S & P 500: This stands for the Standard & Poor’s 500, which is an index based on the common stock of 500 large, American companies listed on the NYSE. I check this index often because I dabble in the stock market myself. I use a method financiers call “market timing.” This involves studying other market indices, factoring in “bear” and “bull” signs, and extrapolating your position vis a vis “puts” and “calls.” You invest your life savings at the exact moment the market reaches the tippy-toppy height of its climb, and then you watch it take a swan dive off a cliff.
12 step program for hat hoarders.
500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins: This early Dr. Seuss book was a favorite of mine as a child. Our hero, Bartholomew Cubbins, had 500 hats and they all looked the same, except for their increasingly fancy feathers. This book addressed the crucial issue of hat hoarding. If you have this problem, be sure to buy all different kinds of hats. Otherwise you’ll donate your old ones to the Goodwill and, because you also like to shop there, you’ll be browsing, see one, say; “Hmm, I like that hat,” and you’ll end up buying back your own stuff.
International 500: This is the longest, fastest snowmobile race in the world and it’s held every winter in Sault Ste Marie in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. Racers circle a 1-mile track 500 times at speeds up to 100 miles per hour. Most of us would call it “death-defying” to drive through miles of such icy, snowy, and treacherous conditions. Yoopers, as those in the UP are known, just call it “getting to work.”
500 Nations: This is a website that provides resources for Native Americans to celebrate their rich, cultural heritage of raking in $30 billion per year on bingo and craps.
Tek-Care 500: This is a wireless nurse-call system which alerts staff when nursing home residents try to make a break for it. The company is hard at work on an even more desperately needed alarm system to alert staff when residents have been lying around in their own filth for more than 36 hours.
Route 500: Route 500 is a bus route in the city of Tacoma, Washington which is not to be confused with the iconic Route 66 that spans the western half of America. While many artists have covered the Route 66 theme song, “Get Your Kicks On Route 66,” Route 500’s theme is a little less well known; “Get Your Butt Sores From Waiting Around On Hard Benches For Buses That Never Come On Route 500.”
500 yard Freestyle: This is a swimming race. It’s called the freestyle because swimmers can do whatever the hell they want to, except:
- No breaststroke, butterfly, or backstroke
- Cannot push off the bottom or hang on the wall or pull on the lane lines during the course of the race
- No false starts
- Swimmers must stay in their lanes
- Some part of the swimmer must touch the wall upon completion of each length and at the finish
- Some part of the swimmer must break the surface of the water throughout the race, except it shall be permissible for the swimmer to be completely submerged during the turn and for a distance of not more than 15 meters after the start and each turn. By that point the head must have broken the surface.
The freestyle is anarchy in a Speedo!
Legacy 500: This is an executive jet known for its state-of-the-art elegance, sleek styling and super speed. It is a favorite of politicians and celebrities who constantly need to jet around the world to raise awareness about the evils of carbon dioxide. This jet is so popular with climate changers, in fact, that the latest model has been dubbed the Al Gore 500 and will only serve a special, green Dom Perignon to show solidarity with environmental issues.
McElroy Trac Star 500: This is a fusion machine – kind of like a welder – that the manufacturer says, “will butt fuse pipe sizes from 6” IPS to 20” OD.” I wouldn’t touch that line with a 20-inch butt-fused pipe.
500 Million: Number of thank yous I extend to you, my readers, who have put up with me through the 499 posts that preceded this one. Whether the topic originated in my brain, my funny bone or my heart, a little piece of me went into every post.
I couldn’t have timed it any better than wrapping up 2015 with my 500th post. I hope you’ll stick around so we can unwrap a fresh, shiny 2016 together.
Happy New Year!
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Congrats, Peg, on post number 500. What a feat! You rock, sister!
Happy New Year to you! 🙂
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Thanks, Miss Guitar. You’re the best!
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Wow! And I thought 50 was impressive! Congrats on reaching 10xs that number! And happy 2016!
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Happy 2016 to you!
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Congratulations, Peg, and that’s 499 Freshly Pressed ones, ammirite?????
There is no 500 in it, but I swear your tendency to invest in the stock market is mirrored by my real estate transactions. We literally bought our vacation/retirement home the day before the housing market collapsed in 2007 (I wish I were making this up for humor purposes. But noooooooo…)
Happy New Year to you and yours, Peg!
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We bought our retirement home just days before Hurricane Charley came through and redesigned it for us. Thank God for insurance!
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Oh dear. That sounds worse — and I hope you weren’t in it when it happened — YIKES!
Next time I buy a house, though, I’m going to take out “Complete US Financial Collapse” Insurance. You sell that, don’t you Peg?
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no, I was in Michigan camping and found out by reading the newspaper. The hurricane was slated to hit land much farther north but obviously heard we had bought a house and made a sharp right hand turn
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Oh dear. The gods have warped senses of humor, I do believe!
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I wish I were making up my abysmal performance in the stock market, as well. Maybe we should start an advice business and suggest people get rich by doing the exact OPPOSITE of what we do.
Happy new year, Elyse!
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A great idea. Nice people like us deserve to make money when we invest!
Happy New Year to you, too, Peg!
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Not sure this is something to be proud of or not, but my Solitaire app just informed me I had won 500 games…this recuperating is sometimes pretty boring. I won’t even tell you how many games of Scrabble I’ve played against the computer.
