It has been a heck of a week.
An old post of mine, R.I.P. Bunny Bixler, went mini-viral last week. Someone with a lot of followers pushed a link to this post on Facebook, and I still don’t know much more than that. Things are getting back to normal around here now, like Fort Lauderdale after the frat boys go home. As I walk around picking up empty beer cans, I’m asking myself, “what’s it all about, Alfie?”
My best single day for traffic on the blog happened 3 years ago when a Freshly Pressed piece got 4700 views. Now the number to beat is 5500 and I hit that two days in a row. Bunny Bixler is my top post of all time with more than 17,000 views. That may be chump change to you, but it’s a whole lot to me. Major.
Above is a graph from my stats page. See the numbers that came before last week? It looks like this joint was a ghost town until then. Yet those blips represent solid blog posts: pieces that I was rather proud to run, and that got a respectable number of views from a number of respectable viewers. They’ve been reduced to nothing more than the tiny bumps of a hopeful, 12-year-old girl compared to the Dolly Partons that follow.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m grateful for the tourism. I want to attract lots of visitors. This means there’s a chance that when WordAds pays me for running their commercials on my page, the next check will arrive in less than the 2 years it took to get the first one.
But this numbers business has me conflicted.
I can’t help thinking that the Kardashian Machine built an entire empire out of nothing by pushing up their numbers. They now have a separate brand for:
- The Kardashian family
- Kim and her sister Chloe
- Kim and Bruce Jenner
- Kim and her skinny, underage model sisters
- Kim and Kanye
- Kim, Kanye and Cheesepuff, or whatever they named that poor kid
- Kim
- Kim’s butt.
Each brand has its own TV show (past, present or in negotiation,) its own perfume, and its own publicist whose sole job is to ratchet up their numbers, which they got because they’re famous, which they are because they ratcheted up their numbers, which they got because they’re famous, etc. It’s like that Escher print of the continually looping staircase and it makes my brain hurt.
I signed up for Twitter a couple of weeks ago to build MY numbers and get in with the hep cats and cool dudes. I haven’t done much since then. One blogging friend retweeted one of my tweets so, not knowing the etiquette, I replied with a thank you. She was kind enough to let me know that what I actually did was retweet and thank MYSELF. She thought I was being funny. I knew I was being clueless.
I’m somehow following or linked in to all kinds of people I don’t even know and I’m supposed to feed this ravenous Twitter engine with an endless supply of tweets, favorites, retweets, and hashtags. It’s got me totally flummoxed. #stoptheworldIwanttogetoff.
One recent tweet from a friend of a friend was a link to a post that explained how to grow your blog using Twitter. The post said you need to do hashtag reposts on Mondays, rehash tag posts on Tuesday, corned beef hashtags on Wednesday, on and on throughout the week. She freely admits that she doesn’t have time to actually READ any of the stuff she’s recommending to everyone – how can you read 150 pieces every day? But if we all push one another’s stuff, we’ll jack the numbers and build community.
That’s not building community, that’s blogging by the numbers.
I love my online community. These are people I like and people whose work I like. Oftentimes I’m lucky and they’re the same person. I’m always open to meeting and liking new people, but I won’t pretend to be besties with 17,000 strangers.
Here’s what I want. I want…
1) Fame & Fortune. Yes, I do. I want it a lot. But I want to earn it because people like the things that I…
2) Write. I want to write good stuff. I want to make folks laugh or think or merely experience a mild twitch of the lips because, “gee, that Peg has a tidy way with a phrase.” I want to write things that people want to…
3) Read. I want people to read my stuff. I want EVERYone to read it and tell their friends. Once everyone on earth is reading and loving my work, I’ll arrive at item #1.
I’m going to keep trying to do my best work so people will want to read it and share it. If I do this right, someday the Peg-o-Leg brand will be as famous as Kim Kardashian’s butt.
PS If you have managed to figure out Reddit, Twitter, Facebook, StumbleUpon, Press This, Pinterest and such, feel free to look through my archives, choose your favorite posts and push the hell out of them. In the interest of building community.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Was that a My Fair Lady reference at the beginning? My Fair Lady is one of my favorite movies. “Just you wait, ‘Enry ‘Iggins, just you wait…” and all that. Classic. Anyway. I’ve thought about getting a Twitter, but I hesitate, alas…
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You mean the “what’s it all about?” No, that’s from a movie “Alfie” with Michael Caine from the 60s. I also love everything about My Fair Lady and have been known to toss out an obscure reference to that now and again. Here’s Alfie: https://youtu.be/48oLsDImC5A
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Ah, I see. I am also a fan of Michael Caine, for sure, particularly in the Batman movies. I hadn’t heard of the movie Alfie before. I will add that to my Netflix queue!
