Facebook ROCKS!!! LMAO, ROF, LOL.
Why am I talking like this? Because I have been transformed back to my 12-year-old self today, thanks to Facebook.
A couple of weeks ago, I was friended by a friend of someone who went to my grade school. I don’t think I actually know this guy, but what the heck. He’s from my hometown, and who doesn’t need new friends? Since we’re such good buddies, I get to see what he does online. I know who his friends are. I look at his pictures, and listen in on his conversations with other friends.
In real life, I would need to be an FBI agent to do this kind of stalking without getting slapped with a restraining order. In Facebook World, it’s business as usual.
Today my best buddy, thrice removed, befriended Don Ricker.
Donny Ricker! His locker was next to mine in 7th grade. I had a GINORMOUS crush on him. He was cute, sweet, and kinda shy. I just melted when he flipped his retainer in and out of his mouth. OK, OK, I know. What counts as flirtation is a little different when you’re 12.
Since I was still in the braces stage, I didn’t know anything about retainers. I did deep research at the library and the orthodontist’s office. When we met between classes at “our special place”, I casually tossed out retainer-related tidbits. I exhausted every possible conversational gambit having to do with retainers in a desperate attempt to hold his interest.
After only a few months, the school redid the locker assignments. Next thing I know, he’s flipping his retainer for his new locker-neighbor. Our affair was over.
It has been almost 40 years since he tossed away the combination to my heart. If the world were fair, karma would have paid him back for his (perhaps unwitting) cruelty to the young, lovesick me. I bet he’s bald, paunchy and miserable.
I snuck over to his Facebook page today to see how he turned out. Hubba hubba! Sigh.