Have you ever sent a post out into the blogosphere, absolutely convinced it was going to be Freshly Pressed? And then it wasn’t?
You’re not alone.
I’ve asked some fantastic bloggers to select the post that had them muttering,”THIS One Should Have Been Freshly Pressed.” A new blogger is featured each week to receive the coveted Freshly Pegged distinction. Participants will be awarded a genuine, simulated “Freshly Pegged” JPEG badge, suitable for posting in a place of honor on their blogs. Or not.
Be sure to read all the great Freshly Pegged offerings to date. But before you do, let’s check out…
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Me.
I know.
As if it wasn’t bad enough to name an award after myself, now I am giving it to me. I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t blame you. Even I am disgusted by this latest move.
In my defense, this really has less to do with ego than it does with a lack of organization. Due to my poor communication skills and a tendency to do everything at the last minute, the good stuff I HOPED to present fell though and I wound up with bupkes. Instead of one of the uber-talented bloggers you’ve come to expect in this space, you’ve got moi.
I’m so ashamed.
I had to sort through my WordPress files quick-like-a-bunny to come up with something to post. My How The Hell Did WordPress Miss THIS Gem? sub-file contains 350 out of the 356 posts I have written to date, so it was a daunting task. But no amount of blog-slogging is too much to ask when it’s for my readers. That’s how much I love you.
And so I am proud/chagrined to present this-here post. Again.
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A Mental Roller Coaster Ride… or Toilet Paper, Toilet Paper, My Kingdom for Some Toilet Paper
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Men and women don’t see the same world.
I’m not saying one vision is better than the other – they’re just different. I also don’t pretend to represent Every Woman, but I suspect this will sound familiar to many. Now that we’ve got the disclaimers out of the way…
The following is a true and faithful account of a real-life event. Come with me now on a roller coaster ride through the female brain. Mine.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. You deserve your own award. 😉
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That’s what I was telling myself when I was lobbying for me.
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Hahahaha,,,I had this thought just the other morning,,,,must print out your thought chart to prove to bf, just WHY it is SO IMPORTANT to just change the paper…..I would be so much more happier and stress free!
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I can see this as attractive AND thought-provoking bathroom wallpaper.
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I agree, I would buy it and am currently looking for ideas to redo my guest bath so if you decide to market this let me know I will be your first customer.
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Totally Freshly Pressed worthy 😀 and what are you doing in my head? My kitchen cabinets look like hell…
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I know what you mean. I think we deserve a total home remodel every 20 years, just to freshen things up. Next time around I have got to remember to marry money.
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Good thinking.
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Peg, we’ve talked about this before, but I’ll say it again. You just have to wait it out and the toilet paper replaces itself. I’ve never replaced a roll and yet there’s always a fresh roll on their eventually. Every house I’ve ever lived in had this automatic replacement dispenser. Maybe you need a new real estate agent.
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Next house I get, forget about the “good school district” as purchase criterion – it’s gonna be “automatic toilet paper replacement dispenser” all the way.
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I’m glad I could help. Now maybe you will help me learn the difference between “there” and “their” usage.
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I can’t believe I missed that. Usually the there/their/they’re thing is like nails on chalkboard to me. Except when I do it myself.
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Know what you mean. Too, to and two is another group. When I taught a paralegal course at community college, I took off more for improper or misspelled words than I did for incorrect legal concepts.
I used to tell them that if you want to keep a job in this profession, you’d better learn grammar and spelling above all. And don’t rely too much on a spell checker, it won’t always catch words improperly applied.
Having said that, I’ve probably made more mistakes since I started blogging than I have in my whole life before that.
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Hahahahaha! Absolutely. Yes.
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It’s not just me, right?
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No way. That is brilliant. I shared it. Had to.
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You forgot the diagram when the man DOES need it for this trip. It goes something like this, I believe:
“HON!! Can you bring me some toilet paper? HOOOOONNNNNNNNNN!!!!”
At least in my experience, anyway.
Great post, Peg. Truly deserving of being Freshly Pegged. Good thing you know someone on the inside. 😉
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Bingo!
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What are you saying, ladies? The selection of this post for Freshly Pegged honors was totally impartial.
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Of all your posts that are FP-worthy (and what…that’s like ALL of them…?) THIS one for sure should have been, it is pure perfection, Peg-o! Now that you’ve Freshly Pegged yourself, does this mean you can interview yourself for my blog next month? Now that is a great idea, less work for me.
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Ohhhh no. I forgot I had that interview looming. I’m not really good at introspection, Baba WaDarla.* I hope you don’t make me cry.
(*that’s supposed to be a take off on Barbara Walters, but it’s not very good, hence the explanation. Sorry) .
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If you were a tree, what tree would you be?
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Haha, that’s a fair representation of the average female mind. So funny. Great post, totally FP worthy. 😀
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Is it? it’s reassuring to know it’s not just my poor brain that engages in such fractured shenanigans.
