Have you ever sent a post out into the blogosphere, absolutely convinced it was going to be Freshly Pressed? And then it wasn’t?
You’re not alone.
I’ve asked some fantastic bloggers to select the post that had them muttering,”THIS One Should Have Been Freshly Pressed.” A new blogger is featured each week to receive the coveted Freshly Pegged distinction. Participants will be awarded a genuine, simulated “Freshly Pegged” JPEG badge, suitable for posting in a place of honor on their blogs. Or not.
Be sure to read all the great Freshly Pegged offerings to date. But before you do, let’s check out…
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Laura at Unlikely Explanations. When you visit Laura’s blog, the first thing you notice is the best header in the history of headers. Her picture of ballerinas in Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup tutus takes the artistry of Degas to a whole, other level. This was one of the greatest things to come out of last year’s attempt to take over WordPress, in a bloodless, peanut-butter-cup-based coup.
Laura has a quirky sense of humor so you never know what you’ll find at her place. Contrary to popular opinion, she is NOT a cat, although she’ll sometimes toss in a gratuitous feline picture to mix things up. (Why do I have so many friends who are confused with animals?) Her recent post on rejected NASA haikus made me spew coffee all over my monitor.
Laura left WordPress for a while and went to another site. I don’t blame her. It’s only natural that, when a blogger reaches a certain age, she searches for answers to fundamental questions like, “is this the one, true site?” Although it was understandable, the tenets of WordPress meant that she was shunned by the community. Her posts no longer showed up in the Reader and we were prohibited from even talking about her, except in hushed whispers when there were no WordPress elders around.
I’m delighted to report that she saw the light and returned to the WordPress fold this spring after her reality show, Breaking WordPress, was cancelled. She was lost and then was found! Halleluia! We killed the fatted blog post and everybody got drunk in celebration.
Check out Unlikely Explanations after you read…
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The Five Stages of Realizing You’ve Written a Poorly-Worded Blog Comment
Sometimes I read other people’s blogs. Sometimes I leave comments on
other people’s blogs. And sometimes that process goes terribly, terribly
wrong.
Self portrait (assuming that, in a previous life, I was Edvard
Munch and imagined this is what I’d look like today).
I don’t want to alarm anyone, but every time you write a comment, you
run the risk that someone will misinterpret it. While everyone is
different, most of us go through the same five stages when faced with
this kind of emotional trauma.
Stage 1: Denial
You notice that a blogger has replied to a comment you left on his blog
— but instead of engaging in friendly banter as you’d expected, he
seems to have interpreted your comment as a personal attack. Your
immediate reaction is to assume there was some glitch and that his angry
response was intended for someone else, but then you notice specific
details that could only have been directed at you. You decide he must be
hypersensitive. Or crazy. No sane person could possibly have thought you
meant that.
Stage 2: Apology
At the end of the denial stage, you read your comment once again and are
shocked to realize that it really could be interpreted to mean
that. Easily. By a sane person. You’re hit with an intense wave
of embarrassment, which you try to alleviate by shooting off a
combination apology and explanation of what you really meant. This
will fix everything, you tell yourself. He’ll read the
explanation, understand what I really meant, and we’ll both laugh about
it. You just need to check back later for the friendly response
you’re sure is forthcoming.
Stage 3: Stalking
You check back later. No response, but maybe he hasn’t seen it yet. You
reread your apology. You’re not sure it’s clear — after all, you wrote
it kind of hastily. You write another comment expanding on the
explanation. Then you wait a reasonable amount of time (say, 90 seconds
or so) and check back again.
Still no response. You look at your apology and your apology
clarification, and even though you meant them sincerely, you realize
they could look like the comments of someone who was initially wrong but
is now backpedaling. So you post another comment explaining that that’s
not what you’re doing. That just makes it worse, because denying it
makes you look even more guilty. You post a comment explaining that.
You decide all these comments are starting to make you look like a
stalker. You post a comment explaining that you’re not stalking him and
that you’ve never stalked anyone. Unfortunately, you can’t resist ending
that one with “but there’s a first time for everything”. You post
another comment explaining that the last bit was a joke.
