Freshly Pegged – The Byronic Man

Have you ever sent a post out into the blogosphere, absolutely convinced it was going to be Freshly Pressed?  And then it wasn’t?

You’re not alone.freshlypegged2

I’ve asked some fantastic bloggers to select the post that had them muttering,”THIS One Should Have Been Freshly Pressed.”  A new blogger is featured each week to receive the coveted Freshly Pegged distinction.  Participants will be awarded a genuine, simulated “Freshly Pegged” JPEG badge, suitable for posting in a place of honor on their blogs.  Or not.

Be sure to read all the great Freshly Pegged offerings to date.  But before you do, think about…

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Ask Sexy Stalin
20 Questions
Choose Your Own Adventure
My Life In Stick Figures
Movie reviews
Caption contest

Any of this sound familiar?  If it doesn’t, you’re missing out.  Time to get to know The Bryronic Man.  B-Man’s header  says that he is “Drier. Hilariouser. More satirical than before.”  True, all true.  There’s fun galore to be had at his place. But if you hang around long enough, you’ll learn that this funny man is also a teacher, new father and caring citizen of the world.

It’s hard to fathom how someone can wear that many hats and pull it off, but B-Man does.  That’s because his is the good kind of multiple personality disorder and every one of his identities can write.

If you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know The Byronic Man, hurry over to check him out.  But first read the post that had him saying “THIS one should have been Freshly Pressed!”

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And If There’s Anything I’ve Forgotten, I Apologize For That, Too. And For Forgetting To Apologize. Sorry.

I would like to take this moment to offer a sincere, public and redemptive apology for my recent comments. I in no way meant them. And while I stand by my assertion that some of them were taken out of context, and others I was tricked in to saying, I regret any hurt they may have caused.

Specifically:

Obviously, as pro-active a cow as I’d like to think I’d be, there’s only so much I could have done

I deeply regret my comments regarding the Chicago Fire of 1871. I was being insensitive when I said that if I’d been Mrs. O’Leary’s cow, that things would have gone differently, and that even if I had kicked over a lantern – which I wouldn’t have – I would have been on the front lines putting out the fire. I didn’t mean to imply that I’d make a better cow that Mrs. O’Leary’s cow, nor was my intention to re-open the wounds of any residents of Chicago still trying to get over the tragedy.

I am very sorry for my statement that “the Jews are responsible for the world’s hurricanes.” After an evening of quiet introspection and a little time on Wikipedia, it has become clear to me that this is not only patently false, but that I am unclear on what a “Jew” is.

Clearly, Needles has so much to offer. Like, um… hm. Lovely roads. Roads that lead to other places. And, uh, there’s probably a Starbucks or something?

I would also like to take this opportunity to apologize to the residents of Needles, California, for saying that their city is “ugly as hell and twice as hot,” and that an “atomic blast in the middle of downtown could be regarded as urban beautification.” This was insensitive to the good citizens of Needles, whose lives are already bad enough.

I’m very sorry I called all those men stuck in the collapsed mine “cry-babies.” I don’t know where that came from.

It should go without saying that I regret my lengthy diatribe against Bill Keane’s comic strip “The Family Circus,” and my assertions that it’s not funny, that it’s just too cutesy for its own good, and that it’s “about as creative and vital as a bridge game at the senior center.” While I cannot retract my sentiments in good conscience, I acknowledge that Bill Keane’s memorial service was neither the time nor place to express them.

You are very important and have a lovely symmetry. I was a fool to not see it.

To the students of my third-grade class, and to the teacher, Miss Hall, I would like to apologize for any distress and trauma caused by my pretending to snore and fall out of my chair asleep during a lesson I found boring. It was insensitive of me to distract from the lesson, and to potentially damage my colleagues’ understanding of the multiplication tables. I would also like to apologize to the multiplication tables for my suggestion that they are boring. This is, of course, absurd, and I should never have implied otherwise.

