Christmas time is here again. Time to put up the tree, drink eggnog, sing along with Der Bingle….and enter my Ho-Ho Holiday Caption Contest.
+++Spoiler alert for family members and anyone else on my gift-giving list.+++
One of my sacred holiday traditions is going to Big Lots the weekend after Thanksgiving to knock out my Christmas shopping list. (For those of you not familiar with Big Lots, it’s bigger than a Dollar General, smaller than a Walmart, and not as classy as either of those.) Then I head home and re-wrap everything in gift boxes that I’ve been squirreling away all year from Saks 5th Avenue, Nordstrom and Barneys New York. Good times, good times.
I was walking into the store last weekend, when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but…this.
Whatever is Santa doing? My mind boggles with possibilities. I need your help to get it unboggled.
Craft your best caption for this delightful photo and leave it in the comments section. You may submit as many as you’d like in the next couple of days. I’ll select the top five, and then we’ll put it to a vote sometime next week. One lucky winner will receive…drum roll please…wait for it…. bragging rights!
Yeah, I know it’s lame. I was going to try to come up with some useless tchotchke as a prize, but just thinking of the logistics involved with finding one, wrapping it up, and getting it in the mail made me tired. If the loosy-goosy contest rules that came before the prize announcement didn’t clue you that I am totally winging it here, you are stupid and deserve any crushing disappointment you may be feeling.
Remember that my aged parents read this blog, so if you’re going crude, make sure it’s well masked with clever.
Good luck, and may the force be with you!*
(*I mean the “force” of Christmas cheer and goodwill toward all men, not the “force” as in magical Star Wars powers. I’m borrowing the saying because everybody recognizes it. But it would also be cool if the Star Wars “force” was with you, and me, too.)
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Worst “Wizard of Oz” remake ever.
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bwaha! Had to think about that one, Laura.
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“I have to go where?!?!? Iraq?!?!? Syria?!?!?. I’m doomed” lame I know…atleast I tried
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That would deflate a person.
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I’ve been curious about Big Lots, but considering they’re in the same shopping center as Walmart and Target, I’ve never gone there.
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Secretly I kinda love that store. Check it out.
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Seconding this!
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“where is that contact lens?”
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Ha!
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The war on Christmas has its first casualty.
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Oh yeah.
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“What did Mrs. Claus put in the eggnog?”
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tee hee!
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“German Christmas-Markets are the worst …!”
Since your “ancient” parents have at least ONE child I do not see how anything crude could get to them – they must have seen and heard the worst of it, anyway … Or even done it. You know, neither sex, nor drugs, nor wild partying started with your generation – or theirs, or … Trust me, if they say “Oh, Peg, that was really naughty!” in a horrified way, they only say so, because they know you expect them to.
All this “keep the language clean” is completely unnecessary – either the person concerned is innocent – then they would not understand anyway what was meant – or they are in into the “joke” (and maybe just don’t like it) – then the worst that happens is they read something they have seen or heard before … Not that I will violate your behavior-code on your site. That will not do. It is as well then, that I could not think of anything ambiguous to write …
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Exactly – my house, my rules. That’s what I told my nieces and nephews when they came over to my house and started jumping on the furniture.
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Santa suffered a horrible Macarena accident Tuesday…
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Ha! I can relate. I had a similar experience when I tried that dance.
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“I should have listened to that Life Alert commercial after all!”
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I’ve fallen…and I can’t get up!
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You got it.
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He waited and waited and waited for just the right time, and finally Rudolf took his revenge on that big, fat user. A little drano spiked egg nog took care of him!
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Whoa – going a bit dark here, are we?
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I like Big Lots. But Walmart? Classy? Oh dear. Although when I was living in Indiana, their Walmart was decent. But not classy.
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It’s all relative, right?
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With the Christmas pre-party starting right after Halloween this year, Santa’s nog habit has really become an issue.
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He needs to cut WAY back.
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“Was Black Friday worth it, Santa?”
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Did you catch him on the evening news, duking it out with some other guy over a Cabbage Patch doll?
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Looks like the other guy won.
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Haven’t got a good caption, but I tend to think all blow up lawn decorations look like giant used condoms within a week.
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ROFLOL!
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Me too, Al, Me too! 🙂
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Al, that could have been your caption.
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Bwa ha! There’s a house in town that has something like 8 of those things and when I went by yesterday they were ALL doing the used condom thing. Very festive.
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Ha,ha! I love Big Lots, it’s the place to get things you never knew you needed! 🙂 I’ll have to give this caption thing some thought. 🙂
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Me too. I can’t get out of there without buying some exotic, close-out food from a far-away land.