You begin to regret leaving all these comments. You send the blogger a
tweet apologizing for the first one and asking him to ignore all the others.
You send another tweet explaining that you meant he should ignore all
your other comments, not anyone else’s.
You send another tweet explaining that you meant he should ignore all
your other comments on this post, not the two previous posts of
his you’ve commented on, and that you remain steadfast in your opinion
that his children and pets are adorable in their matching purple
sweaters and that his brownie recipe looks delicious but could probably
be improved by adding a cup or two of chocolate chips along with the
nuts. Technically, you have to break this into three tweets because of
Twitter’s character limit.
You send another tweet explaining you’re not a stalker, because you just
realized that if he follows your instructions and doesn’t read all the
comments you left on his blog, he’ll miss that very important bit of
information.
You send him a friend request on Facebook.
You add him to your “People I Am Definitely Not Stalking” circle on Google+.
You realize there’s probably nothing more you can say to him at this
point, so you start asking friends to act as character references. No
one seems particularly enthusiastic about the idea. You can’t imagine why.
Stage 4: Depression
All your tweets and friend requests and comments go unanswered. The
blogger clearly doesn’t believe you. You feel like you’ve lost all
credibility. You start to wonder how many other people you’ve offended
without realizing it — after all, lots of people just ignore comments
they think are offensive, so how would you know? You withdraw from the
Internet and resort to speaking to people in person. You realize you’ve
hit rock bottom when you find yourself buying the print version of a
newspaper.
Stage 5: Acceptance
You begin to put the situation into perspective and return to the
Internet. You’re filled with something that you try to convince yourself
is a sense of inner peace, but it’s really just numbness. And then a
thought comes to you, bringing with it a shining ray of hope: hey,
this might be a good topic for a blog post.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve gone through that exact process, EXACT I say, it’s uncanny.
I had a similar thing on my blog yesterday, but the other way round, someone who hadn’t commented on my blog before left a comment, and I wasn’t sure if they were being sarcastic and troll-like, or if they were just trying to make a joke, so I gave them the benefit of the doubt and gave a perfectly nice reply, then they came back a bit stronger, but again, it could be their sense of humour, I don’t know because I haven’t interacted with them before. I wanted to reply to their second comment with “What’s with the attitude buddy?!” but then I worried that if they were just making a joke, I didn’t want to be the one to came on with the attitude, so in the end I decided to just ignore their second comment rather than risk getting into a fight. (You can see from this how I could easily get into the same sort of pickle as Laura!
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Oh, sorry for the many typos in my comment there, and also, the person who commented on my post yesterday was called The Unbearable Banishment (in case you were really eager to check out the comments he left to see what you think of them!).
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Oh God, that wasn’t me, was it? I make comments to perfect strangers all the time without thinking that they have no clue what sort of sense of humor I have. I’m sure I offend daily, but it’s fun.
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Ha! I don’t think it was you, unless you go by a couple of different names…which is always a possibility…
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I just had to check out that comment, because I probably have left quite a few comments that may not have been interpreted as jokes that I intended to make. I’m pretty sure that this person meant both comments as jokes, it’s just that kind of Rodney Dangerfield/Lewis Black style humor that could sound a little (or more than a little) obnoxious. However, I don’t think I ever do that….(Stage 1 commencing…Now.)
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Ok, thanks for your opinion there List of X – I really wasn’t sure because it seemed a bit much for the first interraction I’ve had with them. I have friends (real life and blogging) who might say things like that jokingly, and I would know it’s a joke because I know them, but I think there’s an etiquette of waiting till you know someone a bit before speaking like that to them (or maybe I’m just too British! Ha!).
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I understand that it’s really difficult to know if a blogger is joking, so I always assume he/she was, whenever I’m not sure about their comment.
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Yes, that’s a good attitude – assume the best first!
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I agree — they come across as totally joking to me. And they came back stronger in the second one because they thought your response was building on the joke.
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Congrats on being PEGGED — the ultimate honor.
This is a constant problem for me. Because I a always a smart ass. Sigh
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It’s even worse when it’s on your own blog, because then you don’t really have the option of slinking away in shame, never to return. Well, I guess you could, but shutting down your blog and going into witness protection would be kind of an extreme response.
