Big Deborah courtesy of the interwebz
Have you ever started an advice column without remembering a thing about it?
Apparently I did. That’s the only way to explain all the requests for advice I’ve gotten lately; requests which, I might add, somehow landed in my spam blocker. I must have been sleepwalking when I set this up, but I don’t want to disappoint my readers.
Here are just a few of the cries for help that have come to me:
Question: Do you need unique articles for your page ?
From: Buster.ly
Answer: Nope. I’ve given up on “unique” and am shooting for “slap something up there.”
From: Peg-o-Leg
Question: Hellо there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it’s really informɑtive. I am going to watch out for bгussels. Will you continue this benefit in fսture?
From: clip2vip2
Answer: You bet your sweet bippy I will continue this benefit, just as long as anyone wants to read it. I’m not sure if you’re interested in the city of Brussels or the cruciferous vegetables also known as “sprouts.” But if you hang around here long enough, I can practically guarantee I will be so desperate for material that I’ll cover both topics at some point.
From: Peg-o-Leg
Question: this weekend is ցood for me, as this moment i am reading thіs impressive informatiѵe piece of writing heгe at my residence. What’s սp?
From: a bunch of Arabic characters. I don’t read Arabic
Answer: Not much. What’s up with you?
From: Peg-o-Leg
Question: I have a video post in blogger then how can I put a repost link to that? I have already go to addthis but don’t know how to put the code in its proper place wherein the individual posts are being place with an embed this or repost this or share this. Please help..
From: girlsgonewild
Answer: Sorry, I don’t really know much about the mechanics of blogging. Check the WordPress Forums and they’re sure to have helpful hints.
From: Peg-o-Leg
Question: A few of my blog readers have complained about my site not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari. Do you have any solutions to help fix this issue?
From: Google
Answer: No.
From: Peg-o-Leg
Question: How do I add the Google Analytics code to a Joomla website?
From: buygoldrollovers.com
Answer: How the hell should I know??
From: Peg-o-Leg
Question: Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Thank you so much, However I am having issues with your RSS. I don’t know the reason why I am unable to subscribe to it. Is there anyone else having similar RSS issues?
From: buygenuinekatespadepurse.com
Answer: WTF?!?? What’s with all the technical questions, people? This is a humor blog – LEAVE ME ALONE!!! By the way, it’s “dudette.”
From: Peg-o-Leg
Question: What would cause a lingering smell from little debbie snack cakes?
From: viagracialisforu.com
Answer: There are a number of possibilities:
- Those are not Fudge Swirls – they’re turds.
- Someone didn’t thoroughly clean their Honey Buns.
- Zebra Cakes are made from real zebras.
- The Cheese Danish is made from the funk growing in the folds of belly fat of the people who eat too many Little Debbie snacks.
- What lingering smell? The package of Nutty Bars I just finished off smelled fine!
From: Peg-o-Leg
To those who are still anxiously awaiting my advice, rest assured that I will get to your questions shortly. Just as soon as I can figure out the subscription issues with my RSS.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
It seems like we’re all taking on the spammers these days. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad, but it certainly is funny.
PS: I’m very grateful that I don’t buy Little Debbie cakes.
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I tend to forget about the spam file most of the time, but there’s always something funny in there.
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Ha! Send the people with technical questions over here. I’ll give ’em a shovel and wow them with my jargon. In the meantime, perhaps my garden will get planted. A couple of those at the end are too gross to comment on.
Spammers must be allergic to dirt; it’s rare I get anything that interesting in my comment box, and my searches don’t come up with anything remotely entertaining either. I guess I’ll have to continue blogging about bug poop tea and white rain instead. Hope you’re well, Peg!
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Hi Shannon – doing fine here, how about you? Bug poop tea? I HAVE to check that out.
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Ha! It was really pretty tasty. I was just impressed that my daughter spent HER MONEY on it getting from a vending machine. I must be doing something right.
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Thanks for the inspiration! I’m going to check my spam folder.
Also my cabinets. I think there might some Little Debbie cakes hiding behind the quinoa.