Congrats on your 500th. They have all been gems. I want to be like you when I grow up.
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The important question is, did you win all of those Scrabble games?
I want to be like YOU, except without all the bothersome health issues. 😦
Hope 2016 is happy and healthy for you and yours.
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Congrats on #500! As I was reading through your list, I’d forgotten about those nursing home alarms. Must be the thing they put underneath patients who aren’t supposed to get out of bed unattended or get up from a chair unattended. Mom had such a contraption placed under her when she was in rehab after a hospital stay. And the 500 freestyle! Brings back memories of high school swim team. That was my race, not that I was very fast (I wasn’t). But I was one of the few people on the team who were crazy enough to swim all 20 laps without stopping. Happy New Year.
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I can’t imagine swimming one lap, let alone 20. You are officially a sports-stud!
Happy New Year!
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Another excellent post – perfect for your 500th contribution to literary excellence! So, which post was your all-time favourite?
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“Literary excellence” – that has such a nice ring to it.
Hmmm. That’s a really tough question. I like different posts for different reasons. I like my salute to my dad for sentimental reasons, and the Walmart Christmas one because I really do think it would be a funny play.
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Congrats on the 500th! Sorry about your market problems. Makes me glad I’ve got a good financial adviser so I don’t get tempted to jump in and out like that. Maybe you should try him. Name’s Madoff. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I’ve heard from him. Oh well, not to worry.
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He may have “Madoff” with your money.
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Good one, Dana.
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LOL.Believe me, there’s a long list of people who made off with my money last year, Dana.Happy New Year to you!
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Er, um, yeah. No worries.
Happy New Year, Al! Try to take it easy on the champagne tonight – I don’t want to see your picture on the front of the paper tomorrow.
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Moi?
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Congratulations on your quintennial! Wait, that may not be a word. Oh, well. Love to you, and have a wonderful new year! ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
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If it’s not a word, it sure as shootin’ should be.
Wishing a happy, HEALTHY new year for you, Dana.
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Congrats on the 500 posts. That’s amazing! I haven’t even passed 150 yet. Maybe when you get to 600 you’ll be able to hitch a ride on the Legacy 500. That only seems fair, right?
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Obviously you’re going for quality instead of quantity, Carrie, while I’m trying to drown my readers in words.
If you keep selling fabulous books, soon I’ll be able to hitch a ride on YOUR Legacy 500.
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Ha, yes, let’s keep deluding ourselves. It’s more fun that way.
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Congratulations on 500 posts, sorry about S&P 500. It may be a consolation that it’s better to be in an S&P 500 crash than in an International 500 or Legacy 500 crash.
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Haha! Way to put things in perspective.
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500! So impressive. Not as impressive as Bartholomew’s hats, but still impressive. Congratulations on being such a steady rocker. I’m in for 2016, for sure.
Happy New Year!
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Miss Jackie – so glad to see you!
Hope 2016 is fab for you in all sorts of ways, and that we get to see more of your great writing.
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500 posts?! You’re a blog-force. Congrats, sister!
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I’m a blog-matriarch…a dinosaur. I read a couple of the Discover selections, which took the place of Freshly Pressed, and they seem to be uber-edgy and obscure. Boy am I old.
Happy New Year, Dave!
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At least you’re not so much of a dinosaur that you were unaware of the replacement of Freshly Pressed with Discover! When the hell did that happen?!
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Last month, I think. I hate change.
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Congrats, Peg! That must be like a million if you convert it into blog-years.
Happy New Year!
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That’s what I was thinking, Jackie. So many of our brethren have fallen by the way-side, I’m a blogging Methuselah! What a cheery thought.
Happy New year to you!
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I know a hat hoarder. She’s been known to wear four or five hats at once. It’s tragic.
Congratulations and best wishes for the next 500.
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Thanks, GG. I can only hope both my fingers and my brain hold out that long.
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*the sound of 500 hands clapping*
Well done, grasshopper. Hope you have a fabulous 2016!
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Thanks, boss, Hope 2016 is way better than 2015 for you.
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Get out! 500??!! Congrats, Miss Peggles! And each post was a gem. Thanks for making me giggle yet again with that “butt sore” song. Classic. Happy New Year!
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Happy New Year to you, you sweet young thang. May 2016 be super fabulous in every way!
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500 hundred reasons to smile.
Congrats and cheers. May your new year be full of amazing adventures and wonder..(.like we wonder what the heck you are up to next…)
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Thanks so much, Phil, and may your 2016 be fabulous as well.
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Happy 500 posts peg! I’ve got another 500 thing to add to your list…no, wait, I don’t.
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How about 500 happy new year wishes, VJ?
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Congrat’s on the 500 posts. It is really amazing you have written so much and done it so well!
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Thanks, MK. Seems I have a lot to say. 😉
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That is impressive! Congrats and Happy New Year.
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Thanks, Val!
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Congratulations on your 500th post! Woohoo! How about writing 500 ideas about 500, but that might keep you from your 501st!
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Not sure this is something to be proud of or not, but my Solitaire app just informed me I had won 500 games…this recuperating is sometimes pretty boring. I won’t even tell you how many games of Scrabble I’ve played against the computer
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