Have you ever sent a post out into the blogosphere, absolutely convinced it was going to be Freshly Pressed? And then it wasn’t?
You’re not alone.
I’ve asked some fantastic bloggers to select the post that had them muttering,”THIS One Should Have Been Freshly Pressed.” A new blogger is featured each week to receive the coveted Freshly Pegged distinction. Participants will be awarded a genuine, simulated “Freshly Pegged” JPEG badge, suitable for posting in a place of honor on their blogs. Or not.
Be sure to read all the great Freshly Pegged offerings to date. But before you do, let’s check out…
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The Big Sheep Blog First of all, let me make clear that Lisa is not really a sheep. There seems to be a lot of confusion on that issue.
The first time I came to the WordPress playground, I sat on the swing-set all by myself, scuffing the dirt with my toe and feeling lonely and scared. Lisa came over and asked if I wanted to play Barbies with her and the other girls. She was my first, bloggy friend.
She is an actual writer who gets paid to write. I know. Once you get over your overwhelming jealousy, you’ll forgive her because you’ll be so happy to read her stuff. She writes about the absurdities of life in general as well as her life in particular. She lives in Mayberry (really) and is the mother of teen/college age kids. Although Lisa is on WordPress’ list of Recommended Humor Bloggers, it’s not all about the funny, especially when she writes about her work with children.
You’ll want to check out what’s going on at The Big Sheep Blog, right after you read…
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Rx
Bullshitia is a prescription medication for the treatment of symptoms of Hypochondragullability. Hypochondragullability is a serious medical condition. Symptoms include the strong belief that you have one or more health problems created and propagated by the marketing executives of Pharmaceutico and the willingness to take absolutely any medication your doctor may randomly prescribe for you.
Bullshitia is not for everyone. Patients who are pregnant, nursing, may become pregnant or who are the product of a pregnancy, should not use Bullshitia. Do not take Bullshitia if you have experienced an allergic reaction to Bullshitia in the past or if you are averse to adverse side effects. Call your doctor to find out if Bullshitia is right for you.
Bullshitia is safe and effective when taken as directed. Side effects have been reported and may include upset stomach, dizziness, flatulence, drowsiness, insomnia, rashes, unwanted hair, weight gain, sexual dysfunction, sensitivity to sunlight and total darkness, confusion, nervous tics, numbness of the extremities, heavy sweating, and hallucinations especially hallucinations involving a green butterfly fluttering around you as you sleep. These side effects are mild to moderate and may or may not decrease over time. If you experience any of these side effects, tough it out, you sissy. Do not stop taking Bullshitia unless directed to by your doctor because stopping Bullshitia may cause a precipitous drop in Pharmaceutico’s profit margins.
Serious side effects are rare because Bullshitia is safe and because when serious side effects are reported to Pharmaceutico, we take them seriously but pretend they were caused by something else. Rarely, if ever, do we report such side effects to the FDA, which rarely, if ever, takes any action even if we do. Stop taking Bullshitia immediately and call your doctor if you experience a sudden loss of consciousness or the cessation of all vital signs.
If you cannot afford Bullshitia, Pharmaceutico may be able to help. This generosity is made possible by the kindness of Pharmaceutico’s cold, soulless, corporate heart, and by charging obscenely inflated prices for Bullshitia to everyone else who takes it. We do this because we believe nobody, and we mean nobody, should have to go without Bullshitia.
Bullshitia should be taken with food and as many other Pharmaceutico medications as we can convince your doctor to prescribe for you. Do not operate a motor vehicle or heavy machinery or perform surgery until you know how Bullshitia affects you. Bullshitia is not known to be addictive, but severe withdrawal symptoms are likely if you dare to ever stop taking Bullshitia.
If you experience a worsening of the symptoms of Hypochondragullability while taking Bullshitia, contact your doctor as you may need a stronger dose of Bullshitia or may require additional Pharmaceutico medications.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Pingback: I’ve Been Pegged | The Big Sheep Blog
Aw, Peg, you’re too kind. Thank you so much for the honor of being Freshly Pegged, for playing Barbies with me (even though I enjoy performing surgery and/or extreme make-overs on them), and for clearing up the sheep confusion. You’re the best 😀
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What you did to the Barbies left me scarred for life.
