Freshly Pegged – Moi

Have you ever sent a post out into the blogosphere, absolutely convinced it was going to be Freshly Pressed?  And then it wasn’t?

You’re not alone.freshlypegged2

I’ve asked some fantastic bloggers to select the post that had them muttering,”THIS One Should Have Been Freshly Pressed.”  A new blogger is featured each week to receive the coveted Freshly Pegged distinction.  Participants will be awarded a genuine, simulated “Freshly Pegged” JPEG badge, suitable for posting in a place of honor on their blogs.  Or not.

Be sure to read all the great Freshly Pegged offerings to date.  But before you do, let’s check out…

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Me.

I know.

As if it wasn’t bad enough to name an award after myself, now I am giving it to me.  I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t blame you.  Even I am disgusted by this latest move.

In my defense, this really has less to do with ego than it does with a lack of organization.   Due to my poor communication skills and a tendency to do everything at the last minute, the good stuff I HOPED to present fell though and I wound up with bupkes.  Instead of one of the uber-talented bloggers you’ve come to expect in this space, you’ve got moi.

I’m so ashamed.

I had to sort through my WordPress files quick-like-a-bunny to come up with something to post.  My How The Hell Did WordPress Miss THIS Gem? sub-file contains 350 out of the 356 posts I have written to date, so it was a daunting task.  But no amount of blog-slogging is too much to ask when it’s for my readers.  That’s how much I love you.

And so I am proud/chagrined to present this-here post.  Again.

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A Mental Roller Coaster Ride… or Toilet Paper, Toilet Paper, My Kingdom for Some Toilet Paper

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Men and women don’t see the same world.

I’m not saying one vision is better than the other – they’re just different. I also don’t pretend to represent Every Woman, but I suspect this will sound familiar to many. Now that we’ve got the disclaimers out of the way…

The following is a true and faithful account of a real-life event. Come with me now on a roller coaster ride through the female brain. Mine.

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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100 Responses to Freshly Pegged – Moi

  1. Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. You deserve your own award. 😉

    Like

  2. Hahahaha,,,I had this thought just the other morning,,,,must print out your thought chart to prove to bf, just WHY it is SO IMPORTANT to just change the paper…..I would be so much more happier and stress free!

    Like

  3. bigsheepcommunications says:

    Totally Freshly Pressed worthy 😀 and what are you doing in my head? My kitchen cabinets look like hell…

    Like

  4. Al says:

    Peg, we’ve talked about this before, but I’ll say it again. You just have to wait it out and the toilet paper replaces itself. I’ve never replaced a roll and yet there’s always a fresh roll on their eventually. Every house I’ve ever lived in had this automatic replacement dispenser. Maybe you need a new real estate agent.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Next house I get, forget about the “good school district” as purchase criterion – it’s gonna be “automatic toilet paper replacement dispenser” all the way.

      Like

      • Al says:

        I’m glad I could help. Now maybe you will help me learn the difference between “there” and “their” usage.

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        • pegoleg says:

          I can’t believe I missed that. Usually the there/their/they’re thing is like nails on chalkboard to me. Except when I do it myself.

          Like

          • Al says:

            Know what you mean. Too, to and two is another group. When I taught a paralegal course at community college, I took off more for improper or misspelled words than I did for incorrect legal concepts.

            I used to tell them that if you want to keep a job in this profession, you’d better learn grammar and spelling above all. And don’t rely too much on a spell checker, it won’t always catch words improperly applied.

            Having said that, I’ve probably made more mistakes since I started blogging than I have in my whole life before that.

            Like

  5. Hahahahaha! Absolutely. Yes.

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  6. mistyslaws says:

    You forgot the diagram when the man DOES need it for this trip. It goes something like this, I believe:

    “HON!! Can you bring me some toilet paper? HOOOOONNNNNNNNNN!!!!”

    At least in my experience, anyway.

