Ve haff vays… of making you see this advertising for a movie that the studio is paying us to plug.
“Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order?” says the bored, disembodied voice coming from the little box under the menu board in the drive-thru.
“Yeah, um…lemme see…gimme a kid’s meal with a cheeseburger and, um, a diet coke for the drink,” I say, eloquently. “Please,” I add. It’s an afterthought, but at least I remembered.
“Gogurt or apples slices?” says the voice. It is obvious the voice couldn’t care less about my dining preferences.
“Um…Gogurt,” says me, “oh, and no toy.”
“No toy?” comes voice, a little more interested now.
“No toy. It’s for me,” says I.
“$3.67 at the first window,” says the voice, and I proceed as instructed.
Turns out the voice belongs to a fresh-faced, teenage girl. She slides the window back when I drive up and repeats, “$3.67 please.”
I get busy corralling bills and accumulating exact change.
“No, she said no toy,” girl says. I look up, but she is not talking to me. She is talking into her headset.
“Wa wa wa,” says faint voice coming through headset.
“Yes, she knows the Happy Meal comes with a toy, but she doesn’t want it,” girl says into headset.
“Wa wa wa,” says headset voice.
“The Happy Meal is for me,” I say, helpfully, although I think the order-taking/cashier-girl already gets that. It’s the unseen body on the other end of the headset who needs convincing.
“I don’t need a toy,” I continue. “Might be pretty silly if I did at my age. Besides, I’ll just throw it out, so why have it end up in the landfill?”
I give her $5.67.
Girl looks up briefly and offers a faint smile of acknowledgement, then returns her attention to her headset.
“Wa wa wa,” comes thru, soft and garbled.
“I know the boxes already have the toys in them. Just take it out before you put the cheeseburger in. What’s the big deal?” Girl looks at me and rolls her eyes. She may be a bored teenager, but she’s not an idiot. Apparently the same cannot be said for the person in charge of Happy Meal construction.
Girl gives me back $2 and says, “jeez, it’s like they’re the FBI. I get 20 questions for saying no Happy Meal toy.” She gives me a genuine smile this time.
“Thanks,” I say, smiling back, and then I drive on.
“One cheeseburger Happy Meal,” says the cheerful, pimply guy at the second window, handing me a 4-inch tall drink and a bright, red box.
“Thanks,” I say, and then I head out to get on with the rest of my life.
I’m waiting until I get back to the office to eat, but I can’t resist sneaking a couple of fries on the way – who can? I unfold the top of the box, reach in to snag some salty goodness and pull out… the How To Train Your Dragon 2 Toy.
Resistance is futile.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Hahahahaha. That’ll teach you.
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That will teach me…to go to Burger King.
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Ha,ha,ha!! Now I want a Happy Meal – a cheeseburger no onion with lot’s of fries, no Gogurt and I want a boy toy! 🙂
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Can I just have the boy toy?
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Wish I’d said that.
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You would have…I’m certain of it 😀
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That kind of stuff drives me crazy. I try as hard as I can to reduce anything that goes in a landfill – and it is so frustrating at times.
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It is frustrating. They also gave me a bunch of napkins, but I can always use those.
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A stocking stuffer for a little one, perhaps?…
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I used to save them for a co-worker’s grandkid, but they’re too old now. Even Goodwill doesn’t want those things.
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Can’t say I blame them.
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Hahaha WOW. Not surprised at all, though. And now I want a cheeseburger. (Also not surprising)
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I know just where you can get one…as long as you take the toy.
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Hilarious! You have nailed the whole drive-in fast-food experience perfectly. it’s a wonder we don’t lose our appetites for the french fries.
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Well, their french fries ARE awfully good, aren’t they?
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Had Schultz access to a McDonalds – he could have single-handedly won the war…
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He knows nothing, NOTHING! (I can just hear him.)
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Yeah, they don’t take kindly to special requests about toys. Try asking for different Minions, when buying 2 happy meals!
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You mean I might have had a Minion instead??? That’s a horse of a different color!
