politicians had your vision. I believe we could wipe out the deficit and raise more than enough revenue to fund social security, medicare, medicaid, education, defense spending, etc. with a simple one cent per tweet tax.
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That’s a great idea! Charlie Sheen by himself could take care of the budget deficit of one of the less populated states with his ramblings.
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Winning!
You haven’t levied a tax on that yet, have you? 😆
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Somebody had to explain that to me the other day. I avert my eyes when anything about the train wreck that is Charlie Sheen’s life comes on TV. But I think it would qualify – I’ll add it to the list.
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Can i suggest a “slang shouldn’t be mainstream” tax? I should not turn my TV on and see people over a certain age using terms such as “bling” and “LOL.” Or maybe a “you’re too big/old to wear that” tax…
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Excellent suggestions, all. I’ll pass them on to the committtee.
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Bravo! Genius! I’d like to be on the committee. Oh dear, I said “like”.
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It’s OK to like, as long as you really mean it.
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Funny stuff! I agree with the Nobody’s Home Tax.
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Sometimes I feel so close to the operators, only to find I have been pouring my heart out to a machine!
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This is like so funny! I’m like with you on most of these. Can you like guess which one I like oppose?
Congrats on like being Freshly Pressed. You better like hang on for the ride.
And here’s my like 10 cents for the Smart Ass tax!
Kathy
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No, no that kind of Like is the good kind – expressing a preference. Your 10 cents refund is in the mail.
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Like!
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I like that kind of like!
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On the ‘Tortoise Tax’ – everything else I heartily agree with – but this one I cannot. Greedy fuel use is leading the planet towards the terrible situations of Peak Oil, Land Ravage to claim further hard to extract oil sources, and Climate Change due to petro-chemical use. There are many other side-effects of all of these including war, starvation, dust-bowling, homelessness, poverty, land-grab, de-forestation and so many more terrible awful things. Driving slower will lead to oil stocks lasting longer, less pollution and also reduces accidents, injuries and road deaths.
My favourite tax – the Robin-Hood Tax – lets make this playing field a bit flatter – people don’t NEED shiny stuff (including teeth), nor do they need lots of plastic stuff or TV’s the size of a wall – but there are people who need food and clothing and shelter. So – how about a tax to make that fairer?!
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Heartfelt, impassioned comment. I was right with you until you got to the teeth. Not sure I get that part.
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I think she means those tacky gold teeth that people will get. Popular among the hip-hop community and white people that are trying really hard to be hip-hop.
Also: You’re all COMMUNISTS!! Just kidding. 🙂
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Oh, then that’s OK!
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I’m not sure that driving under the speed limit is going to reduce global warming or fuel usage. It’s a nice thought though: Drive slowly, save the planet!
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I’m not sure if the science supports the theory, but it does sound nice.
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Massachusetts is already considering a ‘Tortoise Tax’. Since people are using more efficient cars and driving slower, we are using less gasoline per mile driven than in the past. The result is that the state is collecting less gasoline tax than it use to. The state legislature is considering a bill that will raise taxes based on the number of miles driven. So the tree huggers, in their Priuses will pay as much as John F. Kerry in his Escalades.
What we also need is an ‘I’m Better Than You Because I Care More’ tax.
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Are you kidding about that tax? Truth is stranger than blogging.
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I think if we just tax anyone that says the word “irregardless”, we can fund the government for at least the next 10 years…
http://ginzotalk.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/you-hungry/
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That’s a teeth-gritter. Sometimes, in conversation, my nimble brain is skipping ahead and I see that word on the horizon. I brace myself so I won’t noticably flinch if the speaker mangles it.
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I would be taxed to death by the “Me No Like-y Tax”…it was actually one of my New Year’s resolutions to do better in this area, but I haven’t been successful.
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Don’t give up! I’m behind you all the way. But until you master this, better save your dimes.
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Love the smart-ass tax!!…lmao!!!
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I’m ambivalent about that one. It’s something I practice a lot, but I don’t like to be on the receiving end.
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I’d like to suggest a yearly tax in the order of $5 each year levied upon everyone eligible to vote, to be called the “Not Looking After Your Own Interests Tax.” Full rebates are handed out at polling stations, including interest, for the period beginning at the end of the previous election.