    Great post, Peg. Truly deserving of being Freshly Pegged. Good thing you know someone on the inside. 😉

    Like

  7. Of all your posts that are FP-worthy (and what…that’s like ALL of them…?) THIS one for sure should have been, it is pure perfection, Peg-o! Now that you’ve Freshly Pegged yourself, does this mean you can interview yourself for my blog next month? Now that is a great idea, less work for me.

    Like

  8. Haha, that’s a fair representation of the average female mind. So funny. Great post, totally FP worthy. 😀

    Like

  9. Liz McLennan says:

    What a fabulous way to begin the day! This is SO how it goes here, too right down to the renovations plans. Ha!

    Like

  10. Elyse says:

    A glorious pick for Fresh Peggin’, Peg. Who can sum up the differences between man and woman better than you?

    Just this morning as I restocked the bathrooms I realized that we have only 12 rolls left. It’s Wednesday and I don’t go to the store until Saturday. How will we survive until then on only 12 rolls of Charmin?

    Like

  11. Go Jules Go says:

    I don’t know what impresses me more – the fact that you’ve written 356 blog posts, or that you made a flow chart (really, really) funny. More Freshly Pegged Peg-o-Leg!!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      The flow chart, definitely. I wanted to resurrect this post because it took hours and hours of agonizing to get it into a reproducible format. Next time I have a complicated project like this, I’m just calling you. Is your fee still one bar of bacon chocolate per hour?

      Like

  12. This is definitely one I would have thought got Freshly Pressed. It is brilliant.
    If men actually look at this they would realize how much money they would save by just changing the roll. The cost of a whole remodel in the kitchen and the trip to Florida alone would have saved them a bundle.

    Like

  13. List of X says:

    I read this and I had to go to the bathroom just to make sure there’ll be paper on the roll when my wife has to go there. She should thank you for never having to change toilet paper ever again.

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  14. I laughed so hard that I peed myself and NOW I HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN. (And thanks for revealing how to spell “bupkes.”

    Like

  15. bzzfft says:

    How can he not need toilet paper? What is this? America’s worse than I thought.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I don’t mean to be crude, but my understanding is that men just have to give a little shake to finish off half of their toileting activities. Is that purely an American thing?

      Like

      • bzzfft says:

        I confess that my understanding of male bathroom activities is probably the lowest you can get, but in my country all the bathrooms are equipped with water spraying thingies and toilet paper, to wash and wipe for optimum cleanliness. I guess I always assumed everybody here uses them, regardless of gender.

        I also confess that I sometimes refer to the rest of the world as America. *hides politically incorrect self behind giant turban*

        Like

  16. Absolutely brilliant, Peg!
    Another important item to note if you’re in my house: do you wind the roll over or under? It’s the little things, you know.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      It’s funny that particular thing can be such an issue for people. I don’t care, but I found out after 25 years of marriage that my husband has a definite preference. I just can’t remember what it is.

      Like

  17. Give credit where credit is due! You deserve this award!

    Like

  18. lsurrett2 says:

    And here I was seeing that picture and thinking you were stuck in the bathroom waiting for someone to bring you some TP! Little did I know you were a victim of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. Made me laugh.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I have both problems. Nobody else seems concerned that we’re out of TP, and I’m likely to get so sidetracked while refilling that I forget to do it.

      Like

  19. Carrie Rubin says:

    A great pick for sure! My problem with the men in my home and toilet paper is they never replace an empty roll. And if they do, they don’t put it on the holder, they just rest it on top of the empty roll. Arrgghh!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Yeah, that’s my problem, too. Apparently something about the innerspring in a toilet roll holder is like Kryptonite to the Y chromosome. It’s a science thing.

      Like

  20. Not only is your diagram deserving, you deserve an award for your award. I’m not sure i’ve said that yet, but I l.o.v.e. the design.

    Like

  21. Laura says:

    I actually thought this one was Freshly Pressed. It definitely deserved to be.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Maybe I was out sick that day? I guess in modern times WordPress gives the blogger a heads-up the day before FP so you don’t miss all the fun. The last time I was FPd, back in the stone age, it was just a big surprise when your stats started going through the roof.