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And I may have some quinoa hiding behind the Little Debbie cakes. Funny…
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The solution to this riddle: You live in adjacent houses, the wall in between is not a wall but the cabinets – and somebody forgot to put a separation plank inside ….
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We need to get together and finish off one another’s unwanted pantry food.
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I’ve got a couple of cans of cream corn to donate!
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You’re in!
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I’ll contribute and swap.
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Ha! Those Little Debbie Cakes are the bomb, gut and stink bomb that is…
I’m impressed by your selection of spammers, *cough* I mean commenters.
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I do seem to attract a motley crew, don’t I? It’s a gift.
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I’m so glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t get the mechanics of blogging. I find it mind-boggling.
I love your advice about slapping something, anything, up there. After a while, we have to remember done is better than perfect. Do our best and let it go. Thanks for the reminder!
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Except that I don’t take my own advice and usually spend hours writing, shaping, editing and honing a piece. Fat lot of good it does me.
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You rock as an advice columnist, Peg. Here’s my question. Is it crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide?
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In my opinion, yes.
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Don’t be too hasty – there are several schools of thought on this, Dana. I may need to do just a tad more research before I feel qualified to comment.
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In my opinion it is crackers. It’s ALL crackers!!!
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Careful. The New Black Panthers hate crackers…
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Even Triscuits? What doesn’t go on a Triscuit?
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I am unapologetically Keebler Townhouse, all the way! 🙂
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If even the spammers can’t figure out the technical details of blogging, what hope is there for the rest of us?
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The spammers can’t figure out the language, let alone the technical details.
I have never understood how these technical question comments benefit the spammers – can someone enlighten me? Is it because I’m supposed to go back to their site armed with helpful info and get stuck in a cyber-ransom scheme?
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I wonder why it’s called spam mail? Do you think it’s got something to do with the SPAM luncheon meat? (Yeah, another question – at least it’s not a technical one!)
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Miss Peg-o-Leg is pleased to be able to help on this one. Yes, you are precisely right. you’re welcome.
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You are hilarious! You just made my day! Have a great one too!
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Haha! Your answers to “What would cause a lingering smell from little debbie snack cakes?” had me laughing out loud. And that might have to get the award for best spam question ever. Funny post!
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Must admit the question about smelly little debbie snacks threw me, just a bit.
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I imagine in reality, they’re so loaded with artificial preservatives that they never get the chance to stink.
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Exactly. As I commented to Exile on Pain Street, they’ll still be around with the cockroaches after all the rest of us are long gone.
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Kept company by Twinkies.
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Twinkies are no more, right? I believe Little Debbie took their title as Longest Lived Food-like Substance.
(nice to see your avatar around again!)
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Your advice column should be synicated, Peg. Because your tech savvy is impressive, I’m sure.
(I don’t think I’ve checked my spam folder this year. Wonder if anything in it is written in English. Last I looked all was in Chinese, which I don’t speak but in which I did once publish a professional article.)
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I hadn’t checked it either, Elyse. I thought it was all links for designer-rip-off bags and that the days of the funny mis-translation were gone, but au contraire! (that’s foreign talk for “hell no.”)
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Hilarious – (that RSS comment dude sure gets around) No one warned you had to be multilingual to have a blog! HA HA
My mother loved to send Little Debbie treats in what really were “I don’t care, but will make a show of it” packages to college. Found out no need to trash them…college guys will ear anything)
Thanks for the smiles today!
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So true about the college treats. Students, like kids away at camp, will eat anything from home. Maybe it’s the home-sickness factor.
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It’s so funny. What is this blog about?
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Oh…this and that.
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Hahaha. Totally know what you mean. Interestingly my spam had died down significantly of late. Either WP is better at stopping it or Niker and cheap Ugg got the message I don’t need new shoes! Thanks for the giggle Peg!
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Niker and Cheap Ugg will NEVER get that message, because they don’t want to. Must be the WP Happiness Engineers at work, bless ’em.
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A “lingering” smell insinuates they’ve been lying around for a while. In what galaxy do Little Debbie snack cakes last long enough to acquire a smell? Not in my household, sister.
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There is that. Plus they are so loaded with preservatives they are the only substance that will still be around, with the cockroaches, after all other life on the planet has been extinguished.