Thanks for coming over and classing up the joint today – YOU’RE the best. Where are those muffins you promised?
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You’re not the first to tell me that and Barbie is suing me. The muffins are still in the oven and they smell divine.
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Haha! I remember this post. Nice work and congrats on being pegged. I’m so proud of you!
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Thanks, Steve!
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Brilliant, Lisa. Funny, sad and true. I swear I read somewhere that doctors often prescribe placebos. Maybe if I pop this pill for memory loss I’ll remember if that’s true.
And unfortunately, I can never take Bullshitia as I have to go operate heavy machinery later today because my lawn is three feet tall. Is there a pill I can take to make my grass stop growing?
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Please see your doctor immediately for a prescription.
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Forget about the grass – is there a pill to make the chin-hairs stop growing?
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Same pill.
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Hilarious 🙂 Love it
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Many thanks ;-D
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As someone who takes 8 prescription drugs per day, this post was soooo hilarious! It’s so right on. Thanks for the laugh. 🙂
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Only 8? You need to see some more docs!
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Good point. 🙂
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I would gladly try this miracle drug Bullshitia, but right now I’m in the Medicare Part D coverage “donut hole”. Thankfully though, donut holes are not nearly as expensive as the drugs and what the hell, I’m having a cup of coffee anyway so……..
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Damn that donut hole!
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Love this. I have tried to blog about this very subject but couldn’t pull it off in the funny way you did. My head is about to fall off from nodding.
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Thanks, Lynn! The whole thing makes me crazy, but not crazy enough to medicate myself…
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Lynn, Pharmaceutico makes a pill for that tragic nodding-head ailment. See you doctor.
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Oh, my gosh, isn’t this the truth! Too funny!
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Funny, but not funny, right?
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Well, yes, because it’s one of those topics that is funny because of how true it is. I hate having sinus headaches several days in a row & taking OTC sinus headache medicine for them.
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Sinus headaches are awful :- (
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Oh this post was one of my favorites! Hilarious.
Bigsheep and Peg both rock (we will ignore the Barbies…so plastic)
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Thank you 😀 I find it’s best to ignore the Barbies too.
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That’s a good mantra for every-day life.
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Agreed.
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“Don’t take…if you are…the product of pregnancy” – nice one! Great post!
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You get an “A” for reading comprehension 😀 Thanks for the compliments!
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Oh Lisa, I remember this one. Brilliant.
And I need to do a post on the “we can help” proviso they talk about. I’m taking a new, VERY expensive med and they have one of those programs. But they only help defray your co-pay. If you lose your insurance you have to pay for the entire cost. Huh????
Congratulations on receiving the ultimate honor, being Freshly Pegged.
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Oh, I look forward to that post! Thanks, Elyse 😀
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I investigated that proviso once. I have a $2500 deductible and the doc prescribed a verrrry expensive med and gave me a coupon. When I called Pharmaceutico, they explained that fine print. I don’t think the doc understood how it worked.
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Either way, the doc gets a kickback (oh, I mean “incentive”), so it doesn’t really matter how it works.
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Anyone ever tell you you’re a cynic, Lisa?
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Peg, me, cynical?? Oh yeah, I’ve heard that once or twice.
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Ooh! I know this one!
Let’s say your drug costs $1000.00, and you have a 10% co-pay, so the drug company gets $100 from you and $900 from your insurance company (well, presumably the pharmacy gets something, but I’m going to ignore them). If the drug company generously decides to cover $90 of your co-pay, they still get $10 from you and $900 from your insurance company. To them, the $90 cost is worth it to guard against the risk that you’ll decide that $100 is too much and not buy the drug at all (or buy some cheaper competing drug).
On the other hand, if you don’t have insurance, they don’t get anything other than what you pay them, so they have no incentive to help you.
