Don’t forget to pay the toll.
You’ve probably read Dante’s Inferno at some time in your life. His classic vision of hell shows the damned reaping what they sowed in descending circles of punishment. Murderers and traitors rightly occupy the lowest rings, but if Dante had been able to predict the future, I’m sure he would have reserved the bottom-most spot for those guilty of even more heinous crimes.
Crimes against traffic-bound humanity.
Summer in America is vacation travel time. Across the length and breadth of this great land, families pack up the SUV, strap in the kiddies and hit the road. And by “hit” I mean “sit” (in bumper-to-bumper traffic on super-highways that have been transformed into parking lots by congestion and never-ending construction.)
You may have already heard me rail against the stretch of demon-highway to be found around Gary, Indiana. After experiencing this and many other highways this summer, I’ve got a suggestion for Dante; there needs be a 10th circle in hell.
This circle will be reserved for drivers who don’t move over when their lane is ending.
These scum-sucking douche-bags see the sign that their lane will be ending due to upcoming construction, and what do they do? Maintain a steady speed, looking for an opportunity to merge seamlessly into their neighboring lane with a minimum of disruption to others?
No. They gun it, riding in the disappearing lane until the last, possible second. Only when their wheels are brushing the orange cones do they nose in front of their (by this time) screaming, fist-shaking neighbor. This causes said neighbor to have to slam on their brakes and sets up a chain -reaction of brake-slamming all the way down the middle lane of law-abiding, courteous travelers.
These soulless bottom-feeders feel that they are vastly more important than the idiots who play by the rules when behind the wheel.
If you are guilty of this great sin, your soul is naught but a puny, shriveled thing within you. Repent I say, repent! The end is near.
And if you’re the jerk-wad who cut me off yesterday, after I’d already been stuck on the highway for 7 hours in the broiling sun, the end is nearer than you think.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
You seem a little stressed, Peg.
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I’ve recovered now. My doctor prescribes no more highway travel for a while – I was hoping for a script for Xanax.
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Now, now, drugs are not the answer. Try some chocolate.
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And, since today (Thursday, Aug. 8th) is your birthday, Pegoleg, have chocolate and champagne! 🙂
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Aw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PEG!!
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Thanks, yous twos! Chocolate and champagne for everyone! (Lisa’s buying)
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My pleasure 😀
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Here, in Germany,they have changed the rule – now you are asked to stay in the ending lane as long as possible while the others are obliged to let you in when you change lanes at the end of your lane (one car at a time). This way the congestion should be minimized, the powers that are, tell you, because there is only ONE point where other cars come in, the ending lane is used till it ends and you know exactly what to expect.
Need I mention – theory and praxis fall apart on the german Autobahn?
There are still those, who have been taught at driving school back then, to change the lane as soon as possible. And there are those who drive through and the traffic does not let them in, as it should. And there are those, second in line at the ending lane, that slip in with the first …
No, the zipper-method is no solution.
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The “Zipper method” – I like that! I think staying in your lane til the end is the worst possible solution, because everybody behind will have to slow down.
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Maybe german Autobahnen need to slow down 😉
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No, please, don’t even say that! Aren’t there portions of the Autobahn where there is no speed limit? Where I live if the police stop you for going 50 km/h over the speed limit you lose your car at the side of the road forever. That means that there is nowhere where you can drive 150 km/h in a country that is so sparsely populated that only Australia had a lower population density among nations with indoor plumbing. My son and I would give a major binary binary organ EACH just for a crack at the Nürburgring in a car that someone else is paying the insurence for. Don’t take our dreams away, Germany!
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Oh, you can dream, there will always be stretches without limitation – but I have to disappoint you – the Nürburgring is NOT part of the Autobahn-System ;P
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“that someone else is paying the insurance for” THAT’s the salient part here.
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My son and I would still both be eager to go around the Nürburgring paying for our own insurance, but the organ donation part of the deal is off the table.
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We were just in Europe and my husband drove in three different countries. He was only honked at once and he did not always know where he was going. And the roundabouts… Amazing! Drivers are slower and more laid back.
Now, I am more likely to let the weasels in and forget about it….I have to build up driving and passenger Karma for the next trip!
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“driving Karma” – you may be on to something there, Susie.
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Here driving is getting to be a contact sport.
