Freezing guy courtesy of US News & World Report. It is NOT cold enough for him.
The next person who says “cold enough for ya?” to me is gonna get an icicle to the jugular. I’m not kidding.
Don’t say it.
OK, so half the country is suffering through the nightmare of a polar vortex. It’s like we’re living in that Dennis Quaid movie where everybody north of the Mason/Dixon line freezes to death. And yes, it is very cold outside. It is very, VERY cold. I get it.
But if I have to paste on a limp smile of appreciation at the cutting wit of even one more well-meaning Goober who tosses out one of these old chestnuts, I am going to freak out.
I hereby declare that nobody is allowed to say any of these things ever again, under pain of severe bodily harm.
- Is it cold enough for you?
- Stay warm!
- Are you staying warm?
- Baby it’s cold outside.
- How about this weather?
- Boy is it cold out there!
- Boy HOWDY is it cold out there!
- Is it cold enough for you out there? Cuz boy oh boy howdy, baby, it is hard to stay warm when it is so damn cold outside!
- My car wouldn’t start this morning.
On second thought, that last line is OK. Having a car that won’t start is still newsworthy.
C’mon, people. We’re better than this. In times of extreme duress, Americans have always risen to the challenge. I know we can pull together, get our brains in gear and come up with some new material to describe our current frigid situation.
Even if it IS colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra out there.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
The days are getting longer!
Maybe this will kill those dormant pesky mosquitoes…
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I don’t mind that first platitude – a girl can dream about it being light out at 6pm, can’t she?
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And it HAS to get warmer as the sun makes its way just a little higher in the sky every day, right?
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I’m sorry–what was that you wrote? I’m so cold my eyeballs have frozen, and I can no longer read. Oh, by the way, stay warm, Peg! 😉
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Frozen eyeballs are a constant threat in this environment. Don’t forget your insulated eye-shade, Carrie.
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My favorite recent comment on our local news was during an interview with a weather “expert”. The expert was asked if the constantly dropping temperatures were indicative of another upcoming polar vortex, and he responded (I paraphrase): “Well, no – It’s Buffalo and it’s cold. This is just winter.” Right on!
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Ha! That’s what I keep saying. It’s Illinois, it’s winter so cold and snow are unusual because….?
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Cuz we haven’t had weather this bad for this long since I was a kid! Of course, when I was a kid, we dressed for the weather! Our eyes were the only things uncovered and if our moms could have, they would have covered those up, too! Anyone under 40 has no idea what I am talking about! Oh, and the first person who complains about the heat this summer may get punched!
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Oh, and how about, “Antarctica called. They want their weather back.” that is original, and, of course, that’s where the polar vortex is coming from.
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I like that Antarctica comment – may I use it?
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The Antarctica comment is a Facebook meme, so GO FOR IT!!
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I don’t even notice the cold anymore. I only notice when I start to finally warm up. Which still hasn’t happened and I’m not sure it ever will again.
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A state of perpetual deep-freeze, hmmm? Be careful, Darla baby, it’s cold outside!
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This is why living in Houston Texas is wonderful. Today marks day 2 this year I had to wear long pants. I like our two seasons, Spring & Summer.
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Hot enough for ya?
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How ’bout that Daft Punk, am I right?
XOXO HC
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Yeah, I heard somebody Twittified about those young men. Just what we need to keep our minds off the cold.
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I think the fact that when it reaches up into the 20s, it feels like a tropical heat wave says all that is needed.
Stay warm, Peggles! Don’t forget your scarf.
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I know! I went on a nice hike Sunday because it was 25, but I forgot the sunscreen.
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I don’t live near the vortex and I’m tired it. I lost some of my patience for cold complainers when I lived in Quebec, which is like a permanent vortex. Keep warm and carry on 🙂
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Exactly! One man’s vortex is another man’s day at the beach. It always boils down to location, location, location.
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a;ldkfjlkdjfaldfj – my fingers are too cold to hit the right letters (actually I really do type like that)
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Oh no – typothermia has already set in!
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Tee hee 🙂
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Hey, where did your avatar go?
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I’m trying to change my email address linked to my avatar and can’t figure it out!
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Wimp…
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I never said I was stoic.
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I work outside, and I hear each of those about five times a day. The ones I really hate like to add “I’m glad I don’t have your job!” Ouch.
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Yeah, get original, OK people? (and I really AM glad I don’t have your job!)
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I’ve taken to saying, “It is f*** me in the a**:cold out there.” People don’t know exactly what it means, and yet they can’t help but nod in agreement.
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They’re just moving their heads to keep the blood circulating. They have NO idea what you mean.
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All I can say is, sorry, and you can make fun of me this summer when it’s 100+ every day, k? We’re having a warmer-than-normal winter – mid 70s practically every day. People in the deep South are having a harder time with this ’cause they’re not used to it.
