Everything is ALWAYS simpler for guys.
My last blog post was about how shopping for clothes strains the mother/daughter bond. My brother-in-law, John, said he was glad he was a guy. Relations with his Dad are simple – pizza, beer and poker on Friday night and nobody cares what they are wearing.
John is right that guys’ lives are simpler. But that’s only possible because their comfort has always been enhanced by the more complicated needs and wants of Woman.
Come with me now…. back, back, back….. to the dawn of mankind.
In prehistoric times, Friday night would find Man sitting around the cave in his woolly mammoth pelts, playing poker with Oog, Glog, Mastoog and Barry.
Back then, the game was played with a club called a poker. This was thinner than the everyday, utility club used for hunting and mate-gathering. The guys would take turns hitting one another over the head with the poker and the first one to pass out was the loser. When he came to, he had to buy a round of fermented mastodon pee for everyone else.
They ate pizza, which was a hunk of saber-toothed tiger meat served on a slab of rock. Some guys preferred thick stone, and some insisted on a thin slab.
As the fermented sloth spit flowed ever more freely, tempers would flare. Man and his buddies would get into fights over the relative merits of eating the saber-toothed tiger meat raw – “if it was good enough for my Dad, Bobo the Chimp, it’s good enough for me!” – vs. the new-fangled way of using fire to cook food. Man would taunt Oog and Barry -“only a sissy-boy wants his saber-toothed tiger cooked!” and the pokers would fly.
And that’s where Man would be to this very day if not for Woman. It took Woman to force Man to put on clean underwear, and go out and hunt and gather some curtains, maybe a few throw pillows, to cozy up the cave. From there, it was just a short hop, skip and a jump to the invention of the wheel, then the upholstered chair, then the 52” screen high-definition TV (with surround sound).
Woman’s civilizing influence greatly improved the quality of life for Man.
Friday night poker looks a LOT different today. Man now has underwear to protect his sensitive bits from woolly mammoth pelt chafing. Thanks to Woman.