Freshly Pegged – 1pointperspective

Have you ever sent a post out into the blogosphere, absolutely convinced it was going to be Freshly Pressed?  And then it wasn’t?

You’re not alone.freshlypegged2

I’ve asked some fantastic bloggers to select the post that had them muttering,”THIS One Should Have Been Freshly Pressed.”  A new blogger is featured each week to receive the coveted Freshly Pegged distinction.  Participants will be awarded a genuine, simulated “Freshly Pegged” JPEG badge, suitable for posting in a place of honor on their blogs.  Or not.

Be sure to read all the great Freshly Pegged offerings to date.  But before you do, let’s check out…

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Dave at 1pointperspective.  You’ll see his bald-headed gravatar thither and yon in the blogosphere, usually attached to a clever comment.  Apparently his head is so full of snarkiness there was no room left for hair follicles.   (BTW, his profile is practically a novel – the longest in WordPress history.)

Dave’s posts are funny commentaries on daily life, interspersed with well-written short stories.  Sometimes he illustrates his work with charming, vivid sketches, which are my favorite parts.

Run over to 1pointperspective for a visit, but not until you read his winning entry from k8edid‘s Seven Deadly Sins writing contest. This is the piece that had Dave saying “THIS one should have been Freshly Pressed”

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Willie Prader had a bad feeling about this one. Like maybe he’d bit off more than he could chew.

The leggy blonde named Crystal had sauntered through the door and into his life just a week before. For someone who made his living being observant, he should have learned by now – trouble was always blonde, and it always sauntered.

The job was simple. She was convinced that her husband was cheating. Willie’d been a private dick since Moses was a pup, but still had to wonder what kind of guy cheats on a bombshell like this dame. She had the face of a starlet, and he couldn’t help but notice how her legs got together and made an ass of themselves.

Prader parked his battered Lincoln at the White Castle across the highway from the Palace Diner and waited. The guy drove a ’68 Fleetwood, so he’d be hard to miss. When Mr. Light finally pulled up at the Palace, Prader was amazed to find out just how hard to miss he actually was. The guy got out of the Caddy and the chassis elevated like one the Impalas the kids drive out in L.A. Only this car didn’t have complicated hydraulics, it heaved up because the guy who got out of it had to tip the scales at five bills or more. He leaned down and checked his massive face in the little mirror on the door, then shifted his bulk toward the diner entrance.

Prader chuckled to himself. He never would’ve guessed that a doll like Crystal would be married to a guy who looked like he was built when meat was cheap. He leaned back on the Lincoln, lit a Lucky and watched across the lanes of blacktop as the round man somehow crammed himself into a booth. The waitress was hovering at his table, spending too much time for someone who should be hustling up and down the aisle slinging hash for tips. She laughed and smiled at him, touching his arm as he shifted his attention between her and the glossy menu.

Willie decided to get a closer look at this little romance. He jogged across the highway and stood in the shadows just outside the neon glow of the flickering sign. He considered his surroundings, making sure he wouldn’t be too conspicuous. He looked back up to the window and saw the booth was empty. For a minute, he thought maybe he was looking at the wrong booth. Just then, he felt the massive ham-hand grip his arm like a vise. He was pretty sure the pain in his ribs was the business end of a Colt, maybe a Baretta. The man-mountain pushed him toward the diner door and the barrel of the handgun kept him moving.

Light stared at him across the booth with tired eyes. The waitress looked at Prader with just a hint of dull surprise after putting three platters down in front of the big man. She smiled briefly at Light as she left.

“My wife sent you snooping” Light declared. “She knows I’m cheating,” he continued, “but look at this plate of sausage and eggs with hash browns. Do you have any idea how many points that meal is? Sorry pal, but I can’t lose Crystal because of what you or some team of cardiologists tell her.”

Prader swore at himself as he lay bound and gagged in the trunk of the Caddy, probably on his way to a landfill. If he got out of this alive, he’d need to listen closer to clients, especially the blonde ones.

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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72 Responses to Freshly Pegged – 1pointperspective

  1. What’s not to like about this witty, slick story?! That 1 Point Perspective is my kind of writer! He reminds me of a bald David Sedaris combined with Ernest Hemmingway…or is it Mariel Hemmingway? Oh crap! Can people see that it’s me writing this? How embarrassing…I take it all back.

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  2. In all serious-ity – Thanks Peg, you really know how to make a guy feel special!

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  3. OMG and you say this was not Freshly pressed 0-o or o-0 or 0o, either way Those guys are Freshly pressed- I will not excuse you, you shall not be excused, excuses shall not be admitted, there is no excuse shall serve, you shall not be excused.

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  4. Hey, I’m currently teaching noir to my intro to film class!

    Very clever – nicely written. You set up the ending perfectly. I also now want eggs and hash browns…

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    • I occasionally drive past the diner where I envisioned this playing out. I’ve caught myself looking for old Caddies in the parking lot.

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    • “teaching noir to my intro to film class” ?! Please tell me you wear a corduroy blazer with patches on the elbows and an ascot while lecturing.