The mechanism would be more easily put in place where elections are at regular intervals like the US, but the rebates could really add up in places like Canada where the election can be as soon as the moment the next session of Parliament opens (in the case of a minority government) or as distant as five years away (since we don’t vote on quite as much stuff as Americans do).
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I’d been hounding my recently adultified children on the importance of voting, until someone pointed out – do we really want totally clueless people deciding our future? Maybe the $5 rebate comes after the voter passes a quiz on the issues?
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Great post again! I love your humorous writing style. I’m completely with you on the ‘Tortoise tax’. I think they should be taxed an extra 10 cents if they are driving in the middle lanes (and not using the right most lane) and driving 5 miles below speed during rush hour. And yes, it’s soo annoying to hear that those automated messages right, One trick I have learned from my husband – keep yelling ‘customer service representative’ until the operator says multiple times, ‘I cannot understand you, let me get a customer service representative for you’! That does the trick
Congrats on getting FP!
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I like the suggestion of yelling “customer service”. With the stuff I’M yelling, the computer says “you should be ashamed of yourself.”
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My mom does this, and I’m sure I will as soon as I’m the one dealing with R2-D2s answering the phone. “Customer service. . . customer service. . . customer service. . . customer service. . . hi!”
Another trick: when the computer gives you all your options and numbers to press and then pauses long enough for you to think that’s all, hang in there. A “customer service” option may be given in a few seconds.
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I want to have hope, but I’ve been let down so many times before.
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Plus a special local business tax for restaurants that offer “Ceasar” Salad or any use of quotation marks for no good reason – for example, the place near me that sells a club sandwich made with “real” chicken.
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That sounds ominous. I’d go with the grilled cheese instead.
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Love this post! I am fully in support of the “Tortoise Tax” and the “Murdering the King’s English Tax”. I cannot stand seeing Kountry Korner stores and anything else people will do to our language. I’m one who will enter full words in my rare text messages! Keep writing 🙂
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I’m with you on full words in texts. Only problem is, it takes so long I forgot what I wanted to say when I get to the end. (thanks!)
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I like your “Nobody’s Home Tax”!
Thanks for the smiles to fuel my day, I must admit my blogs are also getting somewhat sarcastic…. hmmm.
Only way to change that is to quit reading the paper and interacting with the world… I tried that, it did’nt quite work either, in the end, needed that world to be there!!!
All best to your day!
C*
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Thanks for the kind words. If I gave up sarcasm I’d have nothing to say.
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I would like to add the Just Kidding tax – imposed on all who speak initials when full words are called for. JK- BRB – LOL.
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Oh yeah. Especially if that someone is over 20 – we know better!
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I totally disagree 100% we don’t need more taxes,we’re taxed to death already the problem is the the taxes collected are squandered by idiots. Their mentality of uncontrolled spending and absolute overbearing micro management government is unacceptable totally. The entitlement mentality of these neanderthals is appalling for
it’s unimaginative nonabstractive constraining parameters that are totally suffocating this nation into a 3rd rate banana republic status with no liberties and future. Spending cuts and restraints and entreprenaurship and cognitive abstract thinking and originality are required not a return to a failed socialistic dogma that the leftists
want. Marxism,Communism,Socialism all failed at tremendous costs in human life economic failure and mind numbing stifling repressiveness always taxing the soul and resources while never delivering the promised results. Taxation and Spending or as they try to camouflage it as comprehensive investments is failed already the proof of the pudding is already there and the verdict is in. All the persuations and pleadings and rationalizations cannot make a failure a success. More taxation will not cure anything it will only push us into the abyss of irretrievable irremediable economic total
disaster. I could not disagree with your prognosis to cure the countrys economic woes more !!! More taxation isn’t the way !!!
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Um, I’m kidding. It’s supposed to be funny. Sorry that isn’t working out for you.
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I think this guy only read the headline and had no idea what your post actually said.
But still he came up with the funniest comment.
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He was in a big hurry to step on on that soapbox.
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It was and it is funny. I am still laughing 🙂
How about “Absent sense of humor” tax? 🙂
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*groan* Honestly, when I came to this post, I thought it was going to be some sort of strange political thingy. I was pleasantly surprised. 😉 But commenting without reading the post is inexcusable! *groans again* I’d like a tax for THAT.
Agreed, Fornormalstepfathers! We also need a “Murdering the King’s Formatting Tax.”