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But at least on your own blog you have a built-in time machine. You can go back and edit all the comments so you never look bad. What power!!! mu ha ha hah! (ask Darla how that’s spelled, will ya?)
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Muahahaaa! I believe.
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Thanks V. Diabolical laughter right back atcha.
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Been there. I’ve also been to that place where I’ve said something just a teensy weensy bit nasty – and then regretted it. Why oh why won’t WordPress let me edit comments?
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I think they’re trying to avoid the situation where responses to comments make no sense because the comment they were responding to was edited. I have a similar situation on my blog’s About page — I’ve changed it a few times, and the first few comments are responding to things that are no longer there.
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Exactly. With me it’s not so much the content of the comment, but the English. As my finger hits Submit, I notice I used the wrong there/their/they’re. Fatal mistake that I always condemn everybody ELSE for making. In slow-mo I’m saying “noo-o-o-o-o!” as I try to recall the half-completed button press (submittus interuptus), but to no avail. Irretrievable idiocy has been committed.
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Oh yeah, I admit it. It’s my typos and grammatical errors that bug me a lot more than hurting someone’s feelings…
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so it’s not just me?
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Um, Laura, no offense, but maybe you’re just over-thinking this a teeny bit…
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I am not! What I’m overthinking today is whether I should “Like” this post. Should I Like it because being Freshly Pegged is an honor and a lot of fun? Or if I Like a reprint of my own post, am I just being egotistical?
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Like it because of me. That’s understandable.
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It’s exhausting to be you, isn’t it.
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You have no idea, Lisa.
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Lol. This was funny. I enjoy commenting on posts I read nearly as much as I like posting my own ramblings. I have little to no filter though, so I do oftentimes have to explain myself, especially when I comment on “non humorous” posts. Some people are just hyper sensitive douchebags though. To not respond to one of your many pathetic pleas to explain yourself is mean.
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Me too, Don. Sometimes I spend more time on the comments than on the posts! And sometimes it shows.
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I had someone reply to a post I wrote for my other blog & they didn’t like my post & were telling me. I replied, but they never left another comment. Since they apparently didn’t want to engage in an actual conversation (one of these, I’m right & I know it types), they never responded. Very frustrating. But, yes, that’s the trouble with writing things on the internet – people sometimes miss the meaning you are trying to convey, be it sarcasm or frustration or whatever. I’m sorry the blogger didn’t reply to you. Maybe he/she will hear of all this huha and reply now! lol
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That’s the good and bad thing about interaction on the interwebz – you can’t gauge tone of voice, nor can you run after somebody to MAKE them listen to you!
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They actually “liked” this post when I originally wrote it — but they didn’t comment, and they didn’t respond to my comments on their blog. So I’m pretty sure they were just clicking “like” in the reader without actually reading posts. I stopped reading their blog and got on with my life.
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Oh, my comments almost always come out wrong! AND I do all my reading and commenting for the day while drinking my first cup of coffee, so that probably doesn’t help. Not fully awake yet. And the typos! It’s disheartening. Way to turn those lemon-comments into bloggy-lemonade, though!
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Whatever doesn’t kill you makes a good blog post, right?
I have the same problem except the opposite with the coffee. Like now it’s midday and I’ve had a whole pot of coffee. I’m so jittery and my hands are sweating so much I don’t know when to shut up with the comments! Has that every happened to you? WHere you just go on and on and on….Haha! I hate when that happens! Surely I’m not alone out here with that, because I bet lots of people never know when to stop a comment that is one big, long run-on sentence. Am I right? Or am I right?
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Ugh. Pre-coffee brain. Why can’t they invent an alarm clock that injects you with caffeine?
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Well deserved! Laura’s great
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Joe, I’m going to England next month. Whoo hoo! I’ve been meaning to ask you what is not to be missed when one only has a few days?
