Graphic (pre-embelishment) courtesy of the Sydney Morning Herald
Communicating nowadays is like tiptoeing through a minefield.
Words have been the chief medium of communication since shortly after our ancestors crawled out of the primordial ooze. We’ve witnessed a revolution in the last decade in how those words are delivered, and email, text, and social media have changed the way humans interact.
These new forms are:
- Instantaneous: Our phones and computers are constantly beeping for attention. We are expected to reply to messages immediately, so taking time to carefully craft a response is a luxury. In addition to editing our own words, we have to watch out for auto correct. This feature can change the message without our even noticing before our flying fingers press “send.”
- Informal: You would never start a formal business letter without the salutation, “Dear So-and-So.” Now you wouldn’t begin an email with the word “Dear” unless you were writing to your great aunt. This change has evolved organically to the point where the traditional greeting sounds strange, even in a business email.
- Impossible…to tell subtext or voice: We’ve lost the verbal and visual clues we once got over the phone or in face-to-face meetings, and many of the old rules for written communication have gone out the window.
The last point is especially troubling, and an entirely new sub-language has arisen to compensate. It is composed of exclamation points, smiley faces, winking faces, JKs, LOLs and the like. Using these sub-textual symbols can help to add voice, but the downside is that they have become so common some people can’t deliver a line without one. Twenty-somethings who have grown up with the new media are both its masters and the worst offenders when it comes to symbol overload.
Witness the exclamation point.
The ex-point used to be merely one of many arrows in our punctuation mark quiver, valued no more and no less than its brethren. It was reserved for situations marked by excitement or enthusiasm – things that were worthy of being, well, exclaimed about. Now it is just a tall period.
One ex-point means nothing. Like an addict who needs more and more of a drug to get the same high, it now takes 2 to signify even mild enthusiasm, and you’d better be laying down at least 3 of them if you want to convey real excitement. Where will it end?
I refuse to give in to ex-point tyranny. I use them consciously and only when excitement is warranted. By not following the herd on this issue, however, my comments may look dull, sullen, or even angry. I might think I am taking the grammatical high ground, but without sub-textual symbols to add voice I stand a very real chance of being misunderstood. That’s exactly what happened recently.
One of my young relatives is an ex-point junkie. Her every post is so loaded with them, as well as LOLs and smiley faces, that if Facebook charged per special character she would be flat broke. She recently posted that she had finished watching an entire 8 seasons of a TV show back to back, and was looking for something new to do. I commented, “Sweetie, if you’re watching 8 hours of reruns at a sitting, it’s time to get a hobby.” I thought she knew me well enough to know I was kidding. Apparently not. Her reply was, “I have lots of hobbies. I just like to watch TV to unwind.”
Note the total absence of LOLs and exclamation points in her reply. By using plain, old periods instead of the ex-points that have become the norm for her every comment, she was sending me a message and I heard it loud and clear; she was not amused. In hindsight, I should have said: “Sweetie, LOL, if you’re watching 8 hours (insert goofy face) of old reruns LOL at a sitting 🙂 it’s time to get a hobby !!! JK LOL winky winky LMAO 😉 ”
Since it was too late to retract my comment, I moved swiftly to recover lost ground by replying, “Me too, ha ha!!! I watch way too much, even though I know I shouldn’t. LOL!! 🙂 ” Things between us are OK, but it was a close call.
Now that most business communication is conducted via email, these sub-textual symbols have crept in there, as well. The rules have relaxed in this area, but they have not changed as much as some might think. Excessive ex-points and LOLs do not belong in business emails. The writer who misuses them does so at the risk of not being taken seriously and, like it or not, this is especially true for young women.
Young people need to remember that an LOL or smiley face is neither required nor recommended for every situation. By the same token, I need to lighten up and stop hoarding ex-points like they were gold. I also need to stop saying “young people” because it makes me sound like Methuselah.
If we all use sub-textual symbols thoughtfully, we can meet somewhere on the middle ground and communicate without our words blowing up in our faces.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
I’ve created a weird old-timey hybrid language. I always use a salutation in emails, as well as a signature. I loathe emoticons, but am occasionally guilty of using an exclamation point more to express amusement than excitation. It takes me 15 minutes to type a text because I refuse to abbreviate. Then I get frustrated and just call the person. Whatever works for us, right?
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Exactly. Whenever I abbreviate in texts it auto corrects to something weird, anyway.
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You’re not alone, Michelle. My kids tease me because I check my texts and emails for grammar and spelling. I’ll toss in an exclamation point like you do, but rarely, if ever, use LOLs and IDKs. We need to stick together on this one, ladies!!
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Me too, and because I have to laboriously hunt and peck each letter and symbol, typing with my tongue sticking out of the corner of my mouth, it takes forever.