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But you know what? On the other, other hand — I feel really good. Seriously. I have been very sick, in total denial and since I started this medicine I feel good. Not better, but good.
Of course I am a shill for Pharmaceutico. But still.
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That’s the problem with Pharma. Just when you work up a good case of righteous anger at the cost and the b.s. drugs, you remember the ones that save lives and make us better. Hardly fair.
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Ain’t it the truth, ain’t it the truth. Cue the Cowardly Lion.
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Oh, I have nothing against using the discounts (I’ve used them myself) — it’s just that the drug companies aren’t being altruistic when they “help” like that.
I’m glad you’re feeling better. I didn’t know you were sick — and, frankly, that doesn’t speak well of your skills as a Pharma shill.
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I have been thinking of writing a post about feeling like shit but, you know, the humor value of poop decreases after 40 years of bowel disease. I hadn’t realized that there was an expiration date when I agreed to have Crohn’s. Sigh.
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I’m sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but it’s your own fault for being so funny, Elyse.
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I live for the chuckles. It’s when I can’t find the funny that I get really worried. Seriously. Go ahead and laugh — no guilt required!
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“Do not take Bullshitia . . . if you are averse to adverse side effects.” You have to appreciate Big Pharmas ability to avoid responsibility and liability. Everone should take this! It will fix everything! Except for all of you! We warned you not to take this! You can’t blame us if you went rogue and decided to take it!
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They are masterful, aren’t they?
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I read this, but it was hard to focus through the envy of your getting paid to write 😛
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Well, no one will pay me for anything else, so what choice do I have?
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Brilliantly hilarious! Loved it, so worthy of FP.
Can’t believe I’ve never heard of Lisa’s blog before. Definitely need to check it out. 🙂
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Thank you! Come on over and visit at my place 😀
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Freshly Pegged! I LOVE it!
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Y’all are sooo nice!
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Freshly Pegged: It’s everywhere you want to be. (sorry for stealing your slogan, Mastercard.)
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I’ve been taking Bullshittia for a couple weeks now and have developed an unsightly rash on my left nose. Also, is it normal to have two noses? I’m pretty sure I only had one before I started taking this drug. Is there something you can prescribe for this side effect?
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Oh, don’t worry. One Rx will take care of the rash and another will treat the extra nose. Of course, neither condition will be cured,but the side effects will be so overwhelming you’ll forget all about the rash and the 2nd nose.
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This was one of my faves! Your Freshly Pegged status is well-deserved! 🙂
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Thanks, Diane! It’s truly an honor to be Pegged.
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I’ve heard you could get hours of free supply of Bulshittia if you just call Pharmaceutico customer service with any kind of complaint. And I think many other non-pharmaceutical companies provide the same service free of charge.
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Ha! I can think of lots of places to get treated to a load of Bullshitia.
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Yes, the possibilities are endless. Try it out and let us know what you can wrangle for free.
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HA! Yes, but that small patch dry skin is feeling SO much better now.
Kind of. Maybe.
Well, I think it was. While I was still conscious, anyway.
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Consciousness is overrated.
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As you noted, it’s funny, and it’s not really funny. The reality of Px drugs, their cost, and who pays what to get them, is scary stuff. I’m worried about losing my job which would also mean losing my pretty good benefits next year…
Congrats on being Freshly Pegged!
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There are so many reasons to be afraid when it comes to prescription drugs – that you have to take them, that you can’t take them, that they cost the most for people who can least afford them…it’s all nuts! Best of luck keeping your job.
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The list of side affects, while funny the way you treat it, Lisa, is sobering when I hear those ads. I realize the company is just covering their hineys, but Jumpin’ Jehosaphat – they’re terrifying! I’d rather lie awake nights than follow that purple butterfly.
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I’m with you, Peg. That butterfly is frickin’ creepy!
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“If you experience any of these side effects, tough it out, you sissy.”—I love this part!
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Well, we can’t let mere side effects interfere with profits, can we?
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