Won’t The Real Peg Schulte Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up?

Peg Schulte, Peg Schulte, wherefore art thou, Peg Schulte?

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”

― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

Society now communicates electronically.  There’s nothing wrong with that, but some occasions still call for a hand-written note.  I think we can all agree that an emoji on someone’s Facebook page doesn’t quite cut it when they’ve had a death in the family.   Phone books are getting pretty thin with everybody ditching their landlines, so how are you supposed to look up addresses to snail-mail?  Online white pages.

For those even more techno-clueless than I am, this is like a print phone book except it’s online and covers the entire nation.   I used it the other day to find an address and afterwards, just for giggles, looked myself up.

There were 139 possible matches for Peg Schulte.

My given name is Margaret.  Most of us Peggys are Margarets; don’t ask me why, it’s one of life’s mysteries.   The list of possible mes was heavy on Margarets, had fewer Peggys and Pegs, and a mere smattering of Marges, Margies and Maggies.   There were also 9 Gretchens.  Huh?

Towards the end of the list they abandoned Schulte altogether and got creative with the last name.  They included such possible matches as:

Scheldt, Shulte, Shilt, Schultdt, Schildt, Schult, Scholte, Shult, and Schilt.

So, Mr. White Pages Computer Algorithm Programmer, you think “Gretchen Scheldt” is the same as “Peg Schulte?”  Really?

The search program must factor in the likelihood that these people’s ancestors started life as “Schultes” (a name, I understand, as common as “Smith” in Germany,) before some overworked and/or clueless clerks processed them as part of the huddled masses at Ellis Island.

The most important point here is that out of the whole, wide universe of possible Peg Schultes, the search gods didn’t list me – the real me – until #66.  This raises some disturbing questions:

  • Why am I half the way down the list?
  • Why aren’t I #1?
  • What does Margaret Schulte of Manning, Iowa got that I ain’t got?

Maybe the 65 Not-Mes ahead of me on the list paid somebody to optimize their search engine SEO.  I don’t know exactly what that means, but my spam folder is full of offers from computer types with bad English skills urging me to do that, so it must be a good thing.

Perhaps they are more famous than I am because they have more wonderful accomplishments.  There’s a lowering thought.

Maybe they’re more infamous than famous because of bad behavior.  I like that possibility.

Whatever the reason I’m in the middle of the Peg Pack, that fact has me a bit worried.  This could have serious consequences:

  • What if I finally win the Publisher’s Clearinghouse sweepstakes and they give my money to Pegg Schulte of Fallon, Missouri?
  • What if Oprah comes to her senses and offers me a regular writing gig, and Margaret Schuldt of Tuckasegee, North Carolina winds up with the fame and fortune rightly belonging to me?

On the other hand, the plus side of being merely one of many is that I can lay bad stuff off onto the Not-Mes.

  • The next life insurance sales pitch masquerading as an Important Document  so I’ll open the envelope
  • My weekly invitation to join AARP
  • All the low, low, limited time offers for replacement windows, hearing aids or furnace tune ups…

I’m forwarding all of that junk mail to Gretchen Scheldt.   She could probably use a furnace tune-up anyway – I’m sure it gets cold in Cleveland, Wisconsin.

 

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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39 Responses to Won’t The Real Peg Schulte Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up?

  1. That was fantastic. I love stories about everyday life. My last name is D-Y-K-I-E. If I search for myself, you’d be amazed at all the “DYKES” that come up. If I didn’t have a blog, you would never find me.

    Like

  2. Elyse says:

    I think you should be glad you’re way down the list, Peg. Because I’m thinkin’ that Gretchen Scheldt will be forwarding hers to #1.

    When he was in the service, my father used to go into a phone booth and look up his last name, and call one of the names: “We must be related!” he’d say. And they’d invite him over for dinner every time!