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Oh my word, I hate those text abbreviations!!! (YES I DO MEAN THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS! I REALLY REALLY ALL CAPS HATE THEM!) What particularly distresses me is that people have forgotten how to spell, or never learned, or just flat don’t care. I try telling myself that the idea of just one correct spelling is of fairly recent origin, but I deep down I don’t, won’t, can’t buy it.
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I’m with you. That “fairly recent origin” business sounds like the kind of cop-out some smart aleck kid would try to pass off on his English teacher. I’m not buying.
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Just had to share this post from one of my favorite bloggers… 🙂 It seems apropos! http://notesfromtheuk.com/2015/05/22/strange-stuff-non-brits-want-to-know-about-britain/
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Ha! (Forgive me, Peg.) I just had to use that one, because you truly made me lol with “a tall period.” You nailed it.
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No forgiveness required. I use the “haha” quite often myself – it’s the new shorthand, right?
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If you took examples of the language of today’s cyber youth and put it in a time capsule for a few hundred years, whoever discovered it would be unearthing something very similar to what hieroglyphics was to us.
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So true. I am a lot more aware of all the slang, abbreviations, cyber slang, etc that we use, not just the young, because I tutor English as a second language students. I would tear my hair out if I tried to learn this language as a non-native! (exclamation intentional)
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I tend to use the “tall period” in my responses. Shame on me. (There I censored myself in honor of you.) There I did it again. I think I’m recovering. Golly this is hard…
On a serious note, when I taught online courses, I had to devote a special section of my instruction to avoid “net-speak” in all submissions in the discussion forums. I had to remind these students that this was a virtual classroom, not a chat room. I did it most because I could not understand what anything but LOL meant, but they didn’t need to know that.
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That’s really interesting, Lorna, and a very good point. Your students HAVE to know that there is a time and place for all kinds of speech, and a classroom generally requires more formality.
It IS really hard to stop and think about our word and punctuation choices. My youngest tosses the “like” around way too much. I don’t want to be a total nag, so I only point it out occasionally. On the other hand, I know that people judge her (us/we) on how she speaks. When she’s trying to be conscious of the “like”s there’s a definite slow down in the flow of words.
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And look at me, I just “liked” your comment on all that liking in the language. I’m, like, part of the problem! Oops. 😦 Double oops.
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No, no – it’s fine to like, as in prefer or compare. It’s when it is used in place of a pause that we get rightfully miffed.
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I know, it’s, like, so irritating! 😦
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I was never a smiley face or exclamation point kind of gal. And then I started on social media, the land of no eye contact or facial expressions. As an introvert, I love that, but as an effective communicator, I don’t. I can tend toward the sarcastic and I have a teasing nature, so I worried that might not always show through. So enter the smiley and winky faces.
As for email greetings, I’m old-fashioned, I guess. I still like a greeting. It doesn’t have to be ‘Dear Carrie’ but a ‘Hi Carrie’ before jumping right into the message is always nice. Okay, here it comes… 🙂
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I agree on the greeting for emails. I almost always use “Hi Fred” instead of “Dear Fred” for business, but would never start a snail-mail letter with “Hi Fred.” My hubby says he gets around the question by starting business emails with “Good Morning, Afternoon, etc.”
Thanks for the smiley face. 😉
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I’m glad you liked it. Here’s another. 🙂
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Whoa, whoa there, Carrie. Now you’re just going loco!
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Yes!!!!!! ;). The one that bugs me is the “haha” which seems to mean nothing and be unrelated to when someone is laughing. My son uses it all the time and it leaves me saying “huh?”
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Yeah…I do that with the “haha.” Hoist on my own petard, hmmm?
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At least you know where it came from!
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Not really. I just use it instead of saying, “you so funny.” Maybe I’ll start saying that instead.
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But that’s appropriate, I’m commenting on when people just say it randomly. That’s what my son does, because I foolishly told him it annoys me.
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What?? You deliberately gave him that ammo? Tsk, tsk.
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I never learn. Sigh.
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The “haha” and “JK” make me feel like I’m talking to an awkward bully. “I just said something snarky, but I can get away with it now.” If I still think it’s inappropriate, then it’s my problem. But, then I use the long period as my own snark-indicator, so tomato (smiley wink) tomahto.
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You’re so right. That’s no different from the “JUUUUUUST kidding” that girls in junior high would tack at the end of some comment like, “where’d you get that shirt – Goodwill?” Wish I could find the tomato face key to reply, but this tablet is about 1000 years old in computer-years.
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It’s just as well, Peg. No need to succumb to the Dark Side.
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So true. My son always knows when a text is from me. Mainly because I spell everything out. How droll and boring is that? Wow, I had to control myself to exclude at least three exclamation points.
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All I ask is that we think before we exclaim.