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Love this.
I’m so sick of all of them, especially her butt. Mine is bigger, and no one is photographing it. Maybe if I learned to tweet…
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Having people taking pictures of your butt is probably one of those things that is not as good in real life as it sounds. Kinda creepy, eh?
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Lol, true. I really don’t enjoy the few “accidental” shots that have been taken!
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I won’t claim to know anything about the Kardashians, but I do know that Twitter is a waste of time unless you have tens of thousands of really interested followers. Then you can post a link or two to your blog and a few people might actually read it. 17,000 views though, that’s pretty impressive!
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You have to start somewhere in order to GET tens of thousands of really interested followers. I can’t even do that here on the blog and I already know how this stuff works.
It is impressive, isn’t it? No idea why I got that many hits, so no idea how to replicate it.
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I do not even have Facebook or Twitter – and have not even heard about the other thingies you mention there … Now I know why MY followers are still less than 100. And not even of those does everybody read my posts – ok, the handicap is: I write in German.
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That German thing is a bit of a handicap for many of us. I went to your place for a visit once and had no idea what you were saying. I can’t remember if I left a very short comment by asking my hubby (who speaks some German) for a couple of words, or if I just THOUGHT of doing that and didn’t follow through. Guten tag.
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Yes, but you know, I started as a German restaurant-visiting blog. My holidays in 2012 I spent going on a “around the world-tour” – in my home-town – visiting an Australian, a Caribic, a Spanish, a Syrian etc. restaurant – and writing about those visits. Since I thought those posts would interest nobody but a few people from around the town I wrote in German. But after my holiday I wanted to continue writing, so I had to find a wider range of themes. Still, since my blog is named inhannover I still mostly write about things I did here – or things I read about here … and so I write in German.
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Congrats on your Partons! Be sure to keep them supported during the night. We all know things can go south quickly..
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Too late. They’re already flatter than Great Aunt Agatha’s bosom.
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I got bullied into a Facebook account – and am deathly afraid of Twitter. I don’t wanna be the one who twat all day long…
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I didn’t know that “twat” was a verb now. I learn so much from smart readers here.
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Twitter makes me sad. I started an account with the same purpose as you a few months ago. I retweeted and favorited and automatically followed back…and ended up with a twitter feed that would make Kim Kardashian’s butt blush because it’s so raunchy and whiney and lame. But now I added you, so perhaps I will get a little humor added in too? My only advice with twitter is don’t automatically follow back, like I did, because then you end up with a bunch of weirdos who are just trying to boost their twitter numbers by mass following people they otherwise have no interest in following. Curate your twitter followers, and you will have better luck, even if it takes a hell of a lot longer to build a following. And if that doesn’t work, people will always follow you if you put a picture of your boobs up, or so I hear.
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The idea of Kim Kardashian’s butt blushing is just as repugnant as it having its own perfume. Uggh.
I’m so with you on the Twitter, and that’s a good idea. The curating, not the boobs. The only kind that mine would attract are the pervs who like saggy, old deflated beach-balls, and that’s NOT the kind we want.
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#youareawesomewithacapitalA (And I don’t even have a Twitter account. Aren’t you impressed?) 😉
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I AM impressed. You could totally master this Twitter stuff, Lorna. Get on it!
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No way! I’m swamped with just blogging and I’m totally afraid of Facebook. Twitter would send me #overacliff.
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I can’t get past the idea of Kim’s butt having it’s own perfume. Actually I can’t get past her butt at all.
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tee hee
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Wonderful to hear your post got so many visits. I’m sure you’ll have many more stats like that in the future. Now, you’ll just have to learn to stop tweeting to yourself. Otherwise Twitter will be a lonely place for you. 😉
Always a pleasure so read your stuff, Peg. You always leave me smiling!
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Ditto right back atcha, Carrie. You’ve built a wonderful community by virtue of good writing, reading and being so welcoming.
You’re the one who told me I was replying to myself, but I still don’t know what I’m doing wrong. This Twitter stuff is making me feel stupid. HELPPPPP!!!
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Thank you. 🙂
You feel about Twitter how I feel about Facebook. I have no love for that site…
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Please remember me when you’re bigger than Kim K’s butt! The reason you have so much attention is simple: you are a good writer. One of the best. Brilliant. I love you! (please don’t forget me when you’re famous!)
As for twitter, I am so disgusted by the whole thing. I recently noticed that people will only follow me for a day and if I don’t automatically follow them back they quickly unfollow me. The nerve! So basically twitter follower numbers are COMPLETELY pointless!