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I think a LOT of people thought it was going to be some strange political thingy, and kind of shot on by. Thanks for taking a chance on me!
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We could make a fortune with a no sense of humor tax!
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Pingback: We Need More Taxes (via Ramblings) « A Bit of Everything
Congrats on being Freshly Taxed…ooops, my bad, I mean Freshly Pressed.
Blessings,
Ava
xox
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Thanks! I was Freshly Taxed as well, but I don’t want to talk about it.
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Funny and interesting post. 🙂
On Nobody’s Home Tax-Companies want to maximize technology by setting up those automated system which can provide basic information to callers’ may need but the thing that most people need is “human connection.” Moreover, computer telephones don’t have all the answers and have limited functions.
I agree. All systems like that should have option to talk to humans right away.
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It just drives me bananas when you can’t get a real human. The phone companies are the worst! (thanks for the kind comments.)
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And so-called possible presidential candidates that really aren’t going to run but just want PR for their own agendas, book, TV shows etc. should be taxed to the max for wasting the public airwaves on blah, blah, blah.
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And the news outlets that GIVE them all that time should be taxed.
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Maybe add an extra-heavy tax on Ivy League-graduated Presidents that say Nuk-u-lar. Might’ve taken a big chunk off the National debt by now.
Brilliant articles and humor, by the way.
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That’s a great idea! To be fair, then we’d have to tax presidents who always do the thumb-and-forefinger-together emphasizing gesture. There are so many ways our leaders annoy us, we’re sure to solve the debt crisis. (thanks!)
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Congrats on Freshly Pressed and straightening out this whole tax thingy. It has been a long time coming. I never thought we’d see thoughtful, meaningful tax reform. Glad I could add my ten cents on all this…
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And politicians are always whining on about how tough this legislating and tax reform stuff is. Ha!
For which infraction are you contributing 10 cents? Do I see a hint of the ‘ol Fruit of the Looms there?
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(Isn’t this actually your third time in Freshly Pressed??)
I would like to add a tax for not capitalizing the pronoun I, or failing to capitalize anything at all.
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Yes, indeedy. Retirement fund totally emptied out for FP bribes, but I’m sure generous readers will make sure I don’t starve in the streets in my old age.
I’m with you on the capitalization thing. I’m working on a post about that right now.
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While ideas like the above are tempting, they are also a recipe for disaster: Attempts to force people to be the way they “should be” (or to punish them for failure to be so) are very dangerous and will end up doing more harm than good when practiced as a matter of course. Consider questions like who decides what is right, how easy the tables can be turned, and how the cure can do more damage than the disease. Rules should be introduced when and where actually needed and provided that they have a sufficient consensus. “Thou shalt not kill” is a good example; “Thou shalt not wear thine trousers the wrong way” is a very poor one.
I recommend Terry Pratchett’s “Witches abroad”, which is partially a satire of this attitude (and also exceedingly funny). I should warn you, however: He has been known to add “e” to words to make them looke olde.
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I agree with you on principle. The exception would be if I get to be the arbiter. I have full faith in my ability to make fair, impartial judgements for the benefit of lesser mortals who just can’t seem to get it right.
I will check out your reading suggestion, and, who knows; I may be willing to waive the adding “e” prohibition. (See, you can’t get more fair than me!)
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If there was a smart ass tax, I would be in prison for life. Congrats on Freshly Pressed.
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Never prison; just bankrupt, perhaps? Thanks for the congrats!
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Genious, but make it a $1 per infraction and we will be out of the deficit in a month.
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Yikes! My 19 year old will be in debtors prison for the “like” tax alone.
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I suggest the geography-related tax (I’m facing an all-enveloping block which means that I can’t come up with a witty name) – for those incapable of properly naming/placing obvious countries of the world. (Not being American, I’m using the generalisations I’ve come to believe because I like to).
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OK, I’ll go along with a “Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego Tax”, but only if there is a tax-back to countries who have changed their name, boundries or city names in the 40 years since I took geography, thereby making me look much dumber than I actually am.
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boring
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Thanks for all the thought and effort you put in your comment – zinger!
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i didn’t even have to read it
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Oops – looks like you owe 10 cents for forgetting to capitalize.
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The moral of the story, Luke; it is always better to be informed, i.e., read something you are commenting on, BEFORE you comment. Now, you have broken the law and it will cost you your hard earned dimes.