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I have had to consciously work to temper my robot-like emails with a little humanity. (Contracts people aren’t people people, you know? At least, that’s what I’ve heard from every interviewer!) Using an exclamation point in a work email felt just short of sinning the first time I did it; now, a few years later, I do a pre-send check to ensure there’s no more than one exclamation point. It’s hard to find and keep that balance in this always-changing world.
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You’re so right that it’s a balance between sounding robotic and overdoing it. I love that you monitor your ex=point usage – I thought I was the only one.
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LOL!!!!! You old people make me laugh — a lot!!!!!!!!!!
😛
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OK, I deserved that.
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I see this “old” as a reward, not a punishment.
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When you don’t have a choice, you might as well look on the bright side.
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In my business, I refer to exclamation points as screamers.
Which is so appropriate to this post.
*grin*
If “grin” is acceptable. Otherwise [insert blank space…but with feeling]
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You are the only person I know who does the *grin* so it’s kind of a signature move for you now, BD. Carry on.
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And now all I can think of is the “Carry On” movies my parents took me to at the drive-in when I was a kid…*REALLY BIG GRIN*
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I stand guilty of smiley facing everything. It’s so bad, that those who know me personally believe if I don’t include that little happy face, I must be in a bad mood or pissed off. So now I am relegated to using it as a natural part of my online communication and honestly don’t know how to peel the darn thing off my back once and for all. Help me, Peg!!!!!!!!! 🙂
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I guess having a smiley on your back isn’t as bad as having a monkey on your back. But maybe you can start slow. Count the ex-points and smileys like Deb does, above, and you can wean yourself (and your friends) off of them gradually.
I just hope you don’t suffer too much with the Smiley DTs that some junkies experience.
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Yes, weaning it is then. Thank you kindly for your sage advice – best to wean rather than go the cold turkey route I’m sure.
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I have to resort to using only emoticons whenever I text my husband because I’m blind as a bat even with my glasses on, and that damned autocorrect drives me batty! Yes!!! COTI (crying on the inside)
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Is COTI a thing, or just a product of your ever-fertile imagination? Can I start using it today to be down with the hipsters? You know I don’t know any of this stuff, Miss Darlybat.
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Please feel free to make COTI the next hip slang!😎😎
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I’ll do my humble best.
Hey, wheredja get those cool smileys with the glasses????? I don’t have a key for that on my keyboard. If I could lay some of those on the peeps, I wouldn’t be such a curmudgeon.
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I found those on my phone somehow … I don’t remember…is it cold in here?
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Right on! Exclamation points are used way too much!
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Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I’m also an tall-period addict and working on it. But I do believe these little punctuation points and symbols provide some of the missing context and tone of voice you so regret – or at least attempt to stand in for them. We can’t turn back the clock so guess we better get used to ’em – or think of some other way to add feeling to our typing. 🙂 🙂 🙂
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You’re so right – this is the new reality. I have to learn to use them, and some people need to learn to use them judiciously.
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I love exclamation points!!!! They show my enthusiastic response perfectly. 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Figures you would try to inject some sunshine in the middle of my curmudgeonly rant, Susie. What is it with you happy people?????
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Right????? I wrote a piece called “In Defense of Emoticons, Asterisks, and Exclamation Points a while back after another friend ranted about them. Sometimes one exclamation point just isn’t enough!!!
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We can have a debate, like “Point/Counter Point” on the old Saturday Night Live shows. I can just hear Dan Akroyd starting out, “Jane, you ignorant slut.”
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Pretty sure he’d say “Jane! You ignorant SLUT!!!”
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Nah. He was the master of understatement.
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But I think Akroyd probably spat when he said his S’s so that would make up for any exclamation points…
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So it would be more like “Jaaaane … you ignorant slut… :/”
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Exactly
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The point is knowing the difference between “sometimes” and “any time”.
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I designed this t-shirt especially for you, Susie;
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Hahaha!!!!!! I LOVE it!!!!
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🙂 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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😉 😉 😉
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♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
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I lately used three exlamation marks in a comment on the Guardian website – and I apologized for that. You do not get away with modern stuff like this on a good old, british traditional site. The more so since The Brits are not well known for exclaiming.
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True. With the British, the excitement of more than one ex-point might bring on a heart attack.
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Dear Ms. Peg:
Well done!!!!!!!
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Why, thank you very kindly.
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People tend to want to type how they TALK. That is, if exuberance would be in the spoken tone, then exclamation points are warranted. But what of my friend who will text me a conversation with every sentence ending in a tall period? Wouldn’t that conversation be better absorbed over a glass of wine on the back porch while the kids destroy the house anyway? Can’t it wait a/k/a/ does it need to be texted?
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Good point. How about I bring a bottle of wine over to your porch and we’ll discuss this friend? Except not the bottle I just opened. I bought it because it made an impression the last time I got it. Apparently I forgot it was a negative impression.
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I’m failing to see how either an opened or un-opened bottle of wine can make a negative impression (unless you’re a recovering alcoholic). Never mind. Bring it anyway.