I still maintain that my comments were taken out of context in regards to Hurricane Katrina being “a complete fabrication of the liberal media” and that “no physical evidence exists that it ever happened,” but – nevertheless – I apologize for any hurt those remarks may have caused.

Okay. I think that about covers it. Oh, right. Also, to the people I hurt during the time I was head of Citizens For Traditional Family, after it was discovered that I was simultaneously maintaining 7 different families and managing a small chain of gay bath-houses, I’m very sorry for any hurt that that 11-year slip in my ethics – which I hold very dear -may have caused.

Well, that felt great. Phew.

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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91 Responses to Freshly Pegged – The Byronic Man

  1. mistyslaws says:

    B-man, who? Sorry, doesn’t ring any bells.

    This one is new to me! And I loved it. I think you forgot one apology, though, B. You should apologize to ME for writing this immensely funny post prior to my discovery of your blog. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope you’ve learned your lesson.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I regret not finding this sooner. Thank you for selecting it for Freshly Pegged!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jollof says:

    Freshly Pegged almost sounds like official WordPress lingo, lol. Thanks for raising my hopes up…I still wouldn’t mind getting nominated for this award though 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • pegoleg says:

      Are you kidding? This is BETTER than the official version. When you’re Freshly Pressed all you get is an instant audience of 5000 new readers, all delighted with you and envious and subscribing and indulging in 3 days of sleep-deprived comment-palooza. When you’re Freshly Pegged, however, you get…lots of other really, really good stuff.

      Really good.

      Liked by 1 person

    • The perk with “Freshly Pegged,” of course, is that you can just talk to Peg, instead of trying to understand the whims of our WP overlords through intricate ceremonies and barely concealed pleas.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. The Cutter says:

    Not gonna lie to you. I detect some sarcasm here.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. JM Randolph says:

    I’m absolving you of your Needles comments. There probably isn’t a Starbucks there anyway. Oh, and while Family Circus may not be funny, Nietzsche Family Circus is frickin’ hilarious: http://www.nietzschefamilycircus.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  6. In my humble opinion, they should have a special page for the B-Man. All of his posts should be neatly pressed and preserved for posterity! Eggscellent pick this week. Oh dear, I think I may have a problem that started with one of my posts earlier this week… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I agree with Lorna. Pretty much everything Byronic writes should be FPd. Also, fun fact: My grandfather went to school with Bil Keane.
    Peg-O, I love this series of yours. You’re brilliant.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Go Jules Go says:

    Hmm, I’ll have to check this guy out. He’s kind of funny.

    This one SHOULD have been Freshly Pressed. I recall being fixated on the symmetry of the multiplication table the first go ’round, and I recall this because I’m still fixated.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Congrats to B-Man for being Freshly Pegged, the new standard by which all awesomeness is compared.

    And I’m sorry that this comment isn’t funnier.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. List of X says:

    WordPress should apologize for not Freshly Pressing it, of course.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I totes remember this one, yo! I think it’s definitely Freshly Pressed/Pegged material. But then, aren’t all of his posts? (the bastahd)

    Methinks this week is gonna be big for the B-man. First this, then my April blogger of the month on April Fool’s day next week. I hereby crown him King of WordPressland.

    Like

  12. Elyse says:

    B-Man, I remember this post fondly, and I think of it each time I see a politician apologizing, not for being an ass, but for “mis-speaking” or “mis-thinking” or just being the “Miss-ing link.” It should have been Fresh Pressed, but being Freshly Pegged is way better. It’s like showing off to your family and getting away with it!

    Peg — another awesome post for your series. Thanks again for sharing the love.

    Like

    • That’s always my favorite parts of the apologies – they’re generally apologizing that they said it out loud, or that everyone’s so bent out of shape; but rarely for the sentiment itself.