Have a nice day!
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Tar-Buns; newly appointed head of enforcement for the IRS Tax Enhancement Goon Squad. Fear her.
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I will be forwarding this to my senator…after I post it on Facebook!
Crystal
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You’re a patriot!
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Amen to all!!!!
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Halleluia!
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FP times 3! Congrats, Sista. As one who just posted our taxes (owe fed), anything besides the inanity of our elected officials’ decisions on what to tax would be welcome. Enjoy the ride. Also, nice reply to Luke 🙂 Some people just don’t get humor, do they?
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Thanks, Sis. You’re very brave to wait until the last minute like this. I took my tax return to the post office last week and was still all panicked about the postmarked date. The IRS has cameras everywhere, and little robots the size of spiders that follow everyone around and they know if you cheat. Or so I heard, but I don’t believe it, really.
I don’t know if Luke doesn’t get humor, or doesn’t think this is funny. Potato, PoTATo, right?
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How about Mr. potato head? Just kiddin… (ooops – I broke the changing the English language with slang, and I’m over 20) – yeeh gads!.
Per the taxes, that is why I take my little envelopes to the PO and watch them hand date-stamp my envelopes before giving them over for their journey to tax-land. Don’t have a copy of the postmark, but I saw it with my own two eyes.
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Hi,
I saw your blog on the front page of WordPress.com today, and I was wondering if you had any interest in self-hosting your blog. If you do, I have a frequently asked questions guide to self-hosting that I can offer as well as coupons for hosting. (I’m also offering to transfer blogs for people for free).
If this is something that you’ve thought about, feel free to use the e-mail attached to this comment. If not, no worries.
Congrats on a great looks and successful blog.
Joseph
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No thanks, but thanks for stopping by.
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I was going to tax Thor on using the word “nonabstractive” in his comments, but then I found out it’s a word. But “heigth” isn’t. I want those people to be fined and incarcerated. Please. This post is hilarious. many congrats on being FP!
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Gotta admit I missed the “nonabstractive” as I was kinda glazing over by then. As soon as I acquire an entourage I’ll have my minions take care of that. Thanks for the kind words!
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My favorites are the Tortoise Tax and Murdering the King’s English- also two of my pet peeves. This is absolutely hilarious by the way, especially since I wasn’t too sure what to expect from the title. Well done on Freshly Pressed. Well deserved.
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It makes as much sense as our current system, anyway. Thanks for stopping by!
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Fantastic ideas! Draft the proposals and send them off immediately!
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This IS the draft. Do you think the IRS will need more detail?
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I am so with you for taxing for “komplete kute alliteration”, I would not call cute…I really dislike them!
Great post!
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I don’t know why it’s the “k” that always gets this treatment. That letter deserves better.
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Highly enjoyable read! My favorite is the downstairs cleavage tax. I might even add a bellow the belt muffin top tax (i.e. when you can see their stomach on the outside of their shirt. I mean, tuck your belly in please.
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Thanks! I think you’re on to something there. I’ll add the “Do You Know The Muffin Man Tax” to the list.
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What you need is the “bullcrap tax.”
Every time a politician says a complete lie, tax them thousands and give it the the needy businesses to spur the economy. Sort of like a backwards Robin Hood Tax.
Or maybe Hipster Tax. ‘Cuz we all know that hipsters have got to go…
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I’m with you on the bullcrap tax, but I’ll have to pass on the hipster, only because I’m not qualified to identify them. Is being hip like being groovy?
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No; being a hipster consists of the wearing of garish and odd clothing (usually feminine on men) in order to push against the fold of normal humanity and enjoying unpopular or obscure music/films as a way to make themselves seem as an elitist class-if too many people have heard/seen it, it is below them.
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Aah, thanks for the clarification. I’ll keep my eyes open now.
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Pingback: Breathing the Air of Geert Lovink for a minnie’ « havinachat
How about a tax on women with tatoos? Double tax if they smoke. Tax ’em every day until they laser it off.
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I’ve got to admit – I’m not a big fan of excessive tattooing. I wonder if they have to pay tax at the parlor?
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Pingback: More Taxes?! « bloggingblog1
I think she means those tacky gold teeth that people will get. Popular among the hip-hop community and white people that are trying really hard to be hip-hop.