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Every winter I promise not to complain about the heat next summer, and every summer I promise not to complain about the cold next winter. I have Seasonal Selective Memory.
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LOL Me, too! Funny how that happens isn’t it?
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To add to your list: Is that a polar vortex in your pocket or are you just frigid?
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If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard THAT one, Dave…
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I’ve been known to say “Wow! It feels like winter out there!” on occasion, usually during the winter.
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I hate when it feels like winter in the middle of my winter, don’t you?
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Amen sister. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to prepare for the worst; the local weathergirl has predicted between 0 and 12 inches of snow tonight or sometime tomorrow or maybe the next day. Unless we get 13 inches or somehow score in the negatives, she may finally be right.
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Sounds like an urgent trip to the local grocery store is in order so you can snag the last can of beans on the shelf. Hope you don’t have to actually kill any of the other panicked shoppers to get it.
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I’ll punch someone’s Dad in the stomach for a can of soup. Then I’ll get Direct TV.
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As long as you don’t have to knock down dear old Mom.
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She’ll be safe at home making French toast to try to use up all the eggs, bread and milk she bought for the other storm two days ago.
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…and building a mini Eiffel Tower out of all the batteries she got.
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Gotta keep Mom busy, or she’ll get into the cooking sherry again.
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There were out of cooking sherry after the panic-shopping at my grocery store so I had to get rubbing alcohol. Would it be hopelessly gauche to serve that with the beans instead of a red wine?
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Fava beans, Clarice?
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Right now I consider it a job perk not having to change classes to various buildings on campus.
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This started as a rant against parking at our local community college, but THAT post is shaping up as going into another direction. They were closed today and yesterday due to the cold – they don’t make college students like they used to. 😉
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OK, I will stop saying those things. Maybe. I’ll try. As soon as I warm up.
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Frozen brain is no excuse.
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I used to say “colder than a well digger’s ass” back in the day…when I lived in the frozen mitten.
It’s been cold here, too. I had to close the windows the other night.
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My heart bleeds for you, Katy. Really.
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This passes for conversation in Minnesota most every year along with “it’s not the heat it’s the humidity” It’s not supposed to elicit icicle eye stabbing, honest.
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It’s not the cold, it’s the lack of humidity.
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I’m with ya, Peg! Although, it is UNSEASONABLY cold for the Mid-Atlantic states. I hear Florida’s supposed to get a real snowfall. I bet they’re in lock down and there’s no bread, milk, or eggs in sight. (WHY MUST EVERYONE BUY THESE THINGS BEFORE A SNOW STORM? Is everyone making French toast? I don’t get it.)
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Haha! No kidding, RP!
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You’re right! And we always buy batteries, and for what? So THEY can get leaky and die before the next emergency during which we don’t ever actually use the flashlight?
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It’s not cold enough until I pee ice cubes. When that happens…
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Back in the the good old days of Northern Canada, I kid you not, you’d actually have to chip the ice in the toilet before you could pee….now THAT’S cold….and houses weren’t particularly well insulated….
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I love that show about the homesteaders in Alaska. In one episode the young wife was thrilled that her hubbie was building her a new outhouse because “doing that in the house would just be gross”. Huh? In 40 below weather you WANT to go outside to do your biz????
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I will not admit to knowing anything about this. 😉
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I’ll have to find something clever to say when my brain thaws.
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Good thing is you have plenty of time before that happens. Negative 3 as I drove out of my garage this morning.
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Brrrr!
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I’m with that expert who said “This is just winter”. This is exactly why we call them “experts”.
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I guess the weather is the great, shared experience so we can talk about it with strangers. Perfect conversational ice-breaker (see? See what I did right there?)
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Yes, icy. (See what I did?)
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I DID see that. You good, kid.
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Resisting the urge to mock the vortex…I complain about the heat whenever it gets over 75 and 13% humidity so its not like I could hang in the south in the summer.
Cheyenne’s average wind speed is 12 mph. That means that sometimes it stops (briefly) and sometimes it blows 50 mph. It does this all year, every year. And yet, somehow, people still need to comment on it every freaking day. And yet, somehow, I have not sporked anyone in the forehead.
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You are a living example of good self-control. Well done.
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Uh, is it a spork or a foon? The debate rages on….(Since I am trapped inside the house because of the cold, this is what passes for learned debate these days…)
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Is it cold enough out there for ya, Bill?