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      • pegoleg says:

        I dunno…for noir film class I’m envisioning him dressed all in black with a beret, chain-smoking Gauloises and snapping his fingers instead of clapping.

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        • I only took one film class as an undergrad. The prof wore the corduroy jacket with elbow pathes, but favored a turtleneck over the ascot. I’ll never forget the guy’s name, because it seemed like it was made up for him by a screenwriter: i kid you not, the prof’s name was Vance Kepley. He had the affectation of inserting a “Ha!” in the middle of sentences, so many of us referred to him as Vance “Ha!” Kepley.

          That being said, the artsy black beret look works too. Maybe after class the gang heads to the poetry slam to smoke clove cigarettes and play the bongos.

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        • Now that we’ve had a little fun poking at one of the Gods of blogging, I have to say that this being Freshly Pegged has been an absolute pleasure from start to finish! Thanks again for all your efforts and the honor of being considered in the first place. You rock!

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        • pegoleg says:

          Thank YOU. I’m sorry I didn’t get to hang out today, and that I have to dash again now. Why, oh why, didn’t I get some money the old fashioned way…by inheriting it?

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  5. Blogdramedy says:

    I tossed my blonde tresses and sauntered over. I’d press you fresh any old time. *wink*

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    • Even though I can only see a tiny bit of you, I’m confident you can saunter with the best of them. Don’t know if you followed the 7 Deadly Sins competition. All of my entries were following the same group of characters. It was a lot of fun. Sadly, the competition ended before all 7 sins were covered.

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  6. My favorite post and illustration was “lust”. I promised myself I’d never draw water again after that.

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  7. Lenore Diane says:

    Yes, yes. This was an excellent post by 1-Point. Didn’t you win more than one of the 7 Deadly Sins posts? I recall all of yours were excellent. Apparently, you do well with sinning, 1pt.

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  8. Tar-Buns says:

    I remember this post – definitely deserving of the Freshly Pegged-didness award!
    It appears you are a master sinner, blog wise, of course!
    As I tell my students, words have more than one meaning – in this case, “cheating” is not what it first appears to be. Great story and accompanying sketch!

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  9. Yeah, I remember Dave! We were trading first places in that contest until it ended. Too bad. I was ready to put up my sultry sinner with his “private dick” any time. 😉 Another great pick for your series!

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  10. It was probably just as well that the series ended before the competition got ugly (or Byronic swooped in and won the rest of them).

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  11. Dana says:

    Perfect set-up and delivery! At least now you have the honor of being Freshly Pegged. 🙂

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    • Thanks Dana! I need to give thanks to k8edid for giving me such a great topic and most importantly for limiting me to 600 words! Of course I also appreciate Peg for this great opportunity to share this gem with all of you, not to mention the shiny new Freshly Pegged badge!

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  12. omawarisan says:

    Built when meat was cheap. Stealing it,using it the next time I have a few beers.

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  13. Elyse says:

    A great Freshly Pegged post. Brilliantly funny, Dave, you demon.

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  14. Very worthy of Freshly Pegged! I remember none of us had a chance against Dave, the double threat–good writing AND illustrations?

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  15. SocietyRed says:

    1point!
    First you pop in to my blog this morning and introduce yourself, then I see you here on Peg’s blog! It’s a 2point day for me! Great story, thanks Peg for resurrecting and showcasing it. Certainly deserving of an award!
    Red

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  16. Outstanding story!
    ” it always sauntered.” Precise, concise but packing imagery
    Great read.
    Thanks for sharing Peg-o-Leg!

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  17. susielindau says:

    I remember this one! I think you wrote it back when FP editors didn’t choose fiction pieces. As soon as I stopped writing flash fiction, they started awarding them!
    Now you would score big I am sure!

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    • pegoleg says:

      I didn’t know they awarded fiction. Is it just flash fiction?

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      • susielindau says:

        It’s all flash considering they aren’t pages long. They started a few months ago.
        I had to give it up to finish my novel. Too many characters and plot lines slowed me down. I used to write one and post every Friday! My timing isn’t always the best!

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  18. Laura says:

    Nicely done. I didn’t even notice “Crystal Light” until the end.

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  19. Yet again a perfect selection. Wonderful set up, perfection in delivery. Just unbelievable what FP is missing, thankfully though we have Peg who brings them on and delivers!

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  20. The vaca is slipping ever so quickly away from me. i almost went to Chicago but it was SOooo expensive, I decided against it. Then, I was going to check out Ludington, on Lake MI, about 2 hours from here, but it’s been very cold all week and the place I wanted to check re family get togethers, was closed.

    So, it’s been a bummy kinda week. Tomorrow is Friday. May post something then. May lose my mind and leave town, may just sleep in and have a relax day. Who can say???

    Spring needs to come soon!!! 🙂

    Like

  21. mistyslaws says:

    Catching up on blog posts after my Disney trip . . . and what a way to get back into it. This is well written, full of imagery and allusions, and very noir. Love it. And the Crystal Light part was brilliant. Well done, Dave! Congrats on being FP’d. The best FP on WP, in my opinion.

    Like

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