Why the hell would I follow someone I don’t have any interest in? To boost my empty numbers I guess. But maybe I’m just bitter because I can’t seem to break 200 followers. Yeah, that’s probably it. I’m a social media failure. I admit it. Sniff, sniff.
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Darla + Peg = Dynamic Duo. I keep wondering when you two are going to get matching leotards and capes. 😀
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I absolutely love this idea, Shannon. Except spandex is not a good look for me. Do you think anyone would buy a caped crusader in a mumu?
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Can I be a sidekick?
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Haha! I like the mumu idea. It’s like a cape…only better.
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We should come up with a combination name for the two of them.
Dareg
Deg
Pegla
🙂
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I think I saw a commercial for Dareg on TV just the other night – something to do with erectile dysfunction, but the side effects were killer.
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Pegla is perfect!
Or maybe Dar-o-leg?
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Those are both good. We could be caped, mumu-wearing Siamese twins fighting for truth, justice and the American way! Or we could fight for Skittles. I’m hungry.
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Perhaps a contest would be in order…
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You should try my tactic — no social media.
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None at all, Elyse? There’s being hesitant and there’s being a Luddite!
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I didn’t know that about the Twitter. (I’ve decided to call it that in homage to Betty White – great line from some movie.) I don’t really want to have a lot of followers because I’m not saying anything because I can’t figure out the reciprocity angle. boo hoo hoo
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The hardest thing about going viral is the crash afterward. I don’t know if I earned any new readers at all. I guess I could brand my bionic boobs…
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Yeah, I’ve noticed that, Susie. Someone else went to look at the post in question and asked the salient question – “How do these big numbers work, when you only have 5 likes on this post?” People may have read it, but they’re not WordPress readers so only a couple of likes and comments and most didn’t stick around.
I’d buy Susie’s Bionic Boobs Perfume.
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Boobs and perfume. That could work!
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It’s a natural fit.
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Actually, I may use the line, “Try Susie’s Bionic Boobs. It’s unnatural.” I know. It needs more work before I roll it out…. There are Twitter and Facebook accounts to set up and…..
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Gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I like your writing more than I like Kim’s butt. A lot more. I’m going to go follow you on twitter right now.
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That means I need to tweet something. Oh no!
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Disclaimer: I don’t really know Kim’s butt so perhaps I’m being unfair. I’m sure it is very nice.
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We really shouldn’t knock it if we haven’t tried it. Er….never mind.
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I’m equally if not more clueless. I cannot get the hang of social media. I’m computer illiterate and I don’t know how to boost my traffic without… I have the right word but I better not say it.
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Thanks for the discretion. THis is a family blog.
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Peg, but do you really need fame and fortune? Kim K has both, and all people want to discuss is her butt. Personally, I’d settle for just the fortune part.
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No, I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist on having both. Maybe I can get those underwear with the butt implants? Or is that TMI?
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For a Kim K fame level, there’s no such thing as a TMI.
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Good point.
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Every time I have tried to express thoughts similar to these, I sensed I was coming across as snarky and apparently nobody likes a snarky quasi – hippie and I want people to like me because if people stop liking me then they won’t like my posts or favorite my tweets and then what?!
Sigh.
Also, #cornedbeefhashtag is very meta. I like it.
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You could never be snarky! You’re a ray of blogging sunshine, Miss Hippie!
Is being meta a good thing? So clueless.
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Haha! I guess that’s a problem you want to have as a blogger, much as the “I have too much money and I don’t know what to do with it” one. I’ll sign up for the second one only, please. Roller coasters? Let me off at the garden hoe, thank you.
Your Dolly Parton remark is exactly what I thought looking at your stats page! I mean, WOW. I freak out when I get more than 30 hits and think that someone might be stalking me, then I realize that someone got to my blog by accident and it’s all back in the low teens where it belongs. Bugs and dirt — not many people’s thang, ifyouknowwhatimean.
Peg, you rock! I love reading your stuff. Always have. You, Darla, Angie (may she rest in peace) and Rachel have always been my favs, aside from fellow bug-and-bird lovers. I hope you blog 4ever.
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My 10-yr-old daughter asked me in the check-out line yesterday, “Who’s Kim Kardashian?” I smiled. So did the clerk. (But she knows the ox beetle larva. Go figure.)
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I love that your daughter knows about the ox beetle larva instead of KK – you go, Mom!
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She’s my girl.
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Ha ha! Looking for stalkers, eh? You’re true to what you’re passionate about, and it shows. Can’t wait to get my video so I can get a clue!