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I had to comment on this, (even at the risk of getting virtual-slapped) first, because the writing was so hilarious (and the caption below the pic! lol) but secondly, because I am in Los Angeles standing in front of supermarkets with picket signs that proclaim, “Bring Back Winter!” Seriously – – we are in the high 70’s to 80’s and I haven’t had a hot cup of cocoa in front of a cozy fireplace in I don’t know how long PLUS….my cute boots and sweaters never see the light of day not to mention the stores already have bikinis out. WTF -?? Give our New Year resolutions at least a month or two to yield some results. Geeze…..I want some semblance of a winter season here. Even a week’s worth? My hot flashes are force-fed by the sun and it’s no fun to cuddle (if I had a willing victim) when you stick together with sweat. I know I am in the minority and will get called petty and ungrateful….but when I get sick and am “feeling under the weather”….I want that weather to be rainy! I’m not even asking for thunder or anything exciting, just something that shows some sign of “Movement.” I’ll take a cool, light breeze where you just have to wear long sleeves. Forget the new Nordstrom fur lined coat with the tags still on. (Okay, okay, it’s a Target special) but is it so awful to not want to feel guilty going to a matinee movie when I SHOULD be out enjoying this god-forsaken sunshine. And come spring – – I don’t want to pay $6.99 for a puny basket of strawberries because of our long suffering drought. Sorry for this “Here Comes the Sun…..so Let’s Hide Our Love Away” rant (Don’t tell Paul McCartney, I just butchered his song (or whichever one sang that) but at least try to see that “the grass is always greener.” And of course it is….how can we grow green grass in So Cal, when we cannot even get a slight drizzle going??
Thank you and sorry! 😉 But I still loved this post and am so glad I am following!
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No, no, feel free to rant away! I actually see why that would bug you. I LIKE having seasons….I just wish the hot and cold ones weren’t such overachievers.
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On our local news last night, the obligatory freezing reporter out in the snow took a ruler, stuck it in the snow, and said, “As you can see, we’ve got an inch of snow here in Mount Airy. It’s really coming down!”
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Do you think it’s in their contracts? “Must be willing to don parka/slicker/etc and stand solemnly in driving hail/wind/rain/snowstorm as required by management.”
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Must be.
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I like this newsworthiness rule — unless you have frostbite, hypothermia, broken pipes, or a dead car, you’re doing just fine so shut it.
Said with all the authority of someone who wore a scarf last weekend and bitterly complained about it because it dipped below 70 degrees…
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You weenie.
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Thank goodness I don’t have a brass bra.
People here have passed the cold comments and moved straight into sarcasm. Yesterday someone asked me: “Is it still hot outside?”
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We always said that witch thing when I was younger because it was so very risque to say “tit”. Now I’m sure you can say that on the TV, like “ass,” which is everywhere. Nothing is off-limits any more, Thoughtsy. Although I still think you should pass on the brass bra unless you can find the nursing variety.
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YES. Straight to sarcasm. I prefer: “At least it’s not cold outside.”
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How about, It’s nippier than a witch’s tit? Is that ok? 🙂
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That’s VERY good. Carry on.
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I’m with you, Peg. If one more person reports on the temperature… I know what the temperature is. I don’t need to be reminded, “Hey, you know it’s 8 degrees out there?”
That said, if it doesn’t warm up soon, I say you and I make a break for the Mexican border, like in the Dennis Quaid movie.
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I’ll be the one fighting wolves for the last can of Spam on the cruise ship parked outside my door.
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Let’s hope it’s not that cruise ship heading for NJ on which about 700 people got food poisoning. I wonder if they all ate the Spam. Hmm…
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I love the thing about the icicle in the jugular! LOL! When people ask me, “Is it cold enough for ya?” I say, “We’re having a heat wave. It’s in the 20’s!” 🙂
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It went from -3 to the 20s today and we were saying that. We just can’t leave the fascinating topic of the weather alone, can we?
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How about “Is that an icicle or are you just glad to see me?”
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Haha! Yes, you can say that.
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Pingback: If misery loves company, this winter is filled with community!
What are we ever to do when the Spring comes, and we won’t have this “polar vortex” to complain about?
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Will it ever stop raining????
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The best is: “Sorry, but the heat’s broken. Also, vents are blasting cold air into your classroom. Get ready to jump on a random bus and ride with your class to another school!” 🙂
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Yipes! We had that happen at a school around here the other day. The paper had a picture of a sea of kids sitting on the floor in the fire station while the poor teachers tried to get some learnin’ done.
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Even if it IS colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra out there. Rubbing up against a well digger’s ankle of course.
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That’s an addition I never heard before – that’s got to be REALLY cold.
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Hahaha. I grew up in freezing ass Alberta, so I can sympathize not only with the cold but with everything people SAY about the cold. Boy Howdy– must be an American phrase? We preferred Hot Dang up here…
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Boy Howdy is an American expression from about 80 years ago, so don’t feel bad.
As a survivor of true, Canadian cold, every time somebody complains you have earned the right to curl your lip and sneer, “You Americans are such weenies.”
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…though now I’ve graduated to lush, green, mild winters on the west coast. It was sunny, warm, and spring-like today. Green grass everywhere! Leaves on all the trees! I AM SO SPOILED! (But I deserve it. Alberta winters are a true test of resilience. Or craziness. Or crazy resilience.)
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