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They might have changed the toy by now. Last month a friend bought 2 meals, just so she could get 2 different minions, the lady at the counter said sure, but when she opened them, you guessed it, 2 of the same. *angry muttering*
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I remember those days when the kids were little. Grrrrrr
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This is brilliant! I feel the same way about cashiers in shops that have 2 for 1 or 3 for 2 deals. “You know you can get two more of these and get the deal?” Me: “Yes, but I only want one.” Them: “But it’ll be cheaper.” Me: “Actually it won’t because I’ll be buying two things I don’t want.” Them: “It’s a deal.” Me: “Please let me leave.”
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I know what you mean, but I’m the person who TAKES the other item, even if I don’t want or need it, because it’s a deal.
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That must have been Colonel Klink on the other end of the headset.
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I think it was Schultz.
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I always thought they would ‘card’ you for ordering a kid’s meal. Mmm. That said, since I haven’t ordered any fast food for months now, guess I’ll have to wait and see if I can go sans toy. You have all the fun, Pegoleg!
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That’s right – you’ve been a good girl, first because you had to be, and now because you’re a motivated skinny thang!
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Don’t worry, all these plastic toys will still be here once the human race is completely wiped out. Gives the aliens something to play with. Did you ever see the George Carlin skit where he talks about the REAL reason God put us here? Plastic. Hilarious, one of his best routines.
And no lie, I actually bought a Happy Meal about an hour ago for my daughter but there was no toy, it was inside a plastic Minion Halloween pail.
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And will she carry the plastic Minion pail when she goes out for trick-or-treat loot? Or will you?
I remember that Carlin sketch – he was a genius. The Happy Meal toys, the Twinkies and the cockroaches – comforting to think that SOME things will survive.
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Okay, let’s put a cheesy, happy-daisy spin on this and say this was fate and THIS is the toy that’s going to be worth a wad of money by the time you’re in the nursing home and have it stuck to your wheel chair because the grandkids thought it would cheer you up. But then they discovered it was worth bucks and they took it and substituted some secondary character from Frozen, thinking you’d be too fuzzed up to notice.
But nothing gets by you, Peg. Eating all that yogurt and diet drinks has kept you sharp. Now the only thing you have to decide is whether to cut them out of the will or hide your Star Wars toys.
P.S. Obviously you had great faith in your cashier. I find that if I hand them excess money, so I get NO PENNIES, that it often throws them.
Funny post!
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Barb, you are so right about the exact change thing. Usually the young cashier shuts down like a robot on overload, but this young lady was up to the challenge. And from years of going to auctions and buying and selling vintage stuff, especially dolls, I can assure you that I NEVER pick the right thing to save.
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I remember running around everywhere we went so I could get the Beany Baby toys! The children got so they did NOT want McDonalds food anymore.We still have the mini Barbies that Sydney now plays with.
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I did that same drive-around-of-shame. I sent all those darn Beanies to Goodwill when I cleaned out the basement this summer.
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5 mnts ago..
“A new post from pegoleg… This will definitely be good. Let’s dive into it.”
5 mnts later…
“I told you it’s good. Let’s get back to whatever we were doing”
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Ha! Thanks.
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So what did you do with the toy?
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That is the salient question, isn’t it? It is landfill-bound.
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As all Mac products
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You caused a great disturbance in the Force. What would they do with that extra toy? Put it the next Happy Meal box? Then, some little brother would whine about big sis getting an extra toy, and the complaints would only start there. Or would they put your discarded toy in a container for charity for kids who can’t afford Happy Meals? And who decides which charity is worthy? See what anarchy you’ve instigated!
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Wow. I guess it’s true – no man IS an island. Thanks for pointing out the existential side of things, Sandy. I’ll just sit here now for a while because my mind has been blown.
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Ah, my work here is done.
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Teach you to go incur the wrath of MacDonald’s!
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Heck, I do buy them for the toy. I was very disappointed to be asked if the meal was for a girl or boy (I said girl, it was Hello Kitty toys according to the poster!) just to get Frankenstein.