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What a fabulous way to begin the day! This is SO how it goes here, too right down to the renovations plans. Ha!
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I’ve got to do something about the mental squirrels running around in my cranial cage.
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A glorious pick for Fresh Peggin’, Peg. Who can sum up the differences between man and woman better than you?
Just this morning as I restocked the bathrooms I realized that we have only 12 rolls left. It’s Wednesday and I don’t go to the store until Saturday. How will we survive until then on only 12 rolls of Charmin?
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ONLY 12 rolls for 4 days? Jeez, Elyse, those Charmin bears have got you brainwashed. You’re only supposed to use 2 squares, not weave an entire Potty Blanket for each go-round.
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Bowel disease makes you potty paranoid.
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Oh, jeez, I forgot. Perhaps you could use all that toilet paper to weave a tiara for me for when I’m crowned Queen of the Insensitive Clods.
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The fact that you don’t hang on my every bowel movement is enough! (BTW, I don’t USE that much, but I worry!)
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I like what you did there. The mental picture of me hanging on your every bowel movement will probably haunt me. Thanks.
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What are friends for?
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I don’t know what impresses me more – the fact that you’ve written 356 blog posts, or that you made a flow chart (really, really) funny. More Freshly Pegged Peg-o-Leg!!
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The flow chart, definitely. I wanted to resurrect this post because it took hours and hours of agonizing to get it into a reproducible format. Next time I have a complicated project like this, I’m just calling you. Is your fee still one bar of bacon chocolate per hour?
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This is definitely one I would have thought got Freshly Pressed. It is brilliant.
If men actually look at this they would realize how much money they would save by just changing the roll. The cost of a whole remodel in the kitchen and the trip to Florida alone would have saved them a bundle.
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So true. They do NOT want to give us time to contemplate all the ways we need to spend more money.
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I read this and I had to go to the bathroom just to make sure there’ll be paper on the roll when my wife has to go there. She should thank you for never having to change toilet paper ever again.
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You are a saint walking among us mere mortals. Thank you.
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My real motivation has more to do with unwillingness to remodel the kitchen, but thank you anyway.
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Here’s another life-lesson: make sure she can always get into the kitchen junk drawer to avoid the all-these-cabinets-are-worthless-domino-effect.
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It took me a while, because we have junk in every kitchen drawer, but it’s all done now. And now is probably the time to replace the toilet paper again.
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I laughed so hard that I peed myself and NOW I HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN. (And thanks for revealing how to spell “bupkes.”
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Darn! Just make sure the bathroom is well stocked before you go in there for a planning session.
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How can he not need toilet paper? What is this? America’s worse than I thought.
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I don’t mean to be crude, but my understanding is that men just have to give a little shake to finish off half of their toileting activities. Is that purely an American thing?
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I confess that my understanding of male bathroom activities is probably the lowest you can get, but in my country all the bathrooms are equipped with water spraying thingies and toilet paper, to wash and wipe for optimum cleanliness. I guess I always assumed everybody here uses them, regardless of gender.
I also confess that I sometimes refer to the rest of the world as America. *hides politically incorrect self behind giant turban*
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Ah. I’ve seen those water spray thingies when in European hotels and I thought they were drinking fountains for really, really short people. You’re telling me no, that’s not it?
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Haha! That’s not for fancy dogs?
What we do is stick a water gun to the wall. (http://i01.i.aliimg.com/img/pb/624/288/110/110288624_711.jpg)
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Absolutely brilliant, Peg!
Another important item to note if you’re in my house: do you wind the roll over or under? It’s the little things, you know.
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It’s funny that particular thing can be such an issue for people. I don’t care, but I found out after 25 years of marriage that my husband has a definite preference. I just can’t remember what it is.
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Give credit where credit is due! You deserve this award!
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That’s what I told the selection committee.
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I guess your selection committee gets ice cream tonight for all their hard work 🙂
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How did you know?
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And here I was seeing that picture and thinking you were stuck in the bathroom waiting for someone to bring you some TP! Little did I know you were a victim of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. Made me laugh.
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I have both problems. Nobody else seems concerned that we’re out of TP, and I’m likely to get so sidetracked while refilling that I forget to do it.
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A great pick for sure! My problem with the men in my home and toilet paper is they never replace an empty roll. And if they do, they don’t put it on the holder, they just rest it on top of the empty roll. Arrgghh!
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Yeah, that’s my problem, too. Apparently something about the innerspring in a toilet roll holder is like Kryptonite to the Y chromosome. It’s a science thing.
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Not only is your diagram deserving, you deserve an award for your award. I’m not sure i’ve said that yet, but I l.o.v.e. the design.
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Thanks! I Paint=programmed the official badge then Miss Darla the Techno Wizard cleaned it up for me.
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I actually thought this one was Freshly Pressed. It definitely deserved to be.
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Maybe I was out sick that day? I guess in modern times WordPress gives the blogger a heads-up the day before FP so you don’t miss all the fun. The last time I was FPd, back in the stone age, it was just a big surprise when your stats started going through the roof.
