You can run, but you cannot hide.
My husband has become one of Them. They’re taking over.
I keep trying to tell people, but they won’t listen.
“You’re paranoid.” they say.
“That’s crazy talk.” they say.
Oh sure, it seemed innocent enough at first. The iPod was great – who wouldn’t want to make their own music play lists? Soon, everybody had one. Then came the iPhones, then the iPads, then upgrades without end. They infiltrated our lives so slowly that nobody noticed they were taking over.
Those who have already been transformed are the biggest threat.
It’s hard to tell iPod People from normal people, except for their total lack of emotion about anything but apps and future upgrades. They wear a perpetually glazed-over look until the subject swings round to the latest iGizmo. Then they come to life, eyes firing with the religious fervor of a tent-revival preacher.
Ever since my 2-year contract with Verizon came up, they’ve been after me in dead earnest; the phone calls, the emails, the relentless barrage of ads. I already have a “smart” phone, but it’s a 2-year-old Android. It’s not the latest thing. It’s not an iPhone.
When one of the iPod People catches sight of my old phone, it is like waving a red cape before a bull.
They almost got me last week at a party. I thought this man was a friend, but he pinned me down and proceeded to explain every, single, mother-loving enhancement coming in the iPhone 6. Foam flecked the corners of his mouth. I created a diversion by pointing at someone across the room, saying, “Look, he got the iPhone 6 early!” I was able to slip away when he charged at the guy, knocking people aside to get to his quarry. I barely escaped with my life.
They’ve already got my husband, Bill. He doesn’t look any different, but a wife knows. He is an empty shell of the man he used to be. His body still sits on the couch in our living room, but his spirit is fully taken over by the pursuit and mastery of new iPhone apps.
I’m afraid to go down to the basement – afraid my iPod is growing down there, just waiting to take me over. I’ll hold out as long as I can, but I’m getting tired. So tired.
What’s that you say? It can’t happen to you? Oh, you naïve fool, don’t you know? They’re already here.
WE’RE NEXT!
We’re next.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Ha! Thanks for the entertaining read.
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Thanks for stopping in.
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Well, that’s just silly. Ha, Ha, Ha….we’re not out to take over anything. In fact, we can prove that Apple would never condone such behavior. Our great transcendent leader – ‘The Steve’ – is about peace and harmony. As long as you connect to iTunes.
Just tell us where you live, and we’ll be right over to prove it….
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Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
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“He is an empty shell of the man he used to be. ”
You nailed it. (and they’ve mutated into android forms, too! There’s no hope except massive sun spot flares frying the cell towers…people are too far gone to do it themselves.)
And you retro secret is safe…or was….
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Once they are transformed, it’s hopeless.
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I think it’s safe to say that we are everywhere! I drool while looking at the newest Kindle, Android phone, Mac anything. But I can’t afford the latest so have to settle for last year’s model. Poor, pitiful me. 😦
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Just say no, Ruth!
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I have a 3 year old Android and the only reason i got is was because my old “dumb” phone was not compatible with my new contract plan…. how is this even possible?? What does that even mean??
I also have a 7 year old Apple desk top (hand-me-down from my dad 6 years ago… he’s one of “those” you speak of) that Apple is trying to get me to replace by telling me i can’t upgrade my browser because my computer… which works fine… is too vintage!!
Seriously… I think people only want me for my money!! 😉
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Well, Apple definitely only wants you for your money.
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I can’t wait to get a new iPhone 6 PLUS. Because that way I can replace my entire wardrobe too, since the damn thing won’t fit in my pants pockets (which became smaller as the phones got larger and larger).
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Elyse, can I steal that idea for a post? Pretty please?
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Go for it, Peg, be my guest. A long time ago, Nancy at NotQuiteOld did a post about pants and how their zippers are getting smaller and smaller. I’d never noticed, but I think it relates to the smaller pockets.
Seriously, I love my iPhone and would love to upgrade, but, ummmmm, where the hell will I put it?
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I was reading about the iPhone 6 and 6s in the paper this morning. And I want one. Now. I want one now, Peg, now!
Oh, sorry, lost myself a bit there. While I would like one, I won’t rush out to get one. It will be a long wait anyway. But maybe in a year or so…
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..but by then EVERYone will have one, so what’s the point?
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Resistance is futile! Bwahahaha!
Nice post btw. I liked my old Sony Ericsson. It wasn’t a smartphone but it took really great pictures – was cheaper too. But hubby came up to me holding his new iPhone5S then and handed me his old one, 4S. Suffice to say, I’m a convert.
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Gotta admit, I’d be lost without my smartphone now.
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Now I can WP on the go!
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I think there are two people in my house, for sure, that exhibit that glazed-over look. So far, I haven’t noticed any foam flecks, but when this happens, I’m outta here. I’ll take my MotoG and head for the hills…I’m sure they’ll find me, though…;)
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They WILL find you. Sorry.