Shannon, your last comment made my day – thanks!
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Just heard from Benenson Productions. Your video should be on the way very soon! Let me know if you don’t get it by the end of April.
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Peg, sorry your stats are outta whack.
But your words are magic. They have magically made me snort liquids through my nose on multiple occasions.
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Aw, thanks Elyse. My nose has also experienced your sarcastic magic, and my brain has been engaged by your words more often than it likes to be.
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If you ever get someone to teach you how to manipulate all that social media stuff please write a really good “how to” on it. It will probably go viral! (in a certain age group……)
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I started that same post a couple of weeks ago, but then I thought it sounded stupid because I’m probably the only one who doesn’t get this stuff.
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No, you’re not the only one who doesn’t get this techno social media stuff. Egads.
Love the post, Pegoleg!
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Thanks, sissy. Have a fab weekend – spring break happening for you?
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OH, no. you are not alone. I can’t figure out twitter especially. And I’ve been a member for six years. Your post inspired me to write a good rant about twitter. I’ve been wanting to for a long time now. I really just hate twitter. There, I said it. Feels good to finally confess.
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So glad to inspire you, as you do me. Can’t wait to hear your rant!
BTW, do you change your blog theme weekly? Everything is all shaken up every other time I visit. You KNOW I need stability in my life, Darlster.
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This is the theme I will use forever and ever now
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Don’t mind me. I’m just jealous because you’re such a trend-setting change-monster. I’m stuck in a rut.
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Don’t be jealz I only change it up because I’m on an endless quest for the theme with the biggest font. I’m blind as a bat
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Ha! Can you see me jumping up and down and sticking my tongue out in front of you? No? Good, cuz I’m not doing that, of course.
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I don’t get it and I’m not sure I want to.
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It’s better that way.
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Girl, I hope you enjoy coffee because it’s about to become your best friend. You won’t have time for shuteye, you’ll be so busy answering and posting, twittering and pinning that Starbucks will plant a coffee truck in your driveway. ☕️ that cups on me.
P.S. No need to respond. I already know you like me. You read my post. 😉
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I DO love coffee, but I prefer McDonald’s to Starbucks. Is it wrong?
Thanks for stopping by!
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Ugh. Twitter. I started an account to help publicise my blog (since my blog only started due to me quitting Facebook)… that was months ago, and I still haven’t figured the etiquette out. Plus I realised after a couple of weeks that I was spending more time trying to compose pithy 140-character tweets than I was spending actually writing anything on the blog. Am attempting to restore the balance now. Good writing has done you well so far, Peg! Just keep doing more of the same and no doubt the hits will continue! (I will, however, follow you on Twitter in an attempt to ride your coattails to glory…)
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Ride away! I have a feeling my Twitter coattails are bound to crash and burn, but you’re welcome to come along.
As to the blog, it takes time to build community. I know I said that in a semi-sarcastic manner above, but it’s true. I have a blogging friend who truly went viral on Reddit – over 50,000 hits – but it didn’t increase her readers who READ. You have to follow people you like, get involved and comment and people will follow you home to see who you are.
End of lecture.
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Hey! Two days after I receive words of wisdom from Peg, I’m having my own Kardashian stats moment! (All things in proportion of course, since I usually average under 10 views a day). I slapped together a completely silly post about being hungover with kids last night, and woke up to a bunch of notifications on my phone. 600+ views so far today! That settles it. You’re magic.
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Whoo hoo! I’ll take the usual 10% cut, please.
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10% of my worthless ego boost? Done! (I see you mentioned a cheque back there. At what stage in your blogging career did you start converting laughs to dollars? I want in, but am probably wasting my time with my modest readership to date!)
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This is a really great and humorous post! I really like the stuff you write about from the title to the content. 🙂
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Thanks!
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Oh Peg I’ve long since abandoned (or never started up on any of those sites) the idea of doing the other places. Hell I can barely navigate this one, but I have a great time here. If ten people read my blog on any given day (and those are ten good readers of my blog) I could consider running for President. I mean, who wants that? And the way I write, well I’m likely to receive the “Never Been Freshly Pressed” award which suggest that I’d be worthless instead of being worthy. Being that I’ve been practicing the mantra “I’m not worthy” that would be an easier award to accept. So I say keep writing the quality stuff your turning out and aim for Kim Kardashians butt, I know I will. :O)
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That’s what it’s all about – having fun. And maybe learning something along the way. Nah…just having fun.
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LOL Remember to have a great weekend Peg. 😀
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Count on it. You, too!