    Liked by 1 person

    • pegoleg says:

      Did your dad really do that? I love it! What a great idea. I’m going to try that the next time I’m in a strange town. If I can find a phone booth. Clark Kent and I were commiserating just the other day about how they’ve vanished from the landscape – so annoying for us.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Elyse says:

        He did. He found “Evers” family members everywhere. He especially found lots of black family members!

        I know about phone booths. When I came back from Europe to buy a house, I had no cell phone. There were two phone booths left in VA at the time.

        Like

  3. Margy says:

    Wow – so many chances for the real you to be missed, for good or for bad!
    I looked my name up (the real legal name me, not the blog me or any variance of my name), and there is only one in the white pages. It is for our winter place in Arizona. I don’t exist, apparently, here in my home country of Canada…

    Like

  4. I’ve never googled my name. Hmm, now you’ve got my curiosity.
    And, don’t worry, there will never be but one talented, beautiful Peg-o- my sista!
    Happy Birthday, too. Hope it’s as fabulous as you are. love ya!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. pineas2 says:

    Gretchen ist a diminuitive for Margaret in Germany. And Schulz and Schulte are indeed very common names there, in Austria and Switzerland with some sprinkles in the countries around.

    Like

  6. Yeah! I’m with Tar! We all know you’ll always be at the top of the list as the most gorgeous and witty Peg-o-Leg in the land. Happy happy birthday to you!

    Like

  7. I loved that read, and needed a chuckle after mowing a little bit of lawn and getting drenched by a wayward cloud. I’m still all wet and the sun is out. So I guess I’ll go back out and finish and then come in and look myself up ad see if I have an alter ego in, I dunno, Maui?

    Like

  8. susielindau says:

    Such a bummer! I share my name with several variations of Susie Lindau’s, REALLY!
    On the flip side, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISS PEGGLES! No one else has that special name.

    Like

  9. I’m not past the first line and I already disagree! There’s PLENTY wrong with communicating electronically. Don’t get me started on a long harrang.

    As far as we, your readers, are concerned, there’s only one, true, original Margaret Schulte. That’s all there’ll ever be.

    Fun fact: That bit of Shakespeare is commonly misunderstood. Juliette is not asking where he is. She’s saying, why is your name Romeo Montague, when my family, the Capulets, are their sworn enemies? It would’ve been more accurate for her to say, Wherefore art thou, Montague? Why do you have to be a stinkin’ Montague?

    Class dismissed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • pegoleg says:

      Harangue away. This is a harangue-safe space.

      I did not know that, teach. Is the next line something about “deny thy mother…?” I’m trying to impress you with my classical bona fides.

      When I was in grade school, we went to see the making-literature-sexy R&J movie that had just come out with Olivia Hussey. Very racy stuff. I think the only reason they thought it was OK was we were all clueless. Of course that meant it was a waste of time. Just like trying to teach Jabberwocky freshman year in high school. I still remember “Twas bryllig and the slythy toves” but…huh?

      Like

  10. Al says:

    This is the first time I’ve ever heard of someone stalking themselves.

    Like

  11. Well, you hooked me, and I discovered I’m on the 3rd page…#35 of 296. I don’t know if that is far enough down that I can be anonymous in any of my wrong doings.

    Like

  12. You’ll always be the #1 Peg Schulte in my book!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. List of X says:

    At least you’re not Mary Smith or something more common with tens of thousands of matches, so that people can’t possibly find you.
    And you’re not me with exactly 1 match (me, obviously), where you’re just too easy to find.
    (And no, Listofx isn’t my actual name, which did not stop that site from pretending it’s not a made up name and offering me to access listofx’s court and driving records for a fee.

    Like

  14. Little Old Lady Online says:

    I find it scary that when I Google my name, my address and names of my husband and adult children also shows up. And when I Googled one of my children, my maiden name also appeared 😦

    Like

  15. Finally a sensible suggestion of what to do with junk mail – (maybe that one will be interested – who knows?)

    Like

  16. Oh, Peg, you should do a video like the Slim Shady one. It would be amazing! I bet it would bump you to at least #12.

    Like

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