We have roads where lanes merge/end…everyday…same spot…for years and years….they don’t change over night as a surprise….every driver knows that lane ends. And it’s not the out of towners seeing that at the last minute. Do not roar past an entire staked lane of traffic and expect to jump in at the last minute EVERY day. Same jerks. Lady, do not wave that helpless hand at me. Everyday – we know who you are. Sorry. It’s infuriating for sure
Love that picture
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The frustrating thing is that she can get away with it. EVERY day, because what are you going to do? Risk wrecking your car? GRRRR.
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This drives me crazy, too! So glad I’m not the only one. The move is so disrespectful to all the other drivers following the rules. Seven hours? Yikes!
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Hey Carrie, welcome back!
This trip wasn’t 7 hours – I took an average of this and the last trip. I find my boiling point for rude drivers keeps getting lower and lower as the summer wears on. Some of us were born to be chauffeured.
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“Some of us were born to be chauffeured.”—Haha, wouldn’t that be nice? 🙂
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Don’t you know that those drivers are the centers of the universe, and are entitled to the 7 seconds of drive time they’d gain by putting the rest of commuting America at risk? I wish I could say this driver is a demon every time, but when you look over and see that they’re not angry, just busy texting, that creates a whole new category of fear on the road.
Some of these ass clowns aren’t selfish – they’re just, busy.
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Clueless. You’re probably right – it’s not deliberate rudeness, they’re just in their own little worlds and clueless.
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I totally hate those people. {You know, except when I’m the one gunning it to try and squeak in at the last minute. Then I hate everyone else.}
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Noooooo! Don’t be that person, Renee! Move over early and bask in the glow of self-satisfaction that comes from courteous driving done right.
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I hate that too. I also hate when I see my lane is ending, and I’m trying to find a way in…not gunning or speeding, just preparing for the inevitable and no one will let me in.
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There is that situation, too. Why can’t we all just get along?
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I swear people know when you’ve already had a crappy traffic day, and they do everything they can to make it worse.
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I KNEW it wasn’t just random rude behavior – other people are definitely trying to tick me off! Thanks for letting me know I’m not paranoid.
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Oh, Peg. Deja vu all over again. I felt your pain. And gave thanks that I don’t have to do that stretch of traffic hell between Michigan and Chicago called Gary Indiana. Did it take you 7 hours to get through? Ouch. What a nightmare!
Sure hope family flyers made their flights!
My fun day will involve much drinking, ‘cleansing’, in preparation for a procedure tomorrow. You know, clear liquids, but none of the fun ones. 🙂
Hope your day is less stressful!
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EWWWW! poor Tar. Hope everything comes out alright for you.
The last trip wasn’t so bad. This post was an amalgam of Sunday’s drive and last month’s drive back, which was truly hellacious.
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Sometimes it’s hard for those asses to see the giant arrows and the fifty warning signs that the lane is ending before they’re right at the point of having to get over. This enrages me as well, much like many other driving situations. I’m actually quite calm outside of my vehicle though.
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Me, too, Don. Something about being behind the wheel sets my Jerk-o-Meter a-buzz more than any other of life’s many opportunities for getting totally cheesed-off.
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I like to keep driving and act like I don’t see the person gunning it to cut me off, then I speed up just a touch so THEY are forced to either hit the cones or slam on their brakes. Then I drive away, just slightly slower than the speed limit, giggling and waving to them in the rear view mirror. At least that’s what I do in my head as I am politely waving them in because I have to “be the better person” in front of my kids. Grrrr.
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When I think of all the nasty behavior (totally deserved, but nasty) I DIDN’T engage in, just to set a good example for the kids….there’s bound to be a circle in paradise just for us, right?
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There’s not much I could add to this, with the possible exception of wishing that every hair on their ass turn to wire and they live forever.
P.S. I have really missed you. I wasn’t sure that you would come back to us galley slaves once you had hob-nobbed with royalty.
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Ha! 🙂
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“every hair on their ass turn to wire” is a new high in lows as far as curses. I’m SO using this.
Of course I’d come back to your galley slaves – who else would row my boat ashore?
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They are the cause of ROAD RAGE!!! So cocky and almighty! Grrrr! I hear you! Glad you are in recovery and made it out of the highway alive! 🙂 BTW, you were on my mind during my weekend getaway! Check it out. 🙂 http://swimmingtomy50s.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/weekend-getaway-with-my-husband-and-many-of-you/
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Next time, stay at MY hotel, will ya? I can use the cash!