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;O)
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Peg-O! Methinks we may have been separated at birth. Kim K’s dumper is more popular than my best writing, but then, my worst writing is also more popular than my best writing. No accounting for taste, eh?
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I was thinking of you and your hysterical posts when I put the picture together and was going to stop by and say, “Howdy, neighbor! Can I borrow a cup of Kim K’s butt?” How do you feel about having top-of-mind association in that department?
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Selfies of YOUR butt hashtag hashtag. I can hear Fame tweeting now.
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I can hear Fame barfing now.
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Sorry, Peg, but you’ll NEVER be as famous (or should I say “infamous”) as KK’s butt. But don’t despair, the rest of us lowly peons reading your blog aren’t as famous as you (or your “but”).
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Ha! It’s all relative, ain’t it? Although I sneer about the KK butt, gotta admit I wish I had 1/10th her junk in my trunk. My trunk is more like a file folder.
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By the way, they named their child “North”. So, he’s North West. Really.
And if he ever has a child, and names his child “North”, too, then Kim’s grandbaby will be North by North West.
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Incidentally, that’s one of my all time favorite movies, and involves the exposure of absolutely no one’s butt.
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No, really? That’s the kid’s name? Poor, poor little rich kid. I also love that movie, and hate that the K&K machine have sullied it by association.
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How can it be truly great if no butts were exposed in the making?
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Well Peg, I haven’t figured any of it out. I just write what I feel like writing and hope someone reads it and occasionally someone likes it. I think maybe that is the best. I find people I like and I read their stuff, that is also better than the best. Now and then I crawl into holes I dig and then I have to crawl out, happily all the people I like to read are still here, that makes my day.
So, I think I have the world pretty well by the short hairs most the time.
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Stay out if those holes, Miss Val. You deserve so much better than that.
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I will try my friend, but I think I trip over my own feet now and then.
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You are on to something regarding Kim Kardashian. She has allowed many people to PUSH all of her buttons, she even allowed herself to be filmed while her buttons were being pushed! It’s all about the buttons, clicks and hashtags…and butts!
I have been neglecting Twitter lately and am overwhelmed as well. How does one maintain their sanity while trying to live a real life and pushing so many buttons? I’m just going to have myself some corned beef while I ponder this.
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So right. I saw you Twitting this morning. It’s fun, but suddenly half the day is gone!
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Is it Twitting or Tweeting? Potayto or PotAto?
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Self promotion really sucks when you have to do it yourself. Maybe if we all pool our pennies we can hire someone to do it for all us cool dudes, cats, bunnies. (I forgot which one I am.)
Just wait until your first post on The Nudge Wink Report. Hells yes.
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Can’t wait! Except I suppose that means I have to WRITE something. Groan.
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I’ve had Twitter for a while, and I still can’t figure it out. And I’m the age that I’m supposed to be able to figure it out.
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That makes me feel a little better. A little.
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I’ve given up on Twitter, even if it makes me a Twit. Really, how many of these social platforms can someone my age be expected to remember, let alone master? Sigh…I’ve got things to do, like color my hair and get my mind around the fact that pantyhose are no longer in fashion. And the whole Kim thing? It’s an eye roller. She’s famous for her butt when the rest of us have spent years wearing heavy knits to hide the cellulite on ours?? Totally unfair! 😉
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Don’t give up – I’m sure we will figure this stuff out! Someday.
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Social media or our butts? 😉
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I can’t figure all this stuff out either! Or even what it is that makes these Kardashians SO popular?! I can’t even tell which is which- mother, sister, daughter, daughter’s daughter, who knows!
Stellar writing though, hilarious! May the traffic gods keep smiling on you!
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I watched a few minutes of one of those shows the other day by accident. Shallow people, shallow problems. I don’t get it at all.
Thanks for stopping by!
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Hi, I think your blog posts are HILARIOUS. I really look forward to reading more of your work… Fantastic. Don’t stop.
Also, if you have the time, could you please return the favor by liking/commenting my blog posts and maybe I might be lucky and get a follow from you? Would be great 🙂 have an awesome day
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Sadly I know that Khloe Kardashian spells her name with a K and not a C, that’s how famous this family has become. Due to Kim and her butt. And her sex tape. But I’m not jealous of the way she attracted her tourism so I think I’ll stick to writing like you.
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Dang, I didn’t know that spelling. I’ve never watched their shows and I turn away when I see them on magazines, yet STILL I know more than I care to know.
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So that’s what it takes to get you to write a blog post! Ha! Good to see you, pegoleg.
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Good to see YOU, Patti. Thanks for stopping by.
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