      Like

  22. Margie says:

    Nice flow chart – did you get the septic tank pumped out? That ranks right up there with the meaning of life question – at least it does at our place…

    Like

  23. Paula's Paradise says:

    You are really on a “roll” there, Peg! The flow chart’s brilliant … is it any wonder that women generally have more neural connectors between both sides of the brain? Me thinks you may have more than most … especially in the frontal funny-lobe!

    Like

  24. momshieb says:

    In spite of your shameless self promotion, You. Are. Hilarious.
    I particularly enjoyed the flow chart.

    Like

  25. I’m impressed you waited this long. I would have posted one or possibly two by others, then a few of mine, and then started blogging about talking dinosaurs or some inane blather. The positive note about your flow chart, is that by the time you have had all of those thoughts, the man of the house will have likely reconsidered his potty needs and taken his rightful place on the porcelain throne. He’ll break you out of your reverie by calling out for you to bring him a fresh roll of Charmin, and the sports section.

    Like

  26. “Does the Florida pharmacy have their entire history?” This one made me crack up because of the randomness and “adhd-ness” of it. It certainly mirrors my thinking. But now, the thoughts get processed quickly and end up coming out of my mouth like a case of the verbal runs! Congrats on the award – well deserved. 🙂

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      It’s probably a good idea to say them out-loud rather than run the risk of forgetting something important on your list. And what better place for the runs, verbal or otherwise?

      Like

  27. Why is it always the right side of the holder that gets wobbly? Hilarious and sooo worthy!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Hmmm, I never noticed that before. Now I’m trying to remember all the wobbly holders I’ve known, so I can verify this bit of urban lore. Mental note to check which side on the next one I encounter.

      Like

  28. hahaha. I wrote a post about penis shapes being comedic. i was disappointed that didn’t get pressed

    Like

  29. This is an ingenious post. You must be in IT. This is exactly how my mind works too, but probably not to the extent of proceeding from an empty toilet paper roll to the philosophy of “why am I here”? When posts like this get missed, I wonder what they are looking for.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Thanks, Lynn. I am definitely NOT in IT. It took hours and hours to draw this flowchart electronically so the arrows lined up, at least a little. I was cursing and imploring the heavens, “where is an IT nerd when you need one??”

      Like

  30. Nothing to be ashamed of here, Peg… this is awesome… without a doubt one of the most entertaining flow-chart / diagram things I have ever seen!
    I have to say, though, I’m usually pretty good about replacing the T.P. You know, for a dude, anyway. But that’s pretty much where my chart ends. Because by that point I’m feeling way to proud of my ‘accomplishment’ to focus on much else.
    Also, it’s a bit difficult to tell from the evidence (those are some very well-worn specimens), but it appears you might just be an ‘over / away from the wall – hanger’ so… you know… I commend you for that, too!
    🙂

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Don’t be so quick to commend me, SIG. I don’t care which way the paper rolls but my hubby does, and I can never remember which way he prefers. The wobbly holder on the right in the above pictures has actually had one arm break off since then. The roll is sitting upright on the sink now because I can’t get into the utility drawer to get a screwdriver to fix it so…
      You see where this is heading.

      Like

  31. Oh, Peg-o-Leg, how I adore thee.

    I have no idea why I suddenly came over all Shakespearean in the above. But ’tis such a wondrous flow-chart…. Okay, I’ll stop now. I’m just embarrassing myself.

    Seriously though, I haven’t stopped by your blog in a while and I really should visit more often. This post cracked me up. 😀

    Like

  32. TIA says:

    I love this!!! Very funny:)

    Like

  33. Just nominated you for a ‘special’ award. Check it out!

    Like

  34. susielindau says:

    Hahaha! This should have been Pressed for sure! Hilarious! Sorry it took me so long to stop by.
    Men and women’s brains are exactly like that!

    Like

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