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Nice flow chart – did you get the septic tank pumped out? That ranks right up there with the meaning of life question – at least it does at our place…
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No, I just worry about a lot of stuff. I don’t actually accomplish anything. That’s how I do.
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You are really on a “roll” there, Peg! The flow chart’s brilliant … is it any wonder that women generally have more neural connectors between both sides of the brain? Me thinks you may have more than most … especially in the frontal funny-lobe!
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Really? Women DO have more? Well what do you know. I always thought we were more complicated. ;
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In spite of your shameless self promotion, You. Are. Hilarious.
I particularly enjoyed the flow chart.
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Why thank you! And they said shameless self promotion would never work. 😉
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I’m impressed you waited this long. I would have posted one or possibly two by others, then a few of mine, and then started blogging about talking dinosaurs or some inane blather. The positive note about your flow chart, is that by the time you have had all of those thoughts, the man of the house will have likely reconsidered his potty needs and taken his rightful place on the porcelain throne. He’ll break you out of your reverie by calling out for you to bring him a fresh roll of Charmin, and the sports section.
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Dave, you see right through me.
And things HAVE occurred just as you say with the man of the house, except we don’t get the local paper delivered anymore.
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One word to solve that situation for Mr. : Laptop
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I don’t EVEN want to contemplate the hygienic implications.
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Don’t be such a germaphobe! I’m sure it’s no worse than chatting on the cellphone in there.
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and who, exactly, would do THAT????
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“Does the Florida pharmacy have their entire history?” This one made me crack up because of the randomness and “adhd-ness” of it. It certainly mirrors my thinking. But now, the thoughts get processed quickly and end up coming out of my mouth like a case of the verbal runs! Congrats on the award – well deserved. 🙂
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It’s probably a good idea to say them out-loud rather than run the risk of forgetting something important on your list. And what better place for the runs, verbal or otherwise?
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Why is it always the right side of the holder that gets wobbly? Hilarious and sooo worthy!
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Hmmm, I never noticed that before. Now I’m trying to remember all the wobbly holders I’ve known, so I can verify this bit of urban lore. Mental note to check which side on the next one I encounter.
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hahaha. I wrote a post about penis shapes being comedic. i was disappointed that didn’t get pressed
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Maybe a bit racy for the general reading public?
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ah well. whats a girl to do
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This is an ingenious post. You must be in IT. This is exactly how my mind works too, but probably not to the extent of proceeding from an empty toilet paper roll to the philosophy of “why am I here”? When posts like this get missed, I wonder what they are looking for.
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Thanks, Lynn. I am definitely NOT in IT. It took hours and hours to draw this flowchart electronically so the arrows lined up, at least a little. I was cursing and imploring the heavens, “where is an IT nerd when you need one??”
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Nothing to be ashamed of here, Peg… this is awesome… without a doubt one of the most entertaining flow-chart / diagram things I have ever seen!
I have to say, though, I’m usually pretty good about replacing the T.P. You know, for a dude, anyway. But that’s pretty much where my chart ends. Because by that point I’m feeling way to proud of my ‘accomplishment’ to focus on much else.
Also, it’s a bit difficult to tell from the evidence (those are some very well-worn specimens), but it appears you might just be an ‘over / away from the wall – hanger’ so… you know… I commend you for that, too!
🙂
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Don’t be so quick to commend me, SIG. I don’t care which way the paper rolls but my hubby does, and I can never remember which way he prefers. The wobbly holder on the right in the above pictures has actually had one arm break off since then. The roll is sitting upright on the sink now because I can’t get into the utility drawer to get a screwdriver to fix it so…
You see where this is heading.
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Oh, Peg-o-Leg, how I adore thee.
I have no idea why I suddenly came over all Shakespearean in the above. But ’tis such a wondrous flow-chart…. Okay, I’ll stop now. I’m just embarrassing myself.
Seriously though, I haven’t stopped by your blog in a while and I really should visit more often. This post cracked me up. 😀
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Heck, yeah! A day without Peg-o-Leg is like a day without Peg-o-Leg. 😉
Thanks for stopping by and impressing me with your Shakespeareanism. Forsooth.
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What’s with the “forsooth”, Peg? I forget, yet it made me chuckle! 🙂
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It was Grace, coming on all Shakespearean – don’t blame me, Tar!
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YES YES YES
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I’m not alone in this, hmmm?
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I love this!!! Very funny:)
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Thanks!
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Just nominated you for a ‘special’ award. Check it out!
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thanks so much! I’ll be sure to stop by and check it out.
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You are in good company with this award. 🙂
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Hahaha! This should have been Pressed for sure! Hilarious! Sorry it took me so long to stop by.
Men and women’s brains are exactly like that!
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No prob, Susie. I’ve been MIA myself lately due to real-life sucking up all my time and attention. I’m always glad to see you!
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Awww! Thanks Peg! Life does have its way of sucking from time to time! Hahaha! I am headed over to your latest!
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