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Have you had a Hostess product recently. They’re awful. The company went under but was resurrected and now their snack cakes taste like a rotting corpse. They ruined them. It left a gaping hole in my soul.
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My condolences on your loss.
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Zebra cakes are made of real zebras! Soilent Green is people! The protein bars are ground up bugs and vermin!
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(Thought Police squad in weird white hats rush in, lift Dana up and carry her off bodily, squirming and screaming, for re-education.)
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The thought police, they live inside of my head
The thought police, they come to me in my bed
The thought police, they’re coming to arrest me, oh no!
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If you ever really do and advice post, I’ve got some questions for you!
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Dudette, I’m sorry about all of the technical questions, but can you please tell me how you made those Greek symbols?
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You have to eat a lot og Greek Yogurt.
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Hey, kiddo, how’s it hanging? Hope you are AWOL from the blogging world because your real life is so busily, wonderfully fabulous!
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(waving excitedly Hi!!! 🙂
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Jules…..hi!
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Terrific post but I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Many thanks!
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Looks like my loyal fans are two-timing me over at your place. You’re obviously intimately familiar with their writing style, curse your endless talent.
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Wow, that’s what I was seeking for, what a stuff! existing here at this blog, thanks admin of this website.
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I laughed out loud at this. You are TOO good to be an amateur, Spamla. Admit it – in real life you’re a professional spammer.
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My favorite is, “Quick – Buy NOW! Before the domain name you didn’t even want to purchase gets sold to someone else, cuz we’re sure you want it, even though we don’t know how to spell/type/read…..” 🙂
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Who doesn’t want a misspelled version of their own name, held hostage by someone who has no right to it?
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Eggs-actly! 🙂
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This gave me a good chuckle this morning 🙂 I haven’t looked in my spam folder for a while. I’m going to look right now and find something hilarious…
The first spammer just wanted to stop by to insult me! All it says is this:
“I used to be able to find good information from your blog articles.”
Hmph!
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Wassup with the insulting spam? Here’s a clue, Spammer People, being mean is NOT a good way to drive traffic to your site. If that’s what they want – I still don’t get the purpose.
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Peg, your advice is spot on. Speaking of spots…do you know how to get highlighter stains out of my fake designer purse? I get more questions about my banana bread recipe than anything else. Imagine if it was a food blog.
You don’t suppose that smell from the Little Debbies is, well….Debbie? Your knowledge of snack foods is impressive. Can’t pass by a peanut butter cup without thinking about you! Thanks for the smile this morning, lovey.
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Miss K8e – how you be? I admit, I DO have an impressive knowledge of snack foods. WAY too much to be healthy, but, meh.
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Peg, I’ve given up all that snack food, junk food, etc. I still feel like crap – AND I’m hungry. Dammit.
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Good girl! I have fallen so far off the healthy wagon it has run me over.
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I’m so impressed that you actually read those things. But, then, there might be someone desperately in need of your brussels advice.
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You noticed that, hmm? I can’t even imagine what that guy was trying to say. Talk about a language barrier.
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Little Debbie…mmmmm…
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Rich, chocolate goodness is always a good idea…as long as there’s no funky smell.
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I must be doing this blogging thing all wrong. All I get in my spam folder are suggestions about upping my SEO optimization and questions about naked gerbils. *perplexed face*
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Richard Gere is a spammer?
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When I don’t get many legit comments on a blog post, the spam folder always holds a little ray of hope for me. Thinking one of my readers’ comments slipped in by mistake, I peruse looking for the spark that will set off a deluge of comments as soon as I approve it and it is visible to all the people who needed a little nudge. I’ve been disappointed so many times, but you’ve given me new appreciation for the valuable questions and comments that do appear from such writes as ‘porn’ and ‘shit*. Thanks for adding value!
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I forget about the spam folder for months, but had the same thought the other day – what if a legit comment was trapped there? Nothing worth saving, but some were awfully funny.
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Did the porn sites miss you? They ask very cool questions, always addressing you as ‘Dude’.
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Why do they always assume “dude”? Sexist AND bad spellers.
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I get hear all the time!
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