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Cool!, On the South Coast visiting your daughter I recall? Not really been there in years, but it’s quite hip down there now, London by the Sea they refer to it as. But plenty to do in a few days. There is the Royal Pavilion which is based on the Taj Mahal. But Brighton is full of nice windy lanes and shopping streets and the seafront promenade,and my hometown of Eastbourne nearby! Not sure I recommend that though. 🙂
London on the other hand – where do I begin! Even in cities I just prefer walking around and taking things in and being close to nature as far as a park or a river or canal goes. Amongst the mayhem you can find calm. You have your main sites, but I like to walk down the Southbank from the London Eye taking in Parliament opposite, browsing book market at the BFI, having a coffee, walking to Shakespeares Globe, visiting the Tate Modern and crossing the Millennium Bridge to St Paul’s cathedral.
I’m actually pretty clueless on much of England, terrible I know, I miss so much. I went to Bath for the first time and it’s great, the setting, the architecture and had a spa and massage at the thermal spa. Maybe out of the way, Stonehenge is on the way though, it was smaller than I expected.
As far as the south coast, the part you may be in is a stone beach, not as good for walking on! I think it gets to sand by Bournemouth and then Poole and Sandbanks are supposed to be nice, where the wealthy live.
I expect Oxford is worth a visit to punt on the river and for it’s historical buildings, I keep meaning to go there this year, it’s so close to London.
If you are in the South Coast it is worth if you can book trains from abroad at http://www.southernrailway.com/ They have single journeys for £5 quite a lot, which is amazing since a return back home usually costs me £30 so for £10 return is great, it’s specific trains you have to be on, but that’s no problem for the savings you make as trains are usually really expensive, I can often fly to Spain for cheaper than a couple of hours on a train within the UK.
This made me want to see more of the UK now, I am going to speak to my friends to plan some weekends. So thanks! 🙂
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Thank YOU! I’ll definitely check out the railway. I can’t believe my daughter is leaving in about 2 weeks and I don’t think she’s done anything to get ready.
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I almost had a breakdown just thinking all I would have to do if I moved to Canada, maybe being relaxed abut it is the way to go 🙂
That train is just for the south of England but if that’s where you’ll be spending your time it’s the one to go with.
Borough market is a great foodie market in London, Ina Garten swears by it, which is good enough for me!
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Great list of the stages. Being a newbie blogger, I’ve experienced them all! There should be a Paranoid/Insecure Stage added! Oh….sorry, I hope that did not offend you. I didn’t mean to imply that your list was not good enough or that you missed a very important stage. I will probably re-read this comment and comment 5 more times apologizing and then I will stalk you to make sure you accept my apology. hee,hee. Great Post! 🙂
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That’s a good point. I didn’t list paranoid/insecure because that’s my default state.
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Ha! Best. Conclusion. Ever. I occasionally go to that dark “how many people have I offended without knowing it?” place and when I emerge I’m covered in Hot Pocket tomato sauce and VHS tapes of MTV’s Unplugged from 1998.
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I would give anything to live in your world, Jules.
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Hahaha!! I thought I was bad listening to the Purple Rain soundtrack on repeat to get out of that dark place. At least Hot Pocket tomato sauce isn’t involved, too…
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I usually wind up covered in hot fudge.
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At the risk of making a comment I will later regret, congratulations to Laura on getting Freshly Pegged, and to Peg-O-Leg for making an excellent choice!
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Nothing here to regret! Congratulations to you on your How-To list today.
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Let’s just say that a comment like that could be interpreted to mean that any other choice would have been less than excellent…
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I believe this scenario was the origination of the “You talkin’ to me?!” line.
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Whenever I hear/read that, I immediately see Robert DeNiro with that ticked-off, quizzical expression.
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Congrats on the Freshly Pegged. Laura! Very deserving. You’ve just described what I’m thinking every single time I leave a comment.
Except this comment as I know you get me and my sense of humor. Right? Eh? I hope? No? was it something I said? Should I try using a cute smiley face emoticon now to smooth things over? 🙂 See, I really, really like you! Not in a creepy stalker way either, just in the normal WordPress infatuation kind of way.