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Peg-o-Leg, you speak the truth. That first small step to owning anything ‘i’ related is like a drug that lures them in for more istuff that they don’t need but “must” have. Luckily, I have not had a sip of the ‘kool-aid’ and sticking to my slider-phone (and it was actually an upgrade LOL). The only contact I have is a phone call or texting. I love having the freedom to see the ocean, the birds, flowers…. while others would gladly give up their last breath to check an email.
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What is this thing called “slider-phone?” Oh wait, I think I saw one in a museum once when I was a kid.
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It is an antique but has taken a beaten and still works. I get so much grief when people see it. But I dont mind 🙂
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Haha! So true. I’m the most anti-iPhone person you’ll ever meet. Each generation is only 0.0000005% better than the previous version, yet people still fall for it. Unbelievable.
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Gotta have the newest thing.
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Umm, I guess I hold on to my Apple stock. Oh, and don’t forget the watch, you’ll be needing one of those too… in every color.
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Watch? There’s a watch???
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My hubs has an iphone and an ipad, and is looking into getting an apple computer. I have an iphone. Of course, my 9 year old son, who looks to his wise and worldly parents for guidance, has started asking when he can get an ipod and iphone. He’s NINE. Help us, Peg. I fear it may be too late for this next generation.
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I made my youngest wait until last year to get a smartphone, when she was 21. Be strong, for goodness sake, Misty!!!
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I still refuse to buy a phone that is smarter than me!
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Exactly!
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I have an “old’ iPhone 4. I know. You’re probably wondering how I get by. I’m not too old fashioned. I do have a.. what is this thing here called… a computer. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to find out where I left that floppy disk.
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You poor baby! I’m sure there’s a govt program to put a new cell in every pot. Haha! No, wait… there is.
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Blahahahaha! I absolutely love this hilarious post! Keep running Peg. You have managed to stay free of “them” so far………………..
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But I feel like I’m the only one left. Must…stay…strong…
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I will never never ever get an IPhone. Never. I do not want a phone smarter than me.
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I’m with you. My husband’s phone answers his every question for goodness sake! I just grunt when he asks me anything..
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I’m so anti-new tech, it’s silly. We got our first ever flat screen two Christmases ago when my (YES!) 20+ year old one died. We bought the Walmart door-buster special, and frankly I don’t think it’s as good a picture as our old tube one. Though, at least it won’t maim any of the children if it falls on one of them. No, it’s not HD. No, we’re not going to upgrade. But I digress… I’m typing to you on a 6 year desktop, which in tech terms is “old”, but I wouldn’t even have one this new if I hadn’t gotten it from my uncle when he passed away last year. So, last year my hubs got me an android “smart” phone for my birthday. (He got it on clearance.) It’s my first ever smart phone, and I still haven’t figured the darn thing out. It IS newer than any phone I’ve ever had before, but it’s still a discontinued model; which is probably why it was on clearance. I tell you all this to emphasize my complete lack of tech-savvy-ness, and complete lack of desire on my part for the latest “i”-whatever. It has no appeal to me at all. However, I will add this caveat, that for the first time ever in my tech life, I’m really temped to buy new. I do have a Kindle Fire which I dearly love. And now that I’ve seen the new Kindle “Fire” phone ads, I really want one!
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You officially qualify as”tech deprived.” Go and purchase the new gizmo with a clear conscience.
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My sister has a very old cracked & hardly functioning Droid and has been patiently awaiting the arrival of the IPhone6. Now she has to wait months to get it because of the back order. She is a slave to APPLE!!! Craziness! I do have the IPhoneC and am perfectly happy with it. We do need to run for our lives!
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Your poor sister! That’s like telling little Tommy you’ve decided to push Christmas back a couple of months.
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I love it! They got me too… wanna see my new app? 😎
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Stay away from me, you alien monster!
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Oh my gosh! I almost got kicked out of the library for laughing out loud!
I have a (hushed voice) old, unsmart phone. I’m afraid for my life too.
Where is there a safe haven??
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Actually, the library is relatively safe. So hush up and don’t tick off the librarian!
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There, there, Peg. You’re just over-tired. Why don’t you lie down here next to my iMac and listen to it’s soothing iTunes? What? That little bud there connected to the USB port? Why, that’s nothing. Just sleep now…
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I’m so sleepy, Sandy. I’m glad I can trust YOU. (yawn)
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I’m hanging onto my Android for dear life!
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Run, run!
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I know, those of us without iphones are made to feel like second class citizens! I have a Windows phone, I thought it was pretty snazzy, but no, it’s not i-snazzy. I’m not strong enough though Peg, I think I will end up succumbing…
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Be strong, VJ!