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Yes, Yes, YES! I hate those people with a burning passion. Since I live in a city with the most retarded road set up ever and surrounded by moronic drivers, it is clear why I have road rage issues. I feel you, Peg.
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Road rage is something I can totally understand. I live it. I breathe it. I need to seek therapy for it.
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I thought of you last night as we were driving home in a bunch of road work and closed lanes when the same car not once but twice cut over at the last minute and nearly caused an accident the second time because of pure arrogance and stupidity.
So when does therapy meet?
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As soon as I can find a meeting place you don’t have to drive to.
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The same circle of hell should contain anyone who schedules road work during the busiest travel hours of summer!
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Oh, don’t EVEN get me started, Margie. I understand they can’t pour cement when it’s snowing, but for cripes sake, there has GOT to be a better way!!
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It doesn’t matter whether the cars from the ending lane merge before or at the end. Anytime a whole lane of traffic goes away, there’s going to be trouble. In our area, every bridge and tunnel is one or two lanes wide, and every road leading to them, three, four or five lanes. There’s no getting around it. We NEED someone to row our boat to shore!
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You know, they would be better off reducing all the highways to the two lanes. Seriously. Once you get squished down, you go pretty smoothly. It’s the squishing down process that’s so painful.
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Just think of all the highway $$ saved!
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These people are the reason I avoid I-35 in Austin like a porter potty at a construction site (I’ve walked past a lot of construction sites lately). Also, the entire time I was reading this I was pumping my fist in the air in agreement.
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It never occurred to me to use a random porta-potty at a construction site. Are those available for the average passerby? Not that I’d want to use one, but…
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And people can’t believe that I actually enjoy taking the subway to work. (I just put a little Vine clip up so people can see the subway coming into the station.)
I’d much rather take the subway than sit in traffic like what you describe. Well, except when the strolling mariachi band comes into the car. Then it gets loud.
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Strolling mariachi band….in the subway car? I want whatever you’re having!
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You want beggars of the annoying kind?
At least those mariachis are doing something – even when it is annoying- it’s even worse when somebody just enters the tube, calls for attention and tells you how society has soo mistreated him – and expects you, part of that society, to make up for that by a generous gift.
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Huh? Is that done in Germany?
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Glad you relaxed on your vacation, Peg. 😉
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Next time I’m taking a helicopter.
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Or a Jetson car!
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These are the same drivers who totally get how four-way intersections work. At least in their own minds.
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…and that’s another thing. At a four way stop, how come drivers going straight think they get to go before drivers who are turning?
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It’s possible that Dante had actually planned a tenth circle of hell for those jerkwads, but realized that they will just cut into the ninth circle at the last possible moment.
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HAHAHA! Wish I’d said that.
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Great comment, List of X! Clever indeed 🙂
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Thank you!
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Makes me furious Peg and I hate to say that I can identify with your plight here, but unfortunately I can. One day these kind of drivers will find their luck will run out just hope some innocent driver does not pay for it.
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Ah, yes, the car vacation – not intended to be a car vacation, but it just ends up that way. People are truly lousy humans on the freeway. I don’t know what takes over them, but they’re no longer really human when they get behind the wheel. Like you can’t see them in their car as their cutting you off. And they end up 20 seconds ahead of you. Is it worth it? I can’t imagine.
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I think it has to do with anonymity. They know they’ll never see you again, so there will be no consequences – financial or social – for being rude.
Living in a small town, I constantly find myself smiling and nodding to jerk-wads while in my car, at the same time I’m saying unflattering things about their parentage without moving my mouth. Like some Road Rage Ventriloquist.
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As a pedestrian, I have to be careful about giving drivers the finger for fear I might encounter them at work or at the store.
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I hate people who cut the traffic line by zipping around in the ending lane. YOU ARE NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME!! Didn’t you learn in kindergarten to politely wait your turn? This happens all the time in the same spot on my commute to work and, on particularly bad days, my rage at these narcissists has nearly reduced me to tears. I am completely ready to sign your 10th circle petition.
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Maybe it says something more about us that it BUGS us so much. Deep breath with me, here. Ommmm….Ommmmm
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Oh Peg, you are my hero! These drivers are the lowest of the low and they make me slightly cray cray. Thank you for voicing what many of us think.
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Only slightly? I can seriously understand how somebody would go over the edge and take their car up to ramming speed. If I didn’t have such a high deductible on my insurance….