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I’m with the Tortoise Tax! What about a moronic customer tax for rude shoppers? It would be a relief for those of us who use to or still work in retail. Or a Boom car tax for people who sit in their cars blasting their music past 10PM but don’t anywhere.
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Both are good ideas. The Boom tax would be a moving violation because their cars are jumping around from the bass vibration.
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Amusing! I love people who tell it like it is 😀
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Thanks for stopping by!
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I full support the Murdering the King’s English Tax. I’d also like to add “ain’t” to the list. Sure, it’s in the dictionary, but ain’t is NOT a word!
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I don’t know…it seems that one has slipped by us and into general usage.
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Okay I think I would be slammed on the “smart ass tax”. But it’d be so worth it. I just can’t help myself.
Funny post!!
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Yeah, me too. And thanks!
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I am so with you for taxing for “komplete kute alliteration”, I would not call cute…I really dislike them!
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Sometimes you wonder if the people shopping/eating at those places KNOW it’s misspelled. I’m just sayin’.
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OMG, yer, like, hilarious!
From some of the comments you’ve gotten a Get Over Yourself Tax might be profitable.
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That’s a great idea! I’ll put it on the list (and thanks for the kind words)
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Tortoise Tax!!! AMEN
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I’m surprised not everyone goes along with that one. Just got off a two-lane highway and I was pointing my imaginary tax-levying-wand at lots of dolts who were holding me up!
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Plus a special local business tax for restaurants that offer “Ceasar” Salad or any use of quotation marks for no good reason – for example, the place near me that sells a club sandwich made with “real” chicken.
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That’s kind of scary. I wouldn’t eat there. Seriously. Go elsewhere.
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well written article… well I quiet afraid of taxes as in India we pay taxes for each and everything…..:(
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Taxes are buried in every product, at just about every stage of production, so I would have to say we also pay taxes on everything.
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Peg, this is ridiculous. Congrats again, my talented friend. 🙂
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Thanks so much!
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Those are really funny! Finally some taxes I can get behind (pardon the pun).
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(tee hee hee)
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omgomgomg you’re on FP again! Congrats! 😀 I think you can now be sure that you’re pretty awesome! As for taxes, I’m with you there. That bullcrap tax someone suggested earlier, I’m all for it.
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Thanks so much! I was thrilled.
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This is super. I LIKE it a lot. My 8 year old is going to write it out 100 times. I am apologetically British and have am confused by this desire to vanquish letters. How hard is it to incorporate a gh in Lite? It is just the one consonant extra, or why it is cool and cute to go droppin’ your Gs.
On acronyms, dont get me started. LOL in the UK used to stand for Lots of Love, not an attractive sign off but better than the current meaning of LOL. One has visions of the sender, apoplectic and drooling over their keyboard. We need to muster up an acronym for ‘Mildly Amused’ and watch it snowball. MA doesn’t really have the zing.
My last post was on a tax hike as well – http://inkquillibrium.com/2011/04/16/my-own-two-cents-on-the-us-budget/
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I know somebody, about my age, who sent a condolence card in the event of a death and signed it LOL, also meaning lots of love. She had NO idea it had taken on a new meaning. Yikes! I’ll check out your post – thanks for stopping by.
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Hilarious!
Honestly, this is the kind of a condolence card I would rather get. The sappy cards make it worse:-(
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Pingback: We Need More Taxes (via Ramblings) | When someone says "TMI!" I want to punch them in the face and not tell them why.
Great post. I want to elect you to the senate so you can get something done for us over-taxed citizens!! Congrat’s on being Freshly Pressed!!
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Thanks! Unfortunately, I suspect that as soon as I set foot in Washington I would be corrupted with bribes and such-all and become part of the problem, instead of the solution.
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No, you’d probably end up being the smartest person there!
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Or at least the most honest about being dishonest.
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I’m with you.
…but somehow people always seem to wind up disagreeing on the details.
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I have a very simple philosophy – we need more taxes, but not from me. Problem is, my philosophy doesn’t seem to be unique. Sigh.
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Congratulations Peg! I’m afraid that I owe a lot of money to …..someone. The poor grammar tax and the smart ass tax would break me. I had a customer once the name of her business; Kathy’s Koffee Kup. Lets all go to the KKK for a Kup of Koffee.
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Bet that was a really popular place in the deep south about 50 years ago. (thanks!)