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You’ve hit the smiley emoticon right on the head. I’m very conflicted about using them. I do, so people can see my harmless, all-in-good-fun intentions, but I don’t like to because I think it’s a bit of a cop-out. People should be able to SEE my intent from my words, if I write them right. Right? 🙂 😉 😮
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Sometimes I’m afraid to use a smiley because I don’t want the other person to think that I think that they’re too humor-deficient to recognize a joke when they see one.
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Exactly, Laura. Sometimes it depends on how sophisticated I think the other person is. Gosh, that sounds rather condescending, doesn’t it?
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I am an over-user of the smiley face emoticons. The academic side of me HATES all things emoticon, but in person, I’m always smiling and have no way to convey that online except via a colon and a half bracket. I’m so conflicted. 🙂 <– but also happy about being conflicted??
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OK, when I first read this I thought you were talking about your colon and “I’m so constipated.” Then I read more slowly and saw it was…something else. So thanks for not going there, Dana.
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Hahahaha!! I’m not above talking about my colon, but in this instance, I had my wits about me and my TMI-tendency tucked safely away.
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I remember this post! Love it!
I’ve never resorted to buying a newspaper instead of blogging. I know, I know. Never say “never.”
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I think it’s okay to say “never” in the past tense:
Okay: I’ve never bought a newspaper.
Not okay: As God is my witness, I will never buy a newspaper again.
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Unless you buy that newspaper tomorrow, at Tara.
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Yes, you’ve described the process very well!
Early in my blog comment career, I made the mistake of leaving a comment on a herbivore’s blog, that indicated my carnivore preference. While it was an innocent mistake, I would have got eaten alive, if I hadn’t been a meat based being.
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There are no innocent mistakes when dealing with humorless zealots, no matter the object of their zeal.
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Pingback: Through a Peg, Freshly « Unlikely Explanations
I think this is the first post I ever read at Unlikely Explanations and, of course, I was hooked. Now we’re bestest friends. BESTEST I SAID.
Unless that’s coming on too strong.
Oh, gosh, now I seem indecisive, like I don’t think she IS my bestest friend. Like I was overly boastful. Like I don’t value her.
BESTEST.
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I’m sure you’ll be besties because of the gratuitous cat photo thing, if for no other reason. That’s how she rolls.
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I think our first interaction was when I left a comment on your blog that went something like “ZOMG! Your blog is called KITTEN THUNDER! I have a cat named Thunder! He used to be a KITTEN named THUNDER! It’s like it’s the SAME NAME! ZOMG!!!!”. I’m lucky you decided to visit my blog instead of getting a restraining order.
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This is a fear of mine, which is why I normally go with my standby comment of “way to go!”
Way to go!
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I’ve always admired your tact, especially when discussing books that you don’t particularly care for.
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Hahaha… a poorly-worded blog comment? Who, me? *Not possible*.
(and by *not possible* I mean every darn time)
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Except this time.
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I know all the stages first-hand. I am always nervous when leaving a comment, most of the time I start one and then delete the text and then reword it, remove it again and then just click on ‘Like’…
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I’m glad you didn’t do that this time.
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This exemplifies what all of us have done at one time or another, sigh. Worse still, it is always so hard to leave that very first comment on a new blog, one you love but maybe is outside of your normal range, maybe they will hate you, not get you moderate you forever. Heavy sigh.
Congratulations on Freshly Pegged, this just proves you likely self edit far to often.
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“not get you” – so right. Or think “Who the heck is this stranger who dares to comment on my blog?” But then I remember that I’m always delighted when somebody takes the time to comment and that lessens the anxiety.
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Peg’s right — we expect the reaction to be “how dare this newbie comment on my blog”, when in reality the reaction is much more likely to be “yay! a comment from a new person!”
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That is hysterical!
Sadly, it is all too familiar. Sometimes it is just easier to include instructions.
“I am totally saying this in an ironic way.” “Just kidding.” “This bit is sarcasm.” “In no way am I serious about what I just said”. All of which would appear in brackets after the comment.
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Of course, then you risk having the other person feel insulted that you think they won’t be able to tell you’re being sarcastic.
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Ah, the conundrum.
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Good point. Commenting is a mine-field!
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Yes! I do this error when I comment tired or newly awake. Thank you for the appropriate stages.
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lol! Brutally honest post. Love it.
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