If you want to know how Emoji’s came to be, watch this historical account from ‘the young people’ who developed them, as shared by my son. (I didn’t want to embed and offend ‘the old people.’) Of course, I’m typing this response on an old computer (i.e. a screen and keyboard) so cannot input an appropriate Emoji *here.* Just imagine one, whichever one makes you think that I’m both excited to learn ‘young people’ stuff and happy to share in someone else’s bottle of wine at the same time. Cheers! (There. I did it.)
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Thanks Shannon. I just meant it was a rather lousy wine, not worthy of your porch. 🙂
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I totally agree. I’ve been known to use xx as full stops. A habit I started when I first started texting at age 19 and now at 35 still do x
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If you changed now, your friends probably wouldn’t recognize your comments.
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I do tend to overuse exclamation points, but I’m aware of it, and after typing an email or text or whatever that contains them, I check it over to see if any can safely be removed. I also do like to use the occasional emoticon, for clarification of humour, or just so that everyone can tell what a fun and young outlook I have on life…right? I have a fun and young outlook right Peg? Oh wait, I see what’s going wrong here……………… 🙂 😉 😆 😕 😉 😕 🙂 ……………there, now everyone can tell what a fun and young outlook I have…right?….right?….right?
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You’re right, VJ. I’ve always thought you were very young with a fun outlook. Or vice versa.
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Great post
If you deign to look at my blog, how do you think to my blog
thanks
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I have taken a stand against ‘lol’… I don’t know what else I can do… except use a lot of these triple period things… what are they called again?… ellipses?
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I use those. Also the multiple question marks. Apparently something that I do is fine, but what everyone else does is bad, wrong and annoying. Funny how that works, hmmm?
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I know what you mean… I may have to do a quick post on a similar subject… hmmmm…
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Peg, you are so me. I love your posts. I will try to contain my enthusiasm for your writing.
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Are you kidding? Complimenting me is the one area where you can NEVER have too many ex-points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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😉 I LOVE your posts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oh man. Although I am not one of those “young people”, I am so guilty of this. A sentence without the aid of these exclamations looks so…empty. So alone. So naked. So forgotten. So sad. I am glad you resolved your issue with your relative, phew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 xo 😉 ;( @#%^&*()__
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That’s my point. If I don’t load up on these you’ll think I’m mad at you. And I could never be mad at you. 😉
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I don’t know what to say. It is somehow easier to use a lot of emoticons. And exclamation marks. But I appreciate reading a text that does not contain them and is written as clearly as possible. Especially when I read about my passions – food critics and sommeliers, for example. I still believe in a beauty of formal language, yet it is exhausting to use it all the time. Modern language is developing so fast we can almost grasp the differences between each generation. We don’t understand the language of our kids, but our parents feel the same about us.
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Very true. And as I freely admit, I need to lighten up about such things – just because something is new doesn’t mean it’s bad.
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Instead of exclamation points, a guy at my office used to type his emails IN ALL CAPS. ALL THE TIME.
Finally someone got up the courage to ask why he was e-mail shouting at us.
He wrote back, “SHOUTING? I’M NOT SHOUTING. I JUST DON’T HAVE TIME TO THINK ABOUT CAPITALIZATION.”
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So many people don’t understand that sub-message of all caps and how annoying it is. But he has a good point. IF you took typing class in school you can’t NOT capitalize, but if you didn’t, it’s time-consuming.
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I simply despise text talk. It gives me a headache.
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Reblogged this on pinterestviki.
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OMG!!!!!! 😆 That’s like so tots for real, right????!!!! Lol!!!!! Roflmao!!!!, 🐐😂🐶🐶🐣😀🐈🐩
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Whoa…that’s an impressive lineup of doohickeys you’ve got there. All I can figure out is the smiley and the winky face – must be this old computer.
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We are going back to cave painting style communications? Now that’s a rocky thought.
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Ha! Good point. Everything old is new again.
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I admit that I’ve taken to writing things like LMAOROTF (laughing my ass off rolling on the floor) on Facebook. I don’t text many of those shortcuts except for LOL. And a favorite of mine is indicating sarcasm by *using these* because sarcasm often doesn’t translate well in text. One thing I’ve wondered about is how the spelling of words changes over time. With people texting things like nite instead of night, I wonder how long until what’s considered the proper spelling will change, or even matter anymore.
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Great point. I am calling myself out on this one. Truth be told, I hide behind my grammatical and punctuation errors by using the frivolous and unnecessary. It’s a coping mechanism. Oddly, I’m not concerned by the excessive usage by others. However, if I could reach thru my monitor, autocorrect would be banished back into the fire pit of Hades.
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Yeah, it’s totally annoying…except when you don’t have it at all. The word processing app on this stupid tablet has no spell check and I NEED it.
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