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So, the Apple really DOES fall far from the tree after all.
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And they’re rotten to the core.
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I hear your pain, Pego. Hubster couldn’t wait for our contract to expire 3 years ago and got a smart phone – android. When my old flip phone was dying, had to get a new one so we both got newer android smartphones. I really hate feeling stupid trying to make the technology do what I need. Can’t seem to hide anywhere…help!
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Now we can’t live without them, hmm?
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You hit the nail on the head … and I’ve hit the ceiling as far as technology goes. Mono records graduated to stereo, then to 8-tracks, then cassettes, then CDs. Now my kids think I should download all my CDs to my computer and then upload them to an MP3 player. Ugh. Calgon, take me away! 🙂
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..and it says something about both of us that I get your reference. I asked my kids if they thought the title of my last post, Let Your Fingers Do The Talking, was a clever play on that ad slogan. They just looked at me blankly. Le sigh.
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Sorta related to your kids-blank-look story: the other day my 10 year old was rummaging through my very over stuffed office closet and came across an old camera. He asked me to put batteries in it so he could take pictures. I told him that it took film. Then I had to explain to him what film was. *sigh*
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Oh no! I think I have a couple of those stuffed in drawers with a couple shots taken. Is there anywhere to get “film” developed any more?
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hahaha I have to admit, ever since I got my first smartphone this year, I have become rather addicted to it. I don’t play games or anything like that. It’s just an easier way for me to keep track of my celebrity gossip (must always know what Kate Middleton is wearing) and Twitter. I’ve never mused an I-thingie to listen to music or watch movies (apart from HBO Go because that’s the only way I can watch Game of Thrones and it’s not even my account, it’s my uncle’s). Oh and I have a 4S. That was the free upgrade my dad had in his plan and that’s what I ended up with so I’m two phones behind. Oh the horror.
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Both my hubby and daughter have the 4, so don’t feel so bad. Why not keep using it until it dies? that’s what I’m going to do with my Android.
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I fail to see the attraction. My 2-year-old Android from Straight Talk works well enough. And if I ever did decide to double my monthly cell phone bill, it would be to get a 4S or Note.
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That data charge is a bugger , ain’t it?
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It is. Besides, my son, a developer, swears by Android, and I wouldn’t trust Apple maps to get me around the block.
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Prowd owner of a NEW Android phone here. After my eight-year-old (HAhaha) Blackberry fell in the water. You might have read my opinion of Apple a while back here: http://kitchenmudge.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/not-a-techie/
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It seems people are Android or Apple, and never the twain shall meet.
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Reblogged this on vaesherry's Blog and commented:
I love it
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I went from a flip phone (which I still miss terribly) to a cheapie android. I thought that was a huge change for me. Then suddenly out of nowhere my husband comes home with the iPhone 5 this past year and he’s carrying on a torrid affair with some chick named Siri. Apple is going to destroy the human race someday, mark my words.
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They’ve got an app for that…Angry World Crush Saga II.
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Great post. Behind the humor is a lot of truth.
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I’m afraid I just bought an Iphone… 5, because it was 40 bucks when we renewed our contract.
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Resistance is futile! lol
I absolutely loved the humor in this piece. I have been converted and love my iPhone, but I would never try to convert anyone else.(wink, wink) My husband also has the glazed over eyes when he is into his apps. Great work.
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Thanks! Are you and the hubby lined up for the new model?
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My hubby is going to get it after the first wave of craziness dies down. I still have some time on my upgrade years. Lol
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That’s OK. You can live vicariously through him.
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“When one of the iPod People catches sight of my old phone, it is like waving a red cape before a bull.”
– One of my favorite lines. That and the image of a tent revival preacher. Nicely done. 🙂
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Pretty funny – but true, unfortunately. Hubby and I have iPhones, but only because family members hand them down to us when they upgrade to new ones – consequently, we still live in a 3G world.
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You poor, pitiful thing! Having to stand on the street corner and beg for used iPhones.
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Didn’t even have to beg! The kids just think this is the only way they can get us to try something from the ‘dark side’.
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We have the opposite experience. When my hubby got his new iPhone 5, he handed down the 4 to our 22-year-old. I’m locking up all the credit cards so he’s not tempting to go for #6.
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Oh my lord. You are an absolute maestro in the art of writing with wit and humour. I am officially an aficionado.
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Aw, thanks. You made my day!
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Peg, as you may remember, I have never been a fan of basements. Steer clear!
It’s lines like these, “When one of the iPod People catches sight of my old phone, it is like waving a red cape before a bull,” that give your writing that trademark Peg touch. I feel the horror. I feel the dread. Stay strong, my friend!
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Aw, thanks so much, Melissa! I am staying strong – I’m not an Apple fan. I’ll be Android forever!
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