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Habby burf day to eww.
Habby burf day to ewwww *hic*.
Habby burf day Baby Jeebus.
Habby burf….zzzzzzzzzzzz.
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Haha! That damned eggnog habit is going to get him in trouble.
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“Stay tuned for ‘Santa Slayed,’ tonight’s episode of CSI: North Pole”
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Tee hee! Kids will watch the gruesomely realistic autopsy and be scarred for life.
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So much for the magic of Christmas.
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“Damn, that was mighty fine eggnog”… (best done in slurred speech).
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He’s a connoisseur.
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Ronda Rousey 1
Santa 0
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And everybody said she’d lost it. Bah.
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Your picture of Santa made me laugh out loud when I saw it. I’m always pleased when I meet up with people who notice the funny side of life.
Thanks for this, you are a funny lady (are you secretly Barbra Streisand?)
🙂
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The ‘Big Bad Wolf’ tried to blow down ‘Big Lots’ last week. There was one casualty.
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Good thing the 3 little pigs were over at K-Mart for the blue-light special.
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Santa Claus puts his ear to the ground to find where he parked his reindeer.
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They had taken off to join in some reindeer games, so Santa had to take a cab.
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Where Is Christmas? Is it over yet?
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Talk about a workload – no wonder the guy’s exhausted!
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Seems to be the norm these days.
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“The morning after the office holiday party”
Hugs!
Valerie
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Always a bummer.
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“I wrote a post every day for November and nobody read them.”
“Somebody says you have to hit rock bottom to be a writer. Here I am.”
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Poor Santa. He should write a tell-all book. After all, he KNOWS when you’ve been naughty.
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Now how did that freakin’ elf slip through this crack under the door? “I know you’re in there!”
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They’re very nimble little things.
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Famed Grandma Hijacks Santa’s Sleigh in Act of Revenge, Runs Jolly Fat Man Over with Own Reindeer.
“That’s for those incriminating Claus marks you left on my back, you maniac,” witnesses reported the irate senior yelling over her shoulder before cackling and driving the sleigh up and away into the crisp night air.
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Santa should have backed up and made sure she was truly dead.
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“Oh, good lord, even here at Big Lots I have to encounter those damn bell ringers?”
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There is no escaping them.
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Santa Trampled in Stampede During Big Lots Black Friday “Door Buster” Sale: Christmas 2015 Canceled.
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The really sad thing is that 27 people stood around and did nothing except capture the incident on their cell phones.
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I bow down to worship, O gods of Big Lots!
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Most gods require human sacrifice, but for Big Lots, made-in-China polypropylene is more fitting.
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Improper filling of ballast pockets A and C or under-inflation may result in prone or supine Santa. Peg-O-Leg Industries is not responsible for traumatized children or tripped holiday shoppers due to improperly maintained/installed inflatable characters.
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Jeez, most people can’t read our fine print even when they’re standing right next to one of our Blowup Buddies (which come in Naughty or Nice.) You must have fabulous eyesight!
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“Three sack to the wind”
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I meant “Three sacks to the wind.”
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I knew what you were trying to say – I’m good that way.
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I hate to have a typo in a comment!
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You need a special ‘Caption’ logo to give to the winner. Now, I’ll get busy and come up with a caption so I can display said caption emblem on my blogsite for all to see.
“Sweetheart, Santa has bad days too.”
“No Honey, he’s not tired, he’s drunk.”
“Bobby, don’t kick Santa when he’s down.”
“Officer, he took one look at her, rolled over and just …”
Santa sprung a leak. No, I didn’t say he took a leak.
Enough already…here’s to Captionville!
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Whoa – somebody had their coffee today. You go, girl!
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“Peg’s my Secret Santa?!?!”
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She’s a cheap SOB!
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“Big Lots customers,” Punch-a-Santa muttered. “They’re the worst.”
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I’m not sure why we don’t see more Punch-a-Santas at this time of year.
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I’ve fallen and can’t get up. Damn.
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Tee hee hee!
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I’ve got nothing.
That’s it. I hate those dang things. Though this year I might have to invest in a few just so I can fill them with helium and float them above my lawn. This I think would amuse me. I only want the grinch though.
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I love the Grinch. I have the first edition of that book – it’s a treasured possession.
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Punch a Santa. Can’t top that. (Whew, trying to catch up. I feel like I’ve missed so much around here. Hope your holiday season is floating better than that Santa.) (Big Lots! It’s Wonderland)
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