      Like

  13. As a true “Byromaniac” I think most of “The Byronic Man’s” post should be “Freshly Pressed”. You have to wonder how they miss this stuff. Thank goodness for “Freshly Pegged”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • In my more vainglorious moments, I’ve wondered that too. Like I should email them and say, “Clearly you were having a fire-drill or something when this went up and missed it…”

      Then the other part of me kicks in and I explain to myself that I’m terrible, and why would I be featured for being terrible?

      My brain is a complicated place.

      Like

  14. rachelocal says:

    Let’s be real here – Does BMan REALLY need to be Freshly Pressed AGAIN? I believe he’s received that accolade enough.

    Oh, did I just say that out loud? I’m sorry for telling it like it is. I mean, I apologize for being insensitive to your feelings, BMan.

    PS – JUST KIDDING. This is clever and deserves a Freshly Pegged just as much as a Freshly Pressed.

    Like

  15. Talk about getting egged – oh, sorry, Congrats on getting pegged for Freshly Pegged! Bet WP has egg on their faces from missing this nested bit of hilarity!

    Like

  16. The B-man just writes some crazy good stuff. I’m proud to say that I’ve been following him on WordPress like a faithful little lemming since my blogging infancy. Now that I’m in my blogging toddlerhood, I still make stinkies in my di-dee and I’m learning to say “No!” a lot more than I should, but I still follow him. We’ll have to see what happens when I reach my terrible twos.

    Like

  17. Laura says:

    I laughed out loud at the Bill Keane one — which is really terrible and insensitive of me. So now I feel guilty. I hold both of you responsible: Byronic for writing it and Peg for pressing it.

    *Crosses arms and taps feet, waiting for an apology*

    Like

  18. Pingback: I Coulda Been A Freshly Pressed Contender… | The Byronic Man

  19. Hey Byronic Man apologise for taking all the good jobs and making me stand for hours shouting anti govt. Slogans Cos i thought that is what you wanted us to do …

    I love Freshly Pegged. Cos it has no artificial flavours or added preservatives ..

    Like

  20. sophist6 says:

    I am a proud fan of the Byronic Man!

    Like

  21. I agree this is clearly FP material. Probably someone on the Freshly Pressed Search Team took issue with some of B-Man’s apologies. Maybe they are Jews? Maybe they are members of the Bill Kean Fan Club. Who knows. Freshly Pegged is better anyway.

    Like

  22. I heard Smokey the Bear just WENT OFF on that cow…

    Like

  23. This one was awesome! But it’s B-man, so how could it not be? Definitely worthy of FP. 🙂

    Like

  24. It wasn’t FP because of the humbleness of the writing. Yeah that is it. Next time you go for FP be less humble in your apology. Besides this is better anyway.

    Like

  25. Damn brilliant – both the apologies AND the Freshly Pegged! Upon submission I feel like all my posts are worthy of Freshly Pressed. Except today’s, I was dialing that one in…

    I had an idea for a series of posts (some already half-written) called “And THIS got Freshly Pressed?” where I’d feature the headscratchers that were honored. I didn’t run with it because I’m trying to be more positive and didn’t want to ruin my chances by upsetting the FP Gods. That, and laziness.

    Like

    • I had someone recently leave a comment on one of my posts explaining to me that if I was what got FP’d, then he’s glad he wasn’t, because I’m not good and not funny. It was really useful information. And, of course, I remember that comment almost verbatim. The other 299 comments on that post that were positive? Ah, they all blur together.

      Like

      • pegoleg says:

        I had a similar comment recently. I wonder if it was the same troublemaker? My sister jumped all over the guy but I took it in stride…outwardly. Inwardly I was a seething mass of self-doubt. Maybe we can get a two-for-one deal on Insecure Blogger Therapy?

        Like

  26. “I’m very sorry I called all those men stuck in the collapsed mine “cry-babies.” I don’t know where that came from.”

    Sounds like menopause to me. Get your hormone levels checked. Trust me. I call the crumbsnatchers “cry-babies” all the time.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I’m sure it felt good to get all that off your chest, but I’ve got to say that I agree with you about Needles, California.

    Liked by 1 person

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