A Mental Roller Coaster Ride… or Toilet Paper, Toilet Paper, My Kingdom for Some Toilet Paper

.

.

.

Men and women don’t see the same world.  

I’m not saying one vision is better than the other – they’re just different.  I also don’t pretend to represent Every Woman, but I suspect this will sound familiar to many.  Now that we’ve got the disclaimers out of the way…

The following is a true and faithful account of a real-life event.  Come with me now on a roller coaster ride through the female brain.  Mine.

Advertisements

About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
This entry was posted in General Ramblings and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

103 Responses to A Mental Roller Coaster Ride… or Toilet Paper, Toilet Paper, My Kingdom for Some Toilet Paper

  1. bigsheepcommunications says:

    I’ve taken similar rides many times and still wonder, why don’t other people ever take a moment to replace the empty roll of toilet paper out of consideration for the next bathroom user??

    Like

  2. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. And even if the man needed it, he’d have walked in with a magazine, which would have consumed his attention and no way would he have time or the awareness to contemplate the meaning of life or when you’re going to retire.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Running from Hell with El says:

    LOL. This is brilliant. It shows just how well we multitask. Golly-still giggling.

    Like

  4. Ok, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say this has Freshly Pressed written all over it.

    Brilliant. Hilarious. True. My three most favorite things in a post. Well done, Pegoliciousness!!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Thanks, Darlonica Lake. Once I got this typed into Word, I had a DEVIL of a time figuring out how to get it onto WordPress. Can’t believe how much time I wasted on the mechanics of it – I need to get rich and famous so I can hire minions to do the technical crap for me!!

      Like

      • Spectra says:

        I had just assumed you’d drawn it up in microsoft Paint, and transferred it into WP through your media button. What you’ve done seems so much harder.

        And it’s so true – a woman is managing not just an entire household, but a world of other people.

        Like

  5. RFL says:

    This is hilarious. You captured the roller coaster perfectly.

    Like

  6. Janu says:

    🙂 Likey, Likey!

    Like

  7. Averyanne says:

    It’s too early in the morning to be laughing this hard. I always prefer to hike a mountain before engaging in strenuous laughter. In any case, thanks for a hilarious start to my beautiful day!

    Like

  8. mj monaghan says:

    Ah, the mind of a woman – captured in flow-chart perfection!

    Like

  9. Seriously brilliant and if this isn’t Freshly Pressed, I will spit. Mine would also include “I hate having to reach up so high to get the toilet paper out of the hall closet. All of the closets in this house suck. It’s a good thing I have so few clothes. It’s almost embarrassing. I really need to go shopping.”

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      That thought thread came right after I started my paper-products shopping list. I didn’t have room for it on the chart. You really do need to go shopping – maybe some new shoes?

      Like

  10. Go Jules Go says:

    OMG, Peg. I worship you and this process flow. Hilarious!! Brilliant! Oh and I’m with Renee – Freshly Pressed Overlords, I beseech you!

    Like

  11. Sara says:

    This is just perfect. Thanks for making me feel not so alone.

    Like

  12. Tori Nelson says:

    I’ll second Darla’s FP comment. If not, there is no justice… or toilet paper in this world. Also? Just forwarded this to Tom in a passive aggressive “hint. Hint. HINT!” kind of way. He responded with “I don’t get it”. That, my dear, is The Man proving your point.

    Like

  13. Off the Wall says:

    OMG you and I have the same brain chart! If a man DID take a magazine in the bathroom, and after doing his business discovered an empty toliet paper roll, he would simply take the carboard tube off the roller, and use it as toliet paper. Then after plugging up the toliet try to flush it, he would rationalize it by saying “it was like going camping and it was better than a leaf”

    Like

  14. HA!
    I’m actually pretty good about replacing the T.P.
    Maybe because I like to make sure the flap hangs OVER instead of UNDER (where it can get trapped / all pined up against the wall).
    Pretty sure I usually don’t make it all the way to pondering the meaning of life, though.
    I’m usually too busy being proud of myself and admiring my handiwork.
    🙂

    Like

  15. Elyse says:

    Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. It should/will be Fresh “Pee’d” like everyone is saying. If there is a God. I guess we’ll get the answer to that age old question soon.

    Like

  16. Lenore Diane says:

    Holy smokes!! I applaud you simply for the time it took to create the flow chart! You get a standing ovation for filling the flow chart with such accuracy! Wow, Peg. You knocked this toilet paper roll out of the park! Oh, and remain seated – I will replace the toilet paper roll for you. You’ve earned a break.

    Like

  17. Thank God for Peg-O… letting me know that I’m not the only one whose mind goes to a thousand other places in one seemingly innocuous response to stimulus. Brills. (That’s what the kids are saying these days.)

    Like

  18. Audrey says:

    It’s perfect! And right on, at least for my head. 🙂 And it all started with a potty break…

    Like

  19. Mary Kay says:

    Again, you have nailed life’s gender contrasts. Women have to think like this to keep said man cave functional! Where’s the Calgon? After I check the tiolet paper-don’t like those kind of surprises. Very witty of you, Peg.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Calgon, take me away! Except before I could ever do that, I would have to scrub the heck out of the tub. Nobody ever takes a bath and I just figure the bottoms of our feet can take all the soap scum. Not pretty.

      Like

  20. OMG…you are my wife!

    🙂

    Be encouraged!

    Like

  21. robincoyle says:

    Have you heard this joke?

    How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

    No one knows. It has never happened before.

    Like

  22. This is me. All day, every day. I actually have a blog post in-progress about it…but it has been in-progress for weeks now. I keep getting distracted by other things.