I mean, good for them to think Frankenstein is a girls’ toy and to shatter gender stereotypes, but darn it, I wanted Hello Kitty.
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The fact that gender confusion/correctness has spread to Happy Meal toys is indicative of something, but I’m not sure what.
Sorry about the Hello Kitty toy – bet it was awesome-sauce.
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Too bad the toy is from How to Train Your Dragon and instead of How to Train Your McDonald’s Server. That might have been more useful. 🙂
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Ha! Too true, Jacks.
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I used to have an inkling about Happy Meal’s and toys, but then…became vegan. No more Mickey D’s. (Uh, I consider that a good thing, by the way.)
So now only happy meals for us, but not necessarily ‘Happy Meals’ if you get my drift. I completely relate with the order-takingr; try asking for bread with ‘no butter’ sometime. You will get your bread with butter anyway, because it’s additional work to take it OFF the plate. Ha! You already have a good idea what it’s like being vegan in an animal-using world and are now fully prepared to start asking questions about where your food comes from. 😀
PS – I hope that came across as happy, because it’s how I meant it. Do I need more emoticons? Different ones? It seems there’s another post about that somewhere here…
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No emoticons needed, Shannon, and if you’re happy, then I’m happy.
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‘Klink…you’re an idiot.’
My 13-year old daughter and I say that to each other all the time. It’s our catchphrase.
MMMwwwwhahahah! You WILL take the toy and you WILL return to McDonald’s because they’ve laced those fries with an addictive agent that is, unfortunately, extremely delicious. Even Julia Child said the fries at McDonald’s were top-notch. No shame!
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THAT’s why crack dealers are having a hard time getting supplies. It all makes sense now.
I can’t believe your 13-year old even knows about that show – how cool is that?
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Thanks to MeTV she also knows all about Batman, I Dream of Jeanie and Gilligan’s Island. Those really were innocent times.
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PS: Aren’t you in Illinois? I really am sorry about the Cubs. I wanted them to win. EVERYBODY did.
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Thanks. My husband is wearing a black armband and has draped the house in black crepe. I have adopted a suitably grave expression and talk in hushed tones around him, but secretly couldn’t care less.
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How dare you! That’s unamerican.
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They cannot comprehend that you don’t want the toy because no one goes to McDonalds for the food. It’s for the playground and/or the toys. That’s it. If not for those two things, they’d go out of business.
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Well….they do have those fries.
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True, true…and well, I must admit, when hot & fresh they are the food of the gods. (Just don’t let them get past the 20 minute mark…then, eeeewwww…)
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Good point. When you see how the fat congeals….it isn’t pretty.
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oh those toys… we’ve stopped getting happy meals a good ten years ago and we’re not done leaving them at kid cousins’ houses accidentally-on-purpose!
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All those toys are like a giant hairball in the stomach of the world – someday they’ll be gacked up.
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It’s McDonalds, you will not try to confuse them.
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What was I thinking?
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Next time give the toy to a random kid on the street, you’ll make someone happy :))
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Good idea!
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I didn’t know adults could order Happy Meals. And all those years ago when I took my kids once a week, I could have ordered one too! Duh…
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Maybe the laws are different where you are.
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That “wa-wa-wa” headset reminded me of the adults on those Peanuts seasonal cartoons. He nailed waaay back then.
Do not attempt to get off script..even if you are the customer…no matter people are so cranky.
We have a few of those trinkets, but my kid really preferred salad as finger food. I know. Weird. It was Middle school before she’d eat hamburgers – summer trips were a challenge when we wanted to drive through for meals and make time.
(I tried handing some freebie tossed beads to a kid a few years ago at a parade – and the mom snatch the kid back and scowled….just trying to be nice. World has changed.)
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The world HAS changed. What did she think you did to the beads – poisoned them?
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And no lie, I actually bought a Happy Meal about an hour ago for my daughter but there was no toy, it was inside a plastic Minion Halloween pail.
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And it’s already past Halloween – pathetic!
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