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Well, what did you want me to do, Peg? Sorry, but I was too busy eating my Big Mac and watching the latest episode of Desperate Housewives on my portable DVD player. You expect me to pay attention to things like lanes or orange cones?
By the way, I’ve been through Gary and I do believe it ranks right up there with the Central Circle of Hell that is the Washington DC beltway.
Also, when I read “scum-sucking douchebags” I nearly choked on my tea. Thanks.
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Well, at least you weren’t texting. I can forgive anything but that.
Washington DC? Oh yeah. When I went last year, and tried to get from our hotel back to the airport rental car place, I ended up stuck in rush hour traffic – and I mean stuck, with no movement at all, for over an hour in Georgetown. It would have literally been much quicker to get out and walk. If Hertz didn’t have my credit card info, I would have abandoned that car in the middle of the parking lot/road.
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LOL! Hilarious post and I can feel your pain. Summer is tourist season in my part of the world and the driving gets crazier and crazier. Dante’s Inferno as the ultimate reward is a comforting thought.
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Exactly. One hopes God will make special arrangements for those guilty of such heinous sins.
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Exactly my thoughts on the subject. It just isn’t fair, not fair, not fair at all that these cars “cut in line.”
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And there’s not a darn thing you can do about it – that’s the most frustrating. If you shoot them, as they so richly deserve, then YOU will do time. Not fair at all.
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Culture shock, Peg. Welcome back to the US of A where the cars don’t stop (like they do in London) when you approach the curb to cross. Those Brits are genteel when it comes to crossing streets.
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Actually, I found the opposite to be true. They only have to stop if the pavement is marked that they have to yield to pedestrians. What with trying to figure out which way to look before you cross, and the aggressive drivers – it’s a wonder we made it back in one piece!
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I think I know the exact road you are talking about, Peg (maybe). When Anna and I go to Michigan we make a huge detour around Chicago – getting stuck there seems to take-up almost as much time as the entire rest of the trip!
Also, that swerve / cutting out / back into line thing is the WORST. Sounds like the same people who will try to pass on the shoulder of a road (at 100mph – even where there isn’t any real ‘shoulder’ to speak of). Those extra 4 seconds they’ve just saved will come in handy after 4 hours of being piled-up in the ditch.
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But there IS no detour around Chicago/Gary, is there? Once I got off I-80 and took I-30 a couple miles to the south, but the stop lights and shopping malls, etc, made it even more frustrating. Where’s my Jetson’s flying car?
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Sorry, Peg… I don’t think our detour would be very helpful or practical to anyone who is trying to get to somewhere in the city or nearby… we usually go WAY around… WAY, WAY around…
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You mean you swim Lake Michigan?
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Once when Pat and I were in the mess you describe, a pair of trucks blocked that merging lane so no one could get past them. It was great and the traffic flowed much better. You have been in the car to much this summer! HAPPY BIRTHDAY-you youngster(sound familiar?).
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I love it when the trucks do that. Except once when we were trying to get to a concert Gwen was in about an hour away. A truck had the right lane blocked and we couldn’t get around, and the exit we needed was BEFORE the construction! We missed her part of the concert (grrrr).
Thanks for the good wishes. Hope all is getting back to normal at your place after the wonderful wedding!
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You must not allow these ‘bad’ drivers get on your last nerve, if you do they will cause you to behave in an unladylike fashion. You wouldn’t want that….would you?
You could come on down here to Texas, where we all drive offensively. Not not as in defense vs. offense; just offensively. Once here for a while you would think you were returned to some heavenly place when you went back home.
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You have captured my thoughts on this subject perfectly! These are the people that say to themselves “I don’t want it stuck in a long line, I’ll just speed up to the front.” I don’t think they realize that they are the ones creating the long line.
Joining these assclowns on level 10 should be the people that are too lazy to take their shopping cart to a cart corral. If I were any sort of man, I would speak up and call these people out when they commit this egregious act. As it is, I’ve just this sort of man that wants to hurry home to enjoy his Hot Pockets.
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I just spent a week in NYC where horns are the main form of communication (if you don’t count yelling obscenities, people asking you to buy something, or both) in the streets. Everyone is in a rage about something. No wonder blood pressure is up and penises are down!
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I’ve always wanted to read Inferno, but I’ve never had the chance. I’ll add it to my list of books to read when I finish with books I have to read for school.
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