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I got as far as the Massachusetts comment and had to stop. There is a Reason they Call it Tax-A-Chusettes. More Oli, Less Oil The Government Will be Paid. I am all for a Tax on Misuse of The Kings English. Especially these terms:
All of The Sudden, So Dosen’t I, Seen insted of Saw, Exspecially and Dog when used to describe a human.
Oh and axe instead of Ask.
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Maybe it’s time for an old-fashioned Oil Party in Boston harbor. Only problem is the EPA might take exception.
Expecially and axe. Shudder.
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Can i suggest a “slang shouldn’t be mainstream” tax? I should not turn my TV on and see people over a certain age using terms such as “bling” and “LOL.” Or maybe a “you’re too big/old to wear that” tax…
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Definitely! I’ll pass this along to the committee.
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Finally, someone with a sense of humor and common sense. If we adopt your taxing system we no doubt would have enough money to pay down the deficit and have a surplus budget to spread around.
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All we need to do is work some of the bugs out, and our money woes will be over! (thanks for the kind words.)
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Absolutely loved this read. I read the title and thought this post had to be written by someone misguided, drunk or completely confused about common sense. Turns out it’s none of the above; posting about taxes with a sense of humor takes a lot, as it’s something that frustrates most into tourrettes-like rants. High five for taking the high road ;]
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I’ll take any road, as long as they don’t charge a toll! Remember, we’re still taking ideas for the new tax overhaul. (thanks for the kind words.)
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You forgot the other “e” offense… adding “e” to the beginning of words to make them sound emodern, edigital and eInterneted. 😀
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e-xactly!
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That water is just so pristine and that meat is making my mouth water. As one who’s driven through the California dessert too many times, I know what you mean about the scenery. Enjoy the rest of your trip. Great photos!
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lol, great post!
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Thanks for stopping by – glad to have you!
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Thanks – glad you stopped by!
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Not sure if you’re:
a) double entendre-ing all over the place with the “great scenery” and “meat making my mouth water” comments about my photo of the guy’s butt cleavage or
b) confusing my blog with another’s. Either way, I’ll be sure to enjoy the rest of my trip.
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I would have loved to impose the low pants tax on this woman I saw at Pottery Barn. Not only should you wear appropriate underwear when wearing low rise jeans but I feel at a certain age you should ‘t wear them either. I swear the woman was nearly 70 and all I saw when she squatted down to look at something on a bottom shelf was not just the peep of her crack but half of it. And it was not model butt either. It was wrinkly, no underwear butt.
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Perhaps, with years of therapy, you will recover from this life-altering event. My thoughts are with you.
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I read freshly pressed almost daily
Check out my blog sometime.
“Whatcha need Got you covered in Northwest Houston,Tx.”
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This is like so funny! I’m like with you on most of these. Can you like guess which one I like oppose?
Congrats on like being Freshly Pressed. You better like hang on for the ride.
And here’s my like 10 cents for the Smart Ass tax!
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Seeing that many likes all together sets my teeth on edge.
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That’s a great idea! To be fair, then we’d have to tax presidents who always do the thumb-and-forefinger-together emphasizing gesture. There are so many ways our leaders annoy us, we’re sure to solve the debt crisis. (thanks!)
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Excellent post thanks for sharing. I enjoy reading your blog very much because of your point of view on things. You have very useful information here.
For more great stories like this I also recommend you visit:
Changing Lifestyles
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I am just now catching up with your posts and cracked up on the “Nobody’s Home Tax!” Gawd, that gets me, too, the way these computer generated responses are made to try to trick you into thinking you are talking with an actual human being. Really?!
Sometimes I amuse myself by asking how her children and husband have been lately. Or what she’s making for dinner tonight. She never answers, but I feel like I should be able to engage her in a few fake comments, too, right?
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Or the people who make their answering machine message sound like they picked up the phone, and they don’t start the “Nobody’s home” part until after you start jabbering. Cute! Annoying!
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They should put all you tax increase people in One category and raise you guys taxes along with Warren buffet.
thanks
http://www.nicolletpost.com
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LOL. I endorse some of the taxes you mention. Being forced to look at the crack of some slob’s derriere is a real turn-off. I’d never make it as a medical doctor.
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You’d probably become butt-crack blase. Just think if you were a proctologist!
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Reblogged this on Confused Intern.
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