Start Me Up

The Schultes traveled to Michigan over the 4th of July, as usual, for a visit with my family. We hung out at my parent’s house and went out on their boat. All of my siblings were there, although not all the spouses and kids could make it. Low-key, but we had fun.

Most everyone helped out with meal prep and cleanup. We all get along well, but let’s face it – when you have 7 grown women in one kitchen (not counting my sweet sister-in-law who would never make trouble), there’s bound to be some friction. We each have our own way of doing things.

I was engaged in some menial task – peeling potatoes, I think – when one of my sisters could not resist suggesting a way to do it better. As if I’d just fallen off the potato truck!

“You know, you might want to try…” she started, but I cut her off.

I shouldn’t have. She probably knew something that would revolutionize my potato-peeling future. A secret, known only to the Potatoes Templar, and passed down for 3000 years from each dying secret-keeper to her successor. But I’m not good with unsolicited advice.

“What I DO know” I said snippily “is that a sentence that starts “you might want to try”, is not going to end well.”

If it had been any other family, my touchiness might have caused problems. Feelings might have been hurt, and tensions escalated.

Not the Richart family. We immediately sat down around the dining room table and started brainstorming. What other phrases and sentences would fit the category:

Conversation Starters That Never End Well

When someone opens up with one of these phrases, it’s a pretty good bet that what follows is something you don’t want to hear. Not always, though. Some of these are perfectly fine at the right time and place, but may be misused with disastrous results. For example: “When are you due?” is a perfectly good question. It shows the questioner is interested, and attentive to detail. Any little mama will be flattered by the attention. If she is, indeed, pregnant. You see the potential pitfall.

Here are some of our nominees, in no particular order.

· I probably shouldn’t tell you this…
· I hope you don’t mind…
· Oh, did you need that?
· Don’t take this the wrong way…
· I don’t want to alarm you…
· May I be frank?
· It’s probably not my place to say…
· Let’s be honest.
· You probably don’t realize…
· Have you considered…
· Promise you won’t get mad?
· I thought you should know…
· I don’t want to hurt your feelings…
· It’s not you, it’s me.
· We’ve been friends a long time, right?
· Can I trust you?
· You might want to try…
· I hate to do this over the phone…
· Are you going to wear that?
· I’ll call you…
· She’s got a great personality!
· You know that vase your grandma left you?
· Mom, how do you feel about grandkids?
· I’m legally an adult…
· But officer…
· It’ll grow back.
· School isn’t for everyone.
· When I was a kid…
· She said she was 18…
· How much did it cost?
· This will hurt me more than it will hurt you.
· When are you due?
· I went to the free clinic today…
· Watch this!
· You look just like…
· I know you’re doing your best…
· Do I look fat in this?
· There’s nothing to see here, folks.
· Remember when I said I’d never leave you?
· But I love him!
· It’s for your own good…
· Are you sitting down?

I’m sure we’ve just scratched the surface of possibilities. Feel free to let me know what I’ve missed.

You know how well I take suggestions.

About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
This entry was posted in General Ramblings. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Start Me Up

  1. Liz says:

    I cannot believe you actually kept this list.


  2. Peg says:

    Found it balled up in the bottom of my purse. A girl never knows what she'll find!


  3. Bill says:

    Hey, you never know when Monty Hall will offer you $200 for a balled-up list on Let's Make a Deal.


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