    Like

  23. one of the first things i learned in my marriage was how to properly mount a new roll. i had originally thought that by simply replacing the roll, i should have gotten knighted, but was surprised to find out that the paper has to come over the top of the roll, rather than hanging from beneath it. in the many decades since, i’ve learned so much more.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Isn’t that interesting? I don’t care about that, but I know a lot of people go bananas if the rolls isn’t hung just so. I guess the important thing is doing what you have to do to keep peace in your home.

      Like

      • it was funny, though it was also a harbinger for partterns of decades of marital conflict and resolutions yet to come. she knew once she had me trained on the easy things, like proper t.p. mouting, that i could learn tougher tricks, like how to fold a bra and properly iron pleated pants.

        Like

        • pegoleg says:

          I don’t know which is more impressive – you doing those things, or her GETTING you to do those things. Does she ever work with cats?

          Like

          • She’s a crafty one. I think her experience has shown that cats can only do things for themselves, so she didn’t waste her time on them. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go vacuum and advance the wash.

            Like

            • pegoleg says:

              Vacuum? Wash? Stop! I’m really getting turned on, here.

              Like

              • Turned on?! Well…it’s nice to be appreciated, even from afar. As long as I’ve got you all charged up, I’m putting together tonight’s dinner menu and could use some feedback. I’m thinking of grilled whole-grain mustard crusted yellow fin tuna with a jalapeno-honey glaze and some steamed spring veggies with a nice salad. White wine of course, chardonnay has become so predictable, I’m thinking a viognier…then fresh strawberries for dessert…

                Like

  24. No wonder we’re exhausted! This gave me a good laugh as I nodded all the way through, knowing that’s how my thoughts would have gone too. Funny to think that this whole process sometimes only takes a minute or two, and yet we can cover some pretty diverse topics as our thoughts literally scramble in all directions. Well done!!

    Like

  25. Silva Gang says:

    Classic and so true! I think the best is when my husband feels it is totally fine to leave just one sheet on a roll, and that one magical sheet somehow lets him off the hook. When I get on his case about not replacing the roll, he responds with “But it wasn’t empty yet! I left some on there!” Ugh! 😉

    Like

  26. Shannon says:

    I LOVE flow charts. I was a little disappointed that “my version” ends up at the far left, checking septic tank levels, but there have been many times I wind up with “Why am I here? Oh yeah!!” — many times per day. Usually because I’m doing too much at once. But with a an empty toilet roll? That’s awesome!!

    PS — When my husband hangs a new roll, I SWEAR he’s hanging it backwards just to see if I change it (you know, as in pull from back). I always do. He must smile when he comes in behind me. Drat.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I can’t count the number of times I end up in a room asking “Why am I here?” and it’s usually not an existential question.

      Like

      • Tar-Buns says:

        Ha! Love the post, Peg! Just back from Chicago and seeing your post. Awesome.
        And, yes, I too get lost in my own “projecting outcomes” thinking. No wonder we’re always exhausted! 🙂
        Going to read the rest of the comments! What fun!

        Like

        • pegoleg says:

          The really funny/sad thing is this is an actual conversation I had with my brain while in the bathroom. You do this too? No wonder we’re exhausted – you got that right!

          Like

  27. This is priceless – at what point when you were changing the loo roll did you start planning your flow chart as well???!! I think I’m going to go with the flow chart option in future seen as how my Husband refuses to instigate any type of renovation/maintenance from my ‘concept drawings’ and will only work from technical, to scale versions of what I’m picturing in my head – I need to flow chart my way into a landscaped front garden and fitted bedroom furniture right now………. 🙂

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Let me know how that works out for you. I think my hubby would only look at such a flow chart if he was stuck in the bathroom with nothing else to read.

      Like

  28. Al says:

    The toilet paper roll gets changed? I thought it just grew another one.

    Like

  29. BillThePraiseAndWorshipGuy says:

    The nearness historically of the empty toilet paper roll is directly proportional to the size of the next package of toilet paper purchased (240 mega-rolls — worth 3 normal rolls each!!! Free shipping by semi with every order!) Actually, I prefer “John Wayne” toilet paper — rough, tough, and it don’t take no sh*t offa nobody!!!!

    Like

  30. Can I print this out and hang out in the bathroom for Kiefer and the boys? So far, we’ve had no missing TP incidents, but it’s only been a week.

    Like

  31. Al says:

    Sorry if this appears to be stalking, Peg, but I just have to make another comment on this blog. I’ve read a little Freud and Jung, but this is the first time I have seen any kind of segway from an empty paper roll to the meaning of life. I’ve felt for some time now that my life is in the toilet. I’m “relieved” to know why.

    Like

  32. And they wonder why women are tired!
    You posts are on a roll.

    Like

  33. Dana says:

    This. Is. AWESOME!! I can’t imagine how long it took to get the formatting for this correct in WP (let alone type up the entire flow chart.) My mind– it’s boggled! In a very good way!

    Like

  34. The flow chart is amazing and I need to print it and hang it in every bathroom in my home! 🙂

    Like

  35. brennagrimes says:

    Thank you for making me realize why it takes me so long to finally make it to the bathroom!!!!

    Like

  36. Angie Z. says:

    Oh, this was brilliant, Peg! But you knew that, didn’t you.

    I more on the man side of things and my husband on the woman side. We just ran out of toilet paper last week. My thought bubble stopped at — “We have Kleenex so we’ll be fine for a good five more days.” Meanwhile my husband started digging through the coupon drawer immediately.

    Like

  37. pattisj says:

    And “they” wonder why women carry so much stress in their bodies…

    Like

  38. Oh. My. Gawd. I just read this and almost peed myself laughing, which reminded me to go potty, which reminded me…well, you get the drift. 🙂
    I wrote a similar post to this somewhere about something. But I can’t remember exactly where it is.

    Like

  39. Pingback: My Life